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AA meetings?

  • 23-02-2010 9:11pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, I'm posting this to see if anyone has experience of attending Alcholics Anonymous Meetings.

    To start from the start, I've gotten myself into some serious trouble through my excessive drinking. On Saturday night, I did the worst thing I've ever done in my life. My girlfriend and I were out with friends. A lot of drink was consumed and on the way home we had an argument. The argument continued inside our apartment. I verbally abused her over and over, saying some absolutely horible things, none of which are even close to what I think in reality. I totally lost control of myself. I punched the wall and door of the apartment, injuring my hand. I trashed the bathroom, throwing the furniture around it. Despite my girlfriend being totally distraught and terrified I continued into the sitting room, smashing a number of plates and crockery off the walls. I even tried to break a cup over my own head, I was totally out of control, I didn't care about anything or anyone.

    It culminated in the neighbours calling the Guards. They came and arrested me, handcuffing me and taking me to the local police station. My girlfriend was so terrified and distraught that they had to take her to her parents' house. The police didn't press charges on me and couldn't throw me in the cells as they were too full. They took me to my brother's house and warned me to stay away from my girlfriend's house until the next day.

    So, the next day when I contact my girlfriend, she tells me that she has packed my bags and I am to come and pick them up. When I get there her mother basically gives me my things and throws me out on the street.

    Basically because of my actions and more specifically drinking, I've lost my girlfriend, my soulmate and someone I was going to ask to marry me in a few months as well as my home. We also work together so it could have implications on my working life: basically I've ruined everything. I realie that this is all my fault and I deserve to suffer for what I've done wrong. I'm not loking for sympathy or trying to make excuses. I accept that when people do things as terrible as what I did they must accept the consequences of my actions. I'm currently living out of a suitcase in a hotel. All this time on my own has forced me to have a long hard look at myself.

    All the problems and bad things that have happened to me are alcohl related, all the rows I've evr had with my girlfriend, all the days I've missed off work, all teh times I've let friends and family down. I've always known in my heart of hearts that I have a problem, I've tried things like only drinking beer or going out late or drinking only every few weeks to try and stop me going too far. But it never works. While I now drink much less frequently, I invariably have a black out, can't remember getting home, spend the ext day hating myself and totally depressed. I have no idea how others can show such restraint with drink and just have a few and leave it, i always want to be last at the bar and can't get enough drink into me. I've always noticed I drink faster than everyone else as well.

    So today i looked at the AA website. Theres 20 questions on it, they say if you answer "yes" to one you might be an alcoholic, to two you probably are an alcoholic and to three you definitely are an alcoholic. I answered yes to 13 of them

    So my question is has enyone ever been to a meeting. What is the protocol? Can you just go and listen the first few times? I've looked at their website and while theres lots of info on where and when meetings are on, theres little about what actually goes on? Also the 12 steps mentions belief in God, why is this necessary, or is it? For the first time I've admitted to myself I have a problem and want to do something about it, rather than laughing it off as something that happens to other people. Any info would be deeply appreciated.

    Thanks for reading. I've typed far more than I intended but even that has helped.


«1

Comments

  • #2
    changes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 959 ✭✭✭changes


    You just find your local meeting and walk in and take a seat. Someone will prob recognise you are new and shake your hand and welcome you.

    You won't have to speak, they go around the room after the person at the top table tells their story (depending on what the format is on that particular night) and then they may through it open to the room, you just say its your first meeting and you'd just like to listen tonight.

    As far as god is concerned, there are believers, atheists and agnostics at the meetings.

    Sobriety is the main focus in my experience.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Phone the AA number. You will talk to a very nice person who will be very helpful and advise you of your nearest meeting and may be able to arrange for someone to meet you before hand and help you settle in. People tend to be very welcoming to newcomers and it is not intimidating. just soak up what is being said and get as many meetings in as you can till you feel comfortable. The God part is not necessary, it can be a higher power (presence) (someone said to me they thought of a dead relative who they felt looked over them in a positive way). Don't get caught up with that. There is so much to be gained. It works from what I have seen


  • #4
    Reesy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 716 ✭✭✭Reesy


    Hi OP,

    You might it useful to read this story posted on a different forum by a guy who's very recently been down the road that you are embarking on. Maybe it'll help.

    Story starts here
    http://www.ccmb.co.uk/fudforum/index.php?t=rview&th=201160&rid=1409

    And continues here
    http://www.ccmb.co.uk/fudforum/index.php?t=rview&th=197182&rid=1409

    Good luck.


