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02-10-2019, 22:03   #1
hgfj
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This melancholic nowhere...

Poem removed at user request.

Last edited by Das Kitty; 06-10-2019 at 16:19. Reason: writer request for piece to be removed, as per charter.
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03-10-2019, 10:22   #2
km85264
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The rhythm and rhyme of your poem give it energy and pace, where I think what you're looking for is a sense of melancholia. Try writing what you're trying to express as prose, get your emotion out on a page and distil it to a poem.
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03-10-2019, 13:45   #3
hgfj
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Thanks km85264, I came up with the title as an afterthought just before I posted it. Bad choice. I'll probably change it back. It was originally called 'herenow.' I wrote this when I was in my early twenties, so a long, long time ago, and whatever emotions I was feeling at the time I can't be sure of. Was I feeling melancholic when I wrote it? Probably depressed, a bit. Do you reckon a different title would change the impact or the effect of the poem? If the word melancholia wasn't in the title would it be 'better'? Thanks again for the input.
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03-10-2019, 14:01   #4
km85264
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I can only respond with my feelings as a reader. It was presented as melancholic, but that's not how it felt to me. Maybe that's what you wanted as a poet, maybe you wanted something else. It's your prerogative as the poet to make those calls. I think, from your response thought, that you're not fully sure of what you wanted from the poem or the impact you were hoping for.
Poetry for it's own sake, writing something because you can, is enjoyable, but if you're sharing for comment you should really take some time to think about what you're sharing and why. Does it express how you're feeling? Does it demonstrate some spite you feel towards the world? Does it make you feel good when you read it?
Then you start to think about how other people perceive it. Do they see the things you intended? Is what they see better or worse than what you were going for?
I'd go back to my advice from the first response. Try to write down in prose what you're trying to do in the poem. Write a couple of hundred words then read it back a few times. Have another go at the poem and see where you get too.
Kieran
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03-10-2019, 15:41   #5
hgfj
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Thanks Kieran, appreciate the reply. Interesting points and food for thought.
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06-10-2019, 15:58   #6
hgfj
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How do I go about removing or editing a post? I just wanted to leave the poem up for a few days to get some feedback on it but there doesn't seem to be an edit button for the original post.
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06-10-2019, 16:05   #7
Insect Overlord
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hgfj View Post
How do I go about removing or editing a post? I just wanted to leave the poem up for a few days to get some feedback on it but there doesn't seem to be an edit button for the original post.
Report it and one of the Creative Writing mods will help you out.
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06-10-2019, 16:12   #8
hgfj
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Insect Overlord View Post
Report it and one of the Creative Writing mods will help you out.

Thanks. Just reported it. Didn't realise the edit button was only for 48 hours.
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