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Someone invites themselves to stay in your home

  • 21-02-2018 11:46pm
    #1
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭


    Has anybody experienced this, and if unwanted how did you handle it?

    A friend of mine, married, old enough to be my Dad keeps wanting to travel down and stay with me. I think he wants to see my house. My house is a regular semi detached nothing special. The thing is he is very intense and I can only handle him in small doses i.e. 2/3 hours at a time. I also know if he came he would be making any amounts of comments on my house and I don't take kindly to that.

    He is a nice person, but in reality I engage with him to give him an outlet to air his grievances in life. We all need someone to unburden our minds and I seem to be his someone.

    He is not shy about asking to stay and I politely but, purposefully, with minimal enthusiasm nod not wanting to cause offence.

    I would NEVER invite myself or drop blatant hints about wanting to stay in someone's house. This man should have enough life experience not to do this but........


Comments

  • #2
    retalivity
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,508 ✭✭✭✭retalivity


    hqdefault.jpg


  • #3
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    What do you mean by ‘I think he wants to see my house...’ Has he not visited before?


  • #4
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭holyhead


    Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »
    What do you mean by ‘I think he wants to see my house...’ Has he not visited before?

    He lives about two hours away and no he hasn't visited before. I used to live in the town where he lives.


  • #5
    Ulysses Gaze
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,570 ✭✭✭Ulysses Gaze


    retalivity wrote: »
    hqdefault.jpg

    OP, as this post highlights, pretend you are in Rome and then hide in the attic for 5 days........


  • #6
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    No thanks, I'm fine.


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  • #7
    Degag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,982 ✭✭✭Degag


    He obviously wants to give you a belt of it OP.


  • #8
    pgj2015
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,471 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    this problem always pops up in stingiest thing you have seen stingy people do thread, the people who invite themselves to stay in your home always eat all your food, get you to drive them places, stay for about two weeks then leave without so much as a thank you.


    come up with some excuse as to why he cant visit you.


  • #9
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,497 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    pgj2015 wrote: »
    this problem always pops up in stingiest thing you have seen stingy people do thread, the people who invite themselves to stay in your home always eat all your food, get you to drive them places, stay for about two weeks then leave without so much as a thank you.


    come up with some excuse as to why he cant visit you.

    Something like "I don't want you to come and visit me"


  • #10
    Donald Trump
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,226 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump


    holyhead wrote: »
    I think he wants to see my house.


    Is "house" a code word for gee?


  • #11
    jk23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 877 ✭✭✭jk23


    Can I help you Paul! I’m..l’m taking a bath!!


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  • #12
    monkeysnapper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,576 ✭✭✭monkeysnapper


    Are you sure he hasn't come into a lot of money or already has a lot and has nobody else to leave it to , maybe thats why he wants to see house .


  • #13
    Specialun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,068 ✭✭✭Specialun


    is house an euphemism


  • #14
    Cheerful Spring
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,893 ✭✭✭Cheerful Spring


    holyhead wrote: »
    He lives about two hours away and no he hasn't visited before. I used to live in the town where he lives.

    Is that not your answer though he lives two hours away that's a long drive for a visit and his not invited.


  • #15
    TomSweeney
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,246 ✭✭✭TomSweeney


    anna080 wrote: »
    No thanks, I'm fine.

    Have you seen Father Shortall lately ?


  • #16
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭holyhead


    Cheerful Spring wrote: »
    Is that not your answer though he lives two hours away that's a long drive for a visit and his not invited.

    In theory that should be that but he periodically brings up the whole "sure I might take a trip down to see you. Would it be ok if I stayed with you" etc line of conversation.


  • #17
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,336 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    holyhead wrote: »
    In theory that should be that but he periodically brings up the whole "sure I might take a trip down to see you. Would it be ok if I stayed with you" etc line of conversation.

    It would be a shame if you didn't have a spare bed, wouldn't it?


  • #18
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭holyhead


    Zaph wrote: »
    It would be a shame if you didn't have a spare bed, wouldn't it?

    He knows I have, as I admitted that I did. Just hoping that my lack of enthusiasm does the trick.


  • #19
    Dev84
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 739 ✭✭✭Dev84


    holyhead wrote: »
    He knows I have, as I admitted that I did. Just hoping that my lack of enthusiasm does the trick.

    Just say no?


  • #20
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭holyhead


    Dev84 wrote: »
    Just say no?

    How do you say no without insulting someone?


  • #21
    Dev84
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 739 ✭✭✭Dev84


    holyhead wrote: »
    How do you say no without insulting someone?

    No.

    Its your space. Say no once and its problem sorted.


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  • #22
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    holyhead wrote: »
    How do you say no without insulting someone?

    No thanks


  • #23
    Cheerful Spring
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,893 ✭✭✭Cheerful Spring


    holyhead wrote: »
    In theory that should be that but he periodically brings up the whole "sure I might take a trip down to see you. Would it be ok if I stayed with you" etc line of conversation.

    If he not phoning you (?) this conversation is not likely ongoing continuously. You live 2 hours away surely you can avoid the places he is at?


  • #24
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭holyhead


    I find that fact that someone invites themselves to stay in my house disturbing. I might look to gradually break off connection with him. Become 'unavailable" to take calls/meet up for want of a better way of doing it.


  • #25
    NuMarvel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,279 ✭✭✭NuMarvel


    holyhead wrote: »
    How do you say no without insulting someone?

    "New fone, who dis?" Works every time.


