Regiftted our presents...

LegacyUser · 13-11-2018 2:47pm #1

So my mam just gave my partner two gifts that were previously given to her by myself and partner at different time periods in the past. I assume this was done accidentally. At first I was gonna let it slide but it got me quite annoyed so I confronted. No denial that they were regifts but she is sure that they weren't given to her by either of us and is upset by this.

I didn't want this to become a "thing" but to ignore it would have caused a certain amount of festering and that isn't healthy either.

I've a feeling my mam is upset but I am also upset that she wouldn't just apologize, laugh it off.

Should I just leave it a bit of time and see? Really awkward position to be in...

popa smurf · 13-11-2018 3:16pm

Just give them back to her again at Christmas problem solved

Xterminator · 13-11-2018 3:35pm

Hi Op

Regifting is a cultural thing. It harks back to when we were a more frugal society. There is nothing wrong with it, and your mother did nothing bad. She should have realised they came from you, but memory issues are not something we usually blame people for. Its a beach of etiquette, nothing more.

https://www.joe.ie/life-style/know-what-regifting-is-half-of-irish-women-do-it-all-the-time-30436

so you got upset had a confrontation, left her possibly embarrassed and now there are bad feelings between you and her as a result. You say you did this to prevent a festering, which i interpret as, you felt annoyed and wanted to let her know that, and to have your say.

I hope you think it was worth it. IMO you should apologise. why you would let that cause a disruption to your relationship with your mum is almost beyond understanding.

Do you pride yourself on speaking you mind and consider it a virtue? What was your motive?

zoobizoo · 13-11-2018 3:44pm

Why were you annoyed?

Because what what you thought she'd like, she doesn't?

B0jangles · 13-11-2018 3:51pm

This is why it's a good idea to make a note of who gave what to who! Regifting is a fact of life - everybody occasionally gets given things that they have no use for but think someone else might like. In my experience, stuff like scented candle sets, or bath sets can get handed on several times before they finally go out of circulation.

Unless it was something very personal (like something you made yourself), I really don't see that it's worth being offended about this - what's the point? You say yourself that it was probably an accident, so she never meant to be rude. Maybe she thought they were really nice things just not things she'd use herself?

Mr. Incognito · 13-11-2018 4:01pm

Genuinely who cares?

Get over it

Such a petty thing to be annoyed about.

LegacyUser · 13-11-2018 4:16pm

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi Op

Regifting is a cultural thing. It harks back to when we were a more frugal society. There is nothing wrong with it, and your mother did nothing bad. She should have realised they came from you, but memory issues are not something we usually blame people for. Its a beach of etiquette, nothing more.

https://www.joe.ie/life-style/know-what-regifting-is-half-of-irish-women-do-it-all-the-time-30436

so you got upset had a confrontation, left her possibly embarrassed and now there are bad feelings between you and her as a result. You say you did this to prevent a festering, which i interpret as, you felt annoyed and wanted to let her know that, and to have your say.

I hope you think it was worth it. IMO you should apologise. why you would let that cause a disruption to your relationship with your mum is almost beyond understanding.

Do you pride yourself on speaking you mind and consider it a virtue? What was your motive?

I was prepared to let it slide but my mam messaged me to ask if my partner was OK because she seemed a bit funny. So I said that she's fine but by the way.. etc. I rarely make a thing about things like this but one of the regifts was 8 years old, so shouldn't have gone anywhere only the bin if it wasn't wanted.

I was expecting a "oh ****. sorry eek" type response which didn't come.

Anyway I'll chalk this one up to experience. You are probably right should have just let it go.

Idle Passerby · 13-11-2018 4:28pm

She obviously forgot it was you who gave her the gifts to begin with and must be so embarrassed over it. Yeah its disappointing your gifts wern't wanted but not worth dwelling on. Now you know not to get similar gifts in the future.

....... · 13-11-2018 5:18pm

awkward_regift wrote: »

I've a feeling my mam is upset but I am also upset that she wouldn't just apologize, laugh it off.

Why didnt you just laugh it off instead of causing further upset?

never_mind · 13-11-2018 8:35pm

OP. She did nothing wrong and you have presumably embarrassed an elderly person. Hope this had made you feel big about yourself.

Buy her a nice box of chocolates, apologise, and leave it.

Naos · 13-11-2018 8:40pm

awkward_regift wrote: »

So my mam just gave my partner two gifts that were previously given to her by myself and partner at different time periods in the past. I assume this was done accidentally. At first I was gonna let it slide but it got me quite annoyed so I confronted. No denial that they were regifts but she is sure that they weren't given to her by either of us and is upset by this.

I didn't want this to become a "thing" but to ignore it would have caused a certain amount of festering and that isn't healthy either.

I've a feeling my mam is upset but I am also upset that she wouldn't just apologize, laugh it off.

Should I just leave it a bit of time and see? Really awkward position to be in...

What was the gift?

endacl · 14-11-2018 12:38am

Do you still have the receipts? Return them for cash, and buy something you like!

Job done, crisis averted.

Pelvis · 14-11-2018 12:42am

Give crap gifts, get crap gifts.

db · 14-11-2018 12:45am

never_mind wrote: »

OP. She did nothing wrong and you have presumably embarrassed an elderly person. Hope this had made you feel big about yourself.

Buy her a nice box of chocolates, apologise, and leave it.

Just make sure it's a box you like yourself ðŸ˜‚

14-11-2018 12:48am

In future buy your mam gifts that she actually wants.
Then you wont get them back 8 years later.

lulu1 · 14-11-2018 1:46am

I would have had a good laugh about it with my partner and said nothing to my mum.

