I've never been to a full-on gay bar. Where do I start?

1ZRed · 18-05-2012 10:05pm #1

I'm 18 and I've only been to straight clubs and bars but I'm interested to go to one in Galway.
Can anyone comment on what they're like? Is the crowd young or older?(30+)

I'm kind of apprehensive about going to a full blown gay bar because I keep thinking they'll be full of camp men and queens like on tv. I know that's not true though!:p

Can someone fill me in on the scene there? best clubs and bars etc?

EDIT: I have been to gay friendly bars but that wasn't much more different than normal ones. This will be my first 'proper' night out to a gay club:D

Aurongroove · 19-05-2012 1:40am

I wasn't aware there was one in Galway.

to be honest mate I've had my first experience in a "full-on"(as you call it, lol) Gay bar/club only a few months ago.

it was unexpectedly mundane TBH. same music, same atmosphere. There was literally no difference except the people there happen to mostly be gay (which was actually a lovely feeling, like you're at least participating in the right game of cricket).

the much bigger issue I would worry about young man! / young lady! is your age.
At 18 your just about legal age for these places so all the usual precautions apply.

Be sensible.

Watch what you drink and also, watch your drink.

Keep a taxi/travel fare in a separate pocket.

If you're confidant about sex (a whole other ball game) but as general advice put a couple of Condoms in a pocket somewhere. (male on male = 2 willies = 2 condoms and maybe Mr.Perfect forgot to BYOC)

Be contactable; credit & battery. At least at the start and the end of the night (I hate people ringing me when I'm out so I leave my phone in the cloakroom off, and pick it up at the end)

and my own personal nugget of wisdom/old man rant:
Don't get rat arsed! I personally can't see the allure of getting completely rat-fisted tits-over-ankles on a night out; you'll never pull unless someone decides to pick up the easy, drunken disgrace balancing on one leg over in the corner for a handy one nigher, and in that case you're not really doing much of the pulling.

When I've had enough that the awful music sounds good and the inhibitions are down I tend to go every second drink with water or lemonade to whatever I'm normally having. this keep me nice and ticked over, makes sure I always have something to drink, and completely negates any chance of a hang over the following day, or becoming the earlier mentioned drunken mess in corner balancing on one leg.

oh the one thing that is different though: If you're in a gay bar and the riff comes on where yer one screams "every body dance now" if you don't dance they kick you out and keep your gay licence and you turn straight.
It's where metrosexuals come from.
Watch out for it, or you could be the next David Beckham.

SolarFlash · 19-05-2012 2:07am

My first gay bar was in Galway when I was 19. I came on to some lad in a rugby shirt and he turned me down. Still was a good night though. Go out and have fun.

Aurongroove · 19-05-2012 2:26am

To those shy about approaching people notice how

I came on to some lad in a rugby shirt and he turned me down.

was immediately followed by

Still was a good night though. Go out and have fun.

and not

and then I died because my face exploded

Getting turned down is a lot better then not having asked, and it doesn't ruin your night.
(and I found out first hand a few weeks ago, that being turned down can actually make your night)

Pedant · 19-05-2012 3:08am

My first gay bar experience was in the George about 9 months ago (was 20 then, 21 now). I ran out after about 5-10 minutes because I'm not out yet and I thought I saw some people I know from college.

/fail

I'd gladly go to a gay bar that wasn't in Dublin because the chances of running into people I know would be slim.

Aurongroove · 19-05-2012 4:03am

****! hard luck man, my heart goes out to ya.
At least if you were seen in a less high profile gay bar you could say "I didn't have a clue it was gay".

You just reminded me, I saw someone I knew from secondary school years ago at the Dragon only few weeks ago. When she saw me she actively looked shocked and then quickly left the venue.
I think she wasn't out yet and she was death afraid of seeing a familiar face.
If I had time and if I was less embarrassed at completely forgetting her name I would've said "look, I'm here and I'm out. if you're still dealing with things you don't need to worry. I wouldn't mess with anyone in the closet, no one would: it's like a golden rule. whats more I can't for the life of me remember your name anyways, you could be Mary Juicy-Jaws for all I remember, so have a good night; you're amongst, if nothing else, understanding people"

1ZRed · 19-05-2012 4:23am

Pedant wrote: »

My first gay bar experience was in the George about 9 months ago (was 20 then, 21 now). I ran out after about 5-10 minutes because I'm not out yet and I thought I saw some people I know from college.

/fail

I'd gladly go to a gay bar that wasn't in Dublin because the chances of running into people I know would be slim.

I'm in the same sort of situation as you.
I'm only out to a few friends but a lot of my family and their friends are in Galway so I'm always sneaking around because it could easily blow up in my face. I'm just not ready to come out to them and especially not like that.

