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Masturbation

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭dar100


    Twenty times in one day?

    How has your knob not fallen off?

    Easy once it's spaced out throughout the day


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    Kids today have it made. Back beyond you were lucky to get a torn, stained page out of Playboy, or Forum - reading that $hoite now.

    We had to use our imagination. Now the world is your cum sock!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,059 ✭✭✭WilyCoyote


    Sad story breaking in Kansas, Mo

    An 18 yr old sophomore from Kansas has been readmitted to KU Med after a week long drugs binge during which he onanized himself up to 20 times a day, resulting in multiple burst ventricles in the hood of his penis. This resulted in amputation to save the young man's life.
    Within 36 hrs of the operation a suitable replacement with matching group was found and a reattachment was scheduled for the following day.
    Police cleared protesters from outside the main entrance. Some were Bible Belt diehards. Westboro Baptist Church were the most vocal - openly praying that his hand would reject it. :)

    Starlight Theater - Goo Goo Dolls in Kansas City, MO August 29, 2014 6:15 PM - 7:00 PM
    WBC will picket Goo Goo Dolls at Starlight Theater in KCMO to warn them and their fans that they better stop lying to each other and hating on each other. John Rzeznik and Robby Takac have spent nearly 2 decades filling the airwaves with self-serving, lust-seeking, man-pleasing nonsense, never having a thought of, or giving a care about, God or their duty to their neighbor. God have them a huge platform of influence over generations of people, world-wide, and they consumed it on their own lusts.

    Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. (1 Jo. 2:15-17)

    GGD's leader, John Rzeznik, is an adulterer! He lacks understanding and teaches millions to disobey the clear commands of God. That's why you all love him. Well...God hates adultery, John! I guess you never heard that during your "catholic upbringing". WBC tells you that plainly today - stop sleeping with that whore!!


    Sodomites are wicked & sinners before the Lord exceedingly (Gen.13:13), are violent & doom nations (Gen. 19:1-25; Jgs. 19), are abominable to God (Lev. 18:22), are worthy of death for their vile sex practices (Lev. 20:13; Rom. 1:32), are called dogs as filthy, impudent & libidinous (Deut. 23:17,18; Mat. 7:6;Phil. 3:2), produce in society mass intoxication from their wine made from grapes of gall from the vine of Sodom & fields of Gomorrah, poisoning society's mores with the poison of dragons & the cruel venom of asps (Deut. 32:32,33), show their sin & shame on their countenance (Isa. 3:9), are shameless & unable to blush (Jer. 6:15), workers of iniquity (Psa. 5:5), liars & murderers (Jn. 8:44), filthy & lawless (2 Pet. 2:7,8), natural brute beasts (2 Pet. 2:12), are likened unto dogs eating their own vomit, sows wallowing in their own feces (2 Pet. 2:22), will proliferate at the end of the world bringing final judgment on mankind (Lk. 17:28-30), have been finally given up by God to uncleanness to dishonor their own bodies, to vile affections, & to a reprobate mind such that they cannot think straight about anything (Rom. 1:23-28); and, unable to blush, be ashamed, or repent (Jer. 6:15), they have no hope of Heaven (Rev. 22:15). "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." Heb. 10:31.


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,681 ✭✭✭✭P_1


    Nothing taboo about it really, just one of those things that's best kept in private.

    I mean you'd hardly go on about the workings and timings of your bowel movements now would you? Similar principle applies in my eyes.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,781 ✭✭✭KungPao


    If you could "suck it", would you? Would it be ghey?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    I don't know if it would be gay, but it would resemble a dry string of spaghetti after a couple of weeks!:D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,925 ✭✭✭RainyDay


    nails1 wrote: »
    The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

    Have you considered going back to your own room instead? One of these days, they are going to wake up and catch you standing beside their beds.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    nails1 wrote: »
    The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

    Are you on Big Brother?


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Have one already, a hand shandy is less trouble plus I can fall asleep on my own terms

    Imaginary girlfriends don't count.


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Masturbation is like procrastination you're only f*cking yourself

    When you've a rake of stuff to do so just have a **** then nap instead. Promasturbation if you will.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 6,668 ✭✭✭flutered


    Learn to type with one hand.

    what about changing hands without losing a beat.


