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Am I expected to bring a present to a 21st?

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  • 05-04-2019 4:16pm
    #1
    confuddled98
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭


    Ok, so admittedly this is likely the most insignificant issue ever posted here.

    I’m 19, as is my boyfriend and I’ve been invited to his cousin’s 21st. They will be 30-odd people there- all cousins, aunts, uncles etc. I’ve never met this cousin. I feel I should bring wine or a card at the very least because it’s a party and none of them have met me before ( Excluding his parents of course, I’ve stayed with them at least ten times at this point). My boyfriend is telling me it’s silly to bring something for the cousin and it’ll only be awkward.

    This is uncharted water for me. Advice?


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    #2
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Card and a bottle of Prosecco/Cava is an easy gift without being too formal?


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    #3
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,797 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Your boyfriend should certainly give his cousin something for his 21st and include your name on the card. If the party is somewhere informal, house party or something you should definitely also bring a bottle of wine/soft drinks/sweets something. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant but it's mannerly to not show up with your arms swinging.


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    #4
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 13,049 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    If s/he likes a drink, find out their favourite wine or bottle of spirits and go half's with your bf.
    I'd be inclined to say, if it's a male, no need for a card. The girls treasure something like that.

    To thine own self be true



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    #5
    kerry37
    Registered Users Posts: 239 ✭✭kerry37


    A card and €21 in it.

    Admittedly I'm 31 now but when my group all had our 21sts we were delighted for the money in the card as it covered costs of a DJ or food or booze etc etc. It'll be appreciated


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    #6
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Is it wise (or necessary to the story) to tell us where you are all from? Unless you don't mind someone identifying you? Ireland is a small place and you never know who's reading this.

    Back to advice, bottles of wine or prosecco are very handy if you don't want to turn up empty handed.


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    #7
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    confuddled98 wrote: »
    Ok, so admittedly this is likely the most insignificant issue ever posted here.
    Trust me when I say it isn't!

    It's not silly to bring something, at all.

    A card and a bottle of something or other. You'll hardly offend him by giving him a bottle of wine or spirits, and it's a nice gesture.

    You're very thoughtful. Make sure your boyfriend splits it with you!


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    #8
    ted1
    Registered Users Posts: 23,322 ✭✭✭✭ted1


    21 €1scratch cards. They’ll forget cash but remember scratching.


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    #9
    confuddled98
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭confuddled98


    Thanks guys. I’ll bring a bottle of wine or Prosecco with me because I’d feel wrong going to this empty handed.

    And good point Ursus Horribilis, I’ll edit that out now. I included that to highlight how I’ve never interacted with that side of the family, seeing as they live so far away, but that’s just unnecessary detail haha


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    #10
    khaldrogo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,572 ✭✭✭khaldrogo


    Nothing. Thanks whats expected from u........dont worry about it


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    #11
    StupidLikeAFox
    Registered Users Posts: 7,699 ✭✭✭StupidLikeAFox


    ted1 wrote: »
    21 €1scratch cards. They’ll forget cash but remember scratching.

    Not so sure, got scratch cards off a couple of people for a birthday recently and thought it was a waste of money (€60 worth of cards, won about €20). Scratching isn't exactly exciting?

    Buy something like wine, a bottle of spirits or throw the cash in a card.


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    #12
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 8,042 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    Is the cousin a boy or girl? Is it in a bar or house? If house bring a bottle. If bar buy a drink. Don’t be fretting. Your bf gave you advice.


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    #13
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    confuddled98 wrote: »
    Thanks guys. I’ll bring a bottle of wine or Prosecco with me because I’d feel wrong going to this empty handed.

    And good point Ursus Horribilis, I’ll edit that out now. I included that to highlight how I’ve never interacted with that side of the family, seeing as they live so far away, but that’s just unnecessary detail haha

    I defo think that’s the way to go. Sure look, who ever had an isssue with someone being ‘too generous’. I think your instincts are right.


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    #14
    BBFAN
    Registered Users Posts: 2,228 ✭✭✭BBFAN


    Always bring something, scabby not to.


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    #15
    poisonated
    Registered Users Posts: 2,277 ✭✭✭poisonated


    A bottle of Prosecco or something. I got a present of scratch cards and to be honest I would have preferred cash haha


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    #16
    Anteayer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 886 ✭✭✭Anteayer


    Something as a token. I wouldn’t get too bogged down on it.

    Bottle of bubbly or a box of chocolates at most.


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    #17
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    If you're a +1, it sounds like your bf should be giving the present. €30 or €50 in a card is probably adequate, especially if some food/entertainment is provided.

    He shouldn't try to piggyback off a card his parents are giving.


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    #18
    Rmgblue
    Registered Users Posts: 300 ✭✭Rmgblue


    Her bf is 19. How could you expect 30/50 from a 19 yo
    antix80 wrote: »
    If you're a +1, it sounds like your bf should be giving the present. €30 or €50 in a card is probably adequate, especially if some food/entertainment is provided.

    He shouldn't try to piggyback off a card his parents are giving.


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    #19
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,797 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I certainly would not be expecting a cash gift off my younger cousin for my 21st. To be honest, I don't think I'd expect anything off my cousins but would be delighted with a gift of a bottle of something. Wine, prosecco, cava, Baileys... Whatever!


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    #20
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    I would only go for the 21 Euro if you are very close to this cousin, otherwise something of lower value. 21 Euro can be a lot of money to someone your age.

    Now, that said, there was a time it was 21 pounds that would have been gifted by close friends etc., so even those giving 21 Euro should count themselves lucky that the advent of the Euro has brought in a 25% discount before even inflation is taken into account (-;


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