  • #5
    Max_Damage
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,461 ✭✭✭Max_Damage


    AA use religion as their method so-to-speak of giving up the booze.

    If you're an atheist, you may need to look elsewhere.


  • #6
    cowlove
    Registered Users Posts: 281 ✭✭cowlove


    AA is a spiritual (not religeous)12 step programme. There is talk of a "Higher Power" That can be a God or just something that is greater than yourself!

    Give it a try OP! Best of luck to you!


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  • #7
    newmember2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,599 ✭✭✭newmember2


    Max_Damage wrote: »
    AA use religion as their method so-to-speak of giving up the booze.

    If you're an atheist, you may need to look elsewhere.




    Which religion do they use?::rolleyes:


  • #8
    kjl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    newmember? wrote: »
    Which religion do they use?::rolleyes:
    1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
    2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
    3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
    4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
    5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
    6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
    7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
    8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
    9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
    10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
    11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
    12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
    ones that believe in god


  • #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here again. thanks to everyone for the helpful replies. I called the AA a couple of times today and am going to go to a meeting for the first time tomorrow night. Terrified at the prospect to be perfectly honest, but am determined that I need to make some serious changes in my life, one little step at a time.

    Thanks especially to the guy who posted the link to the Cardiff forum. I found that particular story inspirational.


  • #10
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    It doesn't have to be the christian god, an acknowledgment of any sort of 'higher' power even something as abstract as the universe will do. It is not prayer htat makes AA work but the connecting with other people who are you were are and who have been were you have been and getting suport and drawning strength from it and the help a sponsour gives you.


  • #11
    Tmeos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 207 ✭✭Tmeos


    Hi OP, just to say good luck with the meeting, you have made an important first step and no matter what happens you will not go back to where you were before before you identified the problem.

    Just to say that if you find the group situation off-putting you could consider a specialist addiction counsellor. There's a guy in Kildare called Paul Campbell, he wrote a book I read called 'I'll stop tomorrow' which was about his personal experience of alcoholism.

    Good luck and I hope you find the help you need.


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  • #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all, hope no one minds if I bump this as I'm getting great benefit from actually typing these posts out and documenting them here as something i can look back over in the future and see just how low things got.

    I managed to get to a meeting last night. have to say just going in was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Didn't speak or anything just listened into what everyone else had to say. i was surprised to see a lot of young guys around my age in the room which was a comfort to me. some of the stuff I heard really struck a note with me. One man spoke of how he had no feelings when drunk and how he lost all his morals when under the influence when under the influence. Really summed up what has been going through my head the last few days and nights. I met a man who I had spoken to on teh AA helpline after the meeting and I'm meeting him again tonight at another meeting. I really think this type of help could be of benefit to me. I'm going to try and summons the courage to saysomething tonight if I can. With regard my worries over the spiritual side of the AA, on my way down to the meeting I was on the verge of turing back when it popped into my head to say a prayer and it really gave me comfort and the strength to go through with it.

    Later when I got home (my partner by some miracle has taken me back in, which is far far far more than I deserve) my partner had a massive talk about everyting ths been in my head the last few months, all the dark thoughts and frustrations that havedriven me to teh point of doinf what I did. my main problem is not talking I think, I bottle things up inside. I even managed to pick up the phone to my best friend and admit to him I have a problem and tell him all that has been happening with me, something I never thought I'd be able to do.

    Today I feel happier and more positive than I have done in some time. I know I've only taken a tiny step to getting better, but thats all I can do is take small steps day by day. One day at a time, as appears to be the AA mantra.

    Thanks again to all who posted their words of help and support. Sorry for going on a bit, but this really helps me.


  • #13
    newmember2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,599 ✭✭✭newmember2


    ihaveaproblem wrote: »
    Hi all, hope no one minds if I bump this as I'm getting great benefit from actually typing these posts out and documenting them here as something i can look back over in the future and see just how low things got.

    I managed to get to a meeting last night. have to say just going in was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Didn't speak or anything just listened into what everyone else had to say. i was surprised to see a lot of young guys around my age in the room which was a comfort to me. some of the stuff I heard really struck a note with me. One man spoke of how he had no feelings when drunk and how he lost all his morals when under the influence when under the influence. Really summed up what has been going through my head the last few days and nights. I met a man who I had spoken to on teh AA helpline after the meeting and I'm meeting him again tonight at another meeting. I really think this type of help could be of benefit to me. I'm going to try and summons the courage to saysomething tonight if I can. With regard my worries over the spiritual side of the AA, on my way down to the meeting I was on the verge of turing back when it popped into my head to say a prayer and it really gave me comfort and the strength to go through with it.

