Thinking of working away

jimmers23 · 20-02-2020 6:19pm #1

Looking for thoughts and opinions from anyone who is or has underwent similar. Husband has been offered a job working abroad for 6 weeks at a time then home for 3 weeks. We have 2 kids under 6.I am working part time at present. The money is very attractive. We have a relatively small mortgage. Possibly looking to do this for 2-3 years to clear mortgage and then set up his own business. Other than the obvious issues that'd arise, has anyone any thoughts or experience to offer.
Many thanks
J

Princess Calla · 20-02-2020 9:09pm

Have no experience in this myself but these would be my considerations.

What's your support network like? Is there anyone that can mind the kids to give you abit of a break. Otherwise you will have no downtime to yourself.

What would happen if one of the kids got sick, worse case scenario ended up in hospital? Again your support network comes into play.

You will be doing everything solo, school runs, collections, weekend activities, breakfasts dinners etc.

It can definitely be done, army service comes to mind. Also single parents who have no choice etc.

The situation could lend itself to be very isolating for you, also resentment could build when you have full responsibility 24/7 when they are living a "single" life in another country.

But then short term pain for long term gain.

It's not a decision I'd rush into.

jimmers23 · 20-02-2020 9:30pm

Thanks for your reply, I agree 100% with your points. I thankfully have a very good support network close by but I agree it'd be full on 24/7.. It is a lot to consider, we are mulling it over and have a bit of time to do so. Thank you for your reply

Millem · 20-02-2020 9:46pm

When my husband is away I find the evenings quite lonely!
He usually does 3 morning drops so when he is away it puts a spanner in the works. Thankfully we have someone who I can drop them for an early drop. I find I don’t sleep great those nights as I am worried I might sleep it in!
He really misses the kids when he is away too and the kids really miss him too.

eviltwin · 20-02-2020 10:36pm

6 weeks out of 9 away from my kids would be a complete no from me no matter how much money they were paying me. I think it's a long tíme to be away when you have a family and could be detrimental to the children.

jlm29 · 20-02-2020 10:55pm

I think it depends a bit on how things are for the weeks he is there? My oh is self employed, and there’s times during the year where he might as well be on the moon for what I see of him. I’m alright with it because it’s necessity, but when he’s in his quiet times, I get a bit resentful if he takes on extra stuff, or even if he’s on the phone a lot, and less “present” than he could be, because I feel I should get a bit more down time. I also have great support though, and lately I’ve realised that taking time for myself is an absolute must to stop me going off my head.
Look at doing things like getting a cleaner so that you don’t have to do everything.

LegacyUser · 21-02-2020 11:18am

Speaking from the point of view of child who had one parent working overseas it's doable as long as parents are both on same page. You aren't going to damage kids being away - my dad was away for 18 months one time, yes we missed him but he'd been working an awful office job before that and was so depressed. He came back a different person, so happy and stress free and a better dad.

The main thing is not having the parent whose at home become the sole disciplinarian and if major changes are happening make sure everything is communicated. We had a set call time twice a week. There could be additional calls but these were set in stone and didn't change. Our mum made sure we saw her discussing any issues with him so it was clear to us it was something they both decided and not just one.

Current co-worker works away during the week but is home every Friday. He calls home 3 times day, personally I think that is overkill but every family is different so you need to make sure not to listen to criticism from others - what works for you is what is best for your family.

Moonbeam · 21-02-2020 11:49am

so since #2 was 1 my hubby has traveled , he would be gone to the US for 2 weeks and London for 1 nearly every month some times 3 weeks and sometimes we might get a couple of weeks with no travel,the kids could not tell half the time anyway as he came home after their bed time.
Roll on 8 years and he gets a job offer which long term means little travel so he goes and lives away for a year,comes home sometimes,we visit sometimes I notice no difference only now he officially lives in another country I have so many offers of help,people are amazing:) we moved to join him and he gets a promotion so now works 50% here and 50% in a neighboring country !!!
If you have a good support network you have more then I did but you get used to it and if it is only temporary the time flies. My lot are now 11,9,7 and 5 and love having him here at weekends and some evenings.

iwillhtfu · 21-02-2020 12:01pm

Having done pretty much a similar role myself I can tell you how it is from the one travelling perspective. At first it's great basically a mini holiday then it becomes less so but at this point the money makes it worth while. Then you're home and the first time it's great to see everyone again and then after several trips back and forth it becomes harder to adjust to the family dynamic again.

