You're just what I'm looking for.
I've moved into a shared house which means me taking over a couple of bills (BT and Sky). Also the boiler broke down so that means dealing with British Gas.
Wanted to take over responsibility for the bill, call centre was ok, not too long of a wait, but the bill needed to be paid, as we were overdue and our packages had been deactived (Movies etc). Unfortunately, the act of paying over the phone, while reactiving the TV packages, managed to kill out Sky Broadband connection. 3 calls and 2 days later and they're fobbing me off with "wait until midnight".
Verdict: Guilty of Crimes against Internet Access
Sentence: 10 Years watching Sky Movies, where the only thing on is "Batman & Robin".
Defendant #2: British Gas
We need a part for the boiler. The engineer insisted that the office would send out a printed quote in the post. The Call centre insisted that engineers carried printers with them and printed off quotes on the spot. They sent the engineer back to us. He told us the call centre was wrong. Rang call centre. Call centre told us engineer was wrong. Eventually gave out stink to the call centre, got put through to someone more senior who wanted to send out an engineer, I told them to make sure it was a different guy. When this guy arrived, he had the printed quote in his hand. Finally.
Verdict:Guilty of "Infinite Customer Service Loop"
Sentence: Life Imprisonment in a freezing cold cell with a broken boiler and no hot water.
Defendant #3: BT
Rang 6 weeks ago, to take over the BT bill. They needed to disconnect the old customer and create a new account and new connection for me, as a new customer. Half way through the questions for the credit check, I get cut off. Ring again, wait, they say they have to start the whole process over again. When that's done I wait, and get 3 calls over the course of the week, where they ask me my address, again and again and again, for the credit check. After that I hear nothing for a month. So I ring them, (and this is where is starts getting painful) For an hour (and for £10 mobile call charges) they pass me around, keep me on hold and finally call me back to tell me I need an engineer to come out, so I tell them to forget it. Call back the next day wait/get transferred/cut off twice/wait some more, for 2 hours, it turns out they've connected the account to the wrong apartment, I don't need an engineer and it will be connected to the correct apartment the today (I'm not holding my breath). I'm not even angry any more. I've lost my will to care. Every time they transfer you to a new department you have to explain your story to them from the beginning. And you've been on hold so long you can't remember why you were transferred there. Or what department you were transferred from? The worst company I have ever dealt with. Ever. A soul destroying experience.
Verdict: Guilty of making a man wish he could pull his own eyelids off with a glowing white hot pliers rather than call BT again.
Sentence: An eternity spent navigating the BT call centre menus and talking to an infinite number of departments and operators who are forever polite but never do anything but listen to your tale of woe and transfer you to another deparment.
That feels so much better to let that all out.