Middle Age and All That Jazz...

JupiterKid · 05-03-2020 6:46pm #1

So in less than 3 weeks I will turn 45 years of age. 45...wow. I sort of can't believe that I am now officially middle aged (and before you twentysomethings quip that 35 is middle aged, no it isn't).

What have I achieved with my life? Am I happy with my lot? Where am I going? Do I need to take stock of things?

And what of the dreaded "Mid Life Crisis?" Does it even really exist?

Anyone who is in this phase of life or has already been though middle age post on this thread.

Redneck Reject71 · 05-03-2020 6:47pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

So in less than 3 weeks I will turn 45 years of age. 45...wow. I sort of can't believe that I am now officially middle aged (and before you twentysomethings quip that 35 is middle aged, no it isn't).

What have I achieved with my life? Am I happy with my lot? Where am I going? Do I need to take stock of things?

And what of the dreaded "Mid Life Crisis?" Does ot even really exist?

Anyone who is in this phase of life or has already been though middle age post on this thread.

I can't remember being 45,heh.

francois · 05-03-2020 6:48pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

So in less than 3 weeks I will turn 45 years of age. 45...wow. I sort of can't believe that I am now officially middle aged (and before you twentysomethings quip that 35 is middle aged, no it isn't).

What have I achieved with my life? Am I happy with my lot? Where am I going? Do I need to take stock of things?

And what of the dreaded "Mid Life Crisis?" Does ot even really exist?

Anyone who is in this phase of life or has already been though middle age post on this thread.

The only difference I noticed is the involuntary grunt I emit when bending down to pick stuff up

TuringBot47 · 05-03-2020 6:58pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

Middle Age and All That Jazz...

Thankfully I haven't had the urge to listen to Jazz.
It's God awful tuneless rubbish.

Sardonicat · 05-03-2020 7:01pm

I was grand at 45. I've just turned 49 and starting to dread the next one. I resolved at approximately 35-36 to not get old so I've probably been having a mid-life crisis since then, TBH. Kid, you're still a young fella

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! · 05-03-2020 7:09pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

So in less than 3 weeks I will turn 45 years of age. 45...wow.

First of all...

Well OP, hopefully you had a good run and had some fun... because those were the best years of your life kiddo! (I called you "kiddo" because it's unlikely you'll be called this by anyone else ever again!) :pac:

Enjoy the ride down the mountain - hopefully it's not too rough on ya!

05-03-2020 7:24pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

I was grand at 45. I've just turned 49 and starting to dread the next one. I resolved at approximately 35-36 to not get old so I've probably been having a mid-life crisis since then, TBH. Kid, you're still a young fella

My OH is turning 42 shortly and he's upset because when he turns 43 he goes from being early 40's to mid 40's. There's always a good reason for an existential crisis if you think about it hard enough.

Studies show that people maintain a steady level of happiness from their mid 20's to late 30's, go into a decline in the mid 40's, then reach lifetime peak happiness from 60 to 69, so the best is yet to come. It makes sense if you consider that you're free from the stresses of raising kids, dealing with older parents, often the stress of career ambition and the financial drain of a mortgage too.

Harry Palmr · 05-03-2020 7:42pm

I'm a matter of days from my 55th birthday so I can report it's hell - bits of you will droop or drop off, that which doesn't will go grey, your memory will fade, your face will start to look a bit weathered (if it doesn't right now!). But

your cock will still work (probably)

You'll probably become more comfortable in your own skin and have long ceased to care much what others think about you. You are who you are and you're not for changing by this stage. It's never too late to change trains though - I'm in a completely different line of work to 10 years ago so you never know what or who might come along.

You might learn to like jazz

Vita nova · 05-03-2020 7:57pm

francois wrote: »

The only difference I noticed is the involuntary grunt I emit when bending down to pick stuff up

That'll soon evolve into asking yourself, what else can I do when I'm bent down here?

