Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

DM addict · 14-12-2010 11:07pm

Panic Central wrote: »

Well, I tried the therapist. And I don't think I'll go back.

My problem is that my panic attacks were triggered by one event, on top of the stress of unemployment. She said it was good that I knew what they were about, that I knew what the trigger was (feeling I had to leave my OH, for no reason, after a row!!!!!), but we have to deal with why I get so nervous and worried about things that I control and I don't want to happen.

The thing is....I don't have anything else to say to her.I've had the most normal childhood and adulthood, my relationship is long-term, wonderful, happy and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and my family are completely normal and loving!!! She was doing her best to try and find any problems, but none exist. I know that she's not going to offer me a solution or an answer to my issues straight away, but I just don't have anything else to talk about!!! (which sounds ridiculous I know).She didn't believe me when I said that but it's true. I told her my problems...and I nearly ran out of things to say in that first session, even when she was asking probing questions.

So I've decided analysis is not the way to go.Yet here I am, sitting at home with panic in my stomach For no reason other than I'm sitting at home, on my own and I'm terrified that I'll sink into a panic-filled depression at some point in the day. I'm afraid of being on my own at this point, because I've nothing else but my own thoughts, and they're panicky at the moment.

As I said elsewhere, I've been reading "Stop thinking, Start Living" lately, which is good - it seems to very much apply to my situation. I need to learn to let go of thoughts that are in my head. But some days it's hard, and it's only been 2 weeks!It's made worse by the fact that I've nothing to think about all day, and I'm worried I'll fall into the habit of letting these thoughts into my mind all the time and obsessing about them...so even if I go back to work, they'll still be there.

Sorry for rambling. I'm worried about worrying.It's the stupidest thing in the world.

I understand the fear of your own thoughts. It's the most terrifying thing, for me at least, because I've always loved spending time in my own mind.

As has been said by others, CBT-style techniques are great for identifying triggers and helping to deal with them. Therapists can get overconcerned with dealing with "issues". If you don't feel like going back then don't. But it could do you some good, even if you just go in and say "argh, I hate my worrying about worrying!"

I always found that writing down everything that was going through my head often helped. Was mostly illegible, but still. Helped me.

LegacyUser · 15-12-2010 3:53pm

Thanks again. I think I'll look into some CBT stuff. I think I could spend weeks going to that therapist (or any therapist) with no result or improvement.

Hope you get your meds sorted.

stupidusername · 15-12-2010 4:31pm

Ok so I have to stop taking my efexor to see if that's what's causing my allergy, and so this morning I didn't take my tablet.

I remember at the beginning of taking my efexor i used to get these brain zaps, very odd and unpleasant but they wore off after a while. dunno why but I'm expecting to get them again with the withdrawal.

I probably should mention I have been advised by my doctor to cut it out completely, I'm not just doing it by my own decision. She has told me to be prepared for mood changes, and to just keep an eye on how things go, to give her a ring if things get too bad.

Princess Peach · 15-12-2010 7:55pm

Well if your doctor says its ok, I'm sure you'll be fine. I'm on Lexapro and there is no way you can stop taking that cause I'd get bad physical withdrawls, brain zaps and electric shocks and the likes. Sometimes I think I get them if I miss a day, but I could be just imagining it :P Takes a few months to stop mine, but I'm sure your doctor knows best and you'll be fine to stop yours!

I've been lowering my dose the last like 6 months and the mood swings are terrible! Think I might have to go back up a dose or 2.

Hang in there!

stupidusername · 15-12-2010 8:20pm

well I had actually spoken to my doctor last week about coming off mine, and so she prescribed me 75mg (instead of 150mg) and to do that for 3 months and go from there, because you're really not meant to just cut it out. apparently it's one of the most dangerous ones to cut off cold turkey. but I've had to for my allergy. So far today I've gotten a couple of little brain zaps, nothing too bad. I do hate them though. so unpleasant.

But more importantly I think it really may have been my allergen! haven't gotten itchy today at all!

SL10 · 15-12-2010 11:26pm

Ughhhhhahhhhhhh- having a really bad day and really want to scream :mad:

I hate how panic attacks can just come on out of nowhere and how they stop me from living a normal life! I dont quite know if I'm feeling angry, upset or panicked right now:mad:

Sorry but needed to rant slightly...

stupidusername · 16-12-2010 2:43pm

feckin hell, these zaps are fairly bad. almost constant now. if i don't move too much they're not bad. but that just makes doing anything hard. especially as with the crutches I'd be bouncing around a bit more. seems to make it bad. it's probably going to take weeks for them to go away. got them for ages at the start of taking the efexor...

