One nights stands

Shrap · 21-09-2015 7:41pm

zeffabelli wrote: »

another on the coil who got pregnant.

Coil.....pregnant................

Nooooo, I do not want to think about such misfortune. :mad:

zeffabelli · 21-09-2015 7:49pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

You have either the most unlucky or the most foolish group of friends I've ever heard of.

They were once like you, in the "it won't happen to me" mindset - until it does.

One eyed Jack · 21-09-2015 7:55pm

zeffabelli wrote: »

They were once like you, in the "it won't happen to me" mindset - until it does.

This is the fundamental point of it really. People as individuals are more influenced by their own personal experience than they are in any statistics or statistical outcomes.

The amount of times I've seen people put themselves in situations where there is a high degree of risk to their personal safety, and yet they'll still do it because of the "statistically speaking..." stuff. They want to believe nothing will happen to them, because they're solely focussed on the expectation of a positive outcome for themselves as if anything that happens only happens to "other people who aren't me".

steddyeddy · 21-09-2015 8:01pm

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Well it wouldn't get you jail time if there was no complaint made to the authorities.

Did you make a complaint to the authorities?

There isn't any point in pointing out the what if's and "the unfairness" of a situation and implying that if the roles were reversed it would play out differently, if you aren't willing to test that theory by making a complaint and seeing what happens.

I'm not complaining they didn't get jail time. I didn't nor would I report it. I'm just pointing out that there's potential to hurt in both genders. It was in response to a post painting women as fragile beings who need to be protected from one night stands because they'll be open to abuse.

Whitewinged · 21-09-2015 8:03pm

zeffabelli wrote: »

They were once like you, in the "it won't happen to me" mindset - until it does.

Obviously with anything you do, there are risks involved so you have a number of choices in what you can do to elimate those risks.

You might decide to always use protection, abstain completely from ons, you might only have a ons in your own house where your housemates also live. lots of different things. It depends on how secure you are with the precautions you take and if you feel the thrill is worth the possible risk.

did i just suggest doing a risk assesment before having a ons?

ted1 · 21-09-2015 8:04pm

zeffabelli wrote: »

I have just seen too many women going to abortion clinics alone, another friend with hiv, two who were dosed with rohipnol, one of whom got genital warts from it, about 6 I know with herpes, another on the coil who got pregnant. Just way way way too many.... Of course there are instances many with no negative consequences, but enough for me to know I can't afford any of those mistakes.

And yeah if I get drunk and engage with a randomly yes I am partially responsible for my own stupidity of something bad happens.

Your example with your husband is a good one because it illustrates the false sense of security.

You need to revaluate who you hang out with because those aren't the usual distribution of f**k ups

Tasden · 21-09-2015 8:05pm

zeffabelli wrote: »

This is true but you take greater implicit risks, physical risks, birth control fails more than people like to think, you ultimately don't know what your dealing with with a stranger.

I don't enter the homes of strangers and they don't enter mine, not that I think everyone is Jack the Ripper, but **** does happen so I anyway am in no position to put myself in greater risks.

I have zero marguan for error in my life and I have a dependent. So I'm not going to risk all if that for some stupid and likely bad substitution for masterbating. I'm not going home with strangers and they are not going home with me. I'm but risking rape, pregnancy, or an std for what I can do myself and better.

Saying that, the men have a false sense of security. Sure they don't risk pregnancy or even knowing if they got someone pregnant, but you never know there are crackpots, people on mess, people with weapons .... Who knows.

No such thing as safe sex, for me I have to have the trust.

Afaik you're more likely to be raped/sexually assaulted by someone you know than you are a complete stranger. Not saying that changes anything, just pointing out that its not always some crackpot with a weapon as you say, it's actually statistically more likely to be a person you trust iirc.

zeffabelli · 21-09-2015 8:10pm

steddyeddy wrote: »

I'm not complaining they didn't get jail time. I didn't nor would I report it. I'm just pointing out that there's potential to hurt in both genders. It was in response to a post painting women as fragile beings who need to be protected from one night stands because they'll be open to abuse.

This is true and men do have a false sense of security. My friends twin sister in college tied a guy up to the bed posts, got him aroused, got up got dressed and walked out.

She thought she was hilarious.

One eyed Jack · 21-09-2015 8:12pm

steddyeddy wrote: »

I'm not complaining they didn't get jail time. I didn't nor would I report it. I'm just pointing out that there's potential to hurt in both genders. It was in response to a post painting women as fragile beings who need to be protected from one night stands because they'll be open to abuse.

