I'm becoming grump AF!!! (children!)

wally1990 · 13-09-2020 2:58pm #1

My niece(5) has moved in with me with my sister (i kind of had no choice because I needed to help her out) and I'm beginning to get annoyed by children!!

I like my own space and quiet time but it's now non stop children (neighbour kids) Constantly knocking at the door for my niece. (even when she is out, other kids knock at the door)

My Niece is running in and out of the house all day banging the door(every 10 minute/15min)

She is Constantly running in asking for things for herself, her friends and running back out again

My sister just entertains it all day whilst I can't get a minutes peace and quiet to watch TV

God damn housing estates!!!

She shouldn't even be out there anyway in my opinion, she is far too young but it's like talking to a wall with my sister

Now it's constant bang bang bang with the door

Sister constantly calling me for absolutely meaningless convo or questions

I'm too introverted for this ****e, leave me alone to watch TV and stop interrupting what I'm trying to listen to. I've to keep pausing the TV or turn it up

I'm grumpy

Tork · 13-09-2020 3:52pm

Have you spoken to your sister about any of this?

JustAThought · 13-09-2020 3:54pm

lets start a grumpy club!!!

I have none iN my house but I go out into the atreet from time to time to shake my fist that them screaming and snotting their little heads off and shrieking and howling and roaring outside my house. ‘Roar outside your own house’ I command them - I am quite efficient!!

Cages and stocks - thats what we need. Round them up and put them in little cages with bowls of milk until they are quiet or put the worst and noisiest in stocks and let us take turns throwing wet sponges at them.

Why has your sister moved into your house/flaf? Why are you watching TV all day? Is it your parents house? Why were no rules set!?!!!
Im a firm believer in formal sit down reassments with biscuits and notebooks and tea after about a
month or so when someone moves in - it gives them time to no longer be afraid of speaking up and to be happy and settled enough to take rules and agree shared ways to live together and share in a house that works. Time to sit her down without your niece & have a review meeting & agree rules. Apart from the obvious, all that banging will rile the neighbours and you have the likes of someone like me threatening court action over noise and banging unless it stops. Where did
she live before - a doorless cave??? And what happened there - was the kid so noisy they had to go....

seen and not heard!

Pistachio19 · 13-09-2020 6:51pm

Seriously you need to have a chat with your sister and tell her how you like things in your house and agree to some rules/boundaries. For a start I'd be telling her to stay outside to supervise her daughter, not to let any other children into your house (shouldn't be happening with covid), not to be giving anything out for the other kids etc. She needs to respect your space or find somewhere else to live. Also, don't be afraid to tell your niece to stop running in and out, stop banging doors etc. If her mother won't pull her up on it then you should feel free to.

joeguevara · 14-09-2020 4:37am

Whose house is it. Is it your sister child?

Gruffalux · 14-09-2020 6:04am

Completely understandable to be grumpy about this, OP. I reared a family, loved it, but view most kids now as smelly little tyrants. Zero patience for anything past an afternoon's visit. It is entirely different to come to a place of kid saturation when you have that powerful bond and commitment of parenting than after just being suddenly shackled to the madness. What you describe would drive me crazy. Tell your sister it has been grand and all but the living situation no longer suits you and she should start looking for somewhere else to live.

XsApollo · 14-09-2020 6:23am

wally1990 wrote: »

My niece(5) has moved in with me with my sister (i kind of had no choice because I needed to help her out) and I'm beginning to get annoyed by children!!

I like my own space and quiet time but it's now non stop children (neighbour kids) Constantly knocking at the door for my niece. (even when she is out, other kids knock at the door)

My Niece is running in and out of the house all day banging the door(every 10 minute/15min)

She is Constantly running in asking for things for herself, her friends and running back out again

My sister just entertains it all day whilst I can't get a minutes peace and quiet to watch TV

God damn housing estates!!!