F*ck it though, I'm sick of walking around on eggshells and being guarded and fairly secretive about pulling guys.I just want to go to a gay bar and be able to enjoy myself without someone finding out.
I'm out to a few friends and they've been good to me but the rest of the lads are homophobic and would treat me differently if I came out to them. They probably wouldn't treat me badly, just differently.
It's happened before where people see me differently all of a sudden and don't behave like they normally would around me. I hated that so I stopped telling people.

Anyway! I'm off topic ranting sh1t when I'm supposed to be asking where the best place to go is!:rolleyes:

Aurongroove · 19-05-2012 4:34am

1ZRed wrote: »

They probably wouldn't treat me badly, just differently.

I know the precise feeling and it being one of the main worries (I could probably even find quotes). However while know that that does happen, it hasn't happened to me yet and it seems to be a far rarer occurrence then I first imagined.

In actual fact, it seems so long as like, 60% of your friends are grand with it two wrongs end up making a right when the rest of them end up not wanting to rock the boat for fear of looking overly bothered and by the time you spent enough time carrying on as normal they've usually calmed or expelled any reasons for treating you differently.

Pedant · 19-05-2012 5:01am

1ZRed wrote: »

I'm in the same sort of situation as you.
I'm only out to a few friends but a lot of my family and their friends are in Galway so I'm always sneaking around because it could easily blow up in my face. I'm just not ready to come out to them and especially not like that.

F*ck it though, I'm sick of walking around on eggshells and being guarded and fairly secretive about pulling guys.I just want to go to a gay bar and be able to enjoy myself without someone finding out.
I'm out to a few friends and they've been good to me but the rest of the lads are homophobic and would treat me differently if I came out to them. They probably wouldn't treat me badly, just differently.
It's happened before where people see me differently all of a sudden and don't behave like they normally would around me. I hated that so I stopped telling people.

Anyway! I'm off topic ranting sh1t when I'm supposed to be asking where the best place to go is!:rolleyes:

If your friends treat you badly after you come out, then they're not really your friends at all. I mean, if they cared for you in any way, they should accept you for who you are.

Anyway, I totally agree. I hate walking on eggshells at this stage. But I'm making my way there. My first public gay kiss for instance was about 4 weeks ago, so I'm getting more confident with being out in public. The only thing is I wouldn't want my family finding out because they're the unreasonable sort when it comes to these things. Friends wise, I'm out to one or two and I generally try and surround myself with liberal like minded people.

Anyway, as far as bars go I hear that Pantibar and the Dragon have a bit of younger crowd. When it comes to gay bars though, you will come across the whole "gay culture", i.e., drag queens, etc.. But they're usually preforming. Sometimes the George has cabaret with drag queens. I've never been to any, but I like the idea. It's culturey, a bit like a panto but for adults (hope my choice of words don't offend anyone).

1ZRed · 19-05-2012 1:03pm

Pedant wrote: »

If your friends treat you badly after you come out, then they're not really your friends at all. I mean, if they cared for you in any way, they should accept you for who you are.

Anyway, I totally agree. I hate walking on eggshells at this stage. But I'm making my way there. My first public gay kiss for instance was about 4 weeks ago, so I'm getting more confident with being out in public. The only thing is I wouldn't want my family finding out because they're the unreasonable sort when it comes to these things. Friends wise, I'm out to one or two and I generally try and surround myself with liberal like minded people.

Anyway, as far as bars go I hear that Pantibar and the Dragon have a bit of younger crowd. When it comes to gay bars though, you will come across the whole "gay culture", i.e., drag queens, etc.. But they're usually preforming. Sometimes the George has cabaret with drag queens. I've never been to any, but I like the idea. It's culturey, a bit like a panto but for adults (hope my choice of words don't offend anyone).

I was never treated badly by anyone just two people acted differently towards me and had less and less time for me. I don't really care because I don't need friends like that. We're still friendly, it's just we don't go out or even see each other much anymore. It doesnt matter.

I'd like to be out to everyone to make things much easier but I don't want my parents involved and they'd find out if I told all my friends. I can't imagine how awkward that would be to discuss that with them:rolleyes:

Y.O.L.O · 19-05-2012 7:55pm

if you have a friend to go out with it can make the experience easier, because if worst comes to worst and your run into someone you wish you hadn't, exclaim that the friend your with is gay and you're supporting them

1ZRed · 19-05-2012 11:43pm

Y.O.L.O wrote: »

if you have a friend to go out with it can make the experience easier, because if worst comes to worst and your run into someone you wish you hadn't, exclaim that the friend your with is gay and you're supporting them

I wouldn't really want to go on my own so I might ask a few friends to go with me. I can imagine that'll be a funny conversation though:)

