Adults Living at home with parents

I am me123 · 16-09-2020 9:56pm #1

Bit of background, I have always been living at home up until now..I worked in one career for two.years, and am now in the process of changing my career entirely. I am currently on C.E. scheme trying to get hands on.experience so I can change career recieving a wage of €225.50 per week. I have a fair bit of savings in the bank from my previous jobs.
I live in the country & can't drive unaccompanied as I am still a learner & need one of my parents to drive me to and from my job. I have offered countless times to contribute to grocery shopping & bills, but this has always been declined. I just feel like such a complete failure in life compared to most of my siblings, who are both in well paid jobs & living away from home. I feel like a failure at life to be honest & its soul destroying..
Im 30 and have nothing to.show for it.
Any advice?

Fighting Irish · 16-09-2020 10:00pm

I am me123 wrote: »

Bit of background, I have always been living at home up until now..I worked in one career for two.years, and am now in the process of changing my career entirely. I am currently on C.E. scheme trying to get hands on.experience so I can change career recieving a wage of €225.50 per week. I have a fair bit of savings in the bank from my previous jobs.
I live in the country & can't drive unaccompanied as I am still a learner & need one of my parents to drive me to and from my job. I have offered countless times to contribute to grocery shopping & bills, but this has always been declined. I just feel like such a complete failure in life compared to most of my siblings, who are both in well paid jobs & living away from home. I feel like a failure at life to be honest & its soul destroying..
Any advice?

1. Stop comparing yourself to others
2. You're free to do whatever you like because you're not currently locked into a mortgage

Temptamperu · 16-09-2020 10:01pm

I live at home but my parents dont live here. Also feel like a bit of a failure but it is what it is.

Leg End Reject · 16-09-2020 10:16pm

Instead of feeling bad use the time to get your experience and apply for work then. Book your driving test too and then you can get yourself around (if tests are still happening now).

It's great to have the opportunity to retrain without financial pressure. Living independently has the downside of bills and all the housework.

amadangomor · 16-09-2020 10:21pm

If your relationship with your parents is good no rush to get going but as soon as Covid is over I'd be off to experience living abroad. Can you gain more experience in what you are doing abroad?

worded · 16-09-2020 10:30pm

Hi,

You will likely look back at this thread in 5 / 10 years time and think how uncomplicated and simple your life was

No kids, mortgage etc

Try enjoy the here and now with your folks

You sound like a decent character try not to be so tough on yourself

16-09-2020 10:44pm

I lived away from home and at home for a good while. The last time was to help out because my mother was terminally ill, wanted to do so because most of the times before that they hardly took any money from me when I was living at home. Lived in county Dublin so know what your going through regarding lifts etc as it was a good few miles walk to get to the nearest bus stop.

I can understand the desire to pay your way etc but don't bother comparing yourself to others, or listening to most of the people online who go on about people on the dole or schemes. Most of them have **** all in their lives and just like to try and fill it with moaning and would throw their family under a bus for a fiver.

Dickie10 · 16-09-2020 10:47pm

i live at home with parents , im 37 in a professional job, im an awful hoor for saving money and am waiting to do a few things around the farm before i move out. i legally own the family home so will just maybe rent somewhere. still havent managed to pull the pin though yet.my office is in this house so i will be here quitea bit in evenings farming then doing work for school. still be nice to have a place of my own

jaxxx · 16-09-2020 10:50pm

Nothing shameful about it, anyone who thinks otherwise please do us all a favour and take a long jump off a short pier.. .. ..

I'm living at home @30. Hopefully one day I'll move out, but to be honest I hate the idea of throwing money away on rent. So I'm happy to give what I would be paying in rent to my folks. In a few short years when I can afford to, I might get a nice small place for myself.