Princess Peach · 16-12-2010 6:50pm

Boo to that! I was soooo sick when I started taking my Lexapro. Its like how is something that supposed to make you better make you so sick? But I stuck with it and worked out for the best. Except that coming off it is also a pain!

I don't there's much of a win here for yah. Just try and do things to keep your spirits up!

stupidusername · 17-12-2010 12:49am

This is really making me regret going on the tablets in the first place. This is the most horrible thing to deal with.

the zaps are unbearable. and whenever i try to do anything, besides stare right in front of me, it becomes so overwhelming that my mood turns horribly bad.

it may be the withdrawal or it may be the fact that i'm dealing with 4 different major physical problems but I every so often i'm bawling crying. I'm sure I'll be told it's the withdrawal. but can't help but wonder how much of it is warranted.

Sardonicat · 17-12-2010 1:00am

stupidusername wrote: »

This is really making me regret going on the tablets in the first place. This is the most horrible thing to deal with.

the zaps are unbearable. and whenever i try to do anything, besides stare right in front of me, it becomes so overwhelming that my mood turns horribly bad.

it may be the withdrawal or it may be the fact that i'm dealing with 4 different major physical problems but I every so often i'm bawling crying. I'm sure I'll be told it's the withdrawal. but can't help but wonder how much of it is warranted.

Mucho support from me to you username. Hang on in there. If the Zaps and moodswings are getting beyond your endurance, maybe you could contact your GP? Maybe there is something that you could take as a "bridge" to get you across the withdrawal phase?

Keep posting on here, if nothing else, it's an outlet and you'll get some genuine support. Remember, these are withdrawals, and only temporary.

stupidusername · 17-12-2010 1:09am

even reading your response made me cry. nice to have someone that cares even just a bit.

i'm ringing my doctor in the morning, i'm hoping she can tell me something that might help with it, or she might put me on another anti-d. i'll just have to see what she says. though when i mentioned the possibility of these zaps to her the other day she didnt really have a response, so i hope she actually believes they're real...

Sardonicat · 17-12-2010 1:28am

stupidusername wrote: »

even reading your response made me cry. nice to have someone that cares even just a bit.

i'm ringing my doctor in the morning, i'm hoping she can tell me something that might help with it, or she might put me on another anti-d. i'll just have to see what she says. though when i mentioned the possibility of these zaps to her the other day she didnt really have a response, so i hope she actually believes they're real...

Ohh, the bloody "Zaps". Actually, I think that is a great term for them. 10 years ago I was on cipramil and got the zaps when I came off. At that time, the zaps weren't recognised as withdrawal and my gp told me it was the depression coming back :rolleyes:. Happily, it's a well acknowledged withdrawal symptom now. (Just, maybe don't call them the zaps to your gp;),say something like "a zapping sensation")

Remember, if your moods become extreme a this time, try and stand back from them. ( I say to myself "get to bed, Black Dog". It sounds daft but it really helps me!) You've come off an anti-d suddenly and this happens so don't get scared. Keep us posted. Hopefully, you'll have something to relieve your symptoms after tomorow.

Thinking of you.

Reactor · 17-12-2010 1:36am

This is why Im terrified of going on anti-depressants

I have them but I just look at them, cant bring myself to go on them, I just feel like if I could get a job and move somewhere else for a while Id see a big improvement, stupid nausea and tears in my eyes all the time are interfering with that though, I just dont want to take such a strong drug.

Sardonicat · 17-12-2010 1:48am

Reactor wrote: »

This is why Im terrified of going on anti-depressants

I have them but I just look at them, cant bring myself to go on them, I just feel like if I could get a job and move somewhere else for a while Id see a big improvement, stupid nausea and tears in my eyes all the time are interfering with that though, I just dont want to take such a strong drug.

Reactor, stupidusername's circumstances are not typical.