Galwayguy35 · 05-03-2020 8:12pm

Turned 45 a few months ago, bald now but that's not big deal really and feel fitter than I did 20 years ago when my life revolved around booze.

FatherTed · 05-03-2020 8:14pm

I'm turning 51 next week, physically I'm ok except now I need glasses to read stuff. I noticed bags under my eyes. And also noticed I'm having to trim my nose, ear and eye brow hair more often. Really, I don't need forests of hair in those places. Speaking of hair, it's definitely gotten a lot lighter on top and that in my own vain way bothers me a bit.

The last of my kids moved out last September and I think that has had more of an impact on me than aging. Suddenly it's very quiet around the house with just myself and herself and the dog. I was a bit depressed at first with the whole my job is done here stuff but I've taken up tennis and photography, going to more social gatherings with the wife and generally taking better care of myself now.

eviltimeban · 05-03-2020 8:15pm

I'm 45 this year too and I like jazz (always have really). What I'm finding I'm liking more of are things I may have thought "uncool" back in the 90s. Musically speaking of course.

I think "our" generation (Generation X or whatever you want to call it) may have been the first to have a sense of irony and, having grown up in the 90s which was a pretty great decade, we can still hold our heads up high. Lots of things that were cool in the 90s are still cool now, or have become cool again.

I'm essentially still the same person I was in 1995 - though a bit greyer. The trick is to make sure you keep active, join a gym, work out, and keep fit - so you don't fall into that "middle age spread" trap. People are often assume I'm in my mid 30s by virtue of the fact that I'm not a fat bastard.

OldRio · 05-03-2020 8:16pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Thankfully I haven't had the urge to listen to Jazz.
It's God awful tuneless rubbish.

All of it?. Fair play to you for listening to it all. Must have taken ages., so many genres. Wow.

Redneck Reject71 · 05-03-2020 8:19pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

So in less than 3 weeks I will turn 45 years of age. 45...wow. I sort of can't believe that I am now officially middle aged (and before you twentysomethings quip that 35 is middle aged, no it isn't).

What have I achieved with my life? Am I happy with my lot? Where am I going? Do I need to take stock of things?

And what of the dreaded "Mid Life Crisis?" Does it even really exist?

Anyone who is in this phase of life or has already been though middle age post on this thread.

Don't worry about the number, but the small joys and accomplishments in your life now. Sure there will be a few aches and pains crop up, but let the joy of life outweighs those, mi amigo.

FatherTed · 05-03-2020 8:22pm

OldRio wrote: »

All of it?. Fair play to you for listening to it all. Must have taken ages., so many genres. Wow.

I want to like jazz and I do appreciate the technical aspects and the importance of history of jazz in music. However, most of the time, for me, it starts off fine and I'm thinking oh this is good now. But after 5 minutes I get bored as I find it aimlessly meandering for me.

Tony EH · 05-03-2020 8:22pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Thankfully I haven't had the urge to listen to Jazz.
It's God awful tuneless rubbish.

Nice.

05-03-2020 8:35pm

I turned 65 a year or so ago - just you wait if you’re worried about 45! Seriously, and without being glib (even though this is After Hours!) each stage of life has its pluses, and its minuses. At 45, I had a child - now I have a married daughter with two absolutely lovely grand children. I cannot begin to explain what a marvellous, precious gift that is. I am lucky enough to be reasonably healthy - though I wholeheartedly agree with earlier sentiments about bending down, grunting in the doing, and (as Joanna Lumley once said) wondering what else I could usefully do while I was down there!

Like it or not, there isn’t anything (much!) you can do about going grey, having hair stop growing where it ought to be and start growing where you really don’t want it, looking more like it’s your Dad in the mirror looking back at you, or even needing to get up in the night and take a pee - or maybe two!