She shouldn't even be out there anyway in my opinion, she is far too young but it's like talking to a wall with my sister

Now it's constant bang bang bang with the door

Sister constantly calling me for absolutely meaningless convo or questions

I'm too introverted for this ****e, leave me alone to watch TV and stop interrupting what I'm trying to listen to. I've to keep pausing the TV or turn it up

I'm grumpy

Headphones.

_Kaiser_ · 14-09-2020 8:56am

XsApollo wrote: »

Headphones.

That doesn't work if he's being asked questions and to do/get things by the child or her mother. That's life with a family I'm afraid.

He needs to talk to his sister about some house rules - but, he did agree to help them out so with that has to come the acceptance that he can't just ignore the two of them either.

XsApollo · 14-09-2020 9:01am

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

That doesn't work if he's being asked questions and to do/get things by the child or her mother. That's life with a family I'm afraid.

He needs to talk to his sister about some house rules - but, he did agree to help them out so with that has to come the acceptance that he can't just ignore the two of them either.

I have a family so know what that entails.
When I wanted to watch something I just got my headphones and ignored the rest.

Worked a treat.

XsApollo · 14-09-2020 9:01am

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

That doesn't work if he's being asked questions and to do/get things by the child or her mother. That's life with a family I'm afraid.

He needs to talk to his sister about some house rules - but, he did agree to help them out so with that has to come the acceptance that he can't just ignore the two of them either.

I have a family so know what that entails.
When I wanted to watch something I just got my headphones and ignored the rest.

Worked a treat.

qwerty13 · 14-09-2020 9:24am

“My niece(5) has moved in with me with my sister (i kind of had no choice because I needed to help her out) and I'm beginning to get annoyed by children”

Was your sister already living with you? Just wondering if your sister not being used to 24/7 with her child might have contributed to what sounds like no rules.

The_Honeybadger · 14-09-2020 9:44am

Have kids, eldest has grown out of hanging around the estate but the youngest is eight now, same story, running in and out all day long, continually having to tell her to stop banging the door etc. It’s really annoying.

Other kids are absolutely not allowed in the house however, cut that out immediately if that is happening OP or your house could become the ‘base’ for her and her friends. I’d agree your sister needs to watch her a bit more carefully, five is very young to be out totally unsupervised.

I’m also a person that likes my own space OP and can completely empathise, it’s one thing putting up with your own kids, but when somebody else’s are helicoptered in to your house and start taking it over it’s another thing entirely. You need to talk to your sister and get her to get a handle on this behaviour or you will go mad. Kids will be kids and when you allowed them to live with you there was always going to be a certain amount of chaos but a few ground rules could go a long way towards making it more bearable.

ManOfMystery · 14-09-2020 10:09am

I kinda feel your pain OP, over lockdown we gave our son (just turned 7) some freedom and allowed him out on his own with clear rules on where he can go, which is always within view of our house. The inevitable effect of this is that he now has a new group of neighbour friends who never really knew each other very well before, and suddenly they're all running into each others' houses every 15 mins - ours included. We are both working from home so prior to school returns this wasn't ideal.

We set some rules, that they can't be running in and out all day - if it's sunny they must play outside or in our yard, and if it it's raining they're allowed in to play inside but only twice per day - once they got used to not being able to come and go multiple times, this calmed things down a bit.

As above though, I think you need to explain all this to your sister and ask her to see things from your POV also, she can't expect to suddenly introduce a child to your house and not expect there to be some ground rules or middle ground where you both meet.

shesty · 14-09-2020 10:20am

I was going to tell you what we do in our house with a similar age group on the road, but there is no point OP.

She's not your child. If your sister won't set a few ground rules, it is next to impossible for you to do it.

5 year olds are noisy and active. If you find that you can't live with the child in the house, then you are just going to have to have that conversation with your sister. The only thing is that winter is coming, evenings will be dark and the going out on the road will become very limited, but she will then be bouncing off the walls indoors from 4pm onwards. Can you handle that?

Also - are you just watching TV all day? Do you not do anything else?

The issue isn't really the kid going in and out all day OP, the issue is that you need to decide if you can put up with living with a 5 year old that isn't yours, and if not, you need to discuss that with your sister. At the very least, you will have to sit down and agree some ground rules if it is annoying you that much.

