Struggling

Don't really know how to start this but I need to get all of this out of my head somewhere.

I'm 25, have been living independly since I moved to college when I was 18. I graduated with first class honours, worked and studied abroad as part of my degree and was generally getting through life ok.

I haven't really had any family support since I moved away from home. I got through college via the grant and working various jobs during it. This lack of family support always played on my mind but it was manageable, I had a really close friend who I was a lot of support to and vice versa. It was manageable and I functioned normally without too much upset.

I'm over 2 years out of college now and despite getting the best results in my degree I haven't managed any great success workwise. I worked full time in a cafe for over a year, ptart time somewhere else and then in August last year I finally got a job related to my degree. I failed at it, partly due to remote training because of COVID but largely because of what I can only consider as crippling anxiety. Constantly feeling like I'm not capable of anything, not good enough etc.

I returned to the cafe for a few months and then got another job last March. A really monotonous job but I was delighted because it paid more. This morning I gave in my resignation. I feel like a massive failure but I can't do it. I was spending my breaks at work sitting on the toilet trying to calm down and constantly sweating and just feeling like I was nearing a nervous breakdown.

I've felt very alone for a long time. I have friends, I live with friends but I've one particular friend who I ended up falling in love with. I think a lot of it came from lonliness but also just really caring about him when he was having a bad time. I'm gay (something I've been trying to come to terms with for years) and hes not. Our friendship has kind of died a little bit, at least we don't talk as much anymore etc. But I think about him everyday, hoping he's ok and I just feel very hurt by the situation. He was in a very bad place mentally for a long time and I really genuinely cared and wanted to help him and now I feel like I am near rock bottom and he's too busy with his well developing career etc. And I cant begrudge him for that. I just feel like I need help and it would mean the world to me just to see him and talk.

The reason I have been so independent for years is both my parents have mental health issues and its too stressful of an environment for me to be in at home. I've been home I would say max 8 days in the last 7 years.

I called the doctor today and the receptionist said its phone consultations only so I'm getting a call from the doctor on Thursday. I just need something to help me. I'm so stressed and I feel like I'm losing control of my life and no one is there to care.

I haven't explained everything even remotely as clearly as I wish I could here. I just need advice or opinions on what I'm doing. I never intended to be unemployed, I don't want to be unemployed, i just reached my wits end today. I was off for 3 days and spent them in bed only leaving for food or the toilet. Washing myself is a mental struggle and I just feel empty.

I have savings to survive for about 6 months without any income but obviously thats not ideal. I am just lost and don't know where to turn. Can I even get the dole if i have left my job 'voluntarily'?

Any words of advice are welcome. Thanks for reading