Employee with anxiety

LegacyUser · 19-11-2019 3:19pm #1

This is likely the wrong forum for this issue, but I do want to remain anon for it please. I have an employee and she suffers tremendously with anxiety and I am wondering if anybody has experience in this. The employee is an entry level admin, she is a very nice young lady and quite capable despite having little or no experience. The problem is that she is taking a very long time to do very basic tasks and she doesn't take initiative because she is afraid to try and fail so to speak. Now I decided to bring this up with her and she broke down admitted to a severe anxiety issue so what is a very basic task becomes a big deal for her because she has to have everything perfect so she checks and rechecks.

On the few occasions i have corrected her on something - usually something minor, I will ask her to do it again, no big deal made - it now transpires that she goes home and cries and cries about it - literally staying up all night worrying, not sleeping and working herself up. I had no idea that this was the case although I had noticed a tearful face on a few occasions. So now I'm in a position where I will have to correct her on some matters and teach her other matters but anything I say that isn't 100% positive is overwhelming for her. She cannot help but get upset and she knows herself it's not that serious but she is still very very upset which is awful to see. I've been very gentle with her so far, I'm not really a bossy type as such but I want her to improve her work and also improve her confidence and empower herself so to speak. Question is, how do you handle giving any form of negative feedback and/or encourage them to be confident (with clients/on phone) to somebody who literally just can't deal with it but is trying very hard?

Ursus Horribilis · 20-11-2019 1:29am

Do you know if your employee is getting any help for her anxiety? I think for now, encouraging her to talk to her GP or a therapist of some sort would be the best option. Perhaps offering to give her some time off work to see one might be an option? If she is getting so upset over such minor things, I can't see there being any "nice" way to correct her.

nikkibikki · 20-11-2019 8:40am

Could you put it on you, saying something like its just you being pedantic that you want it done a certain way? And/or explain that these mistakes don't change your opinion of her as a more than capable worker and you don't want to lose her an an employee.

She's catastrophising, a very common issue with anxiety. CBT can help with that.

Also, are there any training courses she could do to boost her confidence?

Accepting Cookies · 20-11-2019 9:54am

Hi, as your employee is entry level admin, she would be fairly green at a lot of stuff as you mentioned. We all have to start somewhere and of course I once did too. Putting the anxiety issue to one side for a moment, the level of mistake making here sounds unusually frequent. What kind of mistakes are we talking about here? To come straight out with it, my first thought was to wonder at the level and quality of training she has received and whether she has indeed received any. Does she have her duties typed or written out that she can follow, and has she shadowed someone else for a training period to see how it's done? When she's on the phone with clients, does she have a typed out script she should follow until she becomes more practiced and natural?

Your framing of the feedback as negative gives a possible clue or approach to your tone. What if you approached it as constructive feedback instead, and sandwiched that feedback with the positives that she is doing well? The focus should always be more on what she is doing well. Make sure the feedback you give is in a positive manner.

My training in HR isn't in this country, but the training and experience I have would say that you can't ask about a potential disability unless the employee discloses that, or the disability possibly needs accommodation and it's very obvious so you can have a face to face conversation about any accommodations needed. Mental health should be taken seriously as any visually physical one. How big is your company, and do you have an HR dept?

Other than that, I would have a gentle conversation with her, an, open door policy and encourage her to talk with you about her challenges. Make a plan together that would help her, whether that's providing more/different training, giving feedback in a different way, changing working hours, giving her time off to see a GP/therapist/more frequent breaks to mind her mental health (aka be flexible) . Ensure you have set expectations in the role that are clear to her, and then work with her on how to achieve those via training, clear goals and how to achieve those, and accommodation. Hope that helps.

Jurgen Klopp · 20-11-2019 5:05pm

I think it's nice you care and want to help so much so that's a great start.

Would sitting down and having a chat with her saying something to what you said above? Tell her she's a great worker and anytime you need to correct her it's to help her improve etc and say she'll be flying in no time. That you go home pleased she's learning, not thinking she's a bad worker etc

Of course to be fair to you there's only so much you can do she needs to meet halfway and get some sort of help tho

I am me123 · 20-11-2019 7:12pm

I second the above posting.