Ten of Swords · 16-09-2020 10:53pm

Moved to Personal Issues, read the local charter before posting

Sonic the Shaghog · 16-09-2020 11:18pm

You are offering to contribute and are working to get experience not sitting around on your hole all day smoking weed, drinking cans and playing Xbox

Your parents also sound lovely that they won't take a cent off you. Ye are doing grand as a family, believe me be glad ye have each other and are comfortable they only want to help you

Dickie10 · 16-09-2020 11:19pm

yea rent is dead money but i might go down that road. as eventually i will move backinto the family home. im in a different position to most here in that i already own the home legally and use my farm business to fund the running of it, health insurance for parents etc. so i am basically the bread winner for my parents now, they use their pension to keep there cars on the road and treats for themselves

freshpopcorn · 16-09-2020 11:55pm

Hi OP try and not to compare yourself to your siblings. We are all different.
Your parent's know you don't have a lot of money between the wages your are on, learning to drive and trying to save a bit of money. So, they don't want to take away whatever bit of discretionary income you might have.

They are loads of people on Boards who talk about moving out of home at 18, paying parents loads of rent, etc Which is fine.
They are lots of people in your position also but they don't publicise it because they know they'll be spoken down to, told they are taking advantage of their parents, etc but your aren't once your behaving yourself.

Most people I know who's parent's are like yours generally can afford to let there grown up child live with them and they often enjoy the company also.

What can you do to help if you want. Some evening when they collect you from work say you need to get something in the shop and do a weekly shop for them or if you see a bill hanging around pay it or some off it off for them.
Also Dunnes, Supervalue, have saving stamps. So, If you saved about €2 a day from now until Christmas. You'll have about €200 saved to give to them towards the Christmas shopping.

Liamo57 · 17-09-2020 12:06am

You seem like a decent skin. Im a parent and you never stop worrying about your children. Youre parents are only being nice by not taking a few bob from you. Dont be too hard on yourself. Everyones life is differant and some get opportunities, some dont etc.
Look at all of the positives you have and best of luck.

17-09-2020 12:14am

i was working from 13 and moved out of home at 17 and i wouldnt look down in any way on someone in your circumstances- you're studying, have savings, you've offered to help out financially.

its been an awful few years for people to better themselves *and* get their own place.

get the driving licence, and as long as you're offering to help out cooking and around the house and whatnot i cant see what you're doing wrong at all.

i second the poster that says your parents sound lovely- i didn't leave home at 17 for the craic!

ILoveYourVibes · 17-09-2020 12:51am

OP

1 . You are not a failure. Don't compare yourself to others.

2. You have said this situation is destroying you inside. Well that just shows how much motivation you have to change...

You can make your life anything you want.

That doesn't mean you have to feel like a failure while you are where you are though.

And if people think you are then they are morons.

bigpink · 17-09-2020 1:03am

Dickie10 wrote: »

yea rent is dead money but i might go down that road. as eventually i will move backinto the family home. im in a different position to most here in that i already own the home legally and use my farm business to fund the running of it, health insurance for parents etc. so i am basically the bread winner for my parents now, they use their pension to keep there cars on the road and treats for themselves

Your in a very well off position it's not that easy for people

Blush_01 · 17-09-2020 1:15am

I'm in my mid-30s, living at home with my parents for personal reasons after 15 years living away from home.

It's nobody's business but yours and theirs.

freshpopcorn · 17-09-2020 11:26am

Also OP be very careful when you read stuff online talking down to people who are living with parents, unemployed, didn’t go to college, etc often the people who talk down to these people are in similar positions themselves.
I know of people on here snd they’ve certainly lied over the years.

BnB · 17-09-2020 5:29pm

You're only 30 - Believe me, that's very young - You might not realise now, but in 20 years time you will...!!!!

You had a career that you were not happy in and made a big change. Fair play - That's brave. The vast majority of people would have just muddled on through for the next 40 years punching it in and not realising what they have missed out on. You should be proud of yourself for making the change.

Your parents obviously love you and are happy with you living at home if they are driving you to work and not allowing you to pay for stuff. But by the same token I can see how it could be damaging to your own self worth, even though they don't realise it. If they don't want to accept money from you, maybe just stop asking. And every so often pay for something - ...The dishwasher is on the blink.... Don't ask - Just get a new one delivered... Get a takeaway at the weekend for you all.... just a few small bits so that you feel better yourself knowing that you are giving something back

You haven't wasted the opportunity of having a low cost of living currently by wasting your money - You have got decent savings. This will give you great independence when there is something that you want to do - Buy a car, go on holiday, put a deposit on a place of your own ....whatever. Also - It's probably one of the reasons your parents are happy to not take money from you. They are happy to see you saving yours up.

