I don't have any friends

I was pretty much in your position at 26. Had a long term boyfriend but no real social circle, anyone I did hang out with was through him, his sisters, friends girlfriends, etc But I never counted them as friends as such and would frequently get very upset by the whole thing. Looking up old friends wasn’t an option either. They were living in different cities and by my mid twenties we had very much drifted apart. I became overly reliant on my relationship and gave up trying to connect with new people. When the relationship ended I found myself very much out on my own with not a clue how to make the situation better. I knew I was a good person but I found myself in circumstances which weren’t (completely) of my making. On top of the loneliness there is shame, how do you explain to people that you don’t have any friends? It’s the new taboo, particularly with the onset of social media which makes people feel like a pariah if they don’t have a huge social circle. I felt unwanted and (not to be too dramatic) cast out.

Now in my forties I count myself lucky to have lovely people in my life who I count as close friends. It is one of the things I am most grateful for in my life and which I never take for granted. But it took persistence and a little bit of courage to get to this point. Like you I’m a bit of introvert and a couple of bad experiences when I was younger made me anxious and distrustful of others (particularly other women). I think I also felt perhaps I wasn’t worthy of others people friendship. I think this is something I recognise in your post, the way you describe your upbringing it almost feels like you don’t think that your good enough. But you are! The good news is you can make friends at any stage of life, just because you don’t have any at 26 doesn’t mean you won’t have any at 36 or even 30. So my advice is this:

1. Confront your past and your feelings about your parents and your upbringing. I’m cynical about counsellors at the best of times but I think you can see yourself how it may be coming into play with how you interact with others and how you perceive yourself. Talking this through with someone might help you to deal with your experiences to date and how you can gain more confidence in your interactions with people.

2. Realise that you will meet plenty of people who you don’t click or who won’t click with you. Don’t become discouraged if an initial acquaintance doesn’t become something more. This happens all the time, chalk it up to experience.

3. Look at how you spend your free time, do you have hobbies, interests? Do you volunteer? If there is nothing in the town you are in then can you travel (even occasionally) to a bigger town/city where there is stuff going on?

4. Work - is there any social groups you could join? Connect with former workmates, catch up for a drink or coffee?

5. Take the lead in organising things, don’t wait for someone else to do it. Could be a night out or weekend away. Be brave.

6. Get to know your neighbours, join community events, volunteer locally.

I just wanted to reply to your post because I remember feeling exactly as you did. To use that awful phrase, put yourself out there, be brave. Forget about weddings and hen parties and focus on how you can make your situation better. This means being more proactive than you are now, it might mean you need to take yourself out of your comfort zone a little but the outcome is worth it in the end!

I really feel for you OP, i was in the same situation myself a few years ago. I had no friends from school and only a few from college who were never really up for going out or meeting up.

I ended up making great friends in my last job about 2 years ago with two girls in my office. I'm incredibly shy but I made the effort to organise nights out, coffee after work or going to gigs and now we're all very close. As a result I've become friendly with their other friends and now have a group to go away with for my 30th next month, something I couldn't have imagined doing 2 years ago.

I wish you the best OP and know that things will get better!

Hi OP I felt compelled to reply to your post.
At your age I was in a similar situation, tbh it went for years and greatly effected my self esteem and confidence - in hindsight my lack of self esteem effected my relationships and friendship making skills which further damaged my self esteem and the cycle continued. I feel like, from reading your post, you didnt build healthy relationships at home while also didnt get the opportunity to build healthy relationships outside the home (id a very similar experience) and this effected your ability to make friends later in life.
As another posted mentioned, id also be quite cynical about counselors but if you have things in your head that you need to vent about and want a safe space to do so, counselling is a great place to do that. You would really want to look at your self esteem and issues with insecurity, id also suggest looking into boundaries, enmeshment and transnational therapy, maybe you could research these things yourself.
As mentioned, theres such a big stigma around having no friends or few friends and being lonely, like theres something wrong with you.
For me it was a combination of living remotely, unable to work (because of living remotely) and terribly low self esteem that caused mental health issues.
Since moving I started working and have since reconnected with old friends and made new ones, 3 years ago I thought id be alone and isolated forever but now everyday im busy and have plans every weekend. Things do change but you just need to be bit gritty and resilient and focus on making the change. It wont happen over night but everything changes eventually.

You really have to put yourself out there and make time for people, start developing a life for yourself outside of your boyfriend, id definitely suggest getting some hobbies and interests that dont involve him or the relationship but are all about you, could be anything at all doesnt even have to involve other people, I just think it would be great for you to start carving out your own identity that isnt wrapped up in your boyfriend.