When did you realize how hard life can be?

Losing our first pregnancy. Got to 12 weeks, blissful in our ignorance, had 12 week scan, doctor said there was a problem, missus had tests done, confirmed the worst, waited for it to happen. Horrendous few weeks, I have never cried as much before or since and genuinely feel a part of me died during that time. Thankfully we now have two wonderful, beautiful, children but I still think about their big brother by times.

ger vallely wrote: »

My father died suddenly,I was an adult. Then my mother took a bad stroke which left her in a hospice eventually. While sitting with her a few days before she passed she was distressed, asking me if I definitely loved her, then saying that she was sure I did, but did I really. I comforted her, my youngest daughter and my one and only sister were there too. Just after the funeral my sister told me she had made sure our mother died knowing I didn't love her. My sister (single, 5 years older than me)had moved back home with my mother after dad died, I lived the other side of the country with my family. Later on I thought back on the things my sister had said and done over the years and I realised our connection was fake. Had been nothing all along. I don't mind that I will never forgive her for what she obviously put into my mother's head, I just find it sick that there are people like this in the world. And I was down on myself for so long that I hadn't seen it all before. I just hope my mother believed me as she passed. That's when I realised people really and truly can be twisted and sick even though others do not see it.

I'm certain she knew you did. You made the effort to be there by her side. I'm not a parent but you are yourself and they say parents have a certain instinct for knowing these things. You have nothing to be guilty about and other people are irrelevant.

A couple of other defining moments spring to mind.

Coming from a loving home and a very happy childhood, the realisation of how prevalent child abuse within families was, and likely still is. I know a large number of people (adults) now who were seriously abused as children - some of them by the same people, and it's mind boggling how the perpetrators got away with it, even though as children they told their parents or other family members. People who would otherwise vocally be of the "hanging's too good for them" persuasion actually protecting serial abusers. I once had someone tell me that I was wrong to have phoned an abuser and tell him to stay away from one of his victims at family events (at the explicit request of one of the victims), because "you can't tell someone to stay away from a birthday party". The amount of covering up, turning a blind eye and "leave bygones be bygones" that goes on in some families in relation to serious crimes was a shocking eyeopener.

Another time I had a conversation with a friend of a friend who told me about how she discovered her husband was a paedophile shortly after they were married in the 70s. He hadn't abused his own children (and was abhorred that the suggestion that he might), but had done so to a neighbour's child. The police were called, but they didn't even talk to him - they came to his wife and simply told her to keep an eye on him. When she confronted him about it, he admitted his attraction to young children. Being the 70s, she went to a priest for advice - who told her that she had made a promise to God to stick with him in marrying him, and all she could do was pray for him and make sure that his "needs were properly catered for". She eventually got the courage and means to leave him, and even 40 years later, the whole thing haunted her.

I was homeless for a while in London.
That wasn't a nice experience.

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

A couple of other defining moments spring to mind.

Coming from a loving home and a very happy childhood, the realisation of how prevalent child abuse within families was, and likely still is. I know a large number of people (adults) now who were seriously abused as children - some of them by the same people, and it's mind boggling how the perpetrators got away with it, even though as children they told their parents or other family members. People who would otherwise vocally be of the "hanging's too good for them" persuasion actually protecting serial abusers. I once had someone tell me that I was wrong to have phoned an abuser and tell him to stay away from one of his victims at family events (at the explicit request of one of the victims), because "you can't tell someone to stay away from a birthday party". The amount of covering up, turning a blind eye and "leave bygones be bygones" that goes on in some families in relation to serious crimes was a shocking eyeopener.

Another time I had a conversation with a friend of a friend who told me about how she discovered her husband was a paedophile shortly after they were married in the 70s. He hadn't abused his own children (and was abhorred that the suggestion that he might), but had done so to a neighbour's child. The police were called, but they didn't even talk to him - they came to his wife and simply told her to keep an eye on him. When she confronted him about it, he admitted his attraction to young children. Being the 70s, she went to a priest for advice - who told her that she had made a promise to God to stick with him in marrying him, and all she could do was pray for him and make sure that his "needs were properly catered for". She eventually got the courage and means to leave him, and even 40 years later, the whole thing haunted her.

This makes me so angry. When I finally told my family about being abused (by another family member) they went to every length possible to villify me. I was accused of being an alcoholic and an elder abuser. Even though other women came forward and said this person had attempted to assault them in the recent past, the family have been in complete denial about, and he is still invited to family functions etc. They have zero regard for my welfare or feelings and would expect me to sit and play happy family at someone's birthday. It's all very "nothing to see here now, it was just a misdemeanor".

I've my own family now thankfully, and I've literally cut out everyone from my parents family except my parents, and I only stay on good terms with them in case they die - I want my own conscience to be clear. They see my child but only supervised and on my terms. I will never leave her alone with them.

I've been in touch with the guards about him and will likely progress this to see if I can build a case against him. But, it has been made very clear to me that I will be doing it alone, and I won't be thanked for it. Oh well, f*ck them.

Sorry rant

biko wrote: »

I was homeless for a while in London.
That wasn't a nice experience.

Can you elaborate about the experience how it came about and what it was like?