Yeah I understood the context, and that's why I found it even more bizarre. It's like you were suggesting that you believe you were sexually assaulted, so the fact that a woman could be sexually assaulted is a redundant point... really?

If you believe you were sexually assaulted, I would encourage you to report it, as far too many men simply accept that they were sexually assaulted and don't report it, and then complain that men being sexually assaulted aren't taken seriously in society!

That takes some of the potential to hurt both genders out of the equation if more people are made aware that they can be held responsible for their behaviour if they commit sexual assault against another person, regardless of their gender.

MilesMorales1 · 21-09-2015 8:25pm

I'd like to have one, but you don't get many blind girls in pubs and the like, so I'm out of luck.

Dial Hard · 21-09-2015 8:35pm

zeffabelli wrote:

They were once like you, in the "it won't happen to me" mindset - until it does.

And where, exactly, have I displayed an "It won't happen to me" mindset?

In my experience the people who have that mindset are the very ones more likely to take risks with contraception, etc. And then it does happen to them, to no-one's surprise but their own.

My point was that your group of friends are not representative of the norm.

zeffabelli · 21-09-2015 8:37pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

And where, exactly, have I displayed an "It won't happen to me" mindset?

In my experience the people who have that mindset are the very ones more likely to take risks with contraception, etc. And then it does happen to them, to no-one's surprise but their own.

My point was that your group of friends are not representative of the norm.

No they are not the norm, but it is significant enough for me not to take risks. If I were in a position where I could handle and/or afford the negative consequences I might. But I am in no such position. I have no room for error.

fin12 · 21-09-2015 8:42pm

I think one night stands can be dangerous sometimes because I've been tricked before once or twice by guys not wearing a condom when I made it clear that they had to wear one and then you would have to worry about it for weeks after.

But actually most people are really nice and a lot of people actually want to meet up again and go on a date and start up a relationship. I had my first relationship from one and we were together over 3 years.

fin12 · 21-09-2015 8:47pm

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

I'd like to have one, but you don't get many blind girls in pubs and the like, so I'm out of luck.

If you have a nice personality and a good sense of humor, that goes a long way.

Dial Hard · 21-09-2015 8:52pm

fin12 wrote:

I think one night stands can be dangerous sometimes because I've been tricked before once or twice by guys not wearing a condom when I made it clear that they had to wear one and then you would have to worry about it for weeks after.

Sorry, whut?

ToddyDoody · 21-09-2015 8:59pm

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

I'd like to have one, but you don't get many blind girls in pubs and the like, so I'm out of luck.

I'm the opposite, I've had one too many.

Generally, it's because I'm such a miserable sh*te who finds that sometimes the boys can be quite fun... and, in fairness, I get a bit of amusement even just thinking about some of them.

The key though is to stay safe, use your best judgement, don't do anything wrecklessly risky and try to embrace the less is more philosophy... and if in doubt, get tested.

fin12 · 21-09-2015 9:04pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

Sorry, whut?

basically Iv'e woken up and they would be on top of me, not wearing one and then I've to go away and get tested and worry about it for weeks and they would not have been giving consent to not wear one.

Whitewinged · 21-09-2015 9:06pm

What if you were about to have a ONS with someone and they told you that they had an std?

Would you still go ahead knowing that you were using protection?

zeffabelli · 21-09-2015 9:08pm

Whitewinged wrote: »

What if you were about to have a ONS with someone and they told you that they had an std?

Would you still go ahead knowing that you were using protection?

The plus side is they told you. And they got themselves checked so they actually know.

steddyeddy · 21-09-2015 9:11pm

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Yeah I understood the context, and that's why I found it even more bizarre. It's like you were suggesting that you believe you were sexually assaulted, so the fact that a woman could be sexually assaulted is a redundant point... really?

If you believe you were sexually assaulted, I would encourage you to report it, as far too many men simply accept that they were sexually assaulted and don't report it, and then complain that men being sexually assaulted aren't taken seriously in society!

That takes some of the potential to hurt both genders out of the equation if more people are made aware that they can be held responsible for their behaviour if they commit sexual assault against another person, regardless of their gender.

Jack what are you talking about? You're going on a ramble about unrelated issues. I never said women couldn't be sexually assaulted. It's actually quite sick that you suggested that.

