Do you accept poor behaviour from friends/family if theres a reason for it?

wakka12 · 24-05-2019 2:36pm #1

Say theyve had a rough day, or a few bad days because of some issue theyve been having in their personal life, and its led to them being very unhappy or upset . And youre nice to them but they treat you like ****. Do you mind it?Or do you kind of disregard any hurtful things they say because of this exceptional state of mind, like when somebody does something stupid while drunk. Sure their mood is understandable if something bad happened but is it not poor show of character to take out their anger on those around them who have done nothing to contribute to their problems, or even tried to make them feel better. Does it change your opinion of them?Should it?

Well I have a friend in this situation who is ordinarily sweet and kind, but given their behaviour over the last few days, I dont know if Id want to continue the friendship any longer. And no its not a death of a loved one or anything serious theyre suffering, just 'boy trouble'

Deebles McBeebles · 24-05-2019 2:42pm

It would depend on the level of sh*t you are taking because of it really. What are we talking about here?

I wouldn't equate bad mood due to personal problems with someone acting the maggot when drunk, one is foisted upon you, the other is a personal choice.

Ten of Swords · 24-05-2019 2:43pm

Personally if they're having a bad day and choose to take it out on those around them I'll try to give them a wide berth but if that's not possible I'll put up with it for the day, any longer than that and they're taken aside and told to reign it in and stop acting like a dick. I have considerably less tolerance for family doing it than I would with my friends

wakka12 · 24-05-2019 2:45pm

Fighting/arguing with anyone about anything they can, looking for a fight. Everything you do is wrong now and a problem, when they never would have usually taken issue with you doing those things before, when they acted like a normal human being you could converse with and not be snapped at by. So being a total bitch , basically, is the level of **** Im talking about

ILoveYourVibes · 24-05-2019 2:47pm

All the time. I just forget it.

But that is not for everyone I understand. I am absent minded.

One eyed Jack · 24-05-2019 2:50pm

wakka12 wrote: »

Say theyve had a rough day, or a few bad days because of some issue theyve been having in their personal life, and its led to them being very unhappy or upset . And youre nice to them but they treat you like ****. Do you mind it?Or do you kind of disregard any hurtful things they say because of this exceptional state of mind

Read that back to yourself wakka. I wouldn’t put up with someone’s treating me like shìte no matter what their personal circumstances. I just wouldn’t entertain what sounds like your mate being a drama queen either tbh.

Sardonicat · 24-05-2019 2:51pm

Are you talking about a relative or a friend? If the latter, how long have you known this person?

Ten of Swords · 24-05-2019 2:57pm

Wakka if they're a good friend you should be able to have the 'hard' conversation ie, tell them to take steps to fix their problem otherwise they need to suck it up and take it because they're being a pain in the ass.

Are they lashing out at anyone else or just you? Has anyone else called them out?

topper75 · 24-05-2019 3:12pm

There is an entitlement to feel bad on their part. But there is no entitlement to bring that grief to the door of others who were not the author. There is no obligation on your part either as a friend or family member to tolerate that.
Learning that is part of their growing up.

24-05-2019 3:25pm

i dont tolerate it at all.

an adult takes responsibility for their behaviour and actions and dont use mood or circumstances as an excuse for treating others badly

id accept an apology but id almost always try to figure out whether it was an "ill do this again in similar circumstances" excuse or an "i realise this isnt on" mature apology and id treat that person accordingly afterwards

ArnoldJRimmer · 24-05-2019 4:25pm

This is something I used to tolerate, would walk on eggshells around people at certain times, and take abuse from people because they were under stress or in a bad mood

Now that I'm old enough to know that life is too short for that sh!t, I won't put up with it at all from a grown adult. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule as someone may be going through a major problem, but on the whole, I have no tolerance for adult tantrums

Sardonicat · 24-05-2019 4:31pm

OP, a simple "I won't tolerate that BS behaviour' usually softens their cough. Be sure to follow through, though. Walk away once you've said it so they know you won't take this crap. If this person is someone you've met relatively recently you may be witnessing them without their mask for the first time.

24-05-2019 5:21pm

Snappiness isn't as bad as flying into a temper, but either way their problems presumably aren't your fault so you shouldn't suffer the fallout.

Bitches Be Trypsin · 24-05-2019 8:10pm

wakka12 wrote: »

Say theyve had a rough day, or a few bad days because of some issue theyve been having in their personal life, and its led to them being very unhappy or upset . And youre nice to them but they treat you like ****. Do you mind it?Or do you kind of disregard any hurtful things they say because of this exceptional state of mind, like when somebody does something stupid while drunk. Sure their mood is understandable if something bad happened but is it not poor show of character to take out their anger on those around them who have done nothing to contribute to their problems, or even tried to make them feel better. Does it change your opinion of them?Should it?

Well I have a friend in this situation who is ordinarily sweet and kind, but given their behaviour over the last few days, I dont know if Id want to continue the friendship any longer. And no its not a death of a loved one or anything serious theyre suffering, just 'boy trouble'

I would say give them time. Give them another week, and then tell them how you feel. I'd do everything to try and maintain the friendship if they are ordinarily a good friend

hcmc uyfi idsr · 24-05-2019 9:37pm

He is a fúcking psycho, but he's a mate, you know, so what can you do?

buried · 24-05-2019 9:46pm

Tell them to cop the f**k on about how they are acting, that its nothing but noise that will ultimately pass anyways, its no good for them, no good for you or anybody else. Hit them with a straight dose of truth. They'll thank it for you later if they are a true friend anyways.

nacho libre · 24-05-2019 9:50pm

They might think you are soft touch; that they can get away with this kind of behaviour with you, where as with someone else they would not dare act this way. If this is the case, it's disrespectful and you need to tell them its unacceptable and you won't put up with. We all have problems, taking it out on others solves nothing and is just being immature

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 24-05-2019 10:42pm

Nope. We’re a sharp-edged family. We cut each other down pretty easily. I’d rather that than stewing on things.

Do you accept poor behaviour from friends/family if theres a reason for it?

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