Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

Deebles McBeebles · 03-02-2020 3:21pm

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

- having crap taste in music, films, TV shows etc. (subjective, I know but I know what my parameters are)

Thats a big one actually. Well, TV and films I could get over but music would be a big deal.

No interest in listening to whatever Ariana Grande's writers have just shat out. I'll watch the videos though. Compromise :cool:

perrito caliente · 03-02-2020 3:26pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

Well risking the toilet paper being unravelled all over the place rather than kept on a tight leash? Sorry C, you're too much of a loose canon.

Do you mean you pull the paper from the side nearest the wall? You spool up from the far side of the spinner? Tres bizarre mon cheri!

creditcarder · 03-02-2020 6:01pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

Any woman that wore a repeal the 8th t shirt.

Hmmm, kind of a mixed bag. Could be liberal in the bedroom, or lies down like a sack of patriarchy.

Floppybits · 04-02-2020 11:04am

creditcarder wrote: »

Hmmm, kind of a mixed bag. Could be liberal in the bedroom, or lies down like a sack of patriarchy.

Or could be crazy as a bag of badgers, Is the gamble worth it?

amadangomor · 04-02-2020 11:10am

pgj2015 wrote: »

Any woman that wore a repeal the 8th t shirt.

Wouldn't mind this as such as they are standing up for their principles.

At the time there seemed to be a certain subset of pro abortion supporters who would rabidly attack anyone who was on the other side. Not respecting someones opinion on such a complex matter is a real turn off.

KiKi III · 04-02-2020 11:12am

amadangomor wrote: »

Wouldn't mind this as such as they are standing up for their principles.

At the time there seemed to be a certain subset of pro abortion supporters who would rabidly attack anyone who was on the other side. Not respecting someones opinion on such a complex matter is a real turn off.

I agree with you, but I do feel compelled to point out it was the other side with the extremely graphic imagery on their posters and were equally if not more inclined to indulge in rabid attacks.

Raconteuse · 04-02-2020 11:18am

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I was 11, no excuses when it comes to Paul McGrath!!!

Oh I love him. One of Arsenal's best, and Cardiff's favourite son!

Raconteuse · 04-02-2020 11:19am

perrito caliente wrote: »

Do you mean you pull the paper from the side nearest the wall? You spool up from the far side of the spinner? Tres bizarre mon cheri!

Yeah, the outer part of the toilet roll is safely tucked in against the wall, preventing unravelling and ruination!

KiKi III · 04-02-2020 11:21am

Raconteuse wrote: »

Oh I love him. One of Arsenal's best, and Cardiff's favourite son!

Get a room you guyys

Earthhorse · 04-02-2020 11:21am

Raconteuse wrote: »

Yeah, the outer part of the toilet roll is safely tucked in against the wall, preventing unravelling and ruination!

Is this an issue you encounter with toilet roll frequently?

Higgins5473 · 04-02-2020 11:25am

pgj2015 wrote: »

Any woman that wore a repeal the 8th t shirt.

You could go one worse than that, any woman that is still wearing Repeal the 8th t-shirts. They are out there, saw one recently, huge vile creature in Super Valu in her pyjamas bottoms also. Ironically I don't think she will ever need to avail of the service.

Deebles McBeebles · 04-02-2020 11:32am

Raconteuse wrote: »

Oh I love him. One of Arsenal's best, and Cardiff's favourite son!

:eek::eek::eek:

We can never be lovers! :pac:

Raconteuse · 04-02-2020 11:36am

Earthhorse wrote: »

Is this an issue you encounter with toilet roll frequently?

It certainly isn't, thanks to my trusty wall!

EmmetSpiceland · 04-02-2020 11:43am

Raconteuse wrote: »

It certainly isn't, thanks to my trusty wall!

If you see the roll fixed the proper way, paper out, do you “rearrange” it?

I’ll be honest with you and say that if I see it done your way I “correct” the mistake and put it right.

Username here · 04-02-2020 11:53am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

If you see the roll fixed the proper way, paper out, do you “rearrange” it?

Back to deal breakers - inappropriate use of double quotes would be right up there. If I saw this nonsense coming through in text messages, I'd find it hard to stick around.

