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Can't stop thinking about ex even though she may have cheated

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  • 21-09-2020 7:58pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I broke up with my ex two months ago because I caught her on Tinder while we were dating. I don't know if she ever met up with anyone but she denied everything and claimed it was just because she was bored due to lockdown and we couldn't get to see each other. But it was enough for me to end things.

    I cut all contact with her but am finding myself constantly thinking about her whenever my mind isn't occupied. I usually end up thinking about some nice moments we had and then instantly thinking of how she potentially cheated on me. I also think of some of her bad traits to try help me get over her. Even though I instinctively do this every time it doesn't seem to help.

    I don't know if I miss her or miss being in a relationship and the intimacy that comes with it. I thought I was managing well up until a couple of weeks ago when I went back on Tinder. I felt ready and had no apprehension about going back on the dating scene but in the end it made me miss my ex more.

    I am picky when it comes to dating and regularly swipe left so have very few matches. And even with the girls I've matched with I'm not that interested in them either. I feel like I'm just going through the motions and being polite by making conversation with them. It's all making me think of my ex and missing the good times we had.

    I've also fallen into the trap of looking through her social media. I was doing really well avoiding it until last week and now the floodgates are open, looking at every post and story trying to see if she misses me and what she is doing with her life now. I know it's not healthy but I can't help it.

    I've never had much luck on the dating scene and I thought that she was going to be the one, only for everything to be shattered. Is this a sign that I'm not ready to date again or is it that I'm regretting breaking up with her? I thought I did the right thing at the time but now I'm not so sure.


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    #2
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,885 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    I would say you're not ready to date again, and it's natural you miss your ex too. I've been there, when you split with someone and go onto the apps soon afterwards, it can just be so depressing when you see what's out there compared to the one you previously adored! And looking for someone new will only remind you of what you liked about your ex.
    It's even worse if you go on some dates not long after a breakup that are utterly disappointing, I bet that would make you miss her even more. If I were you I'd leave the dating for a few months at least and just try and get on with your life otherwise.


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    #3
    Godeatsboogers
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭Godeatsboogers


    If you dont want to get back with her, stay away from all her social media, people rarely take to social media to profess how much they miss their ex, it's more imformation to make you think they're not even thinking about you.

    You're definitely not ready for a committed relationship, but a few one nights stands, etc, definitely recommended. I've had relationships like yours, the ones where I hooked up with someone else fairly quickly were way better for my mental health than the ones where I took some time before I hooked up with someone else, but everyone's different I suppose.

    There are people on Tinder and Pof who have spoken to people and never met, but eventually, you're gonna click with someone and are attracted to and then the loyalty is really tested. She may have cheated, she may not, she was still at the beginning of the road for it to be a decent probability


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    What really confuses me is that there are so many things that were wrong with out relationship and yet I still miss her.

    She may have cheated, she lied to me, she was self centred, she overshared on social media... I could go on trying to list the negative things but I still think of her with regret of what could have been. My mind sometimes drifts into thinking could I get back together with her, but then shut the idea down when I think of all those traits.

    It's like my mind is trying to ignore the blatantly obvious!

    Do you think casual sex is the answer to move past this? I was never very 'good' at it as I tend to go on a few dates first before reaching the bedroom.


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    #5
    cj maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,490 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx


    I don’t know how you can get over your feelings but time is a great healer. You dodged a bullet imo.
    Try to just take it on the chin and move on


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