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Stupid what?

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  • 26-08-2003 2:28am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Well the history behind this is 5 years long.. and I dont know really where to start. I suppose it was around year 2000, and I was oh.. 14.

    Well I was messing in the dorms one night with another lad, and we did some 'experementing' (To this day I wonder if I never bothered would it be much different today) Anyways as I said we did some 'Experementing' (Im a male btw)..

    And the morning after well i felt all ****ed up and strange (But this story revolves away from this person, if you must know to this day me and him are good friends and comfortable with our encounters of sexual activity)

    Anyways I felt ****ed up and strange the next day. I wondered to my self 'Am I bi or what?' (Cus I most certainly do do do like girls.. ) So in another perhaps dumb experiment, I decided that morning when I was looking out the window, (at this perticular person) to look at some one else that may appear gay and to see if I like them, (the person I was looking at) and well what the yipty ****ing du, do you think happened.

    Yes I actually fell in love with the person, how sad? .. yea sometimes I feel that it sounds all very stupid, and sometimes makes me think I MADE myself like this person because after all I did at the start just kind of 'chose' that person. Then again I think, thats just the way it happend. This all happened at the end of that school year (my 2nd year). Which ment i wasnt going to see this person for 3 months, but when I returned I still felt the same. Anyways, how it progressed from there I cant really remember.. there were looks exchanged and body language and all this crap.. but tbh it got no where.

    If I could have posted about this 3 years it go the question would have been 'How do I know if he likes me?' Infact the truth is id still like that answer. That year went by not much said to each other, and really had no idea what he was thinking.

    The 3rd year came I really now can't remember what happened that year at all for some reason :/ .. But I know it was something along the lines of... I still liked him, we still were looking at each other ( I think) etc etc...

    Another year passed.. I went into 4th year, and by jesus do I remember that year. All started.. oh wait fu(k I remember something major from 3rd year. My feelings grew alot, and by the end of the year I was annoyed and VERY confused..

    Actually come to think of it, I cant mention anymore of this people who I know, might be reading this, and realise who I am if I were to say anymore.. sh!t sh!t sh!t theres always feckin something.....

    :( , anyways.. what to do .. basicaly something i 'think' has being going on for like 4 years.. and I am about to go into another year of it.. not a word has been said between us 2 about any of this.. but I know this summer I have forgoten about him alot, but I also know that when I go back its most likely to start again..

    Realy my questions are.. what the hell am I to do, its been going on so long. And I like the way I feel when I see the person, and when looks at me... but is it a waste?

    how can i tell if the person wants to talk etc.. **** this is all rant actually.. and i have prolly screwed my self again.. like i have 3 times over the past 4 years with all this.. but everything is failing.. all for this one thing..

    Help.

    [Edited for readability ]


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    #2
    ColinM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭ColinM


    Jesus, that is really hard to decipher.

    I have no advice for you because I can't make out any facts to analyse. If it helps anyone else though, here is a quick summary of what I think the post is saying:

    I slept with a guy a few years ago. I felt disgusted with myself. I made eyes at a different guy. Does he fancy me, and am I gay?


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    #3
    swiss
    Registered Users Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭swiss


    Right, first of all try to "bottom line" it for yourself. It sounds to me like this guy is making you confused about your sexuality because you believe yourself to be in love with him (or at least have strong feelings about him), which is inconsistant with what you feel is your heterosexuality. For a start, you say that you like girls. Use that as a basis for your emotions. Now, can you say that you feel the same way about other guys. Don't just take the example of one guy. Are there any other guys to whom you would feel an attraction? If the answer to this question is yes, then you might be bi.

    The important thing however is that you don't unnecessarily attach yourself with any labels. From what you have told us I'm guessing you're around the 17 - 18 mark, and that age is confusing enough for any person. If you do find you like this person, and want to take it furthur, then it is up to yourself to decide whether it is worth the risk of feeling 'fsked up' emotionally if it doesn't go the way you want. I can't answer that question for you.

    As for whether he likes you or not, I'm afraid I can't answer that question for you either. If you look at him and you smile, does he smile back? If you answer 'yes' to that question, then you might be in with a chance. But do you really like this guy? Do you feel that you want to sleep with him? If you don't know the answer to that one, then I would recommend that you try to get a better idea of your own feelings before taking any concrete action.

    Oh, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but please try to add in some punctuation and paragraphs to your posts. It would make it much easier to follow.


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    #4
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Better off in GLBI most likely.


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    #5
    yellum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,025 ✭✭✭yellum


    To me it appears that you concluded that you liked guys too after that experimenting and when you looked out that window looking for a guy you could like you found someone.

    Seems to me that you picked out a guy you found attractive. Theres nothing wrong with that.

    You feel you have fallen for him, this happens too.

    What do you want to do with this guy ? Do you want to go out with him ? Do you want to just experiment with him ?

    You should take a few deep breaths and sum up where you are in life and what you want.


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    #6
    Shinji
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,275 ✭✭✭Shinji


    Oh, and most importantly of all....

    You need to NOT WORRY about it.

    Falling in love (or indeed in lust) with anyone, anywhere, is always a royal pain in the neck, even if it is probably the greatest emotion we humans will ever experience. The last thing you need is to heap a guilt/confusion trip on yourself over the gender of the person you've fallen for. It's bad enough having to deal with the feelings you have for someone, without having to worry about what's between their legs as well.