Do you use your fingers to make air quotes in real life, or are you only trying to torture people online?

partyguinness · 04-02-2020 11:55am

Around 2006/2007 I went on a string of dates from an online dating site. TBH I wasn't that serious and just a bit of a laugh.

Smoking is an absolute no. Not many crazy dates. Just the following come to mind:-

1. The Polish girl who clearly was not the same as her photo. I mean it was not her. Went for dinner and she sat next to me rather than across- basically hoping I would not see her head on.

She was a psycho. Spent the whole time telling me about how she fcuked over the father of her daughter (which she had kept quiet), dragged him through the courts on countless occasions and generally made the guy's life hell.

I ordered and drank 2 bottles of red wine that night by myself to get through it.

2. The secondary school teacher who lived with her mother and sister and was clearly in a competition with her sister to move out of the house the quickest. Father was dead and I think each did not want to be guilted into staying at home with mother.

3. Oh yeah the girl who asked me to move in with her the first time we met. She was still living with her ex who was now in a relationship. Awkward. So basically asking me to move would be the perfect revenge. Never contacted her again.

optogirl · 04-02-2020 12:00pm

Username here wrote: »

Back to deal breakers - inappropriate use of double quotes would be right up there. If I saw this nonsense coming through in text messages, I'd find it hard to stick around.

Do you use your fingers to make air quotes in real life, or are you only trying to torture people online?

The rogue apostrophe in this thread title is giving me itchy brain

Aisling(",) · 04-02-2020 12:18pm

I didn't think I had many till I read this thread.

I wouldn't want to go out with
- a smoker
- someone extremely religious (any religion)
- someone who is always broke and isn't sensible with money
- some with no ambition
- Heavy drinker and/or drug user
- a judgey vegetarian/vegan

partyguinness · 04-02-2020 12:25pm

Candie wrote: »

Ah, not all Leavers were morons or racists, though a fair few were misguided by lies.

Similarly not all Trump voters are bigots or fools - though most bigots and fools were Trump voters.

Nah...I can confirm they are indeed either morons or racists. Usually both and white. I have yet to meet a sensible well educated Brexit voter.

I live in a staunch Brexit voting ****hole for my terrible sins in a past life.

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 12:45pm

Doing the deed too soon is a deal-breaker as far as dating is concerned. Once that happens, it takes away any of the magic of flirting and wanting to learn more about the person as, ultimately, that is the climax of the first phase in becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. To skip the getting to know the person part of the dating phase and jumping into bed too early almost always killed my motivation to want to keep dating.

partyguinness · 04-02-2020 12:48pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

Doing the deed too soon is a deal-breaker as far as dating is concerned. Once that happens, it takes away any of the magic of flirting and wanting to learn more about the person as, ultimately, that is the climax of the first phase in becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. To skip the getting to know the person part of the dating phase and jumping into bed too early almost always killed my motivation to want to keep dating.

It takes two to tango.

So we are clear on this. Would you sleep with the person on the first date and then write the person off as a long term prospect?

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 12:49pm

partyguinness wrote: »

It takes two to tango.

So we are clear on this. Would you sleep with the person on the first date and then write the person off as a long term prospect?

Well, yeah.

partyguinness · 04-02-2020 12:52pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

Well, yeah.

Ok cool Mr "I'm the biggest most shallow hypocrite in the world" Assetbacked..:D

Loafing Oaf · 04-02-2020 12:53pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

Doing the deed too soon is a deal-breaker as far as dating is concerned. Once that happens, it takes away any of the magic of flirting and wanting to learn more about the person as, ultimately, that is the climax of the first phase in becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. To skip the getting to know the person part of the dating phase and jumping into bed too early almost always killed my motivation to want to keep dating.

So getting too turned on is a turn-off for you:p

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 12:56pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Ok cool Mr "I'm the biggest most shallow hypocrite in the world" Assetbacked..:D

I'm commenting from experience over the 13 years of dating, that they just tended to fizzle out when sleeping together too early. The three relationships I have had (6 years in total) all involved at least five dates before hopping into bed.