    Later when I got home (my partner by some miracle has taken me back in, which is far far far more than I deserve) my partner had a massive talk about everyting ths been in my head the last few months, all the dark thoughts and frustrations that havedriven me to teh point of doinf what I did. my main problem is not talking I think, I bottle things up inside. I even managed to pick up the phone to my best friend and admit to him I have a problem and tell him all that has been happening with me, something I never thought I'd be able to do.

    Today I feel happier and more positive than I have done in some time. I know I've only taken a tiny step to getting better, but thats all I can do is take small steps day by day. One day at a time, as appears to be the AA mantra.

    Thanks again to all who posted their words of help and support. Sorry for going on a bit, but this really helps me.

    That's great news. Best of luck.:)


  • #14
    blue1980
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38 ✭blue1980


    Its a good move.

    You seem to be in a good frame of mind now. I go to meetings twice a week and I'm now nearly two months of the juice. Never felt better.

    Best of Luck


  • #15
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi everyone, me again. back from my second meeting. found it even more beneficial than the first. got a good feeling when i went into the room. i shared my thoughts today, was very nervous but the main speaker spoke about is first time at AA and really touched a chord with me. was so proud of myself for having the courage to speak to a group of strangers like that.

    after the meeting i was overwhelmed with the respponse of literally everyone in the room. to a person they al shook my hand, welcomed me and encouiraged me to keep going. they all had little bits of advice as well. i can see myself going regularly to this particular group, sometimes in life things just feel right. i went for coffee and had a good chat wityh one of the group after. it was hard to talk to a stranger without the crutch of drink but his advice was invaluable

    another day down, another day sober. im happy this evening as i type this, and grateful for the blessing of a partner who encourages and supports me as much as she does.

    well done to the poster who has gotten to 2 months, i have so much admiration for you.


  • #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Wow, I was so moved by your journey into recovery and by your first experiences going to AA meetings. I'm sober almost 15 years now (one day at a time of course!) but like all AA members, I was once a newcomer and you reminded me so much of the fear I had starting the meetings. And then the feeling of belonging I got, with fellow alcoholics shaking my hand and welcoming me to the fellowship. Isn't it wonderful to feel accepted, warts and all, and to feel understood and not judged. This alcoholic judges herself enough, so it's great to meet folk who identify with me rather than put me down.
    Getting sober and staying close to AA has saved my life and literally turned my life around. In early sobriety, I heard somebody say that the person I was would drink again! That scared me a little. However, I learnt very early on that change was very important if I was to live a sober, peaceful life. And up to today, I believe I have changed utterly. I've been given a second chance at life and it's just so wonderful. Don't get me wrong - I have my down days and crap days - but so does everyone! We alcoholics don't have the monopoly on misery!! And what's great is that we can get support to get through the not so great days. It's such a relief to know that I don't have to do this life thing on my own! At 45 years of age, I'm still learning and will continue learning until I leave this life.
    It's absolutely fantastic that you have started your journey of recovery and that your partner is sticking with you. It may have already been suggested to you but there is also a 12 step programme and meetings for families, partners and friends of alcoholics. It's called Al-Anon and there is great support at those meetings for people such as your partner, should she like to contact them. Al-Anon is for her, not for her to help you with your sobriety. And that's also important.
    Anyway, well done on your sobriety up to today. May you continue with us to "trudge the road to happy destiny".

    Take care


  • #17
    fionab1385
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15 ✭fionab1385


    Ihaveaproblem

    Well done and take it day by day. My Dad is a recovering alcoholic and is sober 29 years this September and I thank God every day that he went for help cuz my life might not have turned out so well if he stayed drinking


  • #18
    Shayman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Shayman


    Well done! I was exactly where you are a few years back. It still hurts so badly sometimes. Unfortunately I didn't stop until I lost my wife, home, business etc. Even my brothers and sisters cut me off. Anyway I've been sober quite a while now and am slowly climbing back.

    Still no joy with wife and family though.


  • #19
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all, just checking in here again. Still taking things one day at a time. As one person said at the last meeting I was at AA is easy when you're happy and contented but its when you're stressed and under pressure that it becomes difficult. have had a tough week in work, finding myself getting very stressed very easily, and my mind won't stop racing full of thoughts. Apart from drink there are some other problems that I need to deal with. Taking great comfort iun prayer and repeating the Alcoholic's Prayer to myself at the most difficult times.