I’m trying to enjoy every phase of life, without worrying too much about what the future might hold. I now actually believe that stuff about living in the present - don’t worry about the past (it’s gone) and don’t dream about the future (it will be different to that which you imagine!). The other little phrase that sticks with me was actually in Noel FitzPatrick’s (the Supervet’s) autobiography, “Love generously, forgive early, and get on with life”. I wish I’d heard that Years ago

Good luck, and happy birthday!

05-03-2020 8:38pm

FatherTed wrote: »

I want to like jazz and I do appreciate the technical aspects and the importance of history of jazz in music. However, most of the time, for me, it starts off fine and I'm thinking oh this is good now. But after 5 minutes I get bored as I find it aimlessly meandering for me.

Try Miles Davis - Kind of Blue. If that doesn’t get you, I don’t think much else will!

BrianD3 · 05-03-2020 9:55pm

I'm a couple of years younger than 45 and have noticed changes in outlook and mindset in recent years. I don't think it's just about my age but rather my age combined with other factors and life events (which tend to happen at this age). In my case, the events/factors have been relatives getting sick and dying, my career being stuck in a rut, not having a partner or any friends, having a long commute. Life seems mundane, disappointing and fairly short.

It's often said that you shouldn't compare yourself to others but this is easier said than done. By age 45, it will be quite apparent who of your age cohort has done well in terms of their career and who has not done so well. Whereas at age 25, many will be in a relatively similar situation as everyone is just starting out

People come out with cliches about how you can do anything you want at any point in your life. But you really can't because you you are limited by time, money, energy and may have commitments that you didn't have when you were younger. Other people's perceptions of you may also affect you e.g. you want to change to a particular career at age 45 but face age discrimination. Also, as time goes on you have less time to recover from errors of judgement.

I find myself thinking back to when I was a third level student. I had very little money and used to get stressed about exams but I was very focused and there was always something to prepare and aim for. Effort got rewarded - if I studied hard, I did well in my exams. I was cynical about a lot of things but also optimistic about my own future. I barely thought about my own mortality or getting old. i suppose I was under the illusion that life would be somewhat like an extension of college (but with more money) which it certainly has not been

NIMAN · 05-03-2020 10:12pm

I wish I was 45 again.

Rufeo · 05-03-2020 10:23pm

Would you rather go back to being 18 and stuck in your parents house with no money......45 is a great age. Get out man and live your life!

TuringBot47 · 05-03-2020 10:23pm

OldRio wrote: »

All of it?. Fair play to you for listening to it all. Must have taken ages., so many genres. Wow.

Jazz is a genre, all the "genres" you allude to would be jazz sub-genres, variations of the same theme.

I've never heard a single good jazz song... and I've visited the odd jazz cafe in the US and a lesser one in Edinburgh just to experience it.

That being said, I found the odd few good rap and dance songs (few and far between). I've also an eclectic mix of metal, rock, pop and classical songs in my mp3 favourites playlist.

But no... jazz is tuneless shite.

JupiterKid · 05-03-2020 10:28pm

Rufeo wrote: »

Would you rather go back to being 18 and stuck in your parents house with no money......45 is a great age. Get out man and live your life!

I do yoga class once a week, art class once a week, volunteering for charity when I can, swim three times a week, two AA meeting per week, a bit of creative writing (a few of my short stories are published) and walk in the park twice a week on top of my full-time job. Plenty going on with my life at the moment!

BTW at 18 when I did my LC and started college - I effectively had a "free gaff" as my dad worked away from home 5 days a week, both my older sisters had moved out (one had moved abroad) and my mum had passed away 3 years. And I had a nice bit of money saved up at the time...

uch · 05-03-2020 10:39pm

Should get a cake to celebrate, I'll eat it for you

Pinch Flat · 05-03-2020 10:43pm

Im hitting 50 next year. Not really that freaked. Planning a nice trip - US most likely. Ive done ok. Fitter now than i was in my 20s. Cycle a good few odd hundred km a month. Still prefer that to golf. Ive grown a beard as well. I love not giving a ****e at this age.

05-03-2020 10:47pm

I'll be 45 in a few months.... Never took to jazz though.....

