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Death of biological father

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  • 13-11-2018 9:09pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all

    just looking to get my feelings out and see if maybe someone has been in a similar position

    i'm in my mid 20s now, found out when i was 14 that the man who i thought was my dad isn't my biological dad. he's been with my mother since i was 2 so i don't see him as a step-dad.

    i dealt pretty well with it as i tend to think that it's about who was there for you and raised you

    i found out a while ago that my biological father had passed away, and i really don't know how to feel about it

    on the one hand, i never had a super strong urge to reach out or to meet him, and i know he didn't make any effort to meet me

    but on the other hand that opportunity is now gone forever

    feeling very conflicted about this. i feel upset but feel that i don't have a right to


Comments

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    #2
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    I'm sorry to hear that OP. I have not been in this position, but I don't like seeing a thread get no responses either.

    Are you in touch with any family on your biological father's side?


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    #3
    molly09
    Registered Users Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭molly09


    Sorry for your loss op. You do have a right to be upset. At the end of the day this man was your biological father, now in your 20s you may have different thoughts and feelings on the situation than in your teenage years. Would you be able to discuss this with your mother?


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    #4
    nikkibikki
    Registered Users Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    My brother has been through something similar. He always knew, it was never a secret, and his bio Dad was horrible to him the few times he met him. But he was still upset when he heard he died. Its only natural.


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    #5
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    You have every right to feel upset. You have missed out on a chance to meet him and possibly have a relationship and that can play on your mind. Does your mum know anything about him - where he lived, if he married? Perhaps there are half siblings you could contact if you felt you wanted to. Maybe his parents are still alive and would like to get to know you. The curiosity is perfectly natural, similar to an adoption situation. It doesn't take from the fact that you have a great dad, who reared you. If you did look to contact his family I'd suggest seeing a counsellor first preferably with experience of biological reunions. It can be a very emotional ride!


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    #6
    banoffe2
    Registered Users Posts: 421 ✭✭banoffe2


    Hi OP
    I dont have personal experience but my close friend is adopted, she was told by her adoptive parents from a very young age, she was introduced to her birth mother when she was about 4 or 5. Her adoptive parents have a one child of their own. She has never met her father, nor has her birth mother any relationship with him, she has a great relationship with here adoptive parents and while she has a relationship with her natural mother, there is a limit to it as her birth mother has mental health issues which put limits on emotional availability. she spoke about her father who never tried to contact her, I think she has let it go and the fact that she grew up with parents who loved her , compensates for the loss and sense of abandonment from her birth father, she knows he is since married with family. Do you think you could be going through a stage of grief for what might have been? I am aware that this may be of no help to you but just wanted to share my friends experience, the very best of luck to you and keep reaching out here, you dont have to go through this alone, and its good that you are dealing with the grief, you can and will get through this XX


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