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I love her

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  • 05-07-2020 10:58pm
    #1
    Adam 76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9 ✭


    I apologise in advance as the issues just seem to keep going with me and my relationship. Just found out my girlfriend is pregnant and I’m worried it may not be mine. I caught her kissing a guy and she denied it even after me seeing it right in front of me. It looked like she was on a date they were holding hands and they kissed. Was in the park. She didn’t see me. So if she’s lying about a fact maybe she did more behind my back... I asked her for DNA test and she refuses and says I should trust her and if I ask again we’re done :(


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    #2
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,932 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    OP, if you saw your girlfriend kissing another guy and looking like they were on a date, would you not consider yourself about whether the relationship is the right one for you?

    Your last thread concerned messages you found on Facebook, and now you've seen her kiss someone else? Is the relationship not on rocky ground already?


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    #3
    Adam 76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9 ✭Adam 76


    Hi Hannibal, I guess it is rocky at the moment but i don’t want to just quit. It’s so hard for me to keep a girl interested so holding on and trying. I have always been so nice to her and don’t deserve the way she’s being I’m a good looking lad who treats her like a queen. She never pays for anything she’s spoilt by me. I just want to be loved and not cheated on anymore
    Also to point out she is so beautiful and I know I couldn’t do any better than her and I’m madly in love with her, just wish she felt the same. I’ve never looked at another girl and never use porn or anything


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Run... don’t walk.


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    #5
    SouthWesterly
    Registered Users Posts: 6,456 ✭✭✭SouthWesterly


    Adam 76 wrote: »
    Hi Hannibal, I guess it is rocky at the moment but i don’t want to just quit. It’s so hard for me to keep a girl interested so holding on and trying. I have always been so nice to her and don’t deserve the way she’s being I’m a good looking lad who treats her like a queen. She never pays for anything she’s spoilt by me. I just want to be loved and not cheated on anymore
    Also to point out she is so beautiful and I know I couldn’t do any better than her and I’m madly in love with her, just wish she felt the same. I’ve never looked at another girl and never use porn or anything

    You could do better than her. Someone who won't cheat on you is a good start.

    Walk away and respect yourself.


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    #6
    Tork
    Registered Users Posts: 3,261 ✭✭✭Tork


    Adam, in your previous threads you were told that your behaviour towards women is contributing towards your problems with them. Unfortunately, this may come back to bite you in a life-changing way. Your girlfriend has no respect for you and knows that by lying to you, that she can fend your questions off., You're like a needy puppy dog and this behaviour and mind-set could lead you into raising another man's child. It's possible that even your girlfriend isn't sure who the father of her child is. But seeing as you're so desperate to hold onto her and would do anything for her, you're exactly the sort of shmuck who'll raise another man's child. A DNA test is going to have to happen at some point.


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    #7
    Adam 76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9 ✭Adam 76


    While i am being offended by some posters and called needy, I appreciate people giving honest opinions because let’s face it nobody will say this to my face in my real life. They all tell me I’m too good for her and she’s the bad guy.
    She is a hypocrite because she said to me long ago if she was a man she wud get a DNA test for her children even if the woman was so honest because she would just have to know. And now she’s refusing me the same courtesy.
    It’s like I’m more attracted to her because so many guys want her. She’s so pretty and I guess it’s hArd for pretty girls with all the Male attention. She must see some of my goodness to pick me as her boyfriend.


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    #8
    cannotlogin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭cannotlogin


    Adam 76 wrote: »
    she is so beautiful and I know I couldn’t do any better than her

    She's not beautiful - she might be attractive physically but she's got a very ugly side to her whether you want to acknowledge it or not.

    You can't trust her.
    She cheats on you.
    She even does this in front of you.
    She lies to you.
    She has no respect for you.
    She pays for nothing & contributes nothing to the relationship.
    She refuses a DNA test.
    What else does she need to do before you realise you deserve better?
    By allowing her get away with the above, she realises the can get away with anything & there are no consequences.

    In terms of not being able to do any better, I'd be shocked if you couldn't given the bar is so low. 99% of women would treat you better.


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    #9
    cannotlogin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭cannotlogin


    Adam 76 wrote: »
    She must see some of my goodness to pick me as her boyfriend.

    You pay for everything. Are you sure she isn't using you as a meal ticket? I'm not saying this to be cruel but just consider if for a second. It's often very hard to see something for what it is when you are so close to it or when you are being used by a manipulator.

    Listen to friends and family..they only wanted the best for you.


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    #10
    Ikozma
    Registered Users Posts: 1,044 ✭✭✭Ikozma


    You say you know you can't do any better then her, God love ya lad can you hear yourself, it's not all about looks you know, dump her ass quick and go find yourself a girl who will show you a bit of respect, she obviously doesn't give a **** about you


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    #11
    Adam 76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9 ✭Adam 76


    Ikozma wrote: »
    You say you know you can't do any better then her, God love ya lad can you hear yourself, it's not all about looks you know, dump her ass quick and go find yourself a girl who will show you a bit of respect, she obviously doesn't give a **** about you

    I know but my friends are good people. For girlfriends there needs to be good looks ..


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    #12
    cannotlogin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭cannotlogin


    OP, the PM you sent me is inappropriate.

    Or else you are just trolling the site.

    Either way, this isn't what the site is for.


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    #13
    Tork
    Registered Users Posts: 3,261 ✭✭✭Tork


    I'm sorry if you're being offended by being called needy but that's exactly how you're coming across to me. A man who's so desperate to have a girlfriend, he has thrown all his self-respect out the window. Even your wording "to pick me as her boyfriend" sounds like you're grateful that she deigned to go out with her. Given that she made that DNA comment, it wouldn't surprise me if she has been riding all round her since you got together and she has been using you. The people in your life aren't saying you're too good for her for no reason. They've told you this because they are worried about you. In my experience, people generally refrain from commenting on their family/friends' relationships unless they are genuinely worried. It looks like you're the only person in denial here.