STOP comparing yourself to others. I can guarantee that for every person that you look at and think, I wish I had their life, there are at least 2 more looking at you wishing they were brave enough to change their career like you did...wishing they had lovely parents like yours... etc

The only thing I would say is - Get that driving licence sorted. Get your lessons, pass your test - Get your own car on the road. Living in the country and not being able to drive is really really debilitating. You won't know yourself when you get that independence.

pinkyeye · 20-09-2020 7:49pm

Why can't you get a full driving licence?

pinkyeye · 20-09-2020 7:53pm

The amount of people on here defending the OP just goes to show me the profile of Boards, young people still depending on parents who think this is perfectly normal.

It's not!! If you can't drive at 30 there's something serious going on, cop on, learn to drive and get a licence at least.

No, not everyone can afford to live on their own but everyone can drive.

Airyfairy12 · 20-09-2020 8:18pm

pinkyeye wrote: »

The amount of people on here defending the OP just goes to show me the profile of Boards, young people still depending on parents who think this is perfectly normal.

It's not!! If you can't drive at 30 there's something serious going on, cop on, learn to drive and get a licence at least.

No, not everyone can afford to live on their own but everyone can drive.

This is so harsh, you realise it costs the guts of 10K to get a car on the road as a first time driver and that's not including the cost of lessons, theory test, pre tests, final tests, tax, NCT and licenses which in themselves can amount to over a thousand euro.

Zebrag · 20-09-2020 8:20pm

The one thing in life that I've learned is to stop comparing myself to others. It doesn't do anyone any favours.

That saying, the grass is always greener on the other side, always sticks to my mind when I feel deflated in certain times especially when I've notice certain people achieving more than I have and especially those who don't work hard and still get things handed to them. Believe me I've my fair share of woundering how people get so lucky but then I look at what exactly it is they have or what they don't have and I count myself lucky.

My mam has always said that if I spent more time woundering about other people then I wouldn't be wear i am now which is nowhere near as perfect as I want it too be but it's a lot better than where I was last year.

We've a roof over our heads. We are achieving our own goals.

We are human. It's drilled into us to feel competitive and wounder why things haven't happened to us as it has to others but that's not a life to live. You've explained your reasonings to why you would like to better yourself in life, that's brilliant. That's a focus, it's a goal. That's more than what the person is looking at you thinking "why can't I have that". We are all going to feel some form of resentment in life and feel we need to better ourselves to prove to others that we are a lot better than THEY think but honestly, why should you care?

Be proud of what you're doing.

Believe me, no one sails through life stress free and although you say your siblings are in "well paying careers" who's to say they haven't got other issues that they feel bothers them?

Don't begrudge where you are. Enjoy it. You say you want to help your parents more but they won't let you, do it anyways. Buy them a treat. Bring them out (if possible!)
There's so much you can do that they would appreciate but the thing they wouldn't want to see is you making yourself down over life situations. It's too short.

worded · 20-09-2020 9:19pm

How does Ireland compare to other countries for adult offspring living at home ?

For the OP I think it’s significant that he is the last of of the kids to be at home. I would say the parents are more than happy to have him living at home, when he leaves the nest will be empty.

Some people leave home at 17 others leave a few times and bounce too and fro with college etc until final independence

Try and the drive license ASAP it will feel great to get that. It took a friend of mine 5 attempts, each to their own

Best of luck OP

bertiebomber · 22-10-2020 10:47am

i never understand why people feel like failure when they are not strapped to a mortgage they are free people and should love it. Success is not oweing money to a bank for 25/30 years that enslavement but we are soo hood winked to think its success!!! Living at home with your folks in these times is a privilidge and remember all those days as some day they will be gone appreciate that they like looking after you .

Hannibal_Smith · 22-10-2020 10:51am

Mod Note

Bertiebomber, stop bumping old threads.

Thanks

HS

Adults Living at home with parents

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