Long story short it is tough on both parties but the fact you have a support network around you will help. Looking back on it I would've taken half the wage to be working closer to home particularly as I had a young family at the time and you miss a lot of them growing up.

Would I do it again possibly but only when the kids are a bit older. also I don't know his particular contract but I used to get flights in and out paid for and the odd occasion I'd buy my own ticket and fly home for a day or two sometimes in and out in the same day.

CheerLouth · 21-02-2020 12:37pm

My husband works for himself and frequently travels away for up to 10 days at a time. For example, he was away last week for the whole week, at home this week & will be away next week. We have two kids under 5, I work full time (90% from home). Personally, I find that long enough. There is literally no respite, it's full on from the minute he leaves until the minute he comes back & then some after that, as he is often wrecked when he comes back as he'll have done very full days himself. It's all about weighing up the pros and cons of it.

For us, my husband loves his job & I wouldn't ask him to give it up. He makes decent money when he is away for that length of time. And to be honest, we get into a routine fairly quickly when he is gone & I often have more free time in the evening because I've everything done rather than waiting on him to do some of it. That said, the evenings are very long. I find it hard in the winter (I tend to go to bed very early) & it's equally as hard in the summer as there are evenings when I'd love to go out for a walk but can't because the kids are in bed. If the kids are sick or if you are sick, it makes it 10 times harder. It helps to have a great support network around you. But you will have to be the one to ask for help (I find that really hard as I feel like I'm inconveniencing people).

We've been doing this for about 5 years now & recently I've noticed that as the kids are getting older, they are a lot more aware of when Daddy is coming and going. We have tears when he leaves & then I'm literally asked about 5 times a day when he will be home. I find it that quite hard & I know my husband finds it hard too as he wants to talk to them on the phone in the evening but they are too small yet & literally say "hello", then get distracted by something else. He feels he misses out on a lot. There's also an impact on our relationship as I sometimes feel resentful that he can leave & pretty much not have to worry about anything as I have it under control. However, we work a lot on our communication & he makes sure to pick up the slack when he's at home.

Everything is workable, once you are prepared for it. Is there a possibility for a trial period or have you a backup plan if your husband takes the job & if it ends up not being suitable for your family?

jimmers23 · 21-02-2020 1:28pm

Thank you everyone some very realistic and insightful stances on the situation. No a trial would not be an option in his role, nor would a trip home or us going out to visit. It would be a very remote location. His flights to and from Ireland would be part of the package. It's a matter of weighing it up short term pain for long term gain or just perhaps continuing as we are but long term goals are further away.

21-02-2020 1:38pm

I do it. I work in Ireland for 3 weeks and spend the 4th in Spain with my family.

It's tough to be honest and as said above, after a while it becomes a struggle switching between the two but sometimes reality isn't perfect and in order for my family to have the life I want them to have, I need the money I make in Ireland while they enjoy the lifestyle in Spain.

The kids obviously miss me and vice versa but we use Amazon echoes in both houses connected to the one group. The girls can call me and I can call them and we can just chat away while having dinner or whatever. The Eco show is on the kitchen so usually when cooking.

In regards the plan to pay off mortgages and then work solo, it wont happen. I know a few people who worked abroad in the same plan, either they all moved abroad in the end or they broke up or option 3, they continued in that style because they fell in love with the money.

Then consider as said by others, if disaster strikes, new cultures, etc. You need to understand the country you are moving to.

Having said all that, try out the various situations and see, you might end up loving the new country like my family did.

Chocolate fiend · 28-02-2020 9:13pm

See if you can chat to the wives and partners of FIFO workers in Australia on some Aussie forums. That is pretty much what they do and it isn't that unusual. The money is generally what makes it work and also setting a time limit on it. My friend is doing it at the moment and they have agreed 5 years. When the 5 years are over they should have their mortgage paid off and they will still be young enough to enjoy the benefits of that.

I would find it hard but I have no support network apart from my husband, none that I could really rely on anyway.

endacl · 28-02-2020 9:16pm

lasalle · 29-02-2020 11:24am

Interesting thread! As the travelling parent (10-12 weeks a year sporadically) i have now a similar opportunity of a 3 weeks away, 3 weeks at home fixed roster. I wouldn’t usually do 3 weeks away but then again i wouldn’t ever get 3 weeks at home!
Its harder i think to travel away now and again as the kids take a while to settle (schools/bedtime/acting up my other half finds it hard sometime as shes doing everything when im away)
But usually by the time im back they’re used to the routine, i wonder if it was routine all the time to be away i think they would adapt better to it?

Thinking of working away

Comments