    Hopefully you aren't the father of this woman's child. If you are, you can still co-parent while split up. Of course, this isn't going to happen. You're going to stay with her and live with the nagging doubts about the paternity of this child.


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    #14
    Adam 76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9 ✭Adam 76


    cannotlogin wrote: »
    She's not beautiful - she might be attractive physically but she's got a very ugly side to her whether you want to acknowledge it or not.

    You can't trust her.
    She cheats on you.
    She even does this in front of you.
    She lies to you.
    She has no respect for you.
    She pays for nothing & contributes nothing to the relationship.
    She refuses a DNA test.
    What else does she need to do before you realise you deserve better?
    By allowing her get away with the above, she realises the can get away with anything & there are no consequences.

    In terms of not being able to do any better, I'd be shocked if you couldn't given the bar is so low. 99% of women would treat you better.

    I can’t argue with what you’ve said. it’s true she does have these ugly sides to her. She is outwardly beautiful is what I meant. People ask me “man where did u meet her? She’s so hot! Ur so lucky man” I hear it all the time and I know I’m lucky, but I’m unlucky at the same time because I’m not happy with her treating me badly.
    What you said is correct- she doesn’t give me anything just says I love u all the time but her actions don’t match


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    #15
    Dog day
    Registered Users Posts: 190 ✭✭Dog day


    Adam, looks fade, character stays.

    This girl is treating you dreadfully. Why on earth would you stay with an untrustworthy liar? Surely you must know yourself that this relationship is going nowhere fast?!

    Confront her again regarding the cheating, don’t accept her blatant denials & absolutely demand a DNA test for the sake of yourself & the child (whomever the Father may be). Also it goes without saying that you should exit this relationship immediately.


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    #16
    Ella281
    Closed Accounts Posts: 100 ✭✭Ella281


    Ikozma wrote: »
    You say you know you can't do any better then her, God love ya lad can you hear yourself, it's not all about looks you know, dump her ass quick and go find yourself a girl who will show you a bit of respect, she obviously doesn't give a **** about you

    If she loved you and wanted to be with you, she wouldn’t be kissing or dating another fella because she would want to be with you.
    Simple.

    Why do you dislike yourself so much? You deserve more. You can do better.

    Break up. Move on.

    I’d rather be on my own and single than letting someone walk all over me like that.

    You have one life! Good luck OP x


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    #17
    Adam 76
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9 ✭Adam 76


    Thanks everyone. I do deserve better. Just to clarify I’m not paranoid- I amnt asking for a DNA test just because I saw her kissing another guy. I’m asking because I have no idea how she got pregnant so easily. I’m careful and we’ve always practiced safe sex... that’s what got me suspicious...


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    #18
    Iodine1
    Registered Users Posts: 377 ✭✭Iodine1


    She sees you as a reliable source of funds, and goes else where for fun and games. Her threat to you that it's over if you look for the Dna test shows she knows she has you on a lead. Also she knows it's not yours. Marry her and it will be exactly the same after. You'll be fairly tired of her good looks then. Get out now while you can and look for someone who deserves you.


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    #19
    cj maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,359 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx


    Adam if you're named on the birth cert as the father you don't need her permission for a peace of mind dna test. It's not legally binding but it will give you an answer on which you can make your next decision.
    However from what you've said you're only letting yourself in for more heartbreak by staying with her to be her crutch during the next 9 months.
    If you think breaking up now is hard image with a child you've loved for 9+ months.


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    #20
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    Adam 76 wrote: »
    While i am being offended by some posters and called needy, I appreciate people giving honest opinions because let’s face it nobody will say this to my face in my real life. They all tell me I’m too good for her and she’s the bad guy.
    She is a hypocrite because she said to me long ago if she was a man she wud get a DNA test for her children even if the woman was so honest because she would just have to know. And now she’s refusing me the same courtesy.
    It’s like I’m more attracted to her because so many guys want her. She’s so pretty and I guess it’s hArd for pretty girls with all the Male attention. She must see some of my goodness to pick me as her boyfriend.

    That is a serious red flag there.


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    #21
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Trolling standards are low these days. Mods must be busy I guess.


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    #22
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Adam 76 wrote: »
    Hi Hannibal, I guess it is rocky at the moment but i don’t want to just quit. It’s so hard for me to keep a girl interested so holding on and trying. I have always been so nice to her and don’t deserve the way she’s being I’m a good looking lad who treats her like a queen. She never pays for anything she’s spoilt by me. I just want to be loved and not cheated on anymore
    Also to point out she is so beautiful and I know I couldn’t do any better than her and I’m madly in love with her, just wish she felt the same. I’ve never looked at another girl and never use porn or anything

    Adam you cant control someone elses behaviour, no matter how nice you are to them or what you do for them, you cant change someone. The only person you can control in this situation is yourself. She will continue to cheat on you regardless of what you do or dont do and will no doubt meet someone new and drop you without a second thought.
    Going by what youve written here it sounds like you are more in love with how she looks than her personality. If she wasnt so attractive would you still have the same feelings for her? Would you put up with half of the drama you are putting up with?
    She is using you as like you said, you treat her like a queen, she is getting everything paid for and can do what she wants as she knows you will never leave her. You have her on a pedestal and she has no respect for you and it's clear you dont even respect yourself.

    It's just unfortunate that it's gotten to this stage where she is pregnant as she will bleed you dry for the next 18 years.

    Id suggest you get some decent counselling to work on your self esteem.


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    #23
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,932 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Closed pending Mod review


This discussion has been closed.
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