On the one hand, I'd jump into bed on the first date but at the same time I'd be thinking that my experience has taught me this may be the beginning of the end of dating this person. Unfortunately, the brain gets overridden in that situation.

optogirl · 04-02-2020 1:04pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

I'm commenting from experience over the 13 years of dating, that they just tended to fizzle out when sleeping together too early. The three relationships I have had (6 years in total) all involved at least five dates before hopping into bed.

On the one hand, I'd jump into bed on the first date but at the same time I'd be thinking that my experience has taught me this may be the beginning of the end of dating this person. Unfortunately, the brain gets overridden in that situation.

so you are judging the person you are sleeping with for sleeping with you too soon. Okay.

partyguinness · 04-02-2020 1:24pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

I'm commenting from experience over the 13 years of dating, that they just tended to fizzle out when sleeping together too early. The three relationships I have had (6 years in total) all involved at least five dates before hopping into bed.

On the one hand, I'd jump into bed on the first date but at the same time I'd be thinking that my experience has taught me this may be the beginning of the end of dating this person. Unfortunately, the brain gets overridden in that situation.

I mean you have an issue with someone else jumping into bed with you too soon but you have no problem doing it and not only that but you judge the person for it?

I get what you are saying about titillation etc but do you think perhaps the problem is you?

Feisar · 04-02-2020 1:28pm

I don't see any judgement! Just that a "phase" is glossed over.

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 1:30pm

partyguinness wrote: »

I mean you have an issue with someone else jumping into bed with you too soon but you have no problem doing it and not only that but you judge the person for it?

I get what you are saying about titillation etc but do you think perhaps the problem is you?

If someone is willing to throw it out so easily then clearly they also have a liberal attitude to sex whereby it doesn't have to lead to anything more. It can just be a bit of fun, an enjoyable and healthy culmination to the date with nothing further.

optogirl · 04-02-2020 1:32pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

If someone is willing to throw it out so easily then clearly they also have a liberal attitude to sex whereby it doesn't have to lead to anything more. It can just be a bit of fun, an enjoyable and healthy culmination to the date with nothing further.

Um, who is it they are sleeping with again? You have to be trolling. Also, aside from the mind boggling hypocrisy on display, do you prefer women with an illiberal attitude to sex?

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 1:35pm

optogirl wrote: »

Um, who is it they are sleeping with again? You have to be trolling. Also, aside from the mind boggling hypocrisy on display, do you prefer women with an illiberal attitude to sex?

If they think that it should lead to more then why not just wait a bit? Otherwise, I see it just as part of a date which didn't go well and you don't feel the spark with the person. It's just sex optogirl and a dealbreaker for further dating (not for further casual relations of course).

Loafing Oaf · 04-02-2020 1:35pm

partyguinness wrote: »

I mean you have an issue with someone else jumping into bed with you too soon but you have no problem doing it and not only that but you judge the person for it?

But if it's not a 'rational' judgement but an instinctive feeling what can Assetbacked do about it? La coeur a ses raisons and all that...

Stevieluvsye · 04-02-2020 1:38pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

If they think that it should lead to more then why not just wait a bit? Otherwise, I see it just as part of a date which didn't go well and you don't feel the spark with the person. It's just sex optogirl and a dealbreaker for further dating (not for further casual relations of course).

I'd probably put this thread to bed, oh wait

partyguinness · 04-02-2020 1:39pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

If someone is willing to throw it out so easily then clearly they also have a liberal attitude to sex whereby it doesn't have to lead to anything more. It can just be a bit of fun, an enjoyable and healthy culmination to the date with nothing further.

Oh I get the whole "Sure if she is sleeping with me so easily how many others has she slept with?"

In 2006/2007 I went on probably 9-10 online dates. It was no more than some fun and I had no expectations.

5-6 of the women were nymphos...just straight to bed. Met up with a few several times and some never contacted again. But all ultimately fizzled out...never going anywhere anyway then I met my now wife traveling. It was just a holiday fling over 2-3 weeks traveling and yes we did sleep together on the first night socializing together alone but we had been in each other's company for 3-4 days beforehand. If you add up the time we spent together in the previous 3-4 days it was lot more than 4-5 dates combined spread out over a few weeks/months.

