In a weird space

So, a few months ago, I started talking to this guy on a dating site. For the first week or so we messaged everyday, during which it felt like he was trying to wrap his head around whether or not he could date/be intimate with me - and also what that would mean for him and his identity as a straight man. I was patient. I didn't really try and influence him either way. I just answered any question he had honestly. After all, he knew I was trans before he contacted me - it's all in my profile - so, he did choose to pursue me knowing all the facts.

After the first week or so, he admitted he was still struggling with it and the mixed signals he was sending me were a clear indication of this. I told him it was unfair of him to keep reminding me of this, which he acknowledged - and so, the conversation kinda dropped off for a bit. Evidently, during this cooling off period, he had made a sort of peace with the whole idea of dating me and his messages started to take a more sexual tone - seemingly all the doubts he had, forgotten about.

It wasn't long after that that he asked me out for a coffee date, which I agreed to. Just a tentative first meet, to see if there was a face-to-face genuine attraction. The conversation during was a bit all over the place, and at times I felt the questions he had about how the sex we might have would go a little full on. But I guess, being as I am trans and the entirely perverted way porn depicts transwomen, his concerns were valid. I guess, it was reassuring for him to know we would be at least compatible in that sense. Although saying that, on a first date it seemed explicit to me. I guess it's something that as a trans person you just have to tolerate and accept.

Anyways, at the end of the date , before he left, he told me he wished to see me again. I was a little surprised, to be honest, as I wasn't really picking up that vibe from him at all from his general tone/body language. I couldn't get a read on him, really, and usually I have a pretty good idea if someone genuinely enjoys my company or not - but with him I had no clue.

The coffee date was over 3 weeks ago now. Since then the communication has been minimal. We have exchanged some messages since, maybe twice a week we'll have a brief conversation. He keeps hinting at big plans for a second date but nothing concrete. But mostly, he attempts to sext me.

I am not happy with the level of communication, and I have told him as much. But, perhaps, I expect too much after one coffee date. Either way, I have serious concerns moving forward. He says once things are a little less hectic with his work and other commitments we will have that second date and spend some quality time getting to know each other. I am more than a little suspicious he just wants sex - he has made no secret about sex being a priority for him. He also knows I want to take it slow as I am looking for a relationship.

And so, I am conflicted on whether or not to just forget about him or give it a chance. A part of me feels like he might be stringing me along and/or just angling for sex, despite his reassurances that he likes me and wants to see me again. I mean, if he were really excited about seeing someone romantically, would he not make the time? and yet I wonder if I am being unreasonable.

So, anyways, I have been keeping my options open. I have been on a few first dates with other men since that coffee. I don't enjoy this kind of multi-tasking and they were all train wrecks for various reasons anyhow - including one guy who was obviously embarrassed in case anyone might clock he was on a date with a trans woman (not that I'm obviously trans, but it is something that a lot of men who date trans women fear). I also kissed, well, more accurately, I was kissed by a guy last week when I was away for a break. I pulled away from him, and later ended up texting the first guy when I was alone. So, I guess, I am somewhat invested here.

So, where I am at right now, is waiting to see if this second date ever materializes. He says he wants us to go away for a night or two. I, naturally, have concerns and wonder if am I letting my loneliness cloud my judgement, or if I am just overthinking things as he says I am.