I have found my life has got better & better every decade that passes. So much that right now, I'm a bit down, but I know it will pass.
Life is good.

anewme · 05-03-2020 10:55pm

I've started to look at my pension and the balance has tipped to having less years left to work than I've now worked.

I was telling my friend I've become intolerant and narky.

Ahh, she said, sure you were like that since you were 20.

Jazz is painful though.

Carry · 05-03-2020 10:58pm

Candie wrote: »

My OH is turning 42 shortly and he's upset because when he turns 43 he goes from being early 40's to mid 40's. There's always a good reason for an existential crisis if you think about it hard enough.

Studies show that people maintain a steady level of happiness from their mid 20's to late 30's, go into a decline in the mid 40's, then reach lifetime peak happiness from 60 to 69, so the best is yet to come. It makes sense if you consider that you're free from the stresses of raising kids, dealing with older parents, often the stress of career ambition and the financial drain of a mortgage too.

Ah, here, my forties were the most adventurous time of my life.

I moved from Berlin to Belfast in my early forties, just before the peace talks, travelled a lot, got involved with interesting, but somewhat questionable people, travelled a lot, moved eventually to the Republic deep into the countryside and bought a house (an adventure in itself), got involved with further, ehm, interesting people, sailed into my fifties, managed to get new commissions and challenges in my line of work and got involved with more interesting people and activities.

Basically got involved with everything new and interesting which keeps life exciting - hence you don't feel your age.

Now in my glorious sixties, still reasonable fit and healthy (and good-looking, kind of :cool::D) and still eager to get involved into all kinds of shenanigans, and open for all sorts of challenges.

I'm being smug again

But at my age you're entitled to be whatever you want.

Life is interesting at every age. There is always something new (even new reading glasses), you only have to dare to get out of your comfort zone, physically and mentally, and you will be forever young (at heart).

Andrewf20 · 05-03-2020 11:28pm

I'm 40 now and what strikes me is just how much society has changed. I remember the early to mid 80s when the nct didn't exist and most of our parents had rust buckets on wheels, no central heating and wooden windows with rot, mothers didn't really work and there were loads of kids out playing on the street. Stray dogs and chewing gum on the pavement too.

I remember the novelty in things that are utterly mundane now. Head rests in cars, cars with 2 door mirrors, nike air runners, a bike with front suspension or even a CD player.

When I drop over to my folks house now where I grew up, it's strange to look out the window and to see the ghosts of me and the other kids running around 30 years ago. There's barely any kids out now, it's all very quiet.

Down at the river where we played for hours each day as kids - building bridges with stones, wading in Wellies or even standing on the roofs of abandoned joyriden smashed up cars that were in the water the odd time - no one goes down there now. It's all over grown.

Jim_Hodge · 05-03-2020 11:31pm

I don't remember my mid 40s too much. Our two girls were still at school and I was working my ass off all hours of the day to pay a mortgage and try to get up the ladder a bit. Now I'm 60+ and don't really think about it too much other than enjoying an easier pace of life.

yuridwyer · 05-03-2020 11:38pm

Andrewf20 wrote: »

I'm 40 now and what strikes me is just how much society has changed. I remember the early to mid 80s when the nct didn't exist and most of our parents had rust buckets on wheels, no central heating and wooden windows with rot, mothers didn't really work and there were loads of kids out playing on the street. Stray dogs and chewing gum on the pavement too.

I remember the novelty in things that are utterly mundane now. Head rests in cars, cars with 2 door mirrors, nike air runners, a bike with front suspension or even a CD player.

When I drop over to my folks house now where I grew up, it's strange to look out the window and to see the ghosts of me and the other kids running around 30 years ago. There's barely any kids out now, it's all very quiet.

Down at the river where we played for hours each day as kids - building bridges with stones, wading in Wellies or even standing on the roofs of abandoned joyriden smashed up cars that were in the water the odd time - no one goes down there now. It's all over grown.