LegacyUser · 14-09-2020 10:55am

OP you need to confirm whose house it is. Is it your house that your sister is staying in, your parents house? You say 'My niece(5) has moved in with me with my sister' So the sister is the mother and was already living there then the niece moved in or they moved in together or your sister isn't the mother??

If its your house then its your rules, end of. If they aren't happy with them then they can start looking elsewhere to live. A 5 year old shouldn't be coming and going as she wants. I don't think its grumpy to not have time for kids. It's not your kid, why should you have to alter your life to suit other peoples choices?

If you both own/rent the house or it's your parents house then your out of luck and should start looking for somewhere else to move to.

pwurple · 14-09-2020 11:19am

It's a mismatch of expectations.

If I'm watching telly, I'm perfectly happy to be interrupted, as I'm doing nothing, I'm just sitting there. I have same expectation of everyone else around me, to be honest. Watching TV isn't a task for me, or something I want to get done or achieved for the day, it's what I do when I'm not "doing" anything else.

You clearly class TV watching as doing something, which probably doesn't compute for your sister, and so she asks questions, talks to you etc.

Explain the value the TV watching has to you, and discuss with her that you don't want to be disturbed.

HildaOgdenx · 14-09-2020 12:22pm

Are you looking for advice, OP, or just letting off steam?

qwerty13 · 15-09-2020 1:22am

can't log in wrote: »

OP you need to confirm whose house it is. Is it your house that your sister is staying in, your parents house? You say 'My niece(5) has moved in with me with my sister' So the sister is the mother and was already living there then the niece moved in or they moved in together or your sister isn't the mother??

If its your house then its your rules, end of. If they aren't happy with them then they can start looking elsewhere to live. A 5 year old shouldn't be coming and going as she wants. I don't think its grumpy to not have time for kids. It's not your kid, why should you have to alter your life to suit other peoples choices?

If you both own/rent the house or it's your parents house then your out of luck and should start looking for somewhere else to move to.

This post goes to the crux of it. But I’m also very surprised at a 5 yo being allowed to come and go outside the house. Her behaviour inside the house involves rules - but at 5 yo, surely her behaviour outside the house should be supervised, unless it’s in your back yard. And I don’t mean you doing that, I mean your sister (presuming that your sister is the mother of your niece - your wording didn’t make that clear)

joeguevara · 15-09-2020 4:34am

I'm a bit lost on the dynamics. Your first line is your niece moved in with you and your sister. If I'm presuming she is your sisters daughter, was she living somewhere else or did your sister and her daughter move in with you.

Is it your house or is it a family home?

Also if the niece is five, is she not at school?

If it is your house have an adult only room with a lock if necessary. Set down rules that you will not be giving in to demand.

Also why is your sister calling you constantly if she lives with you. If she is leaving her daughter alone, say this is not on and if she leaves she must organise supervision.

Tork · 15-09-2020 4:41pm

HildaOgdenx wrote: »

Are you looking for advice, OP, or just letting off steam?

I'm wondering about that too. OP, it's not going to make any difference to me whether you reply or not. But if you're still reading this thread, I think you should take one thing from this. Sitting at home seething about this isn't going to help this problem. The only way you can improve matters is to have a word with your sister and calmly tell her what you'd like. The alternative is that things continue as they are and you get more and more annoyed. Or worse still, some day you blow a fuse and say things that won't help one bit. Which option is the best, do you think?

osarusan · 16-09-2020 8:11am

I know it's worded strangely but the impression I get is that the OP used to live alone, then the OP's sister and child moved in.

The child's behaviour seems fairly normal anyway. Our son is in and out constantly, looking for this toy or that, other kids knocking on the door all the time. And your own sister wanting to talk to you doesn't seem all that crazy really,

It seems like these are fairly typical consequences of having somebody move in with you. Unfortunately, they are not going to be mute and invisible while they are there.

I'm becoming grump AF!!! (children!)

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