    Still sober anyway hope to get to another meeting on Friday, hope to share again at the meeting as I'm determined to make the most of them.

    thanks to all the replies and especially those fellow alcoholics for their support. You all have my respect and best wishes.

    Thanks for reading.


  • #20
    mazcon
    Registered Users Posts: 112 ✭✭mazcon


    Hi OP
    Well done on getting this far. My dh is a recovering alcoholic and goes to AA twice a week. He was very resistant to it in the beginning but it is the only thing which has consistently kept him sober. It might be worth suggesting to your girlfriend that she thinks about attending Alanon which is the group for families and friends of alcoholics. I still go to my local group and the fact that both dh and I are working from the same principles helps us both.
    I wish you both all the best
    Take care


  • #21
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    OP - my father was an alcoholic, never got any kind of recovery, remained in denial his whole life, died in tragic circumstances weighing less than 8 stone, variety of health problems from the alcoholism and not a friend or family member left who would speak to him except my co-dependant mother. He had a dreadful life. He made life awful for all around him.

    I read your post and thought - God I wish my Da had had the courage of this person, to look at himself and recognise that there was a problem there to be addressed, to accept his human failings and try to DO something about it and most of all - to realise that his behaviour was harming himself AND everyone around him. Well done man, youve got my respect and support right there!!

    I would defintely suggest you get your GF to go to Alanon, she has been affected by your drinking and her in her own program will help you in yours (she will also get an insight on how hard things are for you and how best to help).

    Best of luck, I wouldnt wish my Dads life on anyone, it was hell on earth, and he was the only one who could have changed it but he never even tried to.

    Keep posting, and may you have a good recovery.


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  • #22
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all just checking in and to thank everyone for their support.

    Am still sober going on three weeks this weekend. Things are going OK. Its been a stressful week with work and academic commitments proving hard to keep on track but I'm getting through it. Have found a regular meeting that I attend. I like the seting and the people are a very sympathetic and understanding bunch. One man came over to me before my last meeting and shook my hand and said well done to me on speaking at the last meeting, its little things like that that make it all worthwhile.

    Having never been physically dependent on alcohol, I haven't had overwhelming urges to drink. However it is things like meeting up with people that I'm going to find hard, I always relied on drink as a crutch in social situations to relax me and make me feel at ease. i'm going to test the water this weekend, meeting a friend for lunch on Saturday and some of my family for dinner on Saturday night. These will be real challenges for me and I'm nervous. So far I've been hiding away somewhat so the opportunities to drink or feel the need for it have been few. Say a prayer for me.

    Thanks again to all who have posted their encouragement, it means so much an typing here has helped me massively. Even reading back reminds me of the hole I had gotten myself in and is timely reminder of what could happen if I let my guard slip again.


  • #23
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,490 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Good, you've made a start. Your post is much happier than your earlier ones.

    Realise that its earlier days yet and there is the risk of setbacks, whether big or small. But also realise that they are temporary and you can bounce back to something better and stronger.


  • #24
    Shayman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Shayman


    ihaveaproblem wrote: »
    Having never been physically dependent on alcohol, I haven't had overwhelming urges to drink.

    So if you're not dependent on alcohol.....why the meetings?:confused:


  • #25
    Tender Hoop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 167 ✭✭Tender Hoop


    Shayman wrote: »
    So if you're not dependent on alcohol.....why the meetings?:confused:

    you don't have to be physically dependent on alcohol to drink alcoholically.


  • #26
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    A person can be emotionally dependent on drink and only abuse drink a handful of times a year and that is enough for them to be a alcoholic.


  • #27
    littlefriend
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,900 ✭✭✭littlefriend


    ihaveaproblem wrote: »
    Am still sober going on three weeks this weekend. .

    Really well done. Its good to see your updates. Saying a little prayer for you now that this weekend goes ok. Just think how annoyed you'd be with yourself on Sunday if you drank on Saturday? Its just not worth it - at all - on any level!


  • #28
    stephen_n
    Registered Users Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n


    Shayman wrote: »
    So if you're not dependent on alcohol.....why the meetings?:confused:

    Because alcoholism has very little to do with a physical dependence nor does drug addiction, if that was the case why do you think people leave detox units and drink or use again? Alcoholism is spiritual mental emotional and physical malady characterised by on overwhelming obsession and compulsion towards self destructive behaviours and leading to unmanageability. It has nothing to do with how much or how often. Sobriety does not equate to recovery!