We spent the next few weeks together it was just a casual laugh but 13 years later and two kids here we are...:o

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 1:40pm

I would've thought people have far more examples of guys sleeping with girls after one or two dates and not seeing each other after that then of sleeping together after one or two dates and it leading to a relationship. This isn't news.

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 1:43pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Oh I get the whole "Sure if she is sleeping with me so easily how many others has she slept with?"

In 2006/2007 I went on probably 9-10 online dates. It was no more than some fun and I had no expectations.

5-6 of the women were nymphos...just straight to bed. Met up with a few several times and some never contacted again. But all ultimately fizzled out...never going anywhere anyway then I met my now wife traveling. It was just a holiday fling over 2-3 weeks traveling and yes we did sleep together on the first night socializing together alone but we had been in each other's company for 3-4 days beforehand. If you add up the time we spent together in the previous 3-4 days it was lot more than 4-5 dates combined spread out over a few weeks/months.

We spent the next few weeks together it was just a casual laugh but 13 years later and two kids here we are...:o

That completely doesn't bother me at all. It would be very hypocritical for a guy to be easy and then judge a girl for it too. More experience is always better.

At last, someone else notices that it tended to be a date destroyer to sleep together too early!

KiKi III · 04-02-2020 1:45pm

Tbh even if they’re hypocritical I appreciate the lads’ honesty. I think it’s a mistake I made in the past where I thought that I had to get into bed early on or be seen as a pride.

partyguinness · 04-02-2020 1:50pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

That completely doesn't bother me at all. It would be very hypocritical for a guy to be easy and then judge a girl for it too. More experience is always better.

At last, someone else notices that it tended to be a date destroyer to sleep together too early!

It doesn't have to be a date destroyer that is up to you really. Of course everyone is different and it is a factor for you- fair enough.

Maybe we risk looking too much into sex or placing too much value on it?

Feisar · 04-02-2020 1:55pm

KiKi III wrote: »

Tbh even if they’re hypocritical I appreciate the lads’ honesty. I think it’s a mistake I made in the past where I thought that I had to get into bed early on or be seen as a pride.

Never bothered me either way, these things should happen organically and not because of some notional timescale.

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 1:58pm

partyguinness wrote: »

It doesn't have to be a date destroyer that is up to you really. Of course everyone is different and it is a factor for you- fair enough.

Maybe we risk looking too much into sex or placing too much value on it?

It's healthy, fun and incredibly satisfying - why not just do it often?

04-02-2020 2:00pm

I don't know who Paul McGrath is. And I'm not even sorry.

SusieBlue · 04-02-2020 2:00pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

If they think that it should lead to more then why not just wait a bit? Otherwise, I see it just as part of a date which didn't go well and you don't feel the spark with the person. It's just sex optogirl and a dealbreaker for further dating (not for further casual relations of course).

If you like a person and think it could lead to somewhere and waiting is an important criteria in building a relationship with someone, why don't YOU just wait a bit instead of getting your hole and then discarding the person?

FWIW, I actually have a similar enough opinion to you on the matter, but putting that responsibility on another person without communicating it with them, and then judging them for it, is grossly unfair.
Just wait it out if its that important to you.
How is the woman supposed to know you won't see her as GF matieral if she sleeps with you, when you have no bother hopping into bed with her?
Its so hypocritical.

04-02-2020 2:03pm

Do you consider yourself boyfriend material even if you have a 'liberal' attitude to sex, Assetbacked?

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 2:08pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

If you like a person and think it could lead to somewhere and waiting is an important criteria in building a relationship with someone, why don't YOU just wait a bit instead of getting your hole and then discarding the person?

FWIW, I actually have a similar enough opinion to you on the matter, but putting that responsibility on another person without communicating it with them, and then judging them for it, is grossly unfair.
Just wait it out if its that important to you.
How is the woman supposed to know you won't see her as GF matieral if she sleeps with you, when you have no bother hopping into bed with her?
Its so hypocritical.