It seems that you are a very good employer who values their employees, and does n't view them as being expendable.

I'd advise you to maybe have an informal sit -down meeting with the employee, and ask them if there is anything that they are struggling with at the moment in their work, from there, maybe assign them a mentor or a senior member of staff to maybe work with them on anything they're struggling with to get them up to speed.

Having been in a similar position in a job, I would have welcomed this being done by an employer, rather than 'binning me off' and being let go.

HorrorScope · 20-11-2019 7:18pm

Your employee is on the verge of mental burnout, I was there myself 3 years ago and she is showing all the symptoms I had from your description. I spent 2 1/2 months out of work on a course of anti depressants and Xanax because I ignored it and let it go totally unchecked until I was hyperventilating in the car one lunchtime thinking I was about to die. I can nearly guarantee you from my experience she has not yet talked to a GP yet, so above anything else please suggest that to her when you do talk.

scarepanda · 20-11-2019 7:32pm

Strongly suggest she attends her GP, and make sure she knows that you will accommodate any appointments she may have to attend. If she needs to go to councilling it may be weekly initially.

I would also recommend regular informal chats where you point out discretely things she is doing good, keep things positive and the door open. I'm going to assume she told you herself what was up, if so, you have no idea how much courage that took. Also take note if there's anyone abrasive in the office or that she may have to work with closely that might make the situation worse in the short term, if so, is there anything you can do to mitigate this? Also consider that while you may be satisfied with her work, and any critiquing you give her is for her own development in the role, she could be suffering from 'imposter syndrome'. It's a really tough position to be in in your own head.

And finally, as someone who was once in a similar position as your member of staff, thank you for trying to help her and figure out how to help her in her role. She might need extra support now, but it will pay off in the long term.

the14thwarrior · 20-11-2019 10:34pm

i would say all the above posts are very good advice and you sound super supportive and encouraging.
it sounds like you don't have a HR or occ. health doctor, therefore you need to be super aware of your responsbilities as an employer.

i do hope it works out.
but i must say from experience, if her mental health difficulties are so hard for her that she cannot actually do her job, you do need to consider the long term effects. might i suggest you take clear notes, document as much as you can, via email etc. to highlight the assistance you have given her, and the options available to her to continue working, even it it means reduced hours or workload.

from a realistic point of view, however, if she cannot do the job that she is being paid for despite all your assistance, decisions may need to be made regarding the viability of her employment. You don't want to end up in court for unfair dismissal or similar so you need to be a little careful yourself

i hope she gets the help she needs, and i must say you sound very supportive and eager to help. well done you.

qwerty13 · 21-11-2019 2:20am

You are being very decent, and supportive, bit a few things hopped into my mind:

You can’t ask for or suggest any specifics re diagnosis or treatment. If she’s of a compensation bent, that’s you screwed.

It would be unfair to facilitate her at the cost of working time for others. I mean absolutely give her additional help, and time, and a mentor - but you have to be conscious that if ‘help’ is consistent and not constructive, it’s costing your company money, and frustrating other staff. Of course it’s good to do some of that, but you also have to consider how long term sustainable that is.

zapper55 · 21-11-2019 10:23am

To add to qwerry's post. You need to mind your own mental health too. You dont want to be walking on eggshells around this person or worrying if they are at home crying. It may come to a point where you decide this person just isn't up to the job and its not the best environment for them.

HildaOgdenx · 21-11-2019 3:50pm

You sound like a very decent person to work with.

Anxiety is a horrible thing to deal with and it would be a shame if it got in her way as you have said she is good.

If you have a HR department, I would suggest an informal chat with them about the best way to go. It's good that she felt able to tell you what was going on. I would be wary of getting into specifics with her re doctors etc. HR, if they know their stuff, should be able to give you a steer, in that respect, or they could have that discussion with her, if appropriate.

Not much to add to the suggestions already made, mentoring/ training etc. On a practical level, I would encourage her to take notes as she learns stuff and she will have something to refer to which might help with her confidence.

