Ex Husband won't pay Maintenance...

primara · 17-04-2019 4:41pm #1

My Ex refuses to pay any Maintenance towards myself or two Children. My Son's Birthday is this week and he refuses to contribute towards it.
I have been to Court several times but it's a joke to him.
Is there anything I can do as I am now feeling desperate..

hairyprincess · 17-04-2019 5:03pm

Look for an attachment of earnings order. It’s despicable that the courts are allowing him to get away with non-payment. Is he employed?

primara · 17-04-2019 5:12pm

hairyprincess wrote: »

Look for an attachment of earnings order. It’s despicable that the courts are allowing him to get away with non-payment. Is he employed?

Thanks for reply, yes he's a Taxi Driver and claims he can't support himself and us..Only for family help I could not afford my rent....He say's it's not his problem...

Arrival · 18-04-2019 2:00am

You say 'my son', are the children not his/'ours'?

suicide_circus · 18-04-2019 4:31am

was he the sole breadwinner when you were together? are you working? you'll have to keep plugging away with the court system i'm afraid. Has he gone to the court with a statement of means saying he cant afford to pay? as above you can get the attachment order but that might be tricky if he's doing cash in hand jobs

primara · 18-04-2019 1:11pm

Arrival wrote: »

You say 'my son', are the children not his/'ours'?

Sorry should have said"our" children, it's just a habit now..Our daughter is 6 yrs and our son is just 10. Anytime I ask him to mind "kids" he's not available.lI have a Barring on him and if I threaten court on him re maintenance he gets so abusive and threatening even in front of the children. At this stage I really wish he was dead

primara · 18-04-2019 2:28pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

was he the sole breadwinner when you were together? are you working? you'll have to keep plugging away with the court system i'm afraid. Has he gone to the court with a statement of means saying he cant afford to pay? as above you can get the attachment order but that might be tricky if he's doing cash in hand jobs

Hi, yes he was sole breadwinner until we separated. He has came to court with a solicitor and wangled his way out. I cannot get a job with kids at school and cannot afford Child minder He won't even help minding his children

Xterminator · 18-04-2019 2:40pm

you can apply for maintenance order in court if you believe the circumstances have changed. you don't have to have a solicitor.

courts do make mistakes sometimes, and they get the wool pulled over there eyes sometimes. what you do need to to bring evidence to back up your claim. pictures of him on holiday from facebook, evidence of a lifestyle above the means he claims.

however i never heard of a court that ordered 0 maintenance to be paid for several children when the mother is unemployed. does he pay actually nothing? are you living in the family home and he is paying to mortgage?

there are courses you could do where they provide child minding services. can someone in your family help with child minding, even part time?

suicide_circus · 18-04-2019 4:02pm

while you are pursuing him for maintenance keep detailed records off all texts and correspondence from him and try to do what you can to improve you and your kids situation. Can you get HAP? Back to Work/Education grants? After-school childcare scheme? He was the sole breadwinner but he isnt now and your approach to this needs to be multifaceted

KrustyUCC · 18-04-2019 4:28pm

primara wrote: »

Sorry should have said"our" children, it's just a habit now..Our daughter is 6 yrs and our son is just 10. Anytime I ask him to mind "kids" he's not available.lI have a Barring on him and if I threaten court on him re maintenance he gets so abusive and threatening even in front of the children. At this stage I really wish he was dead

I'm a bit confused

What is the barring order for?

He definitely should be paying maintenance for his children

primara · 18-04-2019 5:44pm

KrustyUCC wrote: »

I'm a bit confused

What is the barring order for?

He definitely should be paying maintenance for his children

Got barring order for abusive and threatening phone calls + obscene text messages.. Some weeks I'd get 100e and might not pay me for 2 weeks or more. He informed me this week that he can't pay any Maintenance even though he's still working his taxi..My friends have seen his several times in Taxi.

zapper55 · 18-04-2019 5:53pm

Can you speak to legal aid OP? Sounds like a horribly stressful frustrating experience.

eviltwin · 18-04-2019 8:00pm

I'd recommend you contact Women's Aid for specific advice

This is abuse. He is limited in what he can do due to the barring order so he's abusing you financially because he can.

This isn't a case of appealing to his better nature or sense of parental responsibility, you need to talk to the people with experience.

primara · 19-04-2019 12:12am

Thank you all for your advice...