Whitewinged · 21-09-2015 9:13pm

steddyeddy wrote: »

Jack what are you talking about? You're going on a ramble about unrelated issues. I never said women couldn't be sexually assaulted. It's actually quite sick that you suggested that.

It seemed that you implied that you were assaulted but then didnt seem to take the experience seriously

Eugene Norman · 21-09-2015 9:15pm

fin12 wrote: »

basically Iv'e woken up and they would be on top of me, not wearing one and then I've to go away and get tested and worry about it for weeks and they would not have been giving consent to not wear one.

Sounds almost like rape. If you didn't consent at all.

steddyeddy · 21-09-2015 9:18pm

Whitewinged wrote: »

It seemed that you implied that you were assaulted but then didnt seem to take the experience seriously

Which is nothing to do with suggesting that my point means women getting assaulted is a moot point.

Eugene Norman · 21-09-2015 9:28pm

booooring! wrote: »

Have I travelled back in time to the 80s?

Is the 80's the new 50's? Or did Ireland not have a sexual revolution in the 1960's.

This thread is, as I said before, like a conversation with 15 year olds. Pretty much nobody is saying don't have ONS, but if you do be careful in terms of protection against both STDs and violence and the 15 year olds respond with

" is this the 80's?" Or "are you my granny".

I did a lot of sex and drugs in the late 90's in college and later when I lived in the US.

Looking back those days weren't the highest point of my life, it was a bit of a trainwreak tbh. However your millage may vary, but try not to believe that it's for everybody or just "prudery" to point out some of the potential pitfalls.

Whitewinged · 21-09-2015 9:29pm

steddyeddy wrote: »

Which is nothing to do with suggesting that my point means women getting assaulted is a moot point.

But you played assault up one minute and then played it down the next.

Not quoting you but what could be taken from your post is;

Its not only women who are assaulted. Men are too. I was. But it wasnt that serious.

Ave Sodalis · 21-09-2015 9:36pm

Whitewinged wrote: »

Im always happiest just doing what feels right for me but it can take a while to learn that and its hard not to take on some of the expectations that other people place on you.

I'm finding this interesting. Did you not have a post about how ONS and FWB (the "hookup culture") cause a woman to burn out from surpressing her emotions and aren't capable of forming functional relationships afterwards?

Shurimgreat · 21-09-2015 9:40pm

It can be awkward alright, especially when you just want to get away from there as fast as possible. Makes you seem like you only wanted one thing and once you got it, its goodbye and goodluck!

osarusan · 21-09-2015 9:45pm

Eugene Norman wrote: »

Sounds almost like rape. If you didn't consent at all.

I think it is rape, legally. I'm pretty certain it is under UK law anyway.

Whitewinged · 21-09-2015 9:49pm

sup_dude wrote: »

I'm finding this interesting. Did you not have a post about how ONS and FWB (the "hookup culture") cause a woman to burn out from surpressing her emotions and aren't capable of forming functional relationships afterwards?

No sup dude my thread was not about that. My post was about certain pressures that people are under to fit into what is deemed right by society and i felt the general message was encouraging people to have instant hookups and that there could be a significant amount of people who did not want to do that but were being encouraged by media and new methods of dating.

I never said anything like you said above but im not getting into it with you again as you continue to have an over the top miscontrued reaction to anything i say and i find it vert difficult to communicate with you on any level.

One eyed Jack · 21-09-2015 9:55pm

steddyeddy wrote: »

Jack what are you talking about? You're going on a ramble about unrelated issues. I never said women couldn't be sexually assaulted. It's actually quite sick that you suggested that.

Sorry ed, that really wasn't the intention.

Whitewinged explains exactly where I was coming from.

It wasn't suggesting anything untoward on your behalf, quite the opposite, which is why I thought it was a bit odd how it came across is all.

osarusan · 21-09-2015 9:57pm

Whitewinged wrote: »

Not quoting you but what could be taken from your post is;

Its not only women who are assaulted. Men are too. I was. But it wasnt that serious.

I would say that's a fairly accurate summary of Eddy's post.

But there is no implication of that position which should lead to this:

One eyed Jack wrote: »

It's like you were suggesting that you believe you were sexually assaulted, so the fact that a woman could be sexually assaulted is a redundant point... really?

That's Eddy's point.

EDIT: got a response already anyway.