  • #29
    stephen_n
    Registered Users Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n


    ihaveaproblem wrote: »

    Having never been physically dependent on alcohol, I haven't had overwhelming urges to drink. However it is things like meeting up with people that I'm going to find hard, I always relied on drink as a crutch in social situations to relax me and make me feel at ease. i'm going to test the water this weekend, meeting a friend for lunch on Saturday and some of my family for dinner on Saturday night. These will be real challenges for me and I'm nervous. So far I've been hiding away somewhat so the opportunities to drink or feel the need for it have been few. Say a prayer for me.

    Have a backdoor plan, remember your recovery comes first, you may have heard it said that you can't save your face and your ass at the same time and these sort of situations are what that refers to. If your not comfortable, then have a phone number of a member handy if that is still not enough then make your excuses and leave!


  • #30
    am i bovvered
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,102 ✭✭✭am i bovvered


    well done.... ihaveaproblem,
    My dad was an alcoholic for over 30years and has finally discovered AA in the last 3 years, he has tons of baggage to deal with.
    It is a blessing that you are learning from your mistakes at a young age, keep focused and keep happy. :)


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  • #31
    Shayman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Shayman


    While I'm not taking anything away from the OP, I don't agree with this thing of all the 'categories' - sociallly, emotionally, physically, mentally dependent - of Alcoholism. You're either dependent on it or you're not! If you are, admit it and try and do something about it and stop pussyfooting around it.

    Step 1 of AA: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

    It doesn't say in what way we were powerless. As I said before you either are or you are not!

    As Barack Obama said you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig!


  • #32
    Wolflikeme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 827 ✭✭✭Wolflikeme


    Shayman wrote: »
    While I'm not taking anything away from the OP, I don't agree with this thing of all the 'categories' - sociallly, emotionally, physically, mentally dependent - of Alcoholism. You're either dependent on it or you're not! If you are, admit it and try and do something about it and stop pussyfooting around it.

    Step 1 of AA: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

    It doesn't say in what way we were powerless. As I said before you either are or you are not!

    As Barack Obama said you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig!

    The highlighted part is irrelevant to your ridiculously stupid argument. So in other words, you'd have step to about 5 pages long?

    Regardless, you're completely wrong. It's a fact that people can be emotionally/psychologically dependent on alcohol, whether you agree or not! If it was purely physical then anyone who's had a drink problem would be drink free for life in a few days.

    Try reading about it before you come on here spouting absolute rubbish. Obtuse is a word that springs to mind.

    Good for you OP. You'll get there, you're getting there already.


  • #33
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


  • #34
    Shayman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Shayman


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal

    Whose post?


  • #35
    Shayman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Shayman


    Wolflikeme wrote: »

    Try reading about it before you come on here spouting absolute rubbish. Obtuse is a word that springs to mind.

    Good for you OP. You'll get there, you're getting there already.

    Read about it? I've been through it! Have you?


  • #36
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Shayman if you can not contribute to this thread or forum in a constructive manner which is helpful to the people startings then do not post.


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  • #37
    dreamer_ire
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,894 ✭✭✭dreamer_ire


    Three weeks OP is a great start... keep it going. Sending you good vibes :)


  • #38
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    stephen_n wrote: »
    Have a backdoor plan, remember your recovery comes first, you may have heard it said that you can't save your face and your ass at the same time and these sort of situations are what that refers to. If your not comfortable, then have a phone number of a member handy if that is still not enough then make your excuses and leave!

    +1 OP
    When my mum quit 10 yrs ago now - you would be amazed or at least I was at the amount of her friends and family that would do their best to force drink down her throat. Even going so far as to try to make her guilty for not joining them.
    Thankfully she never has. If she did - and if she were ever to return to the way she was - well to be frank - that would be the day that my mother will have died for me - personally I cannot go back there. The fear is always there - especially as after say 5 yrs she turned around and tried to convince me she was not an alcoholic and never had been - had just decided to take the pledge for a few years...

    Just wanted you to be prepared though for your friends and family - did not mean to spin off this time. Be consistent and calm with them and firm. They may even try to convince you that you don't have a problem - but you know the truth.

    Really found your story here inspirational. You are one lucky guy - your OH really is one in a million.


  • #39
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Shayman wrote: »
    While I'm not taking anything away from the OP, I don't agree with this thing of all the 'categories' - sociallly, emotionally, physically, mentally dependent - of Alcoholism. You're either dependent on it or you're not! If you are, admit it and try and do something about it and stop pussyfooting around it.

    Step 1 of AA: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

    It doesn't say in what way we were powerless. As I said before you either are or you are not!