Eric Cartman · 21-04-2019 7:02pm

so you have a barring order, you don't want him around you and 'your kids' but you'd like free money and a free child minder every now and again. I'm not saying he shouldnt contribute but you seem more concerned about your life being easier than the man being involved in his childrens lives.

Also, he's a taxi driver, not a millionaire, assuming youre claiming 'one parent family allowance' if he was paying maintenance that would be reduced and a court would probably order somebody of such variable income to pay less than that payment anyway. Its not financially worth it, so you have to decide do you want to just screw the guy over financially for 'revenge' or drop it.

MissShihTzu · 21-04-2019 10:27pm

Eric Cartman wrote: »

so you have a barring order, you don't want him around you and 'your kids' but you'd like free money and a free child minder every now and again. I'm not saying he shouldnt contribute but you seem more concerned about your life being easier than the man being involved in his childrens lives.

What - are you actually serious? Hardly free money, is it?? It's MAINTENANCE for the children he created. Why shouldn't the ex pay? Kids are expensive - didn't you know that?

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Also, he's a taxi driver, not a millionaire, assuming youre claiming 'one parent family allowance' if he was paying maintenance that would be reduced and a court would probably order somebody of such variable income to pay less than that payment anyway. Its not financially worth it, so you have to decide do you want to just screw the guy over financially for 'revenge' or drop it.

So what? The ex could be a taxi driver, or King Street Charlie. It doesn't matter. If you create children, one should be in a position to pay for them, no? And how do you know what she is claiming? What makes you an expert all of a sudden??

The OP is not speaking of revenge. She needs the ex to contribute financially to their childrens' upbringing.

OP - you need to seek legal advice and see about getting some kind of attachment of your ex's earnings. Might not be much, but something is better than nothing.

jam_mac_jam · 21-04-2019 10:32pm

Eric Cartman wrote: »

so you have a barring order, you don't want him around you and 'your kids' but you'd like free money and a free child minder every now and again. I'm not saying he shouldnt contribute but you seem more concerned about your life being easier than the man being involved in his childrens lives.

Also, he's a taxi driver, not a millionaire, assuming youre claiming 'one parent family allowance' if he was paying maintenance that would be reduced and a court would probably order somebody of such variable income to pay less than that payment anyway. Its not financially worth it, so you have to decide do you want to just screw the guy over financially for 'revenge' or drop it.

Free money?They are his children, why should be not support them?

Big Bag of Chips · 22-04-2019 8:26am

The man brought two children into the world. If anyone is using them as a pawn to get at the other parent it’s him. A single mother has enough to be doing without chasing an absent father looking for him to financially contribute to the upbringing of his children. For anyone to claim you are looking for free money or free child minding shows the mentality that is out there amongst some men, and shows why so many men feel entitled to pretty much ignore the fact they have children who need looking after. Financially, physically, emotionally.

These types of men should count themselves lucky that the mothers of their children don’t have the same attitude as them. Imagine if single parents shrugged their shoulders and said they couldn’t afford to contribute anything to their child’s upbringing. Or could only afford to contribute a minimal amount every few weeks.

OP, you are doing your best up against a bully who is happy to use your children as a way to punish you. I don’t really know what you can do about him. Unfortunately there are men, and women like him all over the country. He should be contributing financially to his children, of course he should. And he should be seeing them on a regular basis. Not to give you free babysitting, but to have access, and a relationship with them.

There’s little you can do about him. Unfortunately. Is there anyway you can change your own financial situation? My friend was a stay at home mother while her abusive alcoholic husband was “the main bread winner”. (When he decided to work,and then the majority of his wages went on beer and cocaine). She eventually left him. He doesn’t pay maintenance. Maybe once every 2 or 3 months if she’s lucky. And after he’s paid it he then usually rings her looking for a loan!!

She did an evening course and is now working school hours. She uses family support as much as possible. She’s not rich, probably never will be, but she’s managing alone. She doesn’t depend on his money. It’s very helpful when it does arrive, but she knows she can’t depend on it. The more independent she became, the less power and control he had over her. And the more control she had of her own circumstances.

It’s not easy, and don’t let anyone tell you it should be, or you should be grateful for the struggles you face every day.

Ex Husband won't pay Maintenance...

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