Ave Sodalis · 21-09-2015 10:00pm

Whitewinged wrote: »

I never said anything like you said above but im not getting into it with you again as you continue to have an over the top miscontrued reaction to anything i say and i find it vert difficult to communicate with you on any level.

I can quote you on it :rolleyes:

I'm not bringing it up again to have a discussion on it, I'm just pointing out that it was interesting.

Whitewinged · 21-09-2015 10:07pm

sup_dude wrote: »

I can quote you on it :rolleyes:

I'm not bringing it up again to have a discussion on it, I'm just pointing out that it was interesting.

Go on bring up some quote that you can miscontrue and make fit into what you wanted to believe that i was saying

im glad you find it interesting to follow me around on threads to point out stuff but im really not that interesting sup dude!

Ave Sodalis · 21-09-2015 10:21pm

Whitewinged wrote: »

Go on bring up some quote that you can miscontrue and make fit into what you wanted to believe that i was saying

im glad you find it interesting to follow me around on threads to point out stuff but im really not that interesting sup dude!

It's in your thread, almost word for word.

I don't follow you around, you've only 200 odd posts and a stand out avatar/name. It's really not difficult to notice a trend.

I'm guess you've completely missed the point in what I posted though, in your attempts to be offended.

Whitewinged · 21-09-2015 10:30pm

sup_dude wrote: »

It's in your thread, almost word for word.

I don't follow you around, you've only 200 odd posts and a stand out avatar/name. It's really not difficult to notice a trend.

I'm guess you've completely missed the point in what I posted though, in your attempts to be offended.

So i miss your points and you miss mine.

A trend of what? Let me know when youve finalised the report and ill talk to you then. i hope it doesnt take up too much of your time.

Boom_Bap · 21-09-2015 10:38pm

MOD

sup_dude & Whitewinged - quit whatever this is you have going on and get back on topic.
We are here to read about one night stands, not your game of thread chasing.

Mister Vain · 21-09-2015 10:47pm

Whitewinged wrote: »

What if you were about to have a ONS with someone and they told you that they had an std?

It would be a bit of a mood killer if she just blurted it out randomly during foreplay. Although I've heard of a few people who said it after the deed which is probably worse.

petrolcan · 21-09-2015 11:38pm

fin12 wrote: »

basically Iv'e woken up and they would be on top of me, not wearing one and then I've to go away and get tested and worry about it for weeks and they would not have been giving consent to not wear one.

Umm, that's called rape if you been woken up to being shagged.

The Corinthian · 22-09-2015 8:37am

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Your a smarter poster than that, if somebody was going to carry out an sport where 1/8 ended up with a life changing condition yeah I would say they should be careful and mitigate risk.

So a ONS brings a 1/8 chance of a life changing condition? I'm calling Bullshìt on that stat. Source please.

petrolcan wrote: »

Umm, that's called rape if you been woken up to being shagged.

Under Irish law it's only rape if it involves a penis, and only the owner of the penis can commit rape. Otherwise it's sexual assault. So women cannot legally commit rape in Ireland.

Kev W · 22-09-2015 8:50am

The Corinthian wrote: »

Under Irish law it's only rape if it involves a penis, and only the owner of the penis can commit rape. Otherwise it's sexual assault. So women cannot legally commit rape in Ireland.

The poster you're responding to there was responding to a woman.

AudreyHepburn · 22-09-2015 8:52am

I've done it once or twice in my late teens/early twenties and regretted it every time. It just left me feeling cheap and easy.

Each to their own of course but it just isn't for me.

B.A._Baracus · 22-09-2015 9:04am

I've known a couple of friends over the years who went to the STI clinic in st james after ONS and they all say the same thing later on (which is also the obvious thing) that sitting in the waiting room is a shocker and eye-opener.

You see men and women from all walks of life. From people wearing pyjama bottoms to the well dressed. One night stands these days is like a game of russian roulette.

Diamond Doll · 22-09-2015 9:16am

Shrap wrote: »

Coil.....pregnant................

Nooooo, I do not want to think about such misfortune. :mad:

I have a friend who got pregnant using condoms. They'd been careless a few times, fair enough, no big deal, they were married and had a home and could manage an unplanned pregnancy, it was a nice little accident.

As soon as she could when the baby was born, she went on the pill. There was no way either of them wanted a second baby any time soon. Within three months of the baby being born, she was pregnant anyways. This time it was very much unplanned and upsetting, but life went on and she had the second baby.

