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What's the point

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  • 04-06-2019 11:45pm
    #1
    Anonqwq
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭


    I'm going anon with this, I have lost interest in life and living, and I know if I seen a thread with that in it I would be the first to tell that person to seek medical help,
    some background
    Up until about two years ago life was ok, both me and my wife were in full time work and has a 2yr old girl and plenty of disposable income etc, life was good.
    In the space of one weekend our whole lives were torn apart, our little girl was diagnosed with stage 4 of a rare form of cancer, her whole body was ravaged with this horrible disease,
    And over the last 20 or so months she has gotten intensive treatment which by some miracle seemed to have worked, she had one clear scan and the second three months later showed up something, and although we're still awaiting 100% conformation the consensus is it appears as though she has relapsed, the success rate with relapse in this type of situation is around 5% so not good news at all. Also my wife was diagnosed with a form of skin cancer three weeks ago and is awaiting an operation to see the full extent, and to top it off my dad is very elderly and also a functioning alcoholic who lives on his own and I'm trying my best to keep a lookout for him,
    Both myself and my wife had to give up work to care for our daughter during her treatment, in 2018 we spent over 200 nights in hospital,
    I'm really sorry for the long post but I feel I'm near breaking point, it just fells as though we can never get a break in life and theres something thrown in our face.


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    #2
    jarvis
    Registered Users Posts: 1,497 ✭✭✭jarvis


    This sounds really really tough for you all. I don’t even know what to say but I didn’t want to leave your post without a reply. What you’ve described shakes me to the Core and I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through.
    As a husband and father though all I can say is you have got to keep going. I’d probably also feel like it’s impossible if I was in this situation but you have to try to have hope. I really feel for you and I hope you get a string of fantastic news soon because it sounds over due. I’m not religious so I won’t pray for you but I will think of you and this post and genuinely wish you get a break.


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    #3
    Golfwidow
    Registered Users Posts: 242 ✭✭Golfwidow


    Don’t give up. You’ve come this far. It’s clear how much love you have for your family. You’ve sacrificed so much. You’re obviously a very loving and committed father and husband. I can’t imagine how you must feel and how emotionally drained you must be. Life can be so cruel and so unfair. It’s totally understandable that you are experiencing such depressive mood and thoughts but the love you feel will pick you up again. I wish you, your wife and daughter the very best. Please look after yourself too. Talk to family and friends and explain how you feel. It may do you the world of good to have family members stand in to help you once in a while so that you actually get a few hours away every now and then.


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    #4
    vikings2012
    Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭vikings2012


    Keep the strength. I can’t understand what you must be feeling. You’re a devoted father and husband. You are a concrete pillar in the the lives your daughter and wife. By you being strong you're giving them hope and strength. Keep talking and tackle each day as it comes. Life can be cruel but I pray for you, your wife and daughter for better days to come.


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    #5
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    op
    im so sorry to read what you're going through.
    the thought of your little girl sick must be horrendous. life can be crap, no two ways about it.
    i hope and pray that your daughter and wife come through this horrible time.

    sending you strength to help you cope.
    take care


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    #6
    simongurnick
    Registered Users Posts: 1,919 ✭✭✭simongurnick


    Fight through it man. You can do it. Eight years ago i had twins born premature and they have almost died many many times. 8 months straight in hospital from birth and probably 75% of their life in hospital the first three years. One is heading in for another surgery this week 8 years later
    Different situation to you but still similar. My dad died of cancer during that time. So did my aunt, a cousin and an old school mate. Sometimes life is **** and sometimes it is **** all the time. I have depression and seen the lows of the lows but luckily today, i'm here to tell the tale and feeling half decent.
    You will too. Plough through this. Persevere.
    Be strong. Be weak. Be whatever the hell you want...but its worth the struggle mate.
    Good luck


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    #7
    Kidchameleon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,482 ✭✭✭Kidchameleon


    One thing that jumped out at me, perhaps try not to worry about your dads alcaholism as much. Maybe even plead with him to cop on a bit, you have enough on your plate.

    Other than that, I would say you have been so so strong and they are all lucky to have you. I have no doubt you will make it through this. Dont let pressure build up. Make sure you get out and let off steam. Go for a run or whatever you like, just make sure you take care of yourself aswell


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    #8
    Anonqwq
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭Anonqwq


    Kidchameleon wrote: »
    One thing that jumped out at me, perhaps try not to worry about your dads alcaholism as much. Maybe even plead with him to cop on a bit, you have enough on your plate.

    Other than that, I would say you have been so so strong and they are all lucky to have you. I have no doubt you will make it through this. Dont let pressure build up. Make sure you get out and let off steam. Go for a run or whatever you like, just make sure you take care of yourself aswell

    Thanks for the reply, regarding my dad he is very elderly and won't change now, it's just another worry I don't need,


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    #9
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,893 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    Please get someone to talk to.Someone confidential, someone who can be a shoulder to cry on.Sometimes it's easier to let it all out to a stranger than to people we know.Ask the hospital your child is at, or your GP, could they give you some names to contact, some kind of grief counsellor.You can't keep that all inside yourself, it has to come out.Women know that better than men, believe me. You can just keep going but you need to ask for help before you explode.There is nothing-nothing - wrong with
    asking for help for yourself.

    Hang in there OP, we are all rooting for you and your family here anyway.


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    #10
    lawred2
    Registered Users Posts: 24,271 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    I can't offer anything other than my deepest and most heartfelt compassion for you, your wife and your little one. I have three under six and an illness like that for any of them would rip me apart. I'm so saddened reading that post.


