Worried about my boyfriend

I'm really worried about my boyfriend, I feel like he's falling apart and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I think one of the biggest problems is his job and his work/life balance or lack thereof – he's not an employee at his job, he's a contractor and is paid by the hour, so apart from Christmas he never takes holidays and he never calls in sick because if he does then he doesn't get paid. It's a busy job as well, he regularly works late and sometimes even does weekends if they have a big job to finish, and he has a long commute because he lives in the next county so it's not unusual for him to not get home until ten or half ten, basically he's just wrecked tired all the time and never gets a break.

He also feels cut off from his friends. He's mid/late 30s and feels like most of his friends have moved on – some have literally moved to different parts of the country or abroad so he doesn't see them an awful lot, and others have got married or had a child and just aren't able to meet up as frequently. I know that's a normal part of life and that things change, but I think he feels left behind in some ways. It doesn't help that he has this crazy busy job so it's not as if he's got time for hobbies or to make more friends. I think that he feels like he's stuck in a rut and that his life is going nowhere, and that he regrets some of the choices that he's made (such as his career direction).

As for our relationship, I don't know what to think. The first signs that things were going wrong with us specifically was when he lost interest in sex, I think it's been nearly three months since we last had sex. At first he just said he was tired from work etc and wasn't in the mood, but after a few weeks of me trying to initiate and him turning me down I got upset about it because I thought he wasn't attracted to me anymore. He assured me that it wasn't that and he has always found me attractive, but he just didn't feel like it and feels like his sex drive has just gone completely. He went to the doctor about it and had his testosterone levels etc checked and they're fine, he was just given some vitamin D tablets for some reason. Anyway I've tried my best to be understanding about it, he's still very affectionate and when he stays over we still cuddle and stuff but I have just been giving him space in terms of sex.

In the last month or so though everything else seems to have gone wrong with our relationship too. He told me that it just doesn't feel right to him somehow, and he doesn't think that he can give me what I want and that I deserve better. On the other hand though he doesn't want to lose me and says I'm the best thing that's happened to him in years, and he wants me to be part of his life. I just don't know what to make of any of it. I don't know if it's just because he's down at the moment anyway and that everything feels wrong, meaning that our relationship is being affected by him pushing me away, or if I should just take what he said at face value and assume our relationship has no future and just cut my losses now.

I want to help him because it's hard seeing him suffer so much, it's like he thinks he's a failure and has just given up on life, but there's only so much I can do. I've suggested going back to the doctor and talking about how he's feeling, I've looked up affordable counselling, I've suggested updating his CV and looking for other jobs – but I can only make suggestions, I can't actually do any of it for him. I've encouraged him to reach out to his friends, because he needs to talk to people – the ones he has spoken to don't seem like much use though, one of them gave the helpful advice of “You need to sort your life out mate”. He has a friend who lives in Scotland now who has invited him to come and stay for a bit just to get away from it all, but he's even throwing up obstacles there about how he doesn't want to impose because they have a baby.

And to be honest, this is really affecting me as well. I do really respect that he's being so honest with me about his feelings, but it really hurts being told that something doesn't feel right, even though he's tried emphasising that it's nothing that I've done wrong and he says I've been wonderful. The thing is that we get on so well, when we first met we clicked almost instantly and time seems to speed up when we're talking, like I might call him for a quick chat before bed and somehow it turns into a two hour conversation. He has said that meeting me was like his life going from black & white into colour. But I just don't see how we can just go from being in a relationship to being friends, I can't just switch off my feelings, and I've told him that. I mean, how would that even work? It'll be painful for me to let go because I love him but it'll be even worse trying to stick around as a pseudo-girlfriend. I asked him how he expects that to even work and he said he doesn't know. I asked him what would happen when I meet someone else, and he actually cried at the thought of it. My feelings are all over the place, in some ways I'm exasperated and I want to tell him to cop on and just get some help because I'm not qualified to do this, and on the other hand I want to try fixing it all for him even though logically I know that I can't. My head is absolutely wrecked. And even if he does get help, say he goes to counselling, it's not as if it's going to be a quick fix, it'll take time. Say we did stay together and I supported him through it, I can't even guarantee that his feelings will come back, I know you can't force stuff like that. I just don't know what to do.