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Is this a red flag, did I handle it correctly

  • 30-09-2020 4:14pm
    #1
    Fromme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭


    Some background I've been dating this man for a few months now
    We had an argument recently and I went to walk away from him beccause I was pretty angry and he abruptly grabbed my arm.

    I was really caught off guard and a bit scared he has never done this, no boyfriend has ever done this before no matter how angry they were. I was a upset about it, I got angry about it.
    He seemed far more upset than I was when I was saying not to touch me like that. I told him if he was to lay a hand on me in any way that makes me uncomfortable it would be the last he would hear from me. He was extremely upset.

    Now I know that in arguments I can get my way which is something that I have been working on as it is supposed to be is verses the problem. so I'm just making sure I am not being bratty (for lack of a better word) in this situation, especially since he was so upset about it I felt so bad. Was my reaction appropriate, I guess in the moment I was so caught off guard and didn't know how to react to something like that and I was pretty emotional.
    I know I wanted to be clear that this should not happen again but did I do it correctly?


Comments

  • #2
    tara73
    Registered Users Posts: 2,342 ✭✭✭tara73


    Yes, massive red flag and you couldn't have handled it any better. that sentence you said to him, with that content is the only way to go. If he ever lays a hand on you, you'll be gone. Every person with the right mind would react like that.

    So why was he still so upset? Because you said this? He should have at least apologized and even then it's non acceptable behaviour to grab your partner in an argument.

    See, if you're here a bit longer you read stuff like this all the time, it's typical abusive and manipulative behaviour. I read it that you upset him and so he has the right to grab you and what next? to hit you? Ridiculous.

    I know it's not much you wrote about him, but just this incident would be enough for me to seriously consider ending it.


  • #3
    Fromme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭Fromme


    tara73 wrote: »
    Yes, massive red flag and you couldn't have handled it any better. that sentence you said to him, with that content is the only way to go. If he ever lays a hand on you, you'll be gone. Every person with the right mind would react like that.

    So why was he still so upset? Because you said this? He should have at least apologized and even then it's non acceptable behaviour to grab your partner in an argument.

    See, if you're here a bit longer you read stuff like this all the time, it's typical abusive and manipulative behaviour. I read it that you upset him and so he has the right to grab you and what next? to hit you? Ridiculous.

    I know it's not much you wrote about him, but just this incident would be enough for me to seriously consider ending it.

    Thank you,
    He was upset that I could think of him ever hurting me. But I did feel this needed to be said to him in case this behaviour was to ever continue or God to forbid escalate


  • #4
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,472 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    Did you not have a post here recently saying you were having all kinds of drama with an ex, and his family?
    Have you a lot going on at the moment?
    The signs here aren't good for this relationship, him grabbing you is inexcusable and I don't really think you should be getting angry and fighting at this stage in a relationship.
    Are you sure you want to be in a relationship right now? If I were you I'd try being on your own for a while and trying to get your head together and figuring things out.


  • #5
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,340 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    It would definitely be a red flag to me if someone grabbed me in the middle of a fight. Regardless of whether they were trying to keep me from walking away or not. Just no.


  • #6
    mordeith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,278 ✭✭✭mordeith


    What did he say do after he grabbed your arm. If he held onto it I would think that was a bit much but was it more of a 'wait don't go yet' impulse thing? There's a big difference between that and a strong grab and squeeze which I would interpret as misusing his physicality.


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  • #7
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,151 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    As the OP has closed their account, I'll close the thread.

    Thanks folks for offering help and advice.

    HS


This discussion has been closed.
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