Decent book on discipline tricks

Macdarack · 09-11-2020 9:37am #1

Hi everyone, I'm looking for a book to stop me from losing my s**** with the kids
I see a future of shouting and roaring and I don't want it.
I want a book with clever effective tips for a peaceful household, nothing too flakey.
Thanks.

shesty · 09-11-2020 11:57am

I was given one called "Beyond toddlerdom".
I feel it is an older book, but it is quite decent.

nikpmup · 09-11-2020 1:56pm

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read by Phillipa Perry is very good

shesty · 09-11-2020 8:36pm

I should add....I don't know how old your kids are but I find Janet Lansbury's advice very helpful too.Especially for younger kids.Her Facebook page is quite good as the articles pop up there quite a bit.

https://www.janetlansbury.com/

fits · 09-11-2020 8:39pm

shesty wrote: »

I should add....I don't know how old your kids are but I find Janet Lansbury's advice very helpful too.Especially for younger kids.Her Facebook page is quite good as the articles pop up there quite a bit.

https://www.janetlansbury.com/

Hmmm some is ok but I don’t agree with some of what she posts too

I have the Sarah hockwell smith gentle parenting book but haven’t read much of it in a while. I suppose we are getting on ok at the moment.

shesty · 10-11-2020 11:32am

Yes...it definitely depends on how old your kids are.As they get bigger, I am not sure how helpful her methods are unless you been successfully implementing them all along.

I also think she should emphasise a bit more that it is gentle parenting she is aiming for but it doesn't mean you don't hold the boundary, or say no, or allow them do anything they want.She tends to gloss over the bits where she says although you are listening to the child, you still aren't changing the rule or letting them away with something. I think some people could read it as have a long-winded conversation with the child about whether they get in their car seat on time (or whatever), rather than listening but still ensuring they get in when they are told.

As they are bigger and can answer back, there is a lot less space for negotiating and conversing with them.Takes too long and you want them to do as you ask when you ask it, not 30 minutes later :-)

farmchoice · 10-11-2020 1:03pm

i have tried every approach under the sun.

in the end i settled for making ridiculously savage threats followed up by sketchy implementation. i think this works for any age from about 2 and half up until they are big enough to actually fight you, thankfully I'm not there yet.
for example i might say ''if you dont stop kicking that couch i'm going to hang you from the rafters by your fingers until the your arms dislocate''.

then when they roar back ''what the fu*k are rafters?' ill reply ''Oh you'll know all about rafters soon because i'm going to lock you up in the attic for being suck a noisy little pri*ck!!''

the secret is to be consistent, and it really works, my children are extremely well behaved, you do need to imaginative with the threats though otherwise it gets stale. as they get older the level of violent imaginary and abusive foul language you can use increases which is helpful.

eviltwin · 10-11-2020 1:14pm

I’m going to approach this from a different way. I have two who could be very challenging and didn’t respond to what works for other parents as they have special needs. I found working on my own issues relating to anger helped. It might be worth looking at that as well as positive behaviour books

I found the How To Talk To Kids books very helpful especially the teen one!

fits · 10-11-2020 5:33pm

eviltwin wrote: »

I’m going to approach this from a different way. I have two who could be very challenging and didn’t respond to what works for other parents as they have special needs. I found working on my own issues relating to anger helped. It might be worth looking at that as well as positive behaviour books

Yes this is really important. Books don't help much with special needs. At all. I do find that when I am in bad form - things can be worse.

Loveinapril · 10-11-2020 6:08pm

I am a huge fan of the psychotherapist Joanna Fortune. She has books from 0-7, 8-12 and an adolescent one. She would definitely be on the side of gentle parenting as opposed to strict discipline. It gives advice on gentle but firm boundary setting. Often giving choice, like "do you want to wear your blue or red jacket?", which translates as "you're putting your coat on, pick which one". I love that it encourages respectful conversation and gives power to the child in that you offer them a choice and they get to decide what to do and if there is a consequence, there is a level of understanding that they made that happen. To echo what Eviltwin and Fits said, she will often advise you as a parent to check in with how you are feeling in the moment, are you triggered, tired, angry etc. She also recommends "tapping out" and getting the other parent to take over if you are feeling overly stressed. I definitely use this as sometimes I feel like I am starting to engage in a ridiculous power struggle with my three year old. Its like my inner child is arguing with my actual child. I just think her methods encourage more conscious parenting.

kerryjack · 12-11-2020 7:00pm

Parenting in 2020 is not easy Tic tok is driving my teenage kids daft, can't take phone off them as they need it for school
It's pure stupidity in my opinion and I am fair sick of it any know how to deal with it.

Loveinapril · 12-11-2020 7:07pm

kerryjack wrote: »

Parenting in 2020 is not easy Tic tok is driving my teenage kids daft, can't take phone off them as they need it for school
It's pure stupidity in my opinion and I am fair sick of it any know how to deal with it.

You can limit their time on it. Phones can be a privilege worked towards. You can ban use at meal times and restrict use in bedrooms depending on age. I also know parents who take the phones at bedtime which at a minimum is what I think all parents should be doing for school going teenagers.

Decent book on discipline tricks

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