Taking no chances, she got the Mirena coil in when the second baby was born. Two under two, and barely able to financially afford them both. She had already had to put her career on indefinite hold after the second unplanned baby. They had sex literally once after the second baby, while the coil was in. And boom - pregnant again. And then they had three under three.

Now she's taking the abstinence approach ... at least it's working so far!

arayess · 22-09-2015 9:45am

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I've known a couple of friends over the years who went to the STI clinic in st james after ONS and they all say the same thing later on (which is also the obvious thing) that sitting in the waiting room is a shocker and eye-opener.

You see men and women from all walks of life. From people wearing pyjama bottoms to the well dressed. One night stands these days is like a game of russian roulette.

it's your friends private parts , they should cough up the cash and go private,. If I'd an issue with my knob I'd be getting it seen too quick smart, no public queues for me.

Your friends also are naive , the queue was for people getting tested.
We are all encouraged to get regular testing.
The queue gives no indication of infection rates.
many people come back negative and those with symptoms are often diagnosed with something other than an STI
in my case once I thought I was a goner but it was a sweat rash

IvanRakitic · 22-09-2015 1:43pm

have had quite a few with girls that i knew, never with a stranger not that im against it but rather opportunity has never arose. if you're wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud music

B.A._Baracus · 22-09-2015 3:21pm

arayess wrote: »

it's your friends private parts , they should cough up the cash and go private,. If I'd an issue with my knob I'd be getting it seen too quick smart, no public queues for me.

Your friends also are naive , the queue was for people getting tested.
We are all encouraged to get regular testing.
The queue gives no indication of infection rates.
many people come back negative and those with symptoms are often diagnosed with something other than an STI
in my case once I thought I was a goner but it was a sweat rash

I think you are being naive on this one too.
Simple fact is infections, scares or regular check ups... People from all walks of life do be there. You said the que gives no indication, but that swings both ways. You or I cannot be sure of a number or percentage. Just that the place does be busy and that's scary.

As i said before.... one night stands can be like a game of russian roulette.

Kev W · 22-09-2015 3:24pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I think you are being naive on this one too.
Simple fact is infections, scares or regular check ups... People from all walks of life do be there. You said the que gives no indication, but that indication swings both ways. You are I cannot be sure of a number or percentage. Just that the place does be busy.

As i said before.... one night stands can be like a game of russian roulette.

How can a nonexistent indication swing both ways?

B.A._Baracus · 22-09-2015 3:39pm

Kev W wrote: »

How can a nonexistent indication swing both ways?

Meant that people can assume different things.
On one hand one can say the number of people doesnt indicate the actual infections. Another could say that the amount of people could indicate a large number of unprotected sex (Why would they be there etc)

But maybe my wording was wrong.... my bad. But a lot of indications can be made. But dont you agree facts are better? That's why I personal thinking working in an sti clinic would be an eye opener!

asherbassad · 22-09-2015 4:09pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Meant that people can assume different things.
On one hand one can say the number of people doesnt indicate the actual infections. Another could say that the amount of people could indicate a large number of unprotected sex (Why would they be there etc)

But maybe my wording was wrong.... my bad. But a lot of indications can be made. But dont you agree facts are better? That's why I personal thinking working in an sti clinic would be a japs-eye opener!

FYP :eek:

seenitall · 22-09-2015 4:10pm

Diamond Doll wrote: »

I have a friend who got pregnant using condoms. They'd been careless a few times, fair enough, no big deal, they were married and had a home and could manage an unplanned pregnancy, it was a nice little accident.

As soon as she could when the baby was born, she went on the pill. There was no way either of them wanted a second baby any time soon. Within three months of the baby being born, she was pregnant anyways. This time it was very much unplanned and upsetting, but life went on and she had the second baby.

Taking no chances, she got the Mirena coil in when the second baby was born. Two under two, and barely able to financially afford them both. She had already had to put her career on indefinite hold after the second unplanned baby. They had sex literally once after the second baby, while the coil was in. And boom - pregnant again. And then they had three under three.

Now she's taking the abstinence approach ... at least it's working so far!

Uh, what a story

Too bad she wasn't breastfeeding.

I know many women can't or it's just not feasible, and I know it's probably no more reliable than a pill, but maybe it would have worked better than the pill in her case?

I breastfed my one a good few years. My cycle only came back more than a full year after birth. It's the nature's way of spacing 'em out.

One nights stands

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