Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

thrashmetalfan · 02-10-2014 11:33pm

Laois6556 wrote: »

I was shy in school, very, very shy. Got bullied a bit. A nightmare for me would be having to answer questions in front of everybody. One teacher used to make me do this a lot, he was doing it on purpose. He took a real dislike to me for some reason. I know this because of some of the things he said to me when he held me after class one day. In relation to this thread, those things were the ridiculous things a teacher said. Had a long effect though. Do I get one of those thread buzz killed awards?

that's very sad to read. I got bullied by teachers too never mind my class mates. I hope you are doing well for yourself now.

Pablodreamsofnew · 02-10-2014 11:37pm

That school grades mattered........

Hotblack Desiato · 02-10-2014 11:46pm

They told me that "god" existed.

guest2014 · 02-10-2014 11:48pm

if ye don't do a language (french or german) for the leaving ye won't be able to go to college. I think they meant university. as if the I.T'S were not real college.

03-10-2014 3:48am

I had a dear little lady teach me in Belgrove Clontarf when I was growing up. Cox was her name. And she used to tell us that the best way to shower was to turn the shower up as hot as you can bear at the end of the shower - so that all your pours would open and pour out the dirt - but then you have to switch the shower to the COLDEST setting - as quickly and as suddenly as you could - so that the pours would shut up again quick enough that the dirt did not get back in.

I was 5-6 I think and I did not buy it - but looking back on it now I wonder if anyone in the class did - and spent their time in the shower first burning the crap out of themselves and then screaming at the sheer switch to cold and wondering if they did it fast enough so that all the tiny unseeable holes all over their body had not all inhaled a load of dirt. I can even imagine some kids trying it two or three times to be sure.

It is rather sad though that the first teacher who EVER taught me - and she had me and my class for two years - should have left that one single memory with me. I can literally remember nothing else she ever said - did - or looked like or anything.

mrkiscool2 · 03-10-2014 3:56am

Imagine a science teacher with a thick Kerry accent
"You have two ears for listening and one mouth for talking. That means you should be doing twice as much listening as talking"
My reply?
"I also two legs and one arse, should I be doing twice as much walking as sitting down in the class then sir?"
Was in detention for a week

foggy_lad · 03-10-2014 4:01am

1st year Christmas report English teacher who was a big brick sh1thouse of a man wrote "he's a big lad, I hope he never takes a dislike to me".

md23040 · 03-10-2014 8:33am

At a dump of a boarding school in the early 1980’s, run by a bunch of satanic priests, their only mission in life was making ours an absolute misery. The worst by far was the dean of the school, who in charge of discipline and he considered his role to be one of legitimately battering as many pupils as he could on a daily basis, and as such was hated completely by all boarders who frequently crossed his path.

To cut a long story short he got a new Fiat car, his pride and joy (eventhough it was low end), and less than one week into ownership a merry band of rebels decided to get up in the middle of the night, for some karma revenge and spent a number of hours jumping for joy on top of the car and pulverising the roof to a sorry state of its former self.

Basically, without much evidence to go on other than any of the 200 plus hate-filled boarders could be culpable, he decided on a Mexican stand off and proceeded to ban evening rec time. Instead everyone had to gather standing in the hall and no none could not leave for 90 minutes until the culprits admitted to their guilt. Given this frame of mind he was in it for the long haul as was clear from his temperament on the third evening saying it would last indefinitely until he found out.

Anyway, that evening there were confessions and old Darth Vader himself was in the driving seat. One of the lads went he, confessed his heart, and next this deep raspberry-flushed, bull-head psychopath just jumped out of the confessional box just screaming incoherently, then after about a minute or two in utter silence of all gathered to watch the fete, he had to get back inside as his vows dictated, offer forgiveness and hold to the oath of silence henceforth about the matter. We all had a smirk for years as we passed the priest and hailed the guys as absolute legends.