    As Barack Obama said you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig!

    Hi thanks for the reply, I'm not offended by your reply in the slightest or insulted.

    For years I told myself that because I'm not addicted to alcohol, or get urges to drink first thing in the morning, or drink cans on a park bench then I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic. Now I realise that like many things in life everyone is different and people with drink problems exhibit their symptoms of the disease in varying ways.

    My problem is that when I drank I couldn't stop or have any desire to stop. I used to envy people who could have a couple of drinks on a night out and stop quite happily. I on the other hand drank like I was trying to satisfy an insatiable thirst. Worse still, when I had drink on me I had absolutely no morals, or even any feelings. I didn't care about anyone only myself and my drinking. I remember to my eternal shame going to see my father in hospital after he had had an operation to remove a cancerous tumour. I had been drinking earlier that evening and to my eternal shame, despite the fact that my poor father, the greatest man I know was vomiting in bed like a frail old man, I cared more about getting back to the pub than being there to support him. That, my friend is the behaviour of someone with a drink problem. That is the disease of alcoholism. I carry the guilt and shame of that kind of behaviour (and countless other horrible things I did and said due to drink) with me every day as a reminder that that is the kind of person i'll become if alcohol passes my lips again.

    I don't want to be that kind of person. I am not that kind of person when I'm sober. the only way I can guarantee that I won't be that kind of person is not to drink.

    Thanks for your reply again, I didn't post here so everyone would tell me what a great lad I am. Replying to you has helped my clerify my thought even more and has strengthened my resolve that I'm on the riht course now.

    Thanks to everyone for their kind messages.


  • #40
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Taltos wrote: »
    +1 OP
    When my mum quit 10 yrs ago now - you would be amazed or at least I was at the amount of her friends and family that would do their best to force drink down her throat. Even going so far as to try to make her guilty for not joining them.
    Thankfully she never has. If she did - and if she were ever to return to the way she was - well to be frank - that would be the day that my mother will have died for me - personally I cannot go back there. The fear is always there - especially as after say 5 yrs she turned around and tried to convince me she was not an alcoholic and never had been - had just decided to take the pledge for a few years...

    Just wanted you to be prepared though for your friends and family - did not mean to spin off this time. Be consistent and calm with them and firm. They may even try to convince you that you don't have a problem - but you know the truth.

    Really found your story here inspirational. You are one lucky guy - your OH really is one in a million.

    Thanks a million for this advice. I have refrained from telling most people about any of this yet, save for my brother and a very close friend. I want to become totally at one with it myself before involving anyoen else. I've bought myself some time by simply telling people I'm not drinking for now as I have an exam coming up. In time I will tell the people who mater. If they can't accept it then they proably weren't that good a friend in the first place.

    As for my OH, she is the most amazing, wonderful, selfless, patient and downright good person on this planet. She has saved my life. Anyone who knows the lyrics to the song "Trouble" by Ray Lamontagne will understand. I'm so so so lucky to have her support, so many in my situation have no one. I don't deserve the fact that she still is prepared to put up with me, but I WILL, through my actions make her look at me with the love and admiration she did when we first met.


  • #41
    stephen_n
    Registered Users Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n


    Shayman wrote: »
    While I'm not taking anything away from the OP, I don't agree with this thing of all the 'categories' - sociallly, emotionally, physically, mentally dependent - of Alcoholism. You're either dependent on it or you're not! If you are, admit it and try and do something about it and stop pussyfooting around it.

    Step 1 of AA: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

    It doesn't say in what way we were powerless. As I said before you either are or you are not!

    As Barack Obama said you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig!

    Yes great so you admit you have a problem stop drinking and the world suddenly becomes a rosey place to live? No you end up substituting alcohol for another behaviour to mask your inability to deal with life on lifes terms or worse still you become a dry drunk with all the emotional defects of alcoholism and go round dumping your anger issues on everybody else in your. Addictions are coping mechanisms gone completely wrong , and alcohol is mearly a symptom of the problem not the problem itself.

    BTW quoting a step that you know nothing about and taking it out of context doesn't help if you read the big book or the 12 and 12 you'll get the answer to the question of what alcoholics are powerless over :)
    Taltos wrote: »
    +1 OP
    When my mum quit 10 yrs ago now - you would be amazed or at least I was at the amount of her friends and family that would do their best to force drink down her throat. Even going so far as to try to make her guilty for not joining them.
    Thankfully she never has. If she did - and if she were ever to return to the way she was - well to be frank - that would be the day that my mother will have died for me - personally I cannot go back there. The fear is always there - especially as after say 5 yrs she turned around and tried to convince me she was not an alcoholic and never had been - had just decided to take the pledge for a few years...

