Celebrities and their stool, whose would you like to analyse?

Seems no one is prepared to get down and dirty.

Ok lemme begin:

Venus Williams- Muscular woman who follows a raw vegan diet. I want to get my nose right down in that. I want to check the elasticity. I wanna stab it a few times with a Q-Tip and see how the turf fastens to the cotton bud. I've a feeling she's pumping out large, healthy, mainly odorless logs.

Steven Van Zandt - Thick, child-rearing hips and a robust gluteus maximus combined with a diet rich in red meat, carbohydrates and wine, makes me think this guy is pushing out substantial, slimy brown sausages with light marbling. A little crumbly as they hit the porcelain and slide back into the basin. Rich smell of caffeine as Steven travels a lot and is known as a coffee drinker. I'd be mashing this up with the back end of a spoon to check the texture of the core.

Pete Doherty - Anorexic, drug user with a life lacking in discipline and routine. I'd say this fellah is birthing a little nest of baby eels once or twice a week. Lots of watery liquid one day followed by hard dark pellets the next day. Smell of Kimchi and rotted flesh.