Even if someone I knew saw me there, I think I would just admit I like guys as well. Why bother denying it if I'm going to come out eventually anyway?
I would rather bite the bullet there and then instead of lying about it.
They would have seen me at a gay bar...odds are they're not so straight themselves!:P

Y.O.L.O · 20-05-2012 11:18am

1ZRed wrote: »

I wouldn't really want to go on my own so I might ask a few friends to go with me. I can imagine that'll be a funny conversation though:)

Even if someone I knew saw me there, I think I would just admit I like guys as well. Why bother denying it if I'm going to come out eventually anyway?
I would rather bite the bullet there and then instead of lying about it.
They would have seen me at a gay bar...odds are they're not so straight themselves!:P

My experience of meeting people i know in a gay bar with me not being completely out hasn't always turned out great for me

I told the person i saw not to tell anyone else, even though i knew he was gay himself. I woke up the next morning with texts on my phone from people saying a little birdie had told them that i was spotted in the G the night before.

not cool

1ZRed · 20-05-2012 1:08pm

Y.O.L.O wrote: »

My experience of meeting people i know in a gay bar with me not being completely out hasn't always turned out great for me

I told the person i saw not to tell anyone else, even though i knew he was gay himself. I woke up the next morning with texts on my phone from people saying a little birdie had told them that i was spotted in the G the night before.

not cool

I never thought about that. I'd hate to be outed by someone, it was bad enough coming out to a few people but for them to find out from someone else would be really unnerving.

What an asshole that guy is! You'd think he would understand you wanted to be discreet considering he's gay himself? I think I would have punched him:mad:

On topic: I googled gay bars in Galway and I only found one! How desperate:p

Y.O.L.O · 20-05-2012 1:16pm

1ZRed wrote: »

I never thought about that. I'd hate to be outed by someone, it was bad enough coming out to a few people but for them to find out from someone else would be really unnerving.

What an asshole that guy is! You'd think he would understand you wanted to be discreet considering he's gay himself? I think I would have punched him:mad:

On topic: I googled gay bars in Galway and I only found one! How desperate:p

One would think that him being an out gay man would understand the necessity in not outing someone. Haven't mentioned it to him. My day will come, revenge is sweet and best served having been marinaded for a prolonged period of time. But the worst thing was he texted my sister, who i made the worst cover up story to the next day.

I'd recommend making a gay friend(s) first before venturing to the dark side because a)it could be dangerous out drunk on your own in an unfamiliar place and b) it can be awkward as hell which could encourage you to drink more and get you into option a). If you're in Galway, is it for college? If yes, i'd recommend getting involved with the LGBT and making friends that way.

1ZRed · 20-05-2012 1:42pm

Y.O.L.O wrote: »

One would think that him being an out gay man would understand the necessity in not outing someone. Haven't mentioned it to him. My day will come, revenge is sweet and best served having been marinaded for a prolonged period of time. But the worst thing was he texted my sister, who i made the worst cover up story to the next day.

I'd recommend making a gay friend(s) first before venturing to the dark side because a)it could be dangerous out drunk on your own in an unfamiliar place and b) it can be awkward as hell which could encourage you to drink more and get you into option a). If you're in Galway, is it for college? If yes, i'd recommend getting involved with the LGBT and making friends that way.

He texted your sister!:eek: I would have either killed him or died of embarrassment if I was in that situation. I hope you get back at that asshole some day!;)

I completely agree with you. I don't have any gay friends yet so it would be best to go with them but it wouldn't bother me to go without either. But yeah I'd want to be careful considering I'm new to all this, I would probably drink until I was comfortable with it all.

No I'm not in college yet. More than likely I'll be going to NUIG in September so it'll be easier to meet other gay/bi people there. I never would have thought of going to a LGBT group because I wouldn't exactly be comfortable but I suppose I need to find out what it's all like considering I am new to the gay scene.
Before this I would just hook up with the odd guy and that'd be it so I think I'm making progress in making sense of my sexuality instead of just ignoring it.

Aurongroove · 20-05-2012 3:06pm

Outing someone, even if you think it's for the best, or harmless, or you bet it was the right thing to do is one of the biggest 'no-nos' there is.

Y.O.L.O · 20-05-2012 6:00pm

This outing occurred after I had asked explicitly, twice, for him not to. But either way ya have to deal with these things. He lost any respect I had for him (which in the first place wasn't a whole lot). You live you learn.

Either way I think whatever college you're heading to come september, there will be an LGBT Soc in some shape or form. Granted it's tough getting the confidence together to join and go to events like coffee mornings, but you need to keep an open mind with these things, and starting a new chapter in your life is the best time to adopt this attitude. Well, from my experience it is anyway. A new found confidence with these things could be just the ticket to being more accepting and coming to terms with your sexuality.

Of course, this is all coming from personal experience, and each person deals with these things differently

I've never been to a full-on gay bar. Where do I start?

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