    Just wanted you to be prepared though for your friends and family - did not mean to spin off this time. Be consistent and calm with them and firm. They may even try to convince you that you don't have a problem - but you know the truth.

    Really found your story here inspirational. You are one lucky guy - your OH really is one in a million.

    It still absolutely amazes me how much my sobriety threatens people and how uncomfortable it can make them feel!


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  • #42
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    stephen_n can we keep posts helpful for the OP and not go off topic asides with other posters please.


  • #43
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hello all, just checking in again.

    Will have been 4 weeks off the drink as of tomorrow. Have had a good week, was off work for the week. Had a tough day on Paddy's day, was in a situation where I was put under pressure by people to drink which was difficult for me, but got through it all the same. My moods have beena little down on certain days, inexplicably so, but I am slowly learning that as one wise man said recently at a meeting "there is a difference between feeling bad and tings actually being bad." Its ok for me to feel down every now again, its not the end of teh world and the feeling passes as quicly as it descends.

    Still getting great comfort and peace from attending meetings. My head is feels clear and I love waking up in the mornings with a clear head on weekends when normally Id have been crippled with hangovers.

    I am getting through this and this is the longest I've been without alcohol in literally years. Its still awkward making excuses not going to the pub and I've undoubtedly annoyed some people with the way I've withdrawn from my old social life. however they will get over it far quicker than I would if I drank again.

    Thanks for reading.


  • #44
    iguana
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,916 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    ihaveaproblem wrote: »
    My moods have beena little down on certain days, inexplicably so,

    I hope this helps but your mood being down isn't inexplicable. Alcohol withdrawal has subtle effects for a month or two after you quite drinking. Your body chemistry is still readjusting and you will have periods where you feel very low as your endorphins adjust. If you aren't taking it already I recommend getting a bottle of Vitamin B1/Thiamin tablets from a health shop/chemist and take one a day for the next few weeks/months, as that is known to help.

    If you find these low periods continuing for a long time or getting worse go see your GP and talk to him/her about it. They can refer you to your local health board alcohol treatment centre who have specially trained counsellors, psychiatrists and psychiatric nurses who can help you through any low points you experience.


  • #45
    littlefriend
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,900 ✭✭✭littlefriend


    ihaveaproblem wrote: »
    Hello all, just checking in again.

    Will have been 4 weeks off the drink as of tomorrow. Have had a good week, was off work for the week. Had a tough day on Paddy's day, was in a situation where I was put under pressure by people to drink which was difficult for me, but got through it all the same. My moods have beena little down on certain days, inexplicably so, but I am slowly learning that as one wise man said recently at a meeting "there is a difference between feeling bad and tings actually being bad." Its ok for me to feel down every now again, its not the end of teh world and the feeling passes as quicly as it descends.

    Still getting great comfort and peace from attending meetings. My head is feels clear and I love waking up in the mornings with a clear head on weekends when normally Id have been crippled with hangovers.

    I am getting through this and this is the longest I've been without alcohol in literally years. Its still awkward making excuses not going to the pub and I've undoubtedly annoyed some people with the way I've withdrawn from my old social life. however they will get over it far quicker than I would if I drank again.

    Thanks for reading.

    Really, really well done. Delighted for you and your partner.


  • #46
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    ihaveaproblem wrote: »
    ...and I've undoubtedly annoyed some people with the way I've withdrawn from my old social life.

    I suffered with some stress related health problems some time ago (during my fathers most active alcoholic years), and decided to quit drinking for a year, a few reasons really, wanted to see did it help the health problems, wanted to save some money, was disgusted by my fathers drinking etc..

    Anyway - whats relevant here is how other people reacted. Some people didnt want to know me if I wouldnt go drinking with them. It said a lot to me about who my friends were. I did have a shake up of friendships and realised that the ones who were annoyed were the heaviest drinkers and the ones who didnt like to see someone else get out of that rut cos it left a spotlight on them and their behaviour. So dont sweat it, your real friends will stick around. And you will make new ones if you take up different activities that dont centre around alcohol.


  • #47
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all, just checking in. Have made it to the 8 week sober. This is the longest I've gone without drinking in at least a decade and it feels good (Last time was probably a year in college when my drinking ironically enough caused me to make a balls of my exams and I had to study for repeats!)