Have you thought of going back to your gp and raising your concerns? it's perfectly understandable to be reluctant to take anti-ds. But they may help you a great deal and with the right support from your gp any issue can be reduced to a minimum.

stupidusername · 17-12-2010 1:49am

Reactor wrote: »

This is why Im terrified of going on anti-depressants

I have them but I just look at them, cant bring myself to go on them, I just feel like if I could get a job and move somewhere else for a while Id see a big improvement, stupid nausea and tears in my eyes all the time are interfering with that though, I just dont want to take such a strong drug.

sorry i dont mean to be putting you off necessarily. at this point in time I would be inclined to tell anyone to stay away from them, but then if in another while I realise that they were actually doing me good being on them I then would advise it. you need to weigh it up for yourself.

i didn't really feel they had made a significant difference to me but they made my memory terrible and that's why i wanted to come off them, and was going about it the right way by lowering the dosage and weaning off them. I expect if things had gone to plan these effects would be much less severe. and if you go on yours and decide to come off them weaning off them is the right way to do it, so dont take my experience of cutting them out abruptly as what you're bound to experience.

And I often think too that if I could get a job and move to a city and have proper friends that I'd be fine, but I think it's more about the way you perceive things and deal with things than what your circumstance is. everyone would be fine as long as everything in their life is fine, but life doesn't go that way and so we need to find ways of dealing with the stuff that does happen. whether or not your meds are for you I can't tell you.

Reactor · 17-12-2010 1:55am

Sardonicat wrote: »

Reactor, stupidusername's circumstances are not typical.

Have you thought of going back to your gp and raising your concerns? it's perfectly understandable to be reluctant to take anti-ds. But they may help you a great deal and with the right support from your gp any issue can be reduced to a minimum.

I have an appointment in the morning with a new GP, my old one was old, retiring in a couple of weeks and he really just threw the pills at me the first day I was there, Ill see how it goes tomorrow, memory loss is another think I dread.

stupidusername · 17-12-2010 2:01am

Reactor wrote: »

I have an appointment in the morning with a new GP, my old one was old, retiring in a couple of weeks and he really just threw the pills at me the first day I was there, Ill see how it goes tomorrow, memory loss is another think I dread.

well that's good. do let us know how you get on.

the memory loss isn't something that affects everyone. it was a big problem for me when i was on lexapro, and i hated it, and then on prozac i was fine, and then with efexor i wasn't. it depends on the person and the dosage and the drug. so no need to dread it! if you decide to start on something just know that you can switch if it doesnt suit you, or you can be weaned off it. you do have options. talk to your doctor about all your concerns and i'm sure they'll advise you well.

Sardonicat · 17-12-2010 2:10am

Reactor wrote: »

I have an appointment in the morning with a new GP, my old one was old, retiring in a couple of weeks and he really just threw the pills at me the first day I was there, Ill see how it goes tomorrow, memory loss is another think I dread.

I hear you. The thing is, the different anti-ds seem to effect people differently. So this may not happen to you, or it may just be a temporary thing for the first few weeks. Personally, I took cipramil 10 years ago and it worked wonderfully. Went on it a few years later and couldn't tolerate it at all. That kinda put me off ever taking anything again. However, I have a relative on efexor at the moment and she is positively blooming on it! Yes, she had the zaps and a bit of memory loss for the first 6 or 8 weeks, but now she is fine. So, it seems that it's a bit hit and miss and a supportive gp is the way to go. Meds may not be for you, and I can understand your reluctance. I always felt that I was reliquishing a bit of my self when I took them and that can be hard to accept. I've come to relalise that depression was what had been robbing me of my self, though. I'm not advocating meds as the only way to go (that is not my own choice, I use different techniques to deal with it now) but they do seem to work for some people and they might help you. All you can do is try, follow your gp's advice, and if you don't see any benefit, come off them (with your gp's supervision!). But if you do decide to go on them it doesn't have to be forever. Whatever you decide, you don't deserve to feel like crap all the time.

Reactor · 17-12-2010 2:15am

Okay thanks for that SU and Sardonicat, Ill see what happens tomorrow, I just wish there was something mild or herbal you could take that makes you feel kind of happy about things without the insane list of side effects, like sometimes if you have a cold and you drink one hot whisky and feel kind of contented and normal after it, but I cant let myself rely on alcohol because Im the type who'll be an alcoholic by the end of the week if I start doing that, I nearly started doing it with the Xanax after 2-3 days on them because of the sleepy feeling they give you, anyway good luck with your brain zaps, goodnight.

Novella · 17-12-2010 3:26am

Reactor wrote: »

I have an appointment in the morning with a new GP, my old