Hopefully it all works out well.

Batgurl · 21-11-2019 5:31pm

I don’t think taking on the criticism yourself will help in any way. This person needs to learn how to handle criticism in all walks of life, not just from you.

The onus is on them to get help and as others have said, I suggest you support this.

If they refuse, and continue to be a poor performer, then I can’t see how they should be treated any different than an alcoholic showing up drunk who is not acknowledging or treating their disease (an extreme comparison I know but both are mental health issues which manifest themselves physically).

As was also mentioned here, I’d be very mindful of how this persons disorder affects the wider team, even if they do get help. Perceived “special treatment” (lower targets, accepted lower outputs, Flexi-time, working from home, or even time off for doctors visits) can all cause other team members to become bitter and twisted as they either don’t know the full story or don’t fully understand anxiety.

Irish Praetorian · 21-11-2019 7:59pm

One possibility of trying to offset the potential expense of an employee with special needs you might consider is the 'Wage Subsidy Scheme'. I've included the link below but in short, it means you can receive a subsidy of €5.30 per hour for up to 39 hours of work per week as performed by the staff member in question. There is a minor application kerfuffle but it really shouldn't be all that much for you to worry about. Now the biggest issue you might have is seeing if this is something your employee would consider or even how they might see themselves when it comes to their mental health, but at the very least it's worth considering.

http://www.welfare.ie/en/Pages/Wage-Subsidy-Scheme_holder_3176.aspx

ILoveYourVibes · 21-11-2019 9:01pm

Maybe this is just not healthy place for her ...as in maybe this is not the right job for her.

I guess she has to find that out. Let her know its ok to quit ..as in you won't respect her less.

It could be you two just don't ...understand each other.

Not all employees are right for the job. Not all jobs are right for all people.

She might be happier somewhere else.

It might not be her ..it might not be you ....its just not the right place for her etc. She's not right for the place.

If she is crying and worrying all night etc ...she probably already wants to leave.

People who really care about me people i respect have often told me to quit things, jobs, people ,places that clearly were not good for me often it was the best thing that ever happened to me because it was the end of me doing something i hated and the start of me following a REAL dream that i had been too scared to do.

leggo · 21-11-2019 10:17pm

I’ve had wars with anxiety and have had people work under me who suffer too, when you experience it yourself and know how it manifests, it’s quite easy to spot.

The way I approach it is head on. You can’t outright say “Do you suffer from anxiety?” But you can observe that they seem a bit anxious and come at it from a position of empathy and compassion. If you’ve done their job before, consider how you yourself would’ve felt and what you’d be worried about, or at least try your best to see their side and what is the root of making them get worked up. You can see quite easily then what they need to hear.

If they’re new, it’s good to reassure them that they’re not expected to be perfect and that they can ask questions, give them points of contact as well as yourself that they can approach for support if needed. Sometimes just seeing you have a support network is a lifeline for people. Even if you tell another experienced employee you trust to keep an eye out for them if they’re struggling, it could be better than you directly managing it because the boss/employee dynamic can make people feel more intense or anxious. But then just being there in general and checking in that they’re okay, asking actual questions beyond small chat and actively listening and responding to them so they feel acknowledged and part of the bigger picture, that kind of thing. Of course a lot of that depends on your own style and the tone you want to set, but that’s how I approach situations like that personally.

antix80 · 22-11-2019 12:43am

Why did you describe her as capable?. . She's inexperienced, takes too long, isn't good with clients, doesn't show initiative and can't handle feedback! Just because she's too contentious doesn't mean she's a good worker. If anything it means she's a bad worker.

My advice would be to give her a routine and repetitive tasks she can perform every morning that builds her confidence and keeps her busy between say 9 and 11.. Then after a nice teabreak, let her help someone til lunchtime... a mentor who can do a bit of handholding when needed.

You'll know soon enough if she's trainable. It's possible the environment just isnt for her.
Don't get stuck with someone on your team who isn't up to scratch regardless of their health issues.

Employee with anxiety

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