    It certainly hasn't been an easy couple of months. Making such a fundamental change is always going to have an effect. I have a few questions for people who may have experience of this kind of thing if thats OK.

    Does getting sober change your persobality? I feel like I'm a much more serious person these days. I don't laugh much anymore, I don't have as much banter and craic with people these days, its just not in me at the moment. I can't remember the last time I had a good laugh oir did something slly for no reason.

    I'm also getting much more introverted. Depite knowing that I HAVE to keep talking and opening my mouth about how I feel especially with my partner I just find it so so hard to do so. Having ditched my normal social life(going to the pub at weekends) I've been retreating into my shell quite a bit. I spend hours on the net and on boards, it feels safe just to lock myself away in the house.

    I'm also a moody f*cker these days. I often wake up in a black humour and can't see anything positive in the day or have no desire to get off my arse and do things with myself. Its affecting my relationship with my partner, theres kind of a distance between us these days and our sex life has almost disappeared to nothing. People in work are also driving me f8cking mad these days, I just have no tolerance for people these days and even the smallest little things annoy me far more than they ever did or should.

    With regards the drinking itself I've been fine to be perfectly honest. I've had the odd hard day in work when I've had a bit of a thirst for a cold beer at 5.00 and I miss a glass of wine with dinner a good bit sometimes. But overall its been OK from that side of things. Its just these moods and the way I'm changing that concerns me most now.

    Anyone have any advice or could shed some light on this?

    Thanks for reading. Its good to be sober and I'm proud to have gotten this far. It helps a lot to post here and I must get back into the habit of doing it more.


  • #48
    josh3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭josh3


    its not easy trust me i know...nearly three months off the beer but its so much better for me.....i have bad days and they seem to last forever but they pass and this past week has been my most peaceful and best week to date...last saturday was my worst day since giving up drink......meetings are good for me,but i also have treatment done which gave me a great understanding of my personality...ican be all the things you mentioned in your post but i work on them and think before i speak...most of the time...best of luck in the future


  • #49
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Just wondering ihaveaproblem have you actually admitted to yourself that you're an alcoholic or are you viewing this as just a bit of a break from booze? I would advise you to go to an AA meeting. There's great hope in hearing other peoples stories from their recoveries and knowing you're not alone.

    On the bleakness...It might be that you were drinking as a way of escaping from a depression and perhaps without drink you now have no escape. I would say go to the doctor and tell them the story, I've been on an SSRI for a while and it really helps lift the fog that can seem to envelope life sometimes.

    Fair play for 8 weeks, mate! I hope you keep it up.


    edit: Just a quick note on you saying you're not able to 'have the craic' and all that. I read something from a former alcoholic that resonated with me that went along the lines of him drinking since he was 16 in most social situations and so never grew socially. Socially he was still 16 and I think this is a huge problem in Ireland today.

    edit again: Just saw you've been to AA before too. Are you still going?


  • #50
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Rojomcdojo wrote: »
    Just wondering ihaveaproblem have you actually admitted to yourself that you're an alcoholic or are you viewing this as just a bit of a break from booze? I would advise you to go to an AA meeting. There's great hope in hearing other peoples stories from their recoveries and knowing you're not alone.

    On the bleakness...It might be that you were drinking as a way of escaping from a depression and perhaps without drink you now have no escape. I would say go to the doctor and tell them the story, I've been on an SSRI for a while and it really helps lift the fog that can seem to envelope life sometimes.

    Fair play for 8 weeks, mate! I hope you keep it up.


    edit: Just a quick note on you saying you're not able to 'have the craic' and all that. I read something from a former alcoholic that resonated with me that went along the lines of him drinking since he was 16 in most social situations and so never grew socially. Socially he was still 16 and I think this is a huge problem in Ireland today.

    edit again: Just saw you've been to AA before too. Are you still going?

    Thanks for the reply. No I've absolutely admitted I'm an alcoholic. I have a regular set of meetings that I've been attending every week. like you I take great comfort in the stories I hear and the fact that they've been through similar things as myself. I've met some really sound people there who have been a great help to me.

    Excuse my ignorance but whats SSRI? I have been considering going to talk to someone all right as there are definitely underlying issues to why I drank like I did and with a clearer head I have to face up to them now.

    Your point about being socially immature is a very good one. I undoubtedly drank to cover up awkwardness, shyness, anxiety in social situations, a feeling of not belonging so to speak.

    Thanks again for taking the time to post.


  • #51
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,490 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    ihaveaproblem wrote: »
    Excuse my ignorance but whats SSRI?
    Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor - a type of anti-depressant.


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