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Promise ring

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  • 23-05-2019 12:42am
    #1
    MooShop
    Registered Users Posts: 969 ✭✭✭


    I plan to ask my GF to marry me this summer. Although we've talked about marriage, and she has hinted at rings she likes, I'd prefer to get her a promise ring and then both of us go shopping for an actual engagement ring.

    My question is does it matter what style the promise ring is? In my mind I'm thinking it should be something that she could wear regularly. I've seen a ring I think she'd like, but wouldn't exactly say we're engaged if you were to see it.

    The ring doesn't have to be like a replica engagement ring, does it? I know I'm probably over thinking it but don't want her to be disappointed either.

    Thanks in advance for any advice!


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    #2
    3DataModem
    Registered Users Posts: 3,952 ✭✭✭3DataModem


    Buy her an engagement ring you think she'll like, forget about promise rings and 'buying a ring together' ... she'll be much happier in the long run looking down on a ring you chose and gave her yourself.


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    #3
    redcuppatea
    Registered Users Posts: 15 ✭redcuppatea


    If you get her a ring that she thinks she likes, buy a promise ring of that style it will give her a chance to see does she actually like it first. Be conscious of size of ring. Don't buy a promise ring that is like 2 carats, if it's not realistic to buy a real one of similar size. Check out Etsy they have many options.


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    #4
    jlm29
    Registered Users Posts: 3,818 ✭✭✭jlm29


    3DataModem wrote: »
    Buy her an engagement ring you think she'll like, forget about promise rings and 'buying a ring together' ... she'll be much happier in the long run looking down on a ring you chose and gave her yourself.

    Don’t do this unless you’re really confident (which you obviously aren’t if you’re asking here), I can think of nothing worse than looking down at a piece of jewellery I disliked or which didn’t suit me for ever more, and I’m generally not at all materialistic, but I like to like the things I do have.

    You don’t have to buy her any promise ring, you could propose on a Friday night and organise a shopping trip for Saturday morning. Or you could buy another piece of jewellery she will have to remember the occasion.


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    #5
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    jlm29 wrote: »

    You don’t have to buy her any promise ring, you could propose on a Friday night and organise a shopping trip for Saturday morning. Or you could buy another piece of jewellery she will have to remember the occasion.

    I did something similar - I proposed with an engagement ring charm for her charm bracelet, I had it in a ring box and everything. That way she has both the ring I proposed with and her actual ring that we got after the fact. We actually ended up not finding a ring that was within our budget that she loved and we were gifted a family heirloom ring which means more.


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    #6
    CheerLouth
    Registered Users Posts: 2,423 ✭✭✭CheerLouth


    jlm29 wrote: »
    You don’t have to buy her any promise ring, you could propose on a Friday night and organise a shopping trip for Saturday morning. Or you could buy another piece of jewellery she will have to remember the occasion.

    This! We got engaged on a Thursday night (no ring or anything), kept it quiet on the Friday (with great difficulty on my part), then went on the Saturday morning & got a ring :D And it is totally different to anything I would have ever imagined having so I'm glad he didn't get a ring in advance


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    #7
    love_love
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭love_love


    I always give the same advice when someone asks this question - if you are not proposing with The Ring, do not propose with a ring at all. The proposal ring will always be more sentimental than the actual engagement ring and may end up being worn in its place. My husband proposed with a necklace, which is understandably very sentimental and I get to wear it and my ring without having to choose between them.


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    #8
    aquinn
    Registered Users Posts: 2,968 ✭✭✭aquinn


    I know someone who was proposed to with a jelly ring, and then given the bag of jellies to eat.

    Don't spend unnecessary amounts. I was given a ring that was too big and we were away for the weekend when he proposed. I spotted a ring on the walk back in a brow bar for €5 and was delighted to have it to wear. I still love it. We swapped the original ring for one in my size and I just realised I never wear it as we got our engagement ring quickly.