Why always me · 03-10-2014 8:47am

One teacher told a lad i knew he would end up in a cardboard box in dublin if he did not do his maths study. Same lad is now a captain or something in the army and was in the middle east recently peace keeping. .i always knew he was stupid for doing the maths.

namloc1980 · 03-10-2014 8:51am

Junior cert science teacher: Can anyone name a star?
Me: The Sun
Teacher: I said a star, the sun isn't a star. Anyone else?
Me: if it's not a star what is it then?
Teacher: it's the Sun.
Me: and the sun is a star.
Teacher: stand outside, you're disrupting the class.

Going Strong · 03-10-2014 9:20am

namloc1980 wrote: »

Junior cert science teacher: Can anyone name a star?
Me: The Sun
Teacher: I said a star, the sun isn't a star. Anyone else?
Me: if it's not a star what is it then?
Teacher: it's the Sun.
Me: and the sun is a star.
Teacher: stand outside, you're disrupting the class.

I once shared a house with a pair of H-Dip teachers. I used to correct the corrections they made on their students homework as their own spelling, grammar and general knowledge were far worse than their pupils.

Zubeneschamali · 03-10-2014 9:20am

One day our religion teacher was out - he was one of those sincere guys who tried to actually educate us about various religions.

One of the Brothers came in to sub for him. It was the only time I ever had one of them teach, there were very few left, and they mostly did admin.

Anyhow, he came in and read out a bit of the bible where Jesus says "Ask and you shall receive", and he says all Catholics must believe that literally.

"Anything?", we said. "A million pounds and a Ferrari?". Yes, he says, ask God for anything and you will get it. If you don't believe that, you are not a Catholic.

Of course, all of us had asked for stuff at some stage and not been given it. So we shrugged, and said fair enough, not Catholics, so.

I think he was sincerely deranged.

Going Strong · 03-10-2014 9:31am

I remember getting clattered in primary school for questioning the "One True Faith" bit of Catholicism. I decided there and then, aged 9 or 10 that religion could go and feck off for itself. "It just is, alright!" isn't much of an argument really.

sh1tstirrer · 03-10-2014 9:36am

We had a religion teacher who was a priest that one day asked the girls to go around to the boys and feel their faces to see how many of us were shaving :eek:

Irishcrx · 03-10-2014 9:38am

' Irishcrx , Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time 30 years so I could give you a proper lesson in manners!'

Me: ' What would plan on doing? Raping me?'

Yeah , that earned me a 2 week holiday. Sorry about that Father , actually....No I'm glad it was said.

newtoboards · 03-10-2014 9:45am

When I explained to my career guidance teacher what I wanted to do once I left school she was disgusted (I wanted to be an engineer). She explained that the courses and the jobs were full of men and what would I do if I get pregnant. Thankfully didn't listen to the crazy and when I did get pregnant in a job that is male dominated I went on maternity leave and had a baby like a normal woman.

the_monkey · 03-10-2014 9:54am

2nd year our Science teacher was out, we had a sub ... I guess he was an Irish teacher or something completely unrelated to Science, he basically came in and winged the class.

He pointed at the Periodic table and said "Now I think this is key- everything is made up of these elements and combinations of them" - OK so far,

Someone asked him what would happen if we combined them all - and he said "Then you would get the SUN"

Galway K9 · 03-10-2014 10:31am

Rosa Fluffy Bacteria wrote: »

Mid 1950s a teacher told us that by the time we were adults machines would be doing so much that the biggest problem people would have was how to fill all their spare time. He got that one wrong!

He wasn't too far off the mark in fairness, give it time!

Dr. Mantis Toboggan · 03-10-2014 10:59am

To a girl eating in class:

'Susan, if you eat anymore we'll have to grease your hips to get you out the door.'

The most politically incorrect teacher know to man.

Going Strong · 03-10-2014 11:02am

the_monkey wrote: »

2nd year our Science teacher was out, we had a sub ... I guess he was an Irish teacher or something completely unrelated to Science, he basically came in and winged the class.

He pointed at the Periodic table and said "Now I think this is key- everything is made up of these elements and combinations of them" - OK so far,

Someone asked him what would happen if we combined them all - and he said "Then you would get the SUN"

Not school but I was on a computer course about fifteen years ago. The class next to ours were learning programming. The instructor turned out to be a complete fraud who got the job through political pull. He was basically keeping a chapter ahead of the students in the course book. All hell broke loose when the students caught up with and passed him out so he got the sack.

