My sex drive and other things

completedit · 19-06-2019 2:30pm #1

Hi,

First off, sorry for the information. Not graphic or anything but had to explain predicament

So, as luck would have it, I managed to get the girl. I had the biggest attraction to her for ages and eventually managed to get her interest.

But I have a problem. A combination of operations as a kid and maybe too hard masterbation since age of 16 mean I really have no sensitivity down there. I’m super attracted to this girl and she was the first girl I managed to get hard for long enough and have sex with, at least the second time we had sex together. The third time though I lost my erection and couldn’t get it back. I also don’t think I had any real feeling of wanting to ejaculate, maybe a split second. I do get boners when kissing her and have woken up to morning wood but it only lasts a short time. Worryingly I haven’t watched porn for 2 weeks and I have no urge to release. Is this just my brain rewiring itself? I really like her a lot. My penis tbh is a bit damaged from childhood operations but I have good girth which she said she liked. So I have something to work with but I really need to do something to address
1. Inability to get erection for a long time. But I did hold one for maybe 20 minutes the second time we did it
2. Extremely low sensitivity
3. No real desire to masterbate and while I’m super attracted to this girl, I wanna have sex with her to experience rather than any primal urge.

I know things with this girl aren’t gonna last because of this but if I can use as a learning curve, I would be happy.

Thank you

Tokyo · 19-06-2019 3:03pm

completedit wrote: »

I know things with this girl aren’t gonna last because of this but if I can use as a learning curve, I would be happy.

To be fair, if you're walking into this treating the girl as something to be used a learning curve, then you're pretty much guaranteed it's not going to last.

The rest can be worked on. But fix the attitude towards the situation first.

Wabbit Ears · 19-06-2019 3:10pm

To be honest it sounds like you're just not that good at sex yet.

Old man's advice.. we all were terrible and most of us found it weird that vaginal sex on it's own isn't as sensitive as jacking off.

I think every guy with certian girls have had to delve deep into the mental spank back to keep it going and finish off.

When sex is good, it's just not an issue.

So in conclusion. Its normal but you need to look at your views on sex and women because they're quite.. off.

completedit · 19-06-2019 3:27pm

I like her a lot but am awful with girls. I understand that if I can’t satisfy her then another guy will. I’m just running my mind and insecurities about the issue.

completedit · 19-06-2019 3:28pm

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

To be honest it sounds like you're just not that good at sex yet.

Old man's advice.. we all were terrible and most of us found it weird that vaginal sex on it's own isn't as sensitive as jacking off.

I think every guy with certian girls have had to delve deep into the mental spank back to keep it going and finish off.

When sex is good, it's just not an issue.

So in conclusion. Its normal but you need to look at your views on sex and women because they're quite.. off.

Not that good. I can’t maintain a boner. And have no desire to ejaculate. I’m wondering is this normal. This girl is super fit, great looking, beautiful body, it shouldn’t be hard to get off on that alone

completedit · 19-06-2019 3:36pm

mike_ie wrote: »

To be fair, if you're walking into this treating the girl as something to be used a learning curve, then you're pretty much guaranteed it's not going to last.

The rest can be worked on. But fix the attitude towards the situation first.

I actually mean it in term so od living in the moment and be grateful for experience. Many older virgins wouldn’t have the chances that I’ve had. I’ve had so many girls in that situation but as soon as I fail, they run a mile. I thought I’d die a virgin honestly. Thought my brain was so damaged that it would never happen. It’s hard enough to get a girl you find attractive then when you fail when u get intimate, it only adds to the barrier. I owe this girl a lot(we were friends first so don’t mind saying that)

Wabbit Ears · 19-06-2019 4:24pm

Everyone has their turn on's. If you can jerk off and hold a boner until you come it's in your head, not medical.

Have you tried poppers or sex aids like c0ck rings? Have you tried non intercourse sex ( you get her off and she reciprocates and vice versa, toys are good here, ask her about her toys and can you use them on her)

Standard sex isn't working so move outside the box a bit ( pun half intended)

eviltwin · 19-06-2019 4:24pm

Have you told her any of this OP?

