Difficulty picking bridal party roles

clo1 · 17-01-2021 10:52pm #1

Hi guys

I am in a bit of a predicament. I have four wonderful friends of mine who are really eager to be part of my bridal party however two of these are also particularly keen on the MOH title. I have no sisters so it’s up for grabs . My fiancé and family would like my longest serving friend to be MOH while I would probably rather pick a more recent friend who I speak to on the regular. I feel
Both girls will expect the title and whoever I pick the other will be diaappointed what so I do or say? Is it a possibility to not have a MOH and just make them all bridesmaids? Has anyone done this and if so did it work out alright or does it complicate things as no one knows who should be the chief organizer bridesmaid etc or who will sign the registry book etc,? Any advice would be great as it’s causing me a lot of stress!

hurleronditch · 17-01-2021 10:58pm

clo1 wrote: »

Hi guys

I am in a bit of a predicament. I have four wonderful friends of mine who are really eager to be part of my bridal party however two of these are also particularly keen on the MOH title. I have no sisters so it’s up for grabs . My fiancé and family would like my longest serving friend to be MOH while I would probably rather pick a more recent friend who I speak to on the regular. I feel
Both girls will expect the title and whoever I pick the other will be diaappointed what so I do or say? Is it a possibility to not have a MOH and just make them all bridesmaids? Has anyone done this and if so did it work out alright or does it complicate things as no one knows who should be the chief organizer bridesmaid etc or who will sign the registry book etc,? Any advice would be great as it’s causing me a lot of stress!

I’ve been in a few bridal parties where there wasn’t defined roles on one side or both.

On the grooms side it’s more of a requirement to have a best man as there is a speech that people expect, but on the brides side it’s less significant. If you want to explicitly state that you aren’t having one that might make sense, but equally just divvy up jobs as they come up. Have one girl stand next to you, or go last up the aisle, but have the other one sign the registry and sit nearer your at dinner and at some of your photos, or dance with the best man for first dance.

At the end of it all, it’s your day, and if they are proper friends they will appreciate being so closely involved and will do anything they can to celebrate with you and make your day as special as possible. Anything less than that says plenty in itself.

clo1 · 17-01-2021 11:02pm

hurleronditch wrote: »

I’ve been in a few bridal parties where there wasn’t defined roles on one side or both.

On the grooms side it’s more of a requirement to have a best man as there is a speech that people expect, but on the brides side it’s less significant. If you want to explicitly state that you aren’t having one that might make sense, but equally just divvy up jobs as they come up. Have one girl stand next to you, or go last up the aisle, but have the other one sign the registry and sit nearer your at dinner and at some of your photos, or dance with the best man for first dance.

At the end of it all, it’s your day, and if they are proper friends they will appreciate being so closely involved and will do anything they can to celebrate with you and make your day as special as possible. Anything less than that says plenty in itself.

Thank you that has actually already made me feel much calmer about the whole thing and I think your right o will just state that I’m
Not having one as I simply couldn’t pick between them! As you said If they are true friends they will be delighted with the bridesmaid role anyway.

Thank you so much, great to hear that other brides have done something similar etc and it hasn’t caused problems with roles etc

18-01-2021 4:32pm

I agree with hurler OP. You don't need to have defined roles. I understand your worry though because it can be a minefield. I have a maid of honour but to be honest I don't know why, in fact I don't know why I have bridesmaids at all! I have no expectation of any of them. They will have no duties or jobs.

clo1 · 18-01-2021 6:39pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I agree with hurler OP. You don't need to have defined roles. I understand your worry though because it can be a minefield. I have a maid of honour but to be honest I don't know why, in fact I don't know why I have bridesmaids at all! I have no expectation of any of them. They will have no duties or jobs.

Wow tour clearly a very easygoing bride aren’t they lucky!? I hope they realise they are getting off lightly ha! I also had another think and I know am going to have one maid of honour and one matron of honour so everyone is happy! It works out well as they both are in different parts of the country and one will be married by the time my wedding comes round hence the matron ha!

Total
Minefield though!

18-01-2021 7:49pm

clo1 wrote: »

Wow tour clearly a very easygoing bride aren’t they lucky!? I hope they realise they are getting off lightly ha! I also had another think and I know am going to have one maid of honour and one matron of honour so everyone is happy! It works out well as they both are in different parts of the country and one will be married by the time my wedding comes round hence the matron ha!

Total
Minefield though!

I don't really know what kind of duties I could give them. What would you like yours to do? Actually that's a question for all here; what role do your bridesmaids play?

That should definitely keep noses in place op. I had forgotten all about that title, matron of honour.

Bowlardo · 18-01-2021 7:51pm

No brainier . Go with the longest serving friend

Faith · 18-01-2021 7:55pm

I had a vaguely similar issue, where politically I was obliged to pick one person as MOH but another really should have been it.

My bridesmaids didn't do much, except I lived abroad so I asked one to do a few locals errands for me. Mostly I asked them for their opinions about different parts of my wedding outfit, like my veil, shoes, dress etc. On the day, their 'jobs' were to collect cards and keep them safe, to bustle my dress (they got too drunk and couldn't remember how to do it!) and join us on the dance floor during the first dance to get the guests to know it was okay to join (that was more trouble than it was worth, I ended up herding them like cats!).

woodchuck · 18-01-2021 8:02pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't really know what kind of duties I could give them. What would you like yours to do? Actually that's a question for all here; what role do your bridesmaids play?

