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What is going on :(

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  • 04-12-2019 11:38pm
    #1
    MinnieMinnie
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭


    Long time poster going anon for this. Recently started a course and met a guy who I’ve clicked with. Find it really easy to chat to him and we have the laugh, he always says I’m the only gal in the group that’s up for the craic. We’ve been out as a large group on a few occasions and he seems to gravitate toward me and will spend ages chatting with me. I feel like he’s told me things he wouldn’t tell other people bar his close friends and in lectures he always seems to look in my direction when he is being funny. He seems way more outgoing than me and he added me on social media a while back. He replies to some stuff I post but he doesn’t seem to be much of a texter and doesn’t initiate texts ever. But he recently replied privately to a pic of mine on Facebook with a joke and then said ILY later in the convo which I think is really confusing. We were out as a group last Friday and crossed paths a few times as I was with my friends. We danced a few times and when I was planning on going home he asked me to go to another bar and I did. Again we danced and had fun but when closing came I was grabbing a cab and he held my hand and had a chat. He said then said I could stay at his in the spare room. I laughed this off as he was quite tipsy and said I had to go home and we had some hugs and went our separate ways. I felt like he was trying to kiss at one point but he didn’t want to initiate. I know he’s out of a relationship recently but I just cannot read the situation or tell what he wants which is super frustrating. Any other time guys have been interested they text and are a bit more direct. Any advice or takes on this situation would be great because my head is wrecked from it lol


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    #2
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    I'm not sure.

    If i were you i would tell him my feelings and ask him about his.


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    #3
    FitzElla
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭FitzElla


    It sounds like he is interested in you but is a bit cautious about making a move. From his point of view you are both friends on the same course and will have to see each other again if he misreads the situation. Are you giving him any signs you are interested instead of a bit of dancing and fun when out?

    Like you went out as a group and he asked you to a bar on your own. When the night was over he asked you back to his. I'm not sure why you laughed if off if you were interested, and I doubt he knows which way is up now. You might need to throw him a lifeline and ask him out for a drink or something and make it clear you want to spend the time with him alone. If all else fails, tell him you like him!


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    #4
    Calypso Realm
    Registered Users Posts: 416 ✭✭Calypso Realm


    Agree with the above in terms of his interest and being cautious. BUT another important factor in all of this is the fact he's just out of a relationship which may in itself account for his apparent hesitation. He may well feel conflicted because of this. Do you know who broke it off with whom, for instance?

    For this reason I would, in your shoes also proceed with caution as the last thing you want right now is to end up a rebound. Or at least until you know more about his last relationship.


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    #5
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,297 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    Make a move if you are interested if not then back off a bit on the contact.


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    #6
    lalababa
    Registered Users Posts: 1,726 ✭✭✭lalababa


    If you want to go on a date ask him. If he says yes then ye go on a date , if he says no , then ye don't.


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    #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    I'm not sure.

    If i were you i would tell him my feelings and ask him about his.

    Yes..Do this..


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    #8
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,297 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Yes..Do this..

    Seems a bit heavy No? I would keep things light and fun initially. They may not even be suited once they start 'dating'


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    #9
    MinnieMinnie
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭MinnieMinnie


    FitzElla wrote: »
    It sounds like he is interested in you but is a bit cautious about making a move. From his point of view you are both friends on the same course and will have to see each other again if he misreads the situation. Are you giving him any signs you are interested instead of a bit of dancing and fun when out?

    Like you went out as a group and he asked you to a bar on your own. When the night was over he asked you back to his. I'm not sure why you laughed if off if you were interested, and I doubt he knows which way is up now. You might need to throw him a lifeline and ask him out for a drink or something and make it clear you want to spend the time with him alone. If all else fails, tell him you like him!

    No I don’t think I’m giving any signs other than being friendly and bubbly as I honestly don’t want to make a fool of myself if he’s not interested. Thanks for your reply it’s helpful :)


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    #10
    MinnieMinnie
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭MinnieMinnie


    Calypso Realm wrote: »
    Agree with the above in terms of his interest and being cautious. BUT another important factor in all of this is the fact he's just out of a relationship which may in itself account for his apparent hesitation. He may well feel conflicted because of this. Do you know who broke it off with whom, for instance?

    For this reason I would, in your shoes also proceed with caution as the last thing you want right now is to end up a rebound. Or at least until you know more about his last relationship.

    Nope I’m not sure who broke it off with who but the impression I got was he did it but this was before we got closer so it wasn’t in any way related to me and to be honest I wouldn’t pry into that topic without him volunteering info first. And the lack of texting is so confusing cause I would have always had this with other guys and been able to tell from this whether they wanted to pursue something.

    Thanks for your reply I appreciate it!


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    #11
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    Seems a bit heavy No? I would keep things light and fun initially. They may not even be suited once they start 'dating'

    That's not emotionally honest though is it?

    Its too late for that for her. She already has feelings.

    Either she tells him ..hey i like you ..I wanna netflix and chill your brains out. Or it just keeps going round and round in circles.

    So what if it doesn't work out? Its not a game to win. Its just seeing if you click as much as you feel you will.


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    #12
    MartyMcFly84
    Registered Users Posts: 1,326 ✭✭✭MartyMcFly84


    If you like him why not let him know?

    Whats worse the fear of a momentary embarrassment, or missing out on a potentially great guy?


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    #13
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,297 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    That's not emotionally honest though is it?

    Emotional honesty? I am not even sure what that is. The start of relationships are all about best foot forward. It is only over time that you let them know the warts and all aspects such as semi craziness and questionable hygiene etc


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    #14
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    Emotional honesty? I am not even sure what that is. The start of relationships are all about best foot forward. It is only over time that you let them know the warts and all aspects such as semi craziness and questionable hygiene etc

    That's game-playing and unhealthy. I get what you're saying like and a lot of people do feel that way...but it's the kinda thing that should be avoided (and not encouraged) because it's likely that attitude and strategising at the start that ends up leading to 90% of issues here that start with "At the start it was great but..."

    You can just be honest and straight up with people. Being afraid of rejection is natural but when you have enough positive signals you can just say "I'm into you and would like to do something about it". Dancing around that, trying to keep your cards close to your chest, trying to not seem 'over-eager' etc is what ends in messy situations down the line or the whole thing just becoming more stress than it's worth and both people losing interest. I've lived it myself.

    If someone doesn't like you just because you've told them you like them, then the reality is they don't like you that much anyway and this way you've saved countless nights of getting worked up to end at the same destination.


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    #15
    Tiddlypeeps
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,103 ✭✭✭Tiddlypeeps


    MinnieMinnie wrote: »
    I honestly don’t want to make a fool of myself if he’s not interested


    I can almost guarantee he is in the same boat, dropping hints but not being direct for fear of looking a fool if you reject him. Tale as old as time.


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