Great post, The Snapper came into my mind for some reason!

Thelonious Monk · 05-03-2020 11:45pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Jazz is a genre, all the "genres" you allude to would be jazz sub-genres, variations of the same theme.

I've never heard a single good jazz song...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__OSyznVDOY

Harry Palmr · 05-03-2020 11:54pm

Some trad jazz for even the most tone deaf.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJsa0OfWcGA

Thelonious Monk · 05-03-2020 11:59pm

Yeah jazz is great. Anyway I turn 40 later this year. Yikes. I always get told I look younger than I am when I reveal the outrageous figure of 39. Staying fit is key, and keeping an open mind to the world.

Harry Palmr · 06-03-2020 12:03am

I just tell people I'm 65 then they think I must have a portrait in the attic.

uch · 06-03-2020 12:03am

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Yeah jazz is great. Anyway I turn 40 later this year. Yikes. I always get told I look younger than I am when I reveal the outrageous figure of 39. Staying fit is key, and keeping an open mind to the world.

Thelonious, this is the stuff

andekwarhola · 06-03-2020 12:57am

I quite like being middle aged. There's more equanimity and financial security; less self absorption and empty sloganeering and you've generally arrived at a sense of peace about who you are and your priorities are more clear.

If you could just combine all that with retaining the energy and looks of your 20s, you'd be sorted.

Hellrazer · 06-03-2020 1:28am

Im 45 myself the end of March. I don't feel 45. Or should I say I don't act 45...not like I remember my dad when he was that age - old before his time I feel.

For example last night I went to a thrash metal gig in the stadium with my 18 year old son and 22 year old daughter!!!. Felt like I was 18 again. Now this morning I felt like I was 90 but that's what I deserve for acting 18 - plenty of deep heat and ibuprofen and I was grand!!!

Middle life crisis?? Not sure--does wanting your hands tattooed count. That's my birthday present to myself. Im beyond caring about what other people think at this stage. And besides they'll look cool!!!

Hellrazer · 06-03-2020 1:36am

FatherTed wrote: »

I'm turning 51 next week, physically I'm ok except now I need glasses to read stuff. .

Its only the glasses that got me feeling a (little) bit older.
Got my first 2 pairs a couple of weeks back - 1 for "distance" and 1 for "reading"

I never realised how bad my vision had gotten.

Filmer Paradise · 06-03-2020 1:36am

I'm 51 & if there is is anything I've learnt in life, it is...........

Jazz is dung for the ears.

Filmer Paradise · 06-03-2020 1:50am

Hellrazer wrote: »

Middle life crisis?? Not sure--does wanting your hands tattooed count. That's my birthday present to myself. Im beyond caring about what other people think at this stage. And besides they'll look cool!!!

Hands tattooed? At your age!

It wont look cool now. It wont look cool in any era, future past or present.

Yes it is a midlife crisis. Stop smoking Weed immediately!

Why.....why

RikkFlair · 06-03-2020 1:57am

I'll be 43 later this year. I've already outlived Elvis, Ted Bundy and Butch Cassidy so I'm in bonus territory now :pac:

Elemonator · 06-03-2020 2:02am

It's a long way off for me, but I can feel the change in mindset already starting to come about very slowly.

I'm not a jazz fan, although I am learning it on the drums purely because its attributes and technicality are an education in themselves and the applicability is nice. If you aren't a jazz fan, check out Big Band. They are related. You can't hate the stuff. The only true problem with jazz is the snooty jazz musicians you inevitably come across when you are into music. Go downstairs in The International Bar and there's a room full of weirdos treating jazz like an erotic experience. Middle age doesn't sound so bad after all.

YFlyer · 06-03-2020 2:03am

I'm 48 going on 25.