  • Registered Users Posts: 487 ✭✭Strong Life in Dublin


    Twenty times in one day?

    How has your knob not fallen off?

    Nah but I use a bit of moisturiser if it gets a bit dry


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 653 ✭✭✭Aphex


    *Watching lesbian porn while masturbating "This is so fcuking HOT!!

    *Finished *porn still playing while cleaning "Ugh stop spitting on her, that's vile" *turns off disgusting porn immediately.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,933 ✭✭✭✭titan18


    Masturbation is like procrastination you're only f*cking yourself

    That's procrasturbation. A favourite hobby (and word) of mine


  • Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭The other fella


    How much easier has the internet made it these days though? Gone are the days of using a black and white instruction leaflet from a tampon box...


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,702 ✭✭✭hynesie08


    How much easier has the internet made it these days though? Gone are the days of using a black and white instruction leaflet from a tampon box...

    Jesus, that's bad. Although I do remember planning my life around the MTV schedule, top 10 = a new video from Britney/Christina. And prewatching the smutty shows on sky so you knew when to be ready during the 2am repeat.


    Kids today, no ****ing idea how easy it is.


  • Registered Users Posts: 487 ✭✭Strong Life in Dublin


    How much easier has the internet made it these days though? Gone are the days of using a black and white instruction leaflet from a tampon box...

    I remember **** to my French students bra when I was around 8 or 9. Well it wasn't actual **** as I don't think I had discovered that fully back then.

    It was more rubbing her bra on my private parts lol


  • Registered Users Posts: 22,929 ✭✭✭✭ShadowHearth


    When I was in relationship, I would jack off at least once a day. Since I got single - once or twice a week maybe. Go figure...
    I did became a lot busier now, so maybe I just don't have "bored" moments to have a wee tug.


  • Registered Users Posts: 326 ✭✭mfergus


    I remember **** to my French students bra when I was around 8 or 9. Well it wasn't actual **** as I don't think I had discovered that fully back then.

    It was more rubbing her bra on my private parts lol

    I'm sure there is some kind of register for people like this.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,973 ✭✭✭RayM


    Aphex wrote: »
    *Watching lesbian porn while masturbating "This is so fcuking HOT!!

    *Finished *porn still playing while cleaning "Ugh stop spitting on her, that's vile" *turns off disgusting porn immediately.

    It's a bit like seeing Christmas lights in town after Christmas Day is over.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 487 ✭✭Strong Life in Dublin


    mfergus wrote: »
    I'm sure there is some kind of register for people like this.

    Ahh I was just a kid


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    krudler wrote: »
    When you've a rake of stuff to do so just have a **** then nap instead. Promasturbation if you will.

    I thought I was the only one. :pac:

    Masturbation is great for helping ya sleep.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭Molester Stallone II


    I thought I was the only one. :pac:

    Masturbation is great for helping ya sleep.

    But not while you're driving the school bus Christy!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    But not while you're driving the school bus Christy!

    Never ever **** and drive.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Never ever **** and drive.

    Cruise control is great...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    How much easier has the internet made it these days though? Gone are the days of using a black and white instruction leaflet from a tampon box...

    Klucking Bell you too - I remember getting off on the tampon leaflet - The only show in town :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    smash wrote: »
    Cruise control is great...

    You still have to steer - now when Google cars come in - Bingo ;)


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Santa Cruz


    Seems to still be a taboo, I usually have to knock one out twice a day to relive stress. Don't understand why is a taboo as it's a common as going to the toilet

    A woman told me once that she thought me masturbating was disgusting.
    I asked her why did she sit beside me on the bus so.


  • Registered Users Posts: 607 ✭✭✭TheFarrier


    I remember **** to my French students bra when I was around 8 or 9. Well it wasn't actual **** as I don't think I had discovered that fully back then.

    It was more rubbing her bra on my private parts lol



    You were teaching people French at the age of 8??

    No wonder you had to haul yourself around the place, nerds don't get any, everyone knows that


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Santa Cruz


    I remember **** to my French students bra when I was around 8 or 9. Well it wasn't actual **** as I don't think I had discovered that fully back then.

    It was more rubbing her bra on my private parts lol
    When a stuck up bitch in our office popped out one of the lads got her phone and rubbed it inside his jocks. When she returned he rang her number and we had a great laugh as she answered


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