So anxious and scared

Hi all
I hope its ok, to post here, twice within a relatively short time after a previous post
Today, marks my final full day in the UK, tomorrow I travel to holyhead and get the boat home on Wednesday morning
I'm so scared and anxious!
All I can think is what's going to happen when I go home, what will I do every day? Not that I have been doing much here lately but still.
the fact I have no life, just keeps coming in waves! I just feel so useless, like I've failed. all I wanted was my independence, i couldn't make employment work, I know that wasn't my fault, but still. Because of all the moves, i lost my beautiful gorgeous guide dog, earlier this year. I get to go see him today because of leaving tomorrow. I can't have a guide dog while I live with my grandparents, which may not be for long, can't have guide dog at my mum's if I do end up back there, because I won't, even technically have a room there.
I just wish there was an eject button I could push.
I'm not of use to anyone, what can I, what do I, contribute? thinking all of this makes me feel so sad also. I don't expect anything here really, i just needed to write it down somewhere. I tried talking to my sister the other day, I was reaching out to see was she ok, and she asked how I was. When I said scared etc, she just said, yeah yeah fear of the unknown, but embrace it and you'll be grand, sort of thing. She also said, i need to ' come back with an open mind '
What this is code for is, I need to not cause any trouble or arguments. In the past, like when I was in hospital earlier this year, herself and my mum united about how irresponsible I was with some of my choices, how I'd lost myself in relationships and let people treat me like cr*p, how I only use the fact we grew up in a violent home when it suits, etc.
I know, I'm lucky to have Ireland, and my family to come back to, but I'm just sad I'll lose my independence, with no idea when I'll get it back, and being in my mum's with my mental health how it is, and their lack of understanding, I just don't know how I'll cope. I know I have nothing left to give anymore, so I am making the right decision, it just doesn't make it any less scary
Thanks if you've gotten this far, I know this probably doesn't make sense, because my head is all over the place