We used to be in stitches as we could hear the students roaring at him. "HOW EFFING THICK ARE YEH? THAT'LL NEVER WORK!"

irish_goat · 03-10-2014 11:03am

Geography teacher once argued with me that Mexico was in South America. The whole class were laughing and taking the piss out of me for trying to argue with a teacher who "obviously knows what she's talking about". Shut them all up when she went and got the atlas out.

the_monkey · 03-10-2014 11:05am

Dr. Mantis Toboggan wrote: »

To a girl eating in class:

'Susan, if you eat anymore we'll have to grease your hips to get you out the door.'

The most politically incorrect teacher know to man.

I can beat that, when we were in 6th year we had this Irish teacher (about 25) and we were about 20 guys and 4 girls, and the most attractive one - call her "Susie" sat up the front.

The teacher comes in and says "I feel like having a 16 year old today - Susie get in to my office" :eek:

He was always saying un PC stuff, descriptions of nights out in college,
women he scored , descriptions of himself terribly wasted etc etc ...

anything but teach Irish really - which was fine by us.

That was in 1996, last I heard he was a year head.

Going Strong · 03-10-2014 11:07am

irish_goat wrote: »

Geography teacher once argued with me that Mexico was in South America. The whole class were laughing and taking the piss out of me for trying to argue with a teacher who "obviously knows what she's talking about". Shut them all up when she went and got the atlas out.

Aargh! It's all coming back to me now!

Inter Cert English class. I made a comment about the book we were doing that made it clear Id been reading ahead. The teacher gave out to me and told me that I was to stop doing it. I replied that I was reading on for enjoyment. Big mistake.

"Books are to be studied, not enjoyed!"

PopePalpatine · 03-10-2014 11:13am

Dr. Mantis Toboggan wrote: »

To a girl eating in class:

'Susan, if you eat anymore we'll have to grease your hips to get you out the door.'

The most politically incorrect teacher know to man.

I think the teacher mentioned here who called black people lazy and half-said the N-word would have him beat!

the_monkey · 03-10-2014 11:17am

PopePalpatine wrote: »

I think the teacher mentioned here who called black people lazy and half-said the N-word would have him beat!

Oh yeah that too ... the Irish teacher mentioned above also used to taunt the girl about Man United - he was a Liverpool fan, and one day he called Paul Ince a n**** and was pulling his lips out.

he was some piece of work ... again - yearhead now - or maybe even principle.

Cronyism ??? in Ireland - never .

Big into the GAA in school too ... yeah it helps.

Oops69 · 03-10-2014 11:21am

My Irish teacher back in 1985 worrying about the future of the irish language, saying "will the language survive at all " with a deep sigh , emmmm , sir , 'ITS ALREADY DEAD !', the whole class of 14 year olds think together .

Sarky · 03-10-2014 11:21am

I recall a geography teacher that didn't know there was a difference between Fahrenheit and Celsius, and was sure that, since your body temperature is about 97F, if it went up just 3 degrees you'd literally boil to death.

He left teaching for Fine Gael. Being thicker than a whale omelette isn't as big a drawback in politics, I suppose.

Dr. Mantis Toboggan · 03-10-2014 11:22am

Another teacher who called micro-organisms 'micro-orgasms.'

the_monkey · 03-10-2014 11:33am

Sarky wrote: »

I recall a geography teacher that didn't know there was a difference between Fahrenheit and Celsius, and was sure that, since your body temperature is about 97F, if it went up just 3 degrees you'd literally boil to death.

He left teaching for Fine Gael. Being thicker than a whale omelette isn't as big a drawback in politics, I suppose.

That's shocking !!!!

a Geography teacher not knowing this ...

guest2014 · 03-10-2014 12:01pm

this happened in a big lecture hall I was in about 2 years ago.

girl yawns
lecturer " oh this girl over here is tired everyone"
girl " ah no im grand (she was a quite girl)
lecturer " what time did you go to bed at last night?"
girl "10 o clock"
lecturer "on your own or with someone?"
girl "on my own"

id say she hasn't yawned since lol

Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

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