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    #9
    redcuppatea
    Registered Users Posts: 15 ✭redcuppatea


    I got a proposal Necklace!! I loved it! Then we selected our engagement ring together. I did ask to be apart of selection whenever it was to happen. I wasn't someone trying on rings, before I was asked, so I didn't know what I really wanted.


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    #10
    facehugger99
    Registered Users Posts: 7,225 ✭✭✭facehugger99


    What in God's name is a Promise Ring?


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    #11
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    3DataModem wrote: »
    Buy her an engagement ring you think she'll like, forget about promise rings and 'buying a ring together' ... she'll be much happier in the long run looking down on a ring you chose and gave her yourself.

    You can't speak definitively for all women though. Men in general unless they actually ARE jewellers know sod all about women's jewellery or have ever had to factor in female accessories into female daily wear and occasion wear. The idea that a man should decide what kind of permanently worn jewellery his wife to be is a bit cringe for me but assuming that because she loves you your choice of jewellery for her will be infallible is a bit arrogant, no?

    My partner would spend far more than I would have, and would have chosen something very unlike what I actually chose and love.

    Most women are very particular when it comes to permanently worn jewellery. At best you can say that some women would like their partner to choose their ring and others would like to choose their own. The OP's partner seems to be the latter which is why he's asking for placeholder ideas rather than going in and choosing for her.

    OP, I would probably go with a totally joke ring, if you think she would get the humour behind it- a big plastic thing maybe. Something like that can live in her jewellery box while she wears the one she chose with you.


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    #12
    JustMe,K
    Registered Users Posts: 610 ✭✭✭JustMe,K


    wasn't the idea of a promise ring a precursor to an engagement when it was meant to be a secret, or when the actual engagement would not happen anytime soon? I don't see the point of it, but each to their own.

    The idea of a necklace or bracelet charm would be more appropriate, in my opinion....but I would rather put that money towards the actual engagement ring.


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    #13
    MooShop
    Registered Users Posts: 969 ✭✭✭MooShop


    kcdiom wrote: »
    wasn't the idea of a promise ring a precursor to an engagement when it was meant to be a secret, or when the actual engagement would not happen anytime soon? I don't see the point of it, but each to their own.

    The idea of a necklace or bracelet charm would be more appropriate, in my opinion....but I would rather put that money towards the actual engagement ring.

    To be honest I have no idea about the origin or etiquette behind promise rings. I assumed it could be used as a placeholder in place of a more permanent ring.

    Thanks to everyone for their suggestions, I really like the idea of a charm as she has a charm bracelet, and even the idea of a joke ring, think she'd appreciate the humour behind that.

    I plan to propose while we are on holidays so maybe we could even see something over there that she'd like. For me, I want her to have a ring she really likes and enjoys to wear. I think I could get her a ring she'd like but it's a big risk, plus it's something we could do together.

    Friends of hers have gotten engaged in the last year or two and there's been a mix of the guy buying the ring and them getting it together. I don't think my gf would prefer one way or another, I just want the proposal to be special and her to be happy with the ring to mark the event.


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    #14
    love_love
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭love_love


    The fact that you're putting this much thought into it means it will be very special, regardless of what you decide on :) The bit of jewellery isn't the important bit, so go with whatever feels the most "yous".


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    #15
    3DataModem
    Registered Users Posts: 3,952 ✭✭✭3DataModem


    Neyite wrote: »
    You can't speak definitively for all women though.

    Of course not.
    Neyite wrote: »
    Men in general unless they actually ARE jewellers know sod all about women's jewellery or have ever had to factor in female accessories into female daily wear and occasion wear.

    I think in terms of choosing something that would suit the woman's style and wardrobe they should be confident enough to do this, bearing in mind that this will change over the marriage. Engagement rings tend to be white gold / platinum with diamonds (of course they are not all like this)... but not really hard to match with clothing and other jewellery.
    Neyite wrote: »
    The idea that a man should decide what kind of permanently worn jewellery his wife to be is a bit cringe for me but assuming that because she loves you your choice of jewellery for her will be infallible is a bit arrogant, no?

