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Not keeping promises

  • 18-08-2016 1:57pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm with my fiancée a couple now and over the past year the same issue popped up frequently. She makes promises, usually to do something nice for me and never follows through.

    Recently she promised to take me away for the weekend and the idea of it quickly disappeared.

    Any suggestions on how I approach this with her ?


Comments

  • #2
    GingerLily
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Why did you let her drop the idea? Insist she follows through. Some people are terrible at planning so you'd actually be helping her to break the habit!


  • #3
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,843 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    Can you give any other examples? Also did she put a time limit around the idea of a weekend away? Is it possible she might still be planning it?


  • #4
    Tilly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,987 ✭✭✭Tilly


    Next time she says something like this ask her if she's actually going to do it this time.


  • #5
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Depends ... are you asking her about it after a few weeks have passed? If not, she's clearly one of those people who makes a promise (maybe sincere at the time) and then forgets she ever did, and needs a nudge to follow through.

    If you are nudging her, and she says "ah yeah I've changed my mind, let's drop that" then that's careless and unfair. I'd be asking why she ever says it in the first place tbh, and point out that as time goes on it's hard to trust anything she promises.

    Does she have commitment issues in general? Have you set a wedding date?


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    pookie82 wrote: »
    Depends ... are you asking her about it after a few weeks have passed? If not, she's clearly one of those people who makes a promise (maybe sincere at the time) and then forgets she ever did, and needs a nudge to follow through.

    I didn't ask in this case because a while back there were promises for other things and they didn't materialise either
    pookie82 wrote: »
    If you are nudging her, and she says "ah yeah I've changed my mind, let's drop that" then that's careless and unfair. I'd be asking why she ever says it in the first place tbh, and point out that as time goes on it's hard to trust anything she promises.

    Does she have commitment issues in general? Have you set a wedding date?

    We've talked about planning the wedding which is supposedly meant to take place next year but so far nothing has been agreed


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  • #7
    SB_Part2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,951 ✭✭✭SB_Part2


    I think you need to start following up on them.

    If you didn't say fiance in your post I think you were my OH. Sometimes I say something and then completely forget about it.


  • #8
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    I think you just need to ask if something doesn't materialise.

    I had an ex like that too. Sometimes I'd ask, but I never liked the answer. It was always something along the lines of they'd looked into it, but it was more time/money/hassle than it was worth. Which was quite hurtful. It felt like *I* wasn't worth the time/money/hassle, even though it wouldn't have been something I'd even asked for to begin with. I'd prefer if he'd just forgotten... or not made empty promises to begin with!

    The constant feeling of disappointment isn't fun OP, so I think you need to tackle this head on. You can just start casually by asking "so about that weekend away you mentioned, we should probably set a date just so we can both keep it free". Hopefully she's just the forgetful type :/


  • #9
    AlteredStates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 112 ✭✭AlteredStates


    Words are meaningless unless followed up with action.
    Frustration is to be expected.

    In fairness her intentions seem to be coming from a good place but there is obvious resistance. Why not approach the subject with her and find out why this is happening?


  • #10
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Why don't you take her away for the weekend?


  • #11
    Meauldsegosha
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,598 ✭✭✭Meauldsegosha


    anna080 wrote: »
    Why don't you take her away for the weekend?

    How do you know that he doesn't? :confused:


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