Personal Embarrassment

I know the despair you are in. I have been there myself for many years. Have you ever considered counselling? I lost 6 stone within a year with the help of a counsellor. I went twice a month for a year, a big investment but well worth it. I also joined Slimming World at the same time. That was five years ago and I've kept the weight off. I still dip in and out of SW in order to keep myself in check / maintain control. Classes were closed during lockdown but some are starting to re-open now. I was severely overweight for 20 years. I was locked in a cycle of binge eating and depression. I never thought I would lose the weight. I highly recommend therapy as it's "not what you are eating ... it's what's eating you". Your Therapist will help you get to the root cause of your overeating. It's like any addiction - there is a reason you are turning to food. Once you find out why you will be able to gain control and start losing weight. Someone mentioned self care in an earlier post. Therapy is the best self care you can give yourself. It's the ultimate gift to yourself. I wish you well x

Hi Op

If your on Instagram, a great page to follow is trishas transformation. She documents her weight loss journey.

She put up like 2 or 3 stone during lock down and basically sounds similar to your story. She too has stones to loose. I find her so refreshing, I hugely recommend looking her up. She is also a chef, so she creates so many healthy dishes.

Honestly there's no need to feel so much shame, you have lost a lot of weight before, you can do it again. You just got to restart again, and that's ok.

Hi OP,

Firstly, even though you're in a hard place right now, you're looking forward and looking to improve things rather than letting things get worse. One of the hardest parts is just putting the brakes on and breaking the bad habits to ensure you don't keep putting on more weight, so the fact you've reached that point and have realised you want to change and improve yourself is a great thing.

Secondly, the lockdown was hard for everyone, and lots of people have put on weight, so don't think you'll be judged extra harshly. Either way, the important thing is making sure you're starting to lose weight rather than continuing to gain it.

Thirdly, while losing a lot of weight seems like a daunting task and a long journey, it doesn't have to be. Making small changes to begin with can pay dividends in the long run. Smaller portions, calorie counting, using low-calorie ingredients in things you already eat can make for a strong start, as sometimes people go too extreme in the diet and find it much harder to stick to long-term. Small changes to start with, then adding in some more small changes etc continuously as you go will make it not seem like a diet at all, but rather just making better choices.

I was in a similar position. Had been overweight my entire adult life and at my worst I reached 21 stone. But making those small changes, giving myself the time to lose weight properly, and seeing it not as a diet but as retraining myself to enjoy better food and smaller portions, I lost 8 stone in one year, and while it wasn't always easy, it was never hard or certainly not as hard as I thought it'd be.

You absolutely can do it, and while you can't shed those 3 stone by the time you return to work next week, you can lose it and more if you want. You've reached a hard place, but it's also a place that can give you the motivation to start a journey that can lead you to a great place.

Ask for help and support in the fitness forum on boards. I think it sounds like you need some support and possibly advice from either a personal trainer or a dietitian.

First things first - you are NOT pathetic! Please stop being so mean to yourself. My mum always tells me “talk to yourself how you would to others”. If you were hearing somebody else worried about their weight gain and going back to work, what would you say to them? My guess is you would reassure them, comfort them and be there if they wanted help with getting healthier - please do all this for your lovely self!

I’m guessing you need some new work clothes so buy yourself things you like and feel comfortable in - not just the cheapest and blackest items you can find because you will “buy nice clothes when you’re slim” (i’ve done this so much in my life!). Buy things that will make you feel more confident and then sell them on in the future when they are too big for you!

Please don’t be upset about this. This year has been something none of us could have ever predicted and i don’t know a single person who it hasn’t thrown completely. In the grand scale of things, putting on a bit of weight isn’t too bad of an outcome. I’m sure your colleagues haven’t all had perfect times either and they will have coped in their own ways. That will be something that will be part of the reunion - discussing how the hell you coped!

If anyone is unkind to you, that is more a reflection on them and not you. Another gem from my mum “only care about the opinions of people you love and/ or respect”.

Wish you all the best going back to work and your journey to a healthier life.

What’s worth remembering OP is that the ‘COVID Stone’ is a real thing that the entire country can relate to. If you haven’t heard that phrase before, did you instantly understand and relate to it? Exactly, everyone does. We were/are all locked down in an extremely stressful, scary situation where comfort eating was one of the few things we could still do and exercising properly wasn’t. Not only are you not alone OP, you’re not even in the minority here.

And not only do I relate to you on the weight gain, but despite me saying all of this I relate to you on the self-loathing part. Every time I get out of the shower these days I’ve got to effectively recite the above paragraph to myself in the hopes that it’ll one day just stick or the dieting and gym I’ve been able to do since restrictions eased will start to get me back to where I have been in the past.

The truth is though that nobody else cares because we’re all focused on our own issues at the end of the day. And everyone is going through this and struggling in their own way. But it’s worth acknowledging this and not beating yourself up. This is your struggle: it’s not insignificant but you’re not alone by any means and it’s absolutely not something you should be embarrassed about because the entire planet is in the same boat, we just don’t notice it because we’re too busy worrying about ourselves. So are they.