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Single and sad

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  • 09-11-2018 10:12pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, as the headline says, well maybe I just need some help from strangers who have been in a similar situation.

    I split from my long term partner a few years ago. It was a bad situation and he was never faithful, ever.

    At the start of the year I felt a bit more confident after a few years sorting myself out and my daughter now teenager. I don't meet a lot of men through work as it's mostly women with long hours or health care and rarely go out except to meet girlfriends as just getting financially on my feet and being a single mum took all my energy

    I joined two different dating sites thinking I'd have a wider pool, but so far I've only gotten 8 messages and they haven't gone even anywhere like asking to meet for dates.

    I see people posting here about how jaded they are with online dating and I feel so sad for myself.

    I'm a little chubbier than I'd like but I'm a 12-14 so not so big even though bigger than I'd like. I'm told often at work that I look and dress good and it really helped after leaving my husband

    I put up 3-4 picturee of myself as well with different angles and full body so I'm not hiding myself

    I can only think maybe it's because I'm obviously not Irish? I'm not fussy about men, would like to meet someone genuine don't really care their background. When I go home for holidays I get enough attention but I live here so would like to meet someone where I live. I couldn't do long distance as that was one of the reasons given for my ex cheating the second time I caught him!!! When he was working in a different city

    Is there a preference for Irish women? I began to think maybe I was just fooling myself how I look but thankfully squashed that before it went too far. I know I'm not stunning but have been told I'm attractive. I don't know what could be the problem and ready to give up.

    I'm from one of the Carribbean Islands


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    #2
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    Definitely not. I mean if you look nice and look after yourself, it's probably a good thing to be from somewhere exotic like the Caribbean to be fair. You seem pretty integrated maybe that isn't that apparent in your profile, might be one of the reasons people not inclined to message you.


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    #3
    Plopsu
    Registered Users Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    Putting aside my personal feelings about online dating (which anybody can find in my posting history), it might be possible that guys are wary of women from outside the EU and think it's some sort of scam.


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    #4
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    Plopsu wrote: »
    Putting aside my personal feelings about online dating (which anybody can find in my posting history), it might be possible that guys are wary of women from outside the EU and think it's some sort of scam.

    I don't think that is a very appropriate remark. The OP is living here, working here and your contribution might not be exactly helpful to her.

    Online dating is very superficial. Women who are not a size 6, 8 or 10 rarely get a look in. They are also expected to be model standard beautiful. However a pretty face is not going to redeem somebody if they're an average size (ie size 12-14) and forget it if you're any bigger than that. It has very little to do with anything else.

    I know the OPs hours may not be conducive to socialising face to face but I think somebody like her would do a lot better in a face to face environment where she is more likely to meet genuine people. For some men online dating is an extension of porn and a way to get laid on demand.

    The OP said she has a child - many of the shallow men on dating sites don't want to date women with children because when a woman has children she is not in a position to tolerate messers.


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    #5
    Plopsu
    Registered Users Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    Emme wrote: »
    I don't think that is a very appropriate remark. The OP is living here, working here and your contribution might not be exactly helpful to her.

    There's nothing inappropriate about the comment I made. The OP asked if there might be a preference for Irish women. My suggestion might well be a reason for it.


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    #6
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    Plopsu wrote: »
    There's nothing inappropriate about the comment I made. The OP asked if there might be a preference for Irish women. My suggestion might well be a reason for it.

    Some men prefer Irish women which is their choice. However I have noted that many men express a preference for Filipina and Thai women in personal advertisements. These women are usually petite and slim and are considered to be subservient. The subservience is just a stereotype - I have met Filipina women through work who are highly educated and don't take any nonsense from anyone.

    Some express a preference for women of African origin but like Irish women, women of African origin are seen to be strong-minded. In my opinion that is a good thing but some men prefer women they perceive to be subservient who may not necessarily be Irish or indeed of African origin.

    I believe personality trumps race and colour every time and I think most people would agree with me.


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    #7
    Plopsu
    Registered Users Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Plopsu


    Of course, another point is that the OP mentions getting eight messages. How many has she sent?


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