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    #11
    Bobtheman
    Registered Users Posts: 2,640 ✭✭✭Bobtheman


    First of all my heart goes out to you. Secondly ask yourself what your daughter would want you to do. She would want you to continue going on regardless. I know people in similar situations and life does improve. You owe it to your daughter to keep moving on


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    #12
    Wildly Boaring
    Registered Users Posts: 3,629 ✭✭✭Wildly Boaring


    OP just posting to offer my support. A lot of pressure and strain on you.

    A physiologist for a few sessions may help. Bit the bullet myself 4 months ago and with nowhere near your troubles. Just went googling and found one locally.


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    #13
    Abba987
    Registered Users Posts: 312 ✭✭Abba987


    Can someone else take over the care of your dad ? Have you siblings?

    I'm so very sorry for all you're going through. Skin cancer while very serious is also survivable so one day at a time there.

    Your poor child has gone through so much and so lucky to have such a wonderful set of parents. You don't know what tomorrow will bring so soak up what you have now.

    If you can manage to talk to someone about it do for yourself. I really hope things improve for you and your family.

    I had a run of bad news a few years ago including a family member passing. Your head is all over the place too.


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    #14
    milli milli
    Registered Users Posts: 1,247 ✭✭✭milli milli


    Op I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Reading your post was heartbreaking. I hope you can talk to someone professional to offload a bit. I don’t have much to offer regarding advice but just want to know I’m thinking of you and your family and will say a prayer and send good energy your way. I really hope you get some good news. Please look after yourself.


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    #15
    Calypso Realm
    Registered Users Posts: 416 ✭✭Calypso Realm


    OP-Just responding to offer my heartfelt sympathy, compassion and support here. What you've gone through sounds incredibly stressful and I'm not at all surprised to hear you feel the way you do. But please do not give up!

    Regarding your daughter, it does sound as if the doctors aren't sure so here's hoping it's going to be better news this time. Failing that, please do remember you've no idea which side of the fence she's fall on in terms of the 5% success rate! Just take each day as it comes. Hard, I know but best not to project too much into the future with these things. No-one has a crystal ball and after all, things as they panned out were not as bad as they appeared to be in the beginning first time round etc when she was initially diagnosed.

    Fingers crossed for you all the way and hoping for some good news for you!


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    #16
    lulu1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,815 ✭✭✭lulu1


    It sure is an unfair world op so so sorry for what your family are going through and no one would blame you for feeling the way you do but please try and fight it you and your family will get through it


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    #17
    Another day
    Registered Users Posts: 146 ✭✭Another day


    Life sure is sending you curve balls at the moment. That is a huge amount to deal with, and even the strongest person has a breaking point. The best thing you can do right now, apart from supporting your wife and daughter, is to start some self care. Please speak to someone professional, dump all your thoughts, clear your head etc. There are places that do low cost or free counselling (I imagine finances are tight), or ask in the hospital if they have Counsellors available. Aware run support groups for those feeling low, Google to find in your area, you will receive amazing support and a safe place to open up.

    I sincerely hope the news for both your wife and daughter are better than expected and that things ease for you. Take care


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    #18
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Hugs and prayers..

    One small step at a time... Just that one smallest step then another


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    #19
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,142 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    I'm so sorry op, I have no words I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your family.


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    #20
    randombar
    Registered Users Posts: 3,361 ✭✭✭randombar


    Same as all the rest here. I hope things turn around for you. If you need help with anything at all just pop me or other boardsies a PM. Even if it's just a coffee or a lift somewhere or anything at all really. Beat of luck.


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    #21
    Blaizes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Blaizes


    Op so sorry to hear of your situation, as another poster said life sure throws some curve balls. It is good that you are here on boards letting out your thoughts to people and hopefully this will let you know that you are not alone and that people actually do care. I dont know what I can say to support you other than I am thinking of you and your family and sending you support and good wishes.


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    #22
    heretothere
    Registered Users Posts: 616 ✭✭✭heretothere


    What an awful situation. My heart goes out to you. I went through a few crappy years a while ago and I remember my mother in law saying she thought the 80s would never end for her as it was just one thing after another. But they did and life got better again. Sometimes you just have bad periods (and yours sounds extremely awful) x


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    #23
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You're a hero for even posting this OP- it must have been tough. I'm sure your daughter and wife are in the same category, heroes.
    I truly hope your situation improves.


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    #24
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    re your header...

    The point is that you are alive; that you have people depending on you who love and need you . that you help and can help and be helped just by enduring, coping, caring in whatever way you can.

    Just by hanging on in there, brave person as you are,;)

    PS. strong people never feel strong; that is because they suffer more than weaker folk. Trust me on that. You are strong. bravo


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    #25
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    Try to see a counselor, psychiatrist or even your GP to help you cope. It is a very difficult time. Your daughter is young. She did nothing to bring this upon herself. Your father is elderly. Naturally you care for him but as an alcoholic he brought any drink related problems he may suffer upon himself.

    Look after yourself, your daughter and your wife. Do you have siblings who could look in on your father while you prioritise your daughter?


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    #26
    con___manx1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,465 ✭✭✭con___manx1


    Go talk to someone op. It can be much easier to talk to a stranger than a loved one sometimes.
    Maybe contact your local cancer support group.
    I really hope it works out dont give up.


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    #27
    Dien
    Registered Users Posts: 74 ✭✭Dien


    None of us know you or your family, and it probably seems that it's just random people replying to your heartfelt post, but my heart breaks after reading that. All I can say is that I'd hope, if I was in your position, that I'd cling to that 5%. I also hope that if lady luck ever dispensed me with such a truly horrible hand that I'd have the strength to even make it as far as you have. I truly wish you and yours the best.


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