That should definitely keep noses in place op. I had forgotten all about that title, matron of honour.

I don't really expect my one bridesmaid to do much tbh! She's our official witness, so she'll sign the registry. She'll walk up the (very short) aisle just before me holding a bunch of flowers. I was happy to pay for a dress, but told her to pick whatever she wanted (not a bridesmaids dress, just a regular dress that she'd actually wear again on nights out).

Back before the pandemic, we were starting to plan a hen together. That's obviously gone out the window now, but if we do actually go ahead in May it might be nice if she could organise a virtual hen.

18-01-2021 8:05pm

I started a thread

Loveinapril · 18-01-2021 8:21pm

Is the maid/ matron of honour really a thing here? I have never heard it among my friends who have had more than one bridesmaid.
I personally would just choose the bridesmaids and the ones who are naturally more keen to help will. The 4 of them will probably organise the hen together and anyone who wants to be involved in the bigger things will ask.

lazygal · 18-01-2021 9:21pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

Is the maid/ matron of honour really a thing here? I have never heard it among my friends who have had more than one bridesmaid.
I personally would just choose the bridesmaids and the ones who are naturally more keen to help will. The 4 of them will probably organise the hen together and anyone who wants to be involved in the bigger things will ask.

I've heard it used but I think it's an Americanism that's crept in. I can't imagine the expense of outfitting all those people for a wedding.

Loveinapril · 18-01-2021 9:22pm

lazygal wrote: »

I've heard it used but I think it's an Americanism that's crept in. I can't imagine the expense of outfitting all those people for a wedding.

In America they make them buy the clothes themselves, hence the sheer volume of bridesmaids some people have!

lazygal · 18-01-2021 9:24pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

In America they make them buy the clothes themselves, hence the sheer volume of bridesmaids some people have!

I know its mad.
I still don't really get why people need a rake of people in their bridal party either tbh.

clo1 · 18-01-2021 9:38pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

Is the maid/ matron of honour really a thing here? I have never heard it among my friends who have had more than one bridesmaid.
I personally would just choose the bridesmaids and the ones who are naturally more keen to help will. The 4 of them will probably organise the hen together and anyone who wants to be involved in the bigger things will ask.

I’m
Not sure but I was doing a bit of researching to see what options I had and I saw the matron and maid of honour thing and I quite liked it as I worry that if I didn’t appoint two as the key roles they might not figure out between them who would be the main organizer etc.

It works out well that one of the girls will be married too so she can be the matron!!

lazygal · 18-01-2021 9:40pm

I think of MrsBeeton when I hear the word matron. I'm married and I have never referred to myself as matron or matronly.

clo1 · 18-01-2021 9:40pm

lazygal wrote: »

I've heard it used but I think it's an Americanism that's crept in. I can't imagine the expense of outfitting all those people for a wedding.

I know it’s a big bridal party.

Hopefully it won’t be too expensive!!

Loveinapril · 18-01-2021 10:05pm

clo1 wrote: »

I worry that if I didn’t appoint two as the key roles they might not figure out between them who would be the main organizer etc.

The main organiser for what? The hen? Usually the bridesmaids come together and make a plan on what the bride wants, and the most organised does the organising!
Assigning those titles doesn't make the role of "main organiser" any clearer.

clo1 · 18-01-2021 10:16pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

The main organiser for what? The hen? Usually the bridesmaids come together and make a plan on what the bride wants, and the most organised does the organising!
Assigning those titles doesn't make the role of "main organiser" any clearer.

That is a good point.

I guess I just want them both to have the role as they both would really like it and each think it’s theirs for a number of reasons.

But I agree maybe all bridesmaids
Aida would have been easier lol!

witchgirl26 · 18-01-2021 10:46pm

I have 2 bridesmaids. My sister & one of my best friends (who is actually my sisters best friend too). We were the bridesmaids for my sister so it'll be the same bridal party on my side for my wedding. Neither of them have been given any title. Realistically I know it'll probably be my friend who does more of the arranging of the hen as we have more similar interests but my sister will do other things for it instead. Like I did for hers. Other than that there haven't been or probably won't be too many jobs for them to do. Mainly help me out! They did help pick my dress in fairness but even if they weren't my bridesmaids, I would have had them there as they're honest about what would suit me & what definitely doesn't (not in a mean way thankfully) but also aren't the type to put their style on me.

eviltwin · 18-01-2021 10:48pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

In America they make them buy the clothes themselves, hence the sheer volume of bridesmaids some people have!

What!?? Screw that, it would be a “no thanks” from me. Weddings are expensive enough as is, no way am I putting my hand in my pocket to buy a new dress as well.

lazygal · 18-01-2021 11:13pm

eviltwin wrote: »

What!?? Screw that, it would be a “no thanks” from me. Weddings are expensive enough as is, no way am I putting my hand in my pocket to buy a new dress as well.

I have no idea how this idea caught on at all.
I wouldn't pay for any bridesmaids dress I've seen at any wedding and no one wears them again.

Pink11 · 21-01-2021 2:16am

I have four and like you, didn't want to pick and treat them equally. There are no rules besides, anything goes these days. They won't have any 'jobs' either other than be great company like they always are

Traditions and obligations are old fashioned.

vurstflavor · 21-01-2021 4:03am

A lot of people pick their male gay friend
Instead of a female friend

Difficulty picking bridal party roles

Comments