    The choice is of course not infallible, but I believe is a lot more meaningful in the long term if chosen by the person giving it. This is based on anecdotal evidence from long-married couples I know, but of course is just a generalisation.
    Neyite wrote: »
    My partner would spend far more than I would have, and would have chosen something very unlike what I actually chose and love.

    I am not generalising everyone from my experience or yours.
    Neyite wrote: »
    At best you can say that some women would like their partner to choose their ring and others would like to choose their own.

    Absolutely. I think lots of men fear the choice, and a lot of women fear their partners choice, but I think a lot of that fear is unfounded, as long as the man educates himself on the different styles and options available, and his prospective fiancee's general preferences. A surprise ring (coupled with a a surprise proposal) are unforgettable and unmatchable (in my opinion).
    Neyite wrote: »
    The OP's partner seems to be the latter which is why he's asking for placeholder ideas rather than going in and choosing for her.

    Yes agreed, in the first line he expressed a preference to getting a promise ring. I am just reminding him there is an alternative, in my opinion an often-better alternative.
    Neyite wrote: »
    OP, I would probably go with a totally joke ring, if you think she would get the humour behind it- a big plastic thing maybe. Something like that can live in her jewellery box while she wears the one she chose with you.

    I think if OP is definitely settled on a promise ring I would consider other "classic" jewelry, as suggested above. I think a joke ring - unless the joke is personal to both of you - takes a little away from a proposal.


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    #16
    Shelli2
    Registered Users Posts: 928 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    My partner proposed with a charm which was engraved 'Marry Me' and has a tiny diamond, he had an appointment with a jeweller already booked for the following day for me to design my own ring.
    He knew me well enough to know not to pick a ring, haha!

    It was absolutely perfect for me, I couldn't have wished for anything better.


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    #17
    byhookorbycrook
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,481 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    My now husband proposed and we got the ring together on the following Saturday . Total waste of money to buy a “ promise “ ring .”


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    #18
    Tazium
    Registered Users Posts: 899 ✭✭✭Tazium


    I used a promise ring for fear of picking something that wouldn't be appropriate. It was well received, and is now worn on the opposite hand. I chose a History of Ireland ring, as it's appropriate to our own relationship. If it's meaningful to you both or simple like the jelly one (love that!) then it'll be great. Good luck and congratulations.


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    #19
    Star Lord
    Registered Users Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Wouldn't waste any more than a few euro on a 'promise' ring tbh.

    What I did was figured out the kind of rings she liked, and met up with a jeweller a few times to discuss what kind of thing she wanted and had him get a couple of designs made up. I printed off the pics of the renders he sent me, and proposed with the stones that would be going into the ring, and the pics of the ring designs so she could choose which design she liked best. So in the end she had a custom ring of her own choosing made specifically for her, and gets no end of complements on it, as it's far from the regular solitaire engagements rings.

    May be something worth considering, if you can suss out what kind of rings she likes?


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    #20
    LizzeyBenett
    Closed Accounts Posts: 33 ✭LizzeyBenett


    MooShop wrote: »
    I plan to ask my GF to marry me this summer. Although we've talked about marriage, and she has hinted at rings she likes, I'd prefer to get her a promise ring and then both of us go shopping for an actual engagement ring.

    My question is does it matter what style the promise ring is? In my mind I'm thinking it should be something that she could wear regularly. I've seen a ring I think she'd like, but wouldn't exactly say we're engaged if you were to see it.

    The ring doesn't have to be like a replica engagement ring, does it? I know I'm probably over thinking it but don't want her to be disappointed either.

    Thanks in advance for any advice!

    I think the best thing to do is buy a mock engagement ring don't spend a fortune on it and then go shopping together for the actual ring that she gets to pick herself and will be 100% happy with.


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