  • #26
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭holyhead


    Cheerful Spring wrote: »
    If he not phoning you (?) this conversation is not likely ongoing continuously. You live 2 hours away surely you can avoid the places he is at?

    Our paths rarely physically cross but at least twice a year he brings this up. As I have said in a reply on this thread I might just gradually cut the cord. No one should ever invite themselves to stay at your house. It's not fair on the potential host.


  • #27
    Dev84
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 739 ✭✭✭Dev84


    holyhead wrote: »
    Our paths rarely physically cross but at least twice a year he brings this up. As I have said in a reply on this thread I might just gradually cut the cord. No one should ever invite themselves to stay at your house. It's not fair on the potential host.

    Maybe he wants to play with your willy.


  • #28
    Gravelly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,119 ✭✭✭Gravelly


    Reverse psychology. Next time he mentions staying, be overly enthusiastic about it, and mention that you really want to get his opinion on your homemade animal torture porn collection. Throw in a casual "last guy I showed it to freaked out a bit and I had to fück him up, but I'm sure you wouldn't be like that. Took me feckin aaaages to cut up the body".


  • #29
    Cheerful Spring
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,893 ✭✭✭Cheerful Spring


    holyhead wrote: »
    Our paths rarely physically cross but at least twice a year he brings this up. As I have said in a reply on this thread I might just gradually cut the cord. No one should ever invite themselves to stay at your house. It's not fair on the potential host.

    I not sure why you care if only every six months you meet? You may be over thinking this., he must annoying fella for you to be worried.


  • #30
    Stoner
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,952 ✭✭✭✭Stoner


    holyhead wrote:
    He knows I have, as I admitted that I did. Just hoping that my lack of enthusiasm does the trick.


    If you have a partner just say they take up the spare room with

    Walk-in wardrobe
    Trainset
    Tanning bed
    Something he's no interest in

    First thing I did in my house was stick a jacks in under the stairs. Stop all that nosey upstairs wandering.


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  • #31
    Fann Linn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,819 ✭✭✭Fann Linn


    holyhead wrote: »
    How do you say no without insulting someone?

    Oh no. Not you.


  • #32
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭holyhead


    Cheerful Spring wrote: »
    I not sure why you care if only every six months you meet? You may be over thinking this., he must annoying fella for you to be worried.

    Not worried just don't want to insult someone and he's not so much annoying but just overbearing. I would be happy just having phone call conversations with him and leaving it at that.


  • #33
    Cheerful Spring
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,893 ✭✭✭Cheerful Spring


    holyhead wrote: »
    Not worried just don't want to insult someone and he's not so much annoying but just overbearing. I would be happy just having phone call conversations with him and leaving it at that.

    You said he was married and his old enough to be your dad and you barely know him? This sounds weird mind I ask are you married or single? Am I struggling to understand why an older man who married is planning a stay over at your house? Visit I can understand but a stay overnight is unusual.


  • #34
    BettePorter
    Registered Users Posts: 2,257 ✭✭✭BettePorter


    holyhead wrote: »
    Cheerful Spring wrote: »
    I not sure why you care if only every six months you meet? You may be over thinking this., he must annoying fella for you to be worried.

    Not worried just don't want to insult someone and he's not so much annoying but just overbearing. I would be happy just having phone call conversations with him and leaving it at that.

    What exactly is he saying /proposing ? I must come visit u? If u only speak a couple of timea a year it's easy enough to give the ....'oh yeah we must ' non committal reply ! And I'd he says ....'X date' just say.....no sorry that's not good for me.


  • #35
    Hector Bellend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,667 ✭✭✭Hector Bellend


    holyhead wrote: »
    How do you say no without insulting someone?

    Don't worry about insulting them.

    Just them to stay somewhere else.


  • #36
    misstearheus
    Registered Users Posts: 2,126 ✭✭✭misstearheus


    I can't stop laughin picturin yer man plonked in Ted's Bathroom!! :D:D:D:D I'm gonna wake the child Nextdoor.


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  • #37
    holyhead
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,249 ✭✭✭holyhead


    Cheerful Spring wrote: »
    You said he was married and his old enough to be your dad and you barely know him? This sounds weird mind I ask are you married or single? Am I struggling to understand why an older man who married is planning a stay over at your house? Visit I can understand but a stay overnight is unusual.

    In fairness the wife would come with him. He never goes anywhere without her. He would like to see my house. I have been to his but never looked to stay over. I am put up by work if I ever have to stay in the town he lives in. He is not a bad skin but small dose is plenty for me.
    I don’t mind listening to his troubles etc but ideally phone calls would suffice from my perspective


  • #38
    Demonique
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,830 ✭✭✭Demonique


    Stoner wrote: »
    If you have a partner just say they take up the spare room with

    Walk-in wardrobe
    Trainset
    Tanning bed
    Something he's no interest in

    First thing I did in my house was stick a jacks in under the stairs. Stop all that nosey upstairs wandering.

    I know someone whose spare bedroom houses their snakes and lizards


  • #39
    Donald Trump
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,226 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump


    Stoner wrote: »
    First thing I did in my house was stick a jacks in under the stairs. Stop all that nosey upstairs wandering.

    In fairness, I've been to your house and a manky half cracked mop bucket fecked under the stairs wasn't as enticing as you made it out to be


  • #40
    Donald Trump
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,226 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump


    holyhead wrote: »
    In fairness the wife would come with him.


    Fecking swingers nowadays have no manners.


  • #41
    brevity
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,587 ✭✭✭brevity


    This situation is extremely weird.


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