Gynoid · 06-03-2020 6:23am

I am really very grateful to get older, a lot of people don't get that chance. Every day is a new Universe and adventure . I am lucky to be a cheerful person by nature, as time has gone on I have seen how negative mindsets can totally impoverish an otherwise good enough life. One does not worry about what others might think of you as one gets older and that is a huge liberation. In fact it is a secret super power, which one can use to shamelessly act in the world and do spontaneous acts of goodness.... and mischief. I say and do things now that I was once too shy to say or do, like chat with people I do not know very well about what is really bothering them, or act the maggot with jokes and quips. One small thing I miss about being younger is deeper longer sleep. But I think for myself more, all the bad and good thoughts. I am rebellious and don't mind disapproval. I appreciate beautiful things, like dawn breaking through a mist, or a piece of music, or a lovely human being, etc, ever more as time goes on as there is a poignancy and sharpened awareness that this is not the uphill climb to imaginary glory anymore but rather the joyful hands-off-the-tiller bonus-time skid to the grave, so everything is, as Raymond Carver once said, gravy

(wooohoooo!)

Hellrazer · 06-03-2020 10:01am

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

Hands tattooed? At your age!

It wont look cool now. It wont look cool in any era, future past or present.

Yes it is a midlife crisis. Stop smoking Weed immediately!

Why.....why

Well they`ll go well with my 2 full sleeves!!!

topper75 · 06-03-2020 11:01am

FatherTed wrote: »

I want to like jazz and I do appreciate the technical aspects and the importance of history of jazz in music. However, most of the time, for me, it starts off fine and I'm thinking oh this is good now. But after 5 minutes I get bored as I find it aimlessly meandering for me.

It's all about the resolution. It wanders everywhere and creates a tension. This tension then finally resolves to the home key. It's a musical representation of the Iarnrod Eireann track network.
"OK we are going leaving Heuston and moving southwest towards Limerick"
"Wait why are we in Ballybrophy - what has that got to do with anything?"
"Templemore? It's Limerick I want to go to"
"Limerick Junction? That is further south beyond Limerick!"
"Change trains? But I am sure I got on the Limerick train in Dublin!"
"Finally Limerick - resolution - cool daddio"
And you replace the sax on the stand and reach into your inside jacket pocket for a cigarette.

Any 45 year old knows all this.

topper75 · 06-03-2020 11:18am

Andrewf20 wrote: »

...

When I drop over to my folks house now where I grew up, it's strange to look out the window and to see the ghosts of me and the other kids running around 30 years ago. There's barely any kids out now, it's all very quiet.

Down at the river where we played for hours each day as kids - building bridges with stones, wading in Wellies or even standing on the roofs of abandoned joyriden smashed up cars that were in the water the odd time - no one goes down there now. It's all over grown.

I've had to make the same saddening observations in my locality. It feels to me that the Irish have forsaken Ireland somewhat - at least its physical environment.

Near where I live today there is a nice council picnic amenity by the water. On warm weekends it is still fullish, but 50% - 75% of the users are foreign (they can't number more than 10% of the population today in the area). The foreigners haven't forgotten how to enjoy the outdoors but the Irish seemingly have. Is it just the video game/netflix binge culture or is there more to it?

OldRio · 06-03-2020 11:20am

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Jazz is a genre, all the "genres" you allude to would be jazz sub-genres, variations of the same theme.

I've never heard a single good jazz song... and I've visited the odd jazz cafe in the US and a lesser one in Edinburgh just to experience it.

That being said, I found the odd few good rap and dance songs (few and far between). I've also an eclectic mix of metal, rock, pop and classical songs in my mp3 favourites playlist.

But no... jazz is tuneless shite.

Bless.

Deebles McBeebles · 06-03-2020 11:54am

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Thankfully I haven't had the urge to listen to Jazz.
It's God awful tuneless rubbish.

People often don't like what they don't understand.

anewme · 06-03-2020 12:00pm

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

People often don't like what they don't understand.

And likewise, when you are an old fogey, you are old enough to understand what you don't like.:D

Middle Age and All That Jazz...

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