14-11-2018 2:00am

I come from a fairly humble background and am always grateful for anything my mam gives me. One Christmas I got sheets for my bed and I said thank you and gave her the biggest hug. It’s the thought that counts after all.
Don’t sweat the small stuff OP!

LegacyUser · 14-11-2018 2:21am

I think you are taking this too personally. These days people have most things they want so any gifts they get are only a token, not something they really need. I try to buy things that people will like but I get it wrong sometimes. I have visited people and seen my presents to sitting on top of the kitchen press or with other unimportant stuff they don't look at too often. I'm given presents I don't like much either but never think badly of the people who gave them to me.

Big Bag of Chips · 14-11-2018 7:22am

At first I was gonna let it slide but it got me quite annoyed so I confronted.

What did you hope would be the outcome of confronting your mother?

I didn't want this to become a "thing" but to ignore it would have caused a certain amount of festering and that isn't healthy either.

You and your partner are the only ones making this a "thing". You have the choice to let something fester or not.

I've a feeling my mam is upset but I am also upset that she wouldn't just apologize, laugh it off.

Sounds to me that if your mother did "laugh it off" you and your partner would be more annoyed at that reaction. YOU are the ones who should have laughed it off.

Should I just leave it a bit of time and see? Really awkward position to be in...

See what? What are you waiting for to happen?

People give crapoy, useless, regifted presents all the time. We accept graciously and smile politely. And possibly in private give out about the tat we've been given.

The only thing that should have happened here is you and your partner thanking your mother, realising what happened, laughing about it amongst yourselves, and possibly give the gifts on to someone else, or a charity shop!

To go back questioning the source of a gifts comes across as ungrateful and entitled.

Apologise to your mother for making this a "thing"

Peatys · 14-11-2018 7:30am

If it was that good a present, your should have been delighted to receive it.

As time goes on, you'll have to learn that your mother isn't the Demi God you think her when you're a child.

She'll make mistakes and sometimes forget things. Don't let these trivial things 'fester'. And don't let your partner wind you up over crap.

14-11-2018 8:16am

awkward_regift wrote: »

Imy mam messaged me to ask if my partner was OK because she seemed a bit funny. So I said that she's fine but by the way.. etc

Does your partner know you said it in this way? I’d be mortified if I was your partner, this regifting wouldn’t bother me at all and I would hate for my partner’s Mum to be made feel uncomfortable about it.

dublingirlx · 15-11-2018 1:55pm

Ah your poor mam, god love her. I would've laughed my heart out at the idea of it and made a right joke of it. My mam passed away 20 years ago quite young and she was such fun. This is like something she would've done but unintentionally of course, but we would definite have had a right giggle about it for a long time afterwards. You mam won't be around forever.

woodchuck · 15-11-2018 2:24pm

OP I think this is just a generation thing. I know my mam and aunts sometimes regift things. And it's not because they don't like them, they might actually think the presents lovely and therefore would be a nice present for somebody else. Sort of like "Oh gosh, it's too nice for me to be using, I'm sure Mary would love it!"

In the grand scheme of things and in terms of picking your battles, I think this is one of those things you should just let go.

SAMTALK · 15-11-2018 3:22pm

My first reaction would be to laugh at this and then rib mother over it . Give everyone a laugh

I have elderly aunts that give me gifts at Christmas that are chocolates or biscuits that they got the previous year !

matrim · 15-11-2018 8:07pm

If the gift was 8 years old how are you sure it is the one your partner gave you mother. Maybe she got something similar since then

tony1kenobi · 15-11-2018 10:04pm

matrim wrote: »

If the gift was 8 years old how are you sure it is the one your partner gave you mother. Maybe she got something similar since then

It was a 2010 desk calendar. The ones Bank of Ireland give out.

never_mind · 16-11-2018 1:08pm

db wrote: »

Just make sure it's a box you like yourself &#55357;&#56834;

Sorry to go off topic but I feel personally attacked that your message got more thanks than mine.

up for anything · 16-11-2018 10:39pm

It sounds to me like your partner wound you up over this and that otherwise, you wouldn't have given a toss. Do your mother and partner not get on?

qwerty13 · 17-11-2018 10:07am

tony1kenobi wrote: »

It was a 2010 desk calendar. The ones Bank of Ireland give out.

Have I gone mad? The gift you are giving out about your mother regifting was a poxy free calendar?

Slanty · 17-11-2018 10:30am

So you gave your mother a free BOI desk calendar for a present??

I’m glad you got it back.

17-11-2018 11:09am

tony1kenobi wrote: »

It was a 2010 desk calendar. The ones Bank of Ireland give out.

Slanty wrote: »

So you gave your mother a free BOI desk calendar for a present??

I’m glad you got it back.

qwerty13 wrote: »

Have I gone mad? The gift you are giving out about your mother regifting was a poxy free calendar?

It isn't clear if this is the OP or not.

RossieMan · 17-11-2018 11:12am

It's obviously not. Jesus things are bad this time of the morning!

wiggle16 · 17-11-2018 2:35pm

Mod note: Since the advice given to the OP til this point has been pretty unanimous, I don't think there's much left to glean from it. So I'm closing the thread before the quality of responses declines even further.

I'd remind the last few posters that PI isn't AH - ribbing the OP like that is not to the standard expected and required in PI. Please don't engage in that again.

Thanks

Thread locked.

nim1bdeh38l2cw · 17-11-2018 2:36pm

wiggle16 wrote: »

Mod note: Since the advice given to the OP til this point has been pretty unanimous, I don't think there's much left to glean from it. So I'm closing the thread before the quality of responses declines even further.

I'd remind the last few posters that PI isn't AH - ribbing the OP like that is not to the standard expected and required in PI. Please don't engage in that again.

Thanks

Thread locked.

Boo!

Regiftted our presents...

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