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Should I reach out?

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  • 05-07-2020 8:14am
    #1
    Ella281
    Closed Accounts Posts: 100 ✭✭


    Hi all,

    I had a date 2 weeks ago with a man I thought I clicked with. We met on the apps. He was quite full on with his texting before we met and he planned the date.
    We were perfect on paper and seemed to get on well, though awkward towards the end (the goodbye) but it was nothing crazy. But overall, I would of thought we would see eachother again.
    After the date, he replied and also thanked me for a lovely date but never commented on seeing me again and his texts completely stopped dead! As in, I never heard from him again after the complimentary text.

    I have no idea what happened and I stopped texting too to save face so it was almost an amicable ghosting. However, I wanted to see him again and he was exactly what I was looking for!
    I know he is very busy at work. But so am I and that hasn’t stopped me thinking of him.

    Should I just text him? Or should I leave it?

    Is the full on texting a tactic being used on the apps by men to get women out on the date? This is not the first time this has happened to me!
    But I feel either way, I would of heard from him by now.

    I know you wouldn’t forget someone you fancied.


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    #2
    ExMachina1000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭ExMachina1000


    Ella281 wrote: »
    Hi all,

    I had a date 2 weeks ago with a man I thought I clicked with. We met on the apps. He was quite full on with his texting before we met and he planned the date.
    We were perfect on paper and seemed to get on well, though awkward towards the end (the goodbye) but it was nothing crazy. But overall, I would of thought we would see eachother again.
    After the date, he replied and also thanked me for a lovely date but never commented on seeing me again and his texts completely stopped dead! As in, I never heard from him again after the complimentary text.

    I have no idea what happened and I stopped texting too to save face so it was almost an amicable ghosting. However, I wanted to see him again and he was exactly what I was looking for!
    I know he is very busy at work. But so am I and that hasn’t stopped me thinking of him.

    Should I just text him? Or should I leave it?

    Is the full on texting a tactic being used on the apps by men to get women out on the date? This is not the first time this has happened to me!
    But I feel either way, I would of heard from him by now.

    I know you wouldn’t forget someone you fancied.

    Yes reach out. Send a message. Its been 2 weeks. Worst he can say is not interested.


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    #3
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    I'd say text too because you've got nothing to lose and it might give you some info/closure that you can use to learn going forward, which is all we're doing dating anyway until we meet the right person. But do so knowing that your instinct is likely dead on about him not just forgetting to text someone he was mad about. And still keep that part in mind even if he does a U-turn and acts all interested again too. Some people can take a text like that as a greenlight to just use someone who's over-eager.


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    #4
    Dog day
    Registered Users Posts: 190 ✭✭Dog day


    Hi Ella, if you do text him be prepared for him to perhaps not respond. Try to measure if you’d feel better just leaving it rather than risking an ignored text. The harsh truth is that if someone is really interested in you they’ll want to keep in contact & follow up for another date.

    If you do decide to contact him & he does respond try to just take it slowly & not over invest too early. Easier said than done I know but just try to tread carefully. Good luck!


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    #5
    Tork
    Registered Users Posts: 3,274 ✭✭✭Tork


    It's likely he isn't interested. Being busy at work is one of the oldest clichés in the book and doesn't explain his silence after you met up in person. He didn't have any trouble finding the time to text you before this, busy and all as his job might be. Nobody is ever too busy to take a few moments to send a text during the day. It only becomes an insurmountable problem when you're looking for an excuse for why you're not texting somebody or vice versa.

    The only reason why he might not have texted again is if he thought you didn't fancy him and that this awkwardness at the end of the date was an indication of it. That's a bit of a long shot though.


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    #6
    Deeper Blue
    Registered Users Posts: 7,593 ✭✭✭Deeper Blue


    Hi OP,

    I think if he was interested he would have texted at some stage in the last 2 weeks. Probably the next day if he was as into you as you were into him.

    Although in saying that there's no harm in sending a text. But I wouldn't get your hopes up.

    Best of luck


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    #7
    NewMan1982
    Closed Accounts Posts: 568 ✭✭✭NewMan1982


    He’s not interested. Regarding the “tactics” it works both ways. Plenty of women I’ve dated have been full on texting then nothing after the date.

    There’s an illusion of too much options on those apps. By the time he got home he had probably matched with what he thought was a better option. Met her for a date then he got ghosted. Rinse and repeat.


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    #8
    Ella281
    Closed Accounts Posts: 100 ✭✭Ella281


    Hey guys, thanks for commenting.
    Tbh, I knew that he had completely changed through the last text. It was very polite and no mention of doing it again like I had said.
    Very disappointing as we seemed to be like minded with similar views.
    He was very full on and forward with the texting before we met and I did suspect he was quite seasoned at the online dating.
    Plus It felt like a job interview at times and that’s all he honed in on as if that was the only reason he asked me out and that in itself is hurtful. Like I’d been profiled but the hopeless romantic in me thought I might be wrong.
    NewMan1982 wrote: »

    There’s an illusion of too much options on those apps. By the time he got home he had probably matched with what he thought was a better option. Met her for a date then he got ghosted. Rinse and repeat.

    I was worried I didn’t show I was interested enough and over the last few days I was thinking of him..
    We didn’t hug or kiss but i didn’t think that was a big deal? Is it??
    Surely my flirting and agreement to date again was enough to convey my interest?

    As said above, his approach was very seasoned and full on before we met so I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case...
    But I struggle to see how anyone is going to be happy when they carry on like that....


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    #9
    NewMan1982
    Closed Accounts Posts: 568 ✭✭✭NewMan1982


    Ella281 wrote: »
    Hey guys, thanks for commenting.
    Tbh, I knew that he had completely changed through the last text. It was very polite and no mention of doing it again like I had said.
    Very disappointing as we seemed to be like minded with similar views.
    He was very full on and forward with the texting before we met and I did suspect he was quite seasoned at the online dating.
    Plus It felt like a job interview at times and that’s all he honed in on as if that was the only reason he asked me out and that in itself is hurtful. Like I’d been profiled but the hopeless romantic in me thought I might be wrong.



    I was worried I didn’t show I was interested enough and over the last few days I was thinking of him..
    We didn’t hug or kiss but i didn’t think that was a big deal? Is it??
    Surely my flirting and agreement to date again was enough to convey my interest?

    As said above, his approach was very seasoned and full on before we met so I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case...
    But I struggle to see how anyone is going to be happy when they carry on like that....

    That’s online dating. Try not to take it personally.
    I go through phases of liking it and not liking it.


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    #10
    Dog day
    Registered Users Posts: 190 ✭✭Dog day


    Looking at your further update Ella I’d now absolutely advise against texting him.

    Sorry this one didn’t work out for you. Keep the faith & as I said before try to tread carefully with online dating. Don’t over invest early on & focus on yourself & your needs initially instead of concentrating on what potential dates may think of you. Best of luck!


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    #11
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    I wouldnt advise texting him, if he was interested you'd know and texting him wont change his mind. It's disappointing but in a few weeks you'll be over that feeling and will have moved on from the situation. Better off moving on from it now instead of holding out for false hope by texting him.


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    #12
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 13,049 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Hi Ella.

    Based on your last update, why would you even want to see him again?
    If you felt like you were at a job interview, then that's hardly a good sign for date 2.
    Theres some old saying about if a man is genuine about you, all you'll feel is excitement and happiness and if he's not all you'll feel is confusion.
    Sorry to say that it sounds like he just wasn't that into you upon meeting you in person and that's absolutely fine.
    You'll find your Prince, don't settle for the toad.
    I wouldn't bother texting him.

    To thine own self be true



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    #13
    Koolguy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭Koolguy


    He was texting full on then went dead

    I'd drop him

    What's the need anyhow for all that texting before a date


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    #14
    Ella281
    Closed Accounts Posts: 100 ✭✭Ella281


    Koolguy wrote: »
    He was texting full on then went dead

    I'd drop him

    What's the need anyhow for all that texting before a date

    I have no idea.
    Not much of a texter myself. I don’t have the time to sit around and write paragraphs of my life story on WhatsApp but I do send a sentence or two to people.
    This man isn’t the first to bombard me with paragraphs of texts etc before meeting.
    I hate it! It gives the game away before you meet and I prefer to save material for the first date.

    There’s quite a few of these men on the apps and it’s such a turn off.


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    #15
    Koolguy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭Koolguy


    There's nothing attractive about walls of text

    I wouldn't even meet someone that did that


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    #16
    Ella281
    Closed Accounts Posts: 100 ✭✭Ella281


    Koolguy wrote: »
    There's nothing attractive about walls of text

    I wouldn't even meet someone that did that

    I’m starting to see that now the more lads I date.
    Its such a turn off and I always do get a bad feeling when I see a lad starting that. I just think what kinda person is texting a virtual stranger their personal business and life story. It’s a bit mad like.....


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    #17
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Ella281 wrote: »
    I have no idea.
    Not much of a texter myself. I don’t have the time to sit around and write paragraphs of my life story on WhatsApp but I do send a sentence or two to people.
    This man isn’t the first to bombard me with paragraphs of texts etc before meeting.
    I hate it! It gives the game away before you meet and I prefer to save material for the first date.

    There’s quite a few of these men on the apps and it’s such a turn off.

    Ive learned my lesson from dating numerous men who text non stop and reveal far too much about themselves too early on, generally it's a red flag. You dodged a bullet.


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    #18
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    Purple Mountain wrote: »
    Theres some old saying about if a man is genuine about you, all you'll feel is excitement and happiness and if he's not all you'll feel is confusion.

    Wow, that's a good line, and I must say it rings true for me (even as a man, regarding women).


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    #19
    lab man
    Registered Users Posts: 1,830 ✭✭✭lab man


    J Mysterio wrote: »
    Wow, that's a good line, and I must say it rings true for me (even as a man, regarding women).

    Same can be said about a woman tbh


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    #20
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 13,049 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    J Mysterio wrote: »
    Wow, that's a good line, and I must say it rings true for me (even as a man, regarding women).

    It's put more eloquently than that but I forget the exact quote.

    OP, start anew tomorrow, forget this one :(

    To thine own self be true



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    #21
    Ella281
    Closed Accounts Posts: 100 ✭✭Ella281


    Purple Mountain wrote: »
    It's put more eloquently than that but I forget the exact quote.

    OP, start anew tomorrow, forget this one :(

    I know!
    I knew myself but hoped I was wrong!
    Also I do wonder do I get my interest across but I do respond positively, engage and flirt. So I’ve done enough in my eyes. Turned up, was pleasant, fun and engaging. Politely thanked them at the end and through follow up text with a we should do it again sometime.
    That’s enough from my end.

    You don’t forget to text someone you’re mad into. A text takes 30 seconds out of the day. Even just to check in within the last few weeks etc so.. I have my answer!


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    #22
    Ella281
    Closed Accounts Posts: 100 ✭✭Ella281


    Tork wrote: »
    The only reason why he might not have texted again is if he thought you didn't fancy him and that this awkwardness at the end of the date was an indication of it. That's a bit of a long shot though.

    I’m gonna let this fella off.
    But this is one thing I’ve thought about. Am I getting my interested across to men..
    Is it enough to be engaging, fun and little flirty. Is this enough for the light bulb to go off in their heads ?
    The awkwardness at the end was the parting. And towards the end when he was finishing the date aka he has paper work to do that wasn’t due (I mean, running home to do paperwork than extend the date with a woman after weeks of lockdown....that was my neon sign really but I always hope I’m wrong)
    We parted awkwardly. You could fit a car between us and he didn’t try to hug me, nor I him. Never mind kiss.
    Anyway, I’m not bothered specifically about him anymore.
    That’s the only concern I have while I’m dating in general. That I’m not getting my interest across is all.


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    #23
    NewMan1982
    Closed Accounts Posts: 568 ✭✭✭NewMan1982


    If his texts are that long then maybe he’s still typing it :)

    Just be yourself. No point in being anything other than that.

    I’m on those apps two years and I’ve had non stop first dates only. A handful went to date 3.


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    #24
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    Ella281 wrote: »
    That’s the only concern I have while I’m dating in general. That I’m not getting my interest across is all.

    In your example, you showed interest in the person, you flirted with them, and you followed up afterward. Obviously I can't be certain as I haven't directly observed you doing this, but for me this would seem to indicate you have shown interest. The right guy will return this interest in spades, and you won't be left wondering.

    Per the above quote, if it's right between you, you will be happy and excited, if not, you will be confused.

    Dust yourself down, put your chin up and move forward.


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