    Just accept the fact that you are the person you are, and maybe that means you don't fit into a nice neat pigeonhole when it comes to your sexuality. Maybe it means that mostly you like girls but every now and then a stunning guy will walk into your life and make you melt. So be it - who cares? Admit to yourself that you are the way you are, make yourself comfortable with it, and then deal with the real challenges.


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yullum asked what do I want to do with this guy.. Answer, just to talk to him even, get to know him better, and spend time with him. Which is very hard given the circumstances of the school scocial barriers. What I mean by this is, the way he is in a different year, and being in a different year, means you dont scocialize with that year. You know the whole year thing in secondary school.

    Anyways, really the thing is I miss the feelings I had with him, and Im kind of hoping to have them again when I see him. The thing is, it will most likely be another year of doing nothing, just looking.. and thats it, and then I will have left school, and that will be the end of that. A waste? what was the point? ugh... annoying.


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    #8
    yellum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,025 ✭✭✭yellum


    Ok then, so whats stopping you ? If all you want to do is talk and get to know him then do.

    Are you shy ?

    Find something that you are both interested in and start talking from there.

    Find some way of being around him without being his stalker.


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    #9
    ColinM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭ColinM


    I felt a bit bad about my first post on this thread, because it was rather flippant. I understand that you were just venting and so that's why your post was just a direct stream of thoughts that didn't necesasrily come out in the right order.

    I have given some more thought to this, and while I don't have any answers for you, I think I have some observations for you that may be useful.

    I'm not gay, but I find it possible to tell whether a guy is good looking or not. Sometimes (though rarely) I can think a guy is quite ugly and then to my surprise find out that several girls find him attractive.

    Alot of my male friends (of which none are gay as far as I am aware) claim that they for the most part cannot tell whether a guy is good looking or not. I don't believe them as I think they are just afraid of being called gay.

    So, what I am saying to you is that I think it is possible that you are confusing the ability to recognise good looks in other people of the same gender with being physically attracted to them. The fact that you are younger than this other fellow may also give him an air of sophistication that you are attracted to.

    Apparently (although I don't know how true this is) it is not unusual for men (and women) to experiment with same-sex encounters while in their teens.

    So taking these two observations in mind, it may well be the case that you are not gay.

    Being bi-sexual is probably a different matter because I have also heard the often expressed opinion that everybody to some degree is bisexual, given a certain set of circumstances.

    Also, it is worth thinking about whether you are defined as being gay because of your actions or your thoughts - ie: are you gay if you have sex with someone of the same sex once but never again, or are you gay if you only sleep with people of the opposite sex but actually are attracted (at least more attracted) to members of the same sex?

    I know this may be difficult for you to accept right now, but during teenage years, it is difficult to analyse your thoughts with an unclouded mind. I know it's a cliché, but in five or ten years' time, you will look back on the person you are now and may barely recognise yourself. With time (often) comes age and wisdom if a person is prepared to take life as an honest voyage of self-discovery.

    For now, I would advise that the best course of action is nothing. Whatever people's opinions are on whether being gay is good or bad, it is still a fact that if you chose to make it known at your school that you are gay, you will be alienating yourself from more people than not.

    For the moment, I would advise you that if you are not sure you are gay, then assume you are not. Being a teenager (or indeed anyone trying to struggle through life) is difficult enough without the added burden of being gay.

    Please understand that what I am saying is with the greatest of respect to anyone who is gay. I understand that if I was gay and liked who I was as a person, or at least had any respect for myself, I would not want to be any other way, because then I wouldn't be myself anymore.


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    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks alot Colin m8.

    By the way Im pritty sure im not fully gay.. that I know, because I have felt the very same to girls as I have to this boy.. Bi-sexual I think would be the right label.

    The real confusion though lies on what I sould DO next year, In a way im afraid that if the feelings return I will just go into another year of being annoyed, and asking my self why is it he never makes an effort to say/do something? Or constantaly pondering over the thought does he actually like me. The other think is though that I like, liking him if you know what i mean :/

    But this thing has being going on 5 years now.. and really i just dont know anymore.. infact ive never know much about all this.

    By the way if any of ye want to PM me about this it might be easier cus this is slightly to public to go into detail as what has happened in the last 5 years regarding mr. x and me.

    Btw im the older one :/ by a year and like a half :/...


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    #11
    yellum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,025 ✭✭✭yellum


    Lol, we can't pm a guest !


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    #12
    yellum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,025 ✭✭✭yellum


    ok, I don't think its a big issue really. You just need to get this guys attention. Just talk to him.

    Is he gay/bi/straight do you know ?

    If you want you can pm one of us, since we can't pm you.


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    #13
    wheelie bin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭wheelie bin


    I really don't think you should freak out about people reading this and figuring out who you are. Once you don't give a location or name, it's very unlikely that someone will guess your real identity and even if they did they couldn't prove anything.


    So you fancy this guy. Don't stress about it too much - Lots of people have secret crushes - it happens all the time.


    A person that thinks they might be bisexual or gay and are having a hard time dealing with it can get real-time advice in complete confidence by ringing the Gay Switchboard at 01-8721055.

    More info is available at www.gayswitchboard.ie

    Take care and do something positive!

    xox


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    no what im sayin about a person finding me out is.. if i give the full details on our encounters over the last 5 years while in the school, they are so dangerously covered up ,, that if i were to explain them here.. some that reads the boards from my school would most likely know who I was.. because of the fact of current suspecions.. I may be back sometime with an in depth feature.. but i feel to iffy about it atm...

    A few days before i go back to school... eeek :/ heh wonder what it will be like.. havent seen him in 5 months.. cant beleave im even thinking about it tbh..


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