Partner lying about whereabouts on night out

Tbh OP, between his battery dying, and arriving home from town at 5am....... Something is up. That sounds very fishy to me.

It's good that you posted here because as a previous poster said, when these things happen, you constantly question yourself and wonder if it's normal behaviour and perhaps you are overreacting etc., but when you seek an outsiders opinion, you realise that actually, it's not normal behaviour and you are not overreacting!

I do not believe for a second that any man who is in a relationship would walk around town with a random woman for 2 hours until 5am 'looking for her hotel'. Unfortunately I believe he is lying, and if I were you I would trust my gut on this.

I don't believe a word of his story OP, which is why your spidey senses were tingling the moment it was spun, even though you’d had a loving and trusting relationship up to this point. The problem now of course, is that the moment has passed, and if you try to revisit this with him it will be all too easy for him to accuse you of “dragging up the past”, “obsessing over something small” or “looking for trouble”.

I’m not sure what to tell you. If it was me, I’d probably say something like:

“Look about that night. I know you’re lying to me. Not sure about what aspect, or how many aspects, or what the extent of your betrayal was, but don’t for a second think you have fooled me into buying your long winded and ill concocted tale of dying batteries, lost women and a hotel next door. If you cheated, or did something inappropriate, now’s the time to come clean. If you’re going to stick to your story, then that’s fine, but because I can’t believe it, the trust is gone.”

It should take itself naturally from there.

Basil3 wrote: »

I guess the obvious question is was his battery actually dead? Wouldn't have been hard to find out.

Easy to switch a phone off and claim it was though..
Sorry op, I don't believe his tale either

leggo wrote: »

You're going to start doing mental things now, asking about the hotel was just the start. Like when you started this story, that 'bad feeling' alone was indication there was a slight trust issue and his actions just exacerbated this. This is eating you up and trying to force a relationship where the trust is gone just makes the lives of everyone involved worse. Might be time to bite the bullet, or at least have the start of that conversation and see if the actual truth comes out then gauge if you can work through it.

No, the 'bad feeling' was because her partner was in fact lying to her. There is a trust issue here alright - trustworthiness and it's nothing to do with the OP. trying to paint her as being at fault because she knew he lying is unfair. She has said that she has never questioned his whereabouts or actions in the past

Augme wrote: »

A few things that jumped out at me

Why did he lie to you in the first place? To me it's a big worry that he felt the need to lie and that he pretty much knew you wouldn't trust him or his story. That doesn't really say a huge amount about your relationship in the first place. You claim you trust him, are easy going and don't get jealous but I struggle to believe that from what you have written.




I honestly find it strange that when your husband tells you a story your immediate reaction is to believe he's lying. Really does seem like there are a lot of fundamental problems is this relationship. At this stage I think the question of whether is cheated or not isn't that important.

Again, he was lying so the OP was right. It's pretty obvious why he would lie, I honestly find it strange that you would jump straight into making the OP doubt herself rather than the obvious probability that he cheated.

I'd say the grain of truth in his story is the woman and the hotel but I highly doubt it happened as he claims. He probably got worried he'd been spotted with this girl so he covered himself by making up the story.

I think the advice from pookie82 above is spot on. Be prepared though for even more drip feeding as he tells you the next version of the 'truth'

ceadaoin. wrote: »

No, the 'bad feeling' was because her partner was in fact lying to her. There is a trust issue here alright - trustworthiness and it's nothing to do with the OP. trying to paint her as being at fault because she knew he lying is unfair. She has said that she has never questioned his whereabouts or actions in the past

I haven't questioned the OP once.

From the start of it I was on her side. My point in the quote you've used is that once the trust has been breached, it's going to eat her alive and she's going to start doing mental things if she allows that mistrust to fester. I'm not 'blaming' her, in fact in one of the first posts I said I didn't think she was overthinking. But she doesn't, and may never, know what actually happened that night, so she can't go in all guns blazing without any hard evidence. But the need for evidence doesn't matter, the trust is gone and that's all that matters.

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Again, he was lying so the OP was right. It's pretty obvious why he would lie, I honestly find it strange that you would jump straight into making the OP doubt herself rather than the obvious probability that he cheated.

I'd say the grain of truth in his story is the woman and the hotel but I highly doubt it happened as he claims. He probably got worried he'd been spotted with this girl so he covered himself by making up the story.

I'm wondering why he didn't use the story about the women being lost the first time. That strikes me as strange. As for your second point about him being worried about being spotted, again if that was the case it strikes me as strange he didn't use the story about being lost with the woman the first time.

While I'm here I might as point out that if he did cheat and then a month later he walked past the hotel/bar he cheated while with his wife and said "There's the bar I meet that woman that night last month" he's probably the dumbest person alive.