When dating, particularly in the early stages with someone, no one is thinking "this might be the one". As a result of the non-seriousness of the approach to dating, it is not easy to not be persuaded by the mind which sets out previous experience. Instead, as a man, unfortunately the urge to fornicate is more persuasive .

Candie wrote: »

Do you consider yourself boyfriend material even if you have a 'liberal' attitude to sex, Assetbacked?

What is boyfriend material in this context? I would be more likely to be with a girl longer-term who is open and relaxed with sex, communicates well when it comes to sex and is not ashamed of anything to do with it.

EmmetSpiceland · 04-02-2020 2:09pm

KiKi III wrote: »

Tbh even if they’re hypocritical I appreciate the lads’ honesty. I think it’s a mistake I made in the past where I thought that I had to get into bed early on or be seen as a pride.

Bit of a damned if you do and damned if you don’t “scenario”.

I know lads who won’t hang around longer than three “dates” if they haven’t gotten any. Personally, I find that an immature attitude but I’d view dismissing someone for “putting out” early the same.

04-02-2020 2:12pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

What is boyfriend material in this context? I would be more likely to be with a girl longer-term who is open and relaxed with sex, communicates well when it comes to sex and is not ashamed of anything to do with it.

What I mean is that you rule out a girl as a possible or probable relationship if they have sex on the first date, so do you think you should be ruled out as a possible relationship because you're a guy who has sex on the first date?

Not judging, just curious.

partyguinness · 04-02-2020 2:13pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

If you like a person and think it could lead to somewhere and waiting is an important criteria in building a relationship with someone, why don't YOU just wait a bit instead of getting your hole and then discarding the person?

FWIW, I actually have a similar enough opinion to you on the matter, but putting that responsibility on another person without communicating it with them, and then judging them for it, is grossly unfair.
Just wait it out if its that important to you.
How is the woman supposed to know you won't see her as GF matieral if she sleeps with you, when you have no bother hopping into bed with her?
Its so hypocritical.

TBH I think he is using it as a cop out...easy exit strategy.

I had a buddy like that before. He also was in the habit of discarding some fantastic women for the most stupid of reasons. I mean really stupid...it's a few years ago now but one reason I recall was he didn't like the girl's underwear. Personally I would have used the opportunity to buy her some. Real stupid crap like he was purposefully looking for reasons to sabotage the relationship.

But really he was just terrified of commitment and didn't want to put in the hard work.

Assetbacked · 04-02-2020 2:13pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

If you like a person and think it could lead to somewhere and waiting is an important criteria in building a relationship with someone, why don't YOU just wait a bit instead of getting your hole and then discarding the person?

FWIW, I actually have a similar enough opinion to you on the matter, but putting that responsibility on another person without communicating it with them, and then judging them for it, is grossly unfair.
Just wait it out if its that important to you.
How is the woman supposed to know you won't see her as GF matieral if she sleeps with you, when you have no bother hopping into bed with her?
Its so hypocritical.

On the hypocritical point, I disagree. As I said previously, if someone is willing to have sex early on in the dating process, it means they are fairly casual when it comes to sex and do not hold it up on this pedestal as being the ultimate manifestation of expressing desire and love for someone else. In this context, noting that the person is not too hung up on sex, do you think it is much different to going on a date, having fun but not ending up going on another date?

Deebles McBeebles · 04-02-2020 2:14pm

Candie wrote: »

I don't know who Paul McGrath is. And I'm not even sorry.

I absolve you of your sins. In the name of Paul, Big Jack and the Holy Ghost (Richard Dunne). Ooh, aah, Paul McGrath.

&#55357;&#56911;

KiKi III · 04-02-2020 2:15pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

On the hypocritical point, I disagree. As I said previously, if someone is willing to have sex early on in the dating process, it means they are fairly casual when it comes to sex and do not hold it up on this pedestal as being the ultimate manifestation of expressing desire and love for someone else. In this context, noting that the person is not too hung up on sex, do you think it is much different to going on a date, having fun but not ending up going on another date?

The hypocrisy is that you’re holding the woman to a standard you’re not holding yourself to.

Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

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