Dtp1979 · 19-06-2019 4:38pm

How old are you op? Have you spoken to a GP? sounds like viagra would help you out

completedit · 19-06-2019 4:39pm

29 mate

Dtp1979 · 19-06-2019 4:58pm

completedit wrote: »

29 mate

I don’t see how viagra wouldn’t help tbh. Because there was medical issues when you were younger, it’d be no harm to get proper medical advice

Ursus Horribilis · 19-06-2019 7:11pm

So have you yet gone for the counselling we've repeatedly advised for you?

completedit · 19-06-2019 7:57pm

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

So have you yet gone for the counselling we've repeatedly advised for you?

I’m over that man. My insecurity was getting a girl to like me who knows me. I got the girl. 😃

completedit · 19-06-2019 8:10pm

It was as the cranberries said in my head haha

Wibbs · 19-06-2019 9:28pm

completedit wrote: »

A combination of operations as a kid and maybe too hard masterbation since age of 16 mean I really have no sensitivity down there.

I'd lay off the masturbation for a while, as overstimulation could well cause an issue, though would look into medical advice on maybe regaining some sensitivity? Obviously I dunno what your operations entailed, but maybe there's a fix out there?

Here's a thought; if you can shoot your bolt with ****, maybe get her to do it? Indeed only let her do it for a while. That removes you clearing your own pipes. That takes a lot of the pressure off you and gives her a way to rev you engine too and get to know what revs your engine. Discuss this with her. Tell her about the ops and all that. Nothing to lose really and she could well be into helping you. Also engage with her and what she wants, how she likes to be touched, how she shoots her bolt. Make it a mutually shared thing. Like I say it takes the pressure off you both and helps you learn about each other and is very intimate when you go to that trust level. If you're both young, chances are fairly high no other man has approached her like this.

ILoveYourVibes · 19-06-2019 11:48pm

completedit wrote: »

Not that good. I can’t maintain a boner. And have no desire to ejaculate. I’m wondering is this normal. This girl is super fit, great looking, beautiful body, it shouldn’t be hard to get off on that alone

Do you think you have actual erectile dysfunction?

If it's not just nerves or lack of experience it's very treatable.

A doctor will give you a physical examination and a testosterone test. Maybe some other tests.

Things like high blood pressure and atherosclerosis can cause it.

PDE5 is an enzyme that can interfere with the action of nitric oxide (NO). NO helps open the blood vessels in the penis to increase blood flow and produce an erection. A DR can help you with that.

If it's not physical and just mental then you can go down the natural route. It can also be lifestyle etc.

You mention NUMBNESS in the area or lack or sensitivity. That is sometimes caused by low testosterone. It's also caused by riding a bike for a long time. Or tight clothes. Even the type of soap you use.

And rough masturbation. A erect penis is not flexible. You should not bend it even slightly. Its really damaging.

You can bring back sensitivity to your penis though.

Lastly don't take medication without supervision from a DR it can make things worse. Not masturbating at all or not masturbating in a way that is replicated during sex is also not recommended.

Don't worry though OP if she is worth anything she won't judge you on this. And she will be nervous too probably.

Whatever the issue is there is a road map to the right solution.

You just have to speak to the right people to find out which route you need.

LegacyUser · 20-06-2019 9:42am

I was in a fairly similar situation. Lost my virginity at an older age, and found it very difficult to orgasm from vaginal sex. Now, my situation wasn't completely the same, as I was still able to get erections, and have penetrative sex. I think it was a combination of being very used to masturbating, which is tighter, and to overuse of porn.

I'll echo what everyone else has said, talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. This really is the best approach. If you are concerned about her enjoyment of sex, there's more you can be doing without your penis involved. She what she likes, and work with that.

I suppose the reason I'm replying here even though I have nothing new to say, is to reassure you. I was in your position, and it got better. For me it was 100% a psychological issue. Overuse of porn and losing your virginity late leaves you insecure (well it did for me anyway). Talk to her, take your time, and relax. It's an enjoyable activity, not a trial to endure. If you keep putting pressure on yourself to get an erection and achieve orgasm, it will be more difficult and less enjoyable.

No harm in talking to your GP, just to make sure there's nothing amiss, but almost certainly you'll be grand physically.

One last thing. I've never replied to you before, but I've read your various posts here before. You sound very insecure, and your attitude to women and relationships is a bit immature. The idea of using someone as a learning curve is unpleasant, and insecurity doesn't vanish because one person decides they like you. I would echo all those who have encouraged you before to go to counselling.

Good luck!

Wabbit Ears · 20-06-2019 10:55am

All that said, men with the likes of hypospadias like my son (no idea if this is what OP has) do often have issues with sex. Being circumcised and having had multiple corrective surgeries on my sons lad has left scars. Theres a reddit on it with a lot of info and stories from people who live with it which I read to help him through some of his awkward questions.

jon1981 · 20-06-2019 1:12pm

Lay off the masturbation for a few weeks. You're probably so under sensitised that the only way you can orgasm is by being tugged off by the a team of tugowar champions. Seriously, i'd start by laying off completely. You will get the sensitivity back.

Whats the longest you have gone without self pleasure? 2 weeks? And do you need porn to do it?

....... · 20-06-2019 4:52pm

Talk to the girl.

And talk to your GP.

And speak to someone about your odd attitudes to both women and sex generally.

completedit · 21-06-2019 12:32pm

Can someone expand on the odd attitude? Would like to address it

completedit · 21-06-2019 12:35pm

jon1981 wrote: »

Lay off the masturbation for a few weeks. You're probably so under sensitised that the only way you can orgasm is by being tugged off by the a team of tugowar champions. Seriously, i'd start by laying off completely. You will get the sensitivity back.

Whats the longest you have gone without self pleasure? 2 weeks? And do you need porn to do it?

Doing well. Nearly 3 weeks now. Haven’t ejaculated, got morning wood last two days so that’s a good thing. Feeling the better of it. Feels like I should be feeling stronger urges but might just be where I’m at right now.

wiggle16 · 21-06-2019 12:58pm

completedit wrote: »

Can someone expand on the odd attitude? Would like to address it

To be fair completedit, this has been brought up in your previous threads at length. You've a very unhealthy and proprietary attitude to women and that doesn't seem to have changed even with respect to this lady.

As PI isn't searchable, PM me and I can send you links to your previous threads if you want.

Wabbit Ears · 21-06-2019 5:50pm

completedit wrote:

Can someone expand on the odd attitude? Would like to address it

You talk about the girl in the OP as a human sex practise machine that you'd discard without a second thought when done with her.

leggo · 21-06-2019 11:36pm

completedit wrote: »

I’m over that man. My insecurity was getting a girl to like me who knows me. I got the girl. ðŸ˜႒

Ah the innocence. I’d say a lot of us have had similar thoughts and learned the hard way.

OP I’ve read your old threads and I’m truly happy you’ve got a girlfriend. But you can’t see people as a solution to your issues. In relationships where the issues you’re discussing now aren’t relevant, there’s a blissful period where it seems like the person has washed away everything you ever felt was wrong before, but in time what was once blissful becomes the norm and those old demons crop back up. Your choice is to either accept that that’s the case and have some semblance of control over it when it does happen by dealing with these core issues, or pretending it’s alright then finding yourself thinking “How the hell am I back here?? They were supposed to fix this!” down the line.

I hope I’m wrong and it’s totally your call, but I also know from crushing experience: other people are never the solution and this girl may end up being a lesson for you alright, but maybe not how you’re thinking. But right now you can avoid that by tackling the issues that haven’t magically disappeared (even if they feel gone for now) because another person showed an interest.

completedit · 22-06-2019 8:08am

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

You talk about the girl in the OP as a human sex practise machine that you'd discard without a second thought when done with her.

Good way to distort reality. I never said that. I

December2012 · 22-06-2019 8:56am

Dealing with this post alone, how is your oral? How are your fingers? Honestly good oral and good hands are just as important and just as pleasurable as pentetrative sex.

zapper55 · 22-06-2019 12:36pm

completedit wrote: »

Good way to distort reality. I never said that. I

You never said those exact words but that's also the impression I got from your posts on this thread and others. Perhaps its done to your lack of experience and nerves but there's little empathy of how a woman might feel in this situation or that women exist for many reasons other than being sex with.

Do you have female friends or sisters? Maybe if you dont have much interaction with women you are quite robotic about them.

It's been said many times for you before but you need to go to a counceller. I suspect you'll ignore the advice again bit for your sake and that of women you will.meet it'd be extraordinarily helpful.

23-06-2019 10:19am

December2012 wrote: »

Dealing with this post alone, how is your oral? How are your fingers? Honestly good oral and good hands are just as important and just as pleasurable as pentetrative sex.

Not for him it isn't.

23-06-2019 10:21am

OP I think this is psychological. In my case it was a conservative Catholic upbringing coupled with not much luck with women in my teenage years due to bad acne.

It took me ages to properly have sex but once I broke the duck it was several times a day.

My sex drive and other things

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