Ever met someone with Aspergers?

TrustedApple wrote: »

Aspergers I meet a lot of people with it over the years.

A guy I went to college with had it and felt so sorry for him as he really had no social skills. Brains to burn as well. College eat him alive and it was quite sad to see.

I also went on a date a girl who had it, txt messages before we meet where grand and no issues talking to each other only did not get a few of my jokes (must people to ha). Meet her with in 20 mins I asked her do you have Aspergers? She said yes and to be far she was lovely girl and fantastic looking but huge social issues in person.

Then to myself as I have deslexa when I was last tested for it at 17 (leaving cert) they tought I fell heavily into haveing Aspergers. As explains my hate of socilness and not being very out going at the time and so on. Never fully got tested but when I went to college the learning disability dept said to me you don't have it as your to social, you keep a convo going and you are aware of doing things right or wrong.

But to this day I still thing I fall on it as I think very black and white when I work its wrong or its right and no in between and I have been told by a manger that I am a extramly boring person in meetings as its fact after fact and actions we can do to fix that fact and so on.

I have no idea if you have aspergers, asd or any other label they want to come up with. There is something I do know for sure though. Based on what you say those 'professionals' in your college told you, they have no fckng clue either.

I went to a prestigious college as a mature student. That was some eye opener. Never came across such a collection of incompetents and chancers in one place. It was a traumatic time for me, but it taught me an invaluable lesson. It disabused me of any last vestige of faith in people or the system. I saw clearly for the first time that no matter what problems I might have, I was wiser and more savvy than any of those chancers. From then onwards I knew I could only rely on myself and my own judgement.

Don't worry about a diagnosis. A label isn't going to help you. If you want to understand yourself do your own research. There may be things you can change about yourself, there are others you won't be able to. Make sure any changes you make are for the right reason. Know your limitations and your strengths. You are who you are.

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

But its not referring to physical disabilities. I have known quite a few people with ASD and they have all been cruel, manipulative and hateful, unless they wanted something, then they were sweet and friendly.
I didnt read anywhere in the article that its suggesting people with ASD are worse than murderers, just that sometimes people with ASD have such a lack of empathy that they can be abusive and very difficult to be around, im my own experience this is true. No ones allowed to talk about the pain or hurt theyve suffered at the hands of someone with ASD because it's a disability we're expected to get over the abuse or take it or make excuses for the abuser.
And im not saying that all people with ASD are like this, just like NT's can be hurtful and lack basic manners, everybody is different but there has been a common trait among the ASD's ive been close to.

Maybe the problem is you? I've been called those things very, very occasionally and each and every time, the comments have come from someone who was themselves extremely miserable, poorly adjusted and judgemental. They took things like a lack of eye contact as being untrustworthy and rude, flat voice as being sarcastic and needing to know in detail what was due to happen as character flaws rather than things that are part of a recognised disability. I always think it says more about the person judging you. They assume the worst of you in every situation because it's probably the way THEY would think and act. I remember one woman accusing me of being 'bitchy' to another girl in a class because I'd apparently 'given her the side eye'. I hadn't even noticed her!! I was busy thinking about an upcoming hospital appointment and the things I'd need to pack in my bag for it, and how to get there. My eyes go to the side when I'm thinking. It's a sign of a petty and judgemental mind to assume a woman is being nasty to another woman and it's unfortunately something female Aspies have to deal with a lot.

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Im not talking about eye contact or tone of voice and I wouldnt class either of those examples you gave as abusive. Im not judging, just giving my own experience and what im referring to is a compete lack of respect for other peoples boundaries and feelings, that said there NT's who can also be abusive, disrespectful and rude, im in no way saying that all people on the spectrum are abusive or difficult to be around, in my experience I have been involved with people who I knew to be ASD and where abusive. Im sorry to hear you where judged for having difficulty with eye contact, that sounds challenging for you to cope with but its not what I was referring too.

I'm not denying that some Aspies can be very challenging. I'm sure someone will complain that I'm stereotyping, but I think it might be fair to say that men can come across as having less empathy and being ruder because women are forced to act 'feminine' from a young age (which means learning how to do small talk, smiling more, appearing thoughtful). One of my best friends dated a guy with Aspergers and it was very challenging for her because he just came across as so callous. She stuck with it for five years because she loved him, but it was tiring in the end dealing with what seemed like a total lack of thoughtfulness and affection. He did love her but he just couldn't show it. His comments often came across as rude and mean (criticising her haircut or her clothes). I did feel sorry for him when she left him but I also think he was responsible for learning some social skills like the rest of us had to.

One of my best friends has aspergers. He is a kind soul with a heart of gold but can be very hard to listen to at times and can often rant uninterrupted about various topics until you steer the conversation back again. But a hugely intelligent guy who fascinate with his knowledge on a wide range of topics, particularly technology and IT which i find interesting. He definitely can rub people up the wrong way and appear arrogant but the more Ive gotten to know him he's not like that at all.

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Social ques are largely intuitive for nt's, but are not to aspies, this becomes a cognitive exercise for aspies, which becomes draining after some time, which leads to what clinical psychologist Tony attwood calls 'social migrane', it's very draining, it happens to me on a daily basis, it basically means at the end of the day I'm completely exhausted from socialising and require complete quietness and solitude to recover

I know. I have it myself. But it's not an excuse for being rude to people. I had to learn (and it took a long time) what my limits were. If I feel myself getting cranky and irritated, I remove myself from the situation, and if people want to get offended by my departure, fine. I've had meltdowns and tears in the past from being forced to stay out long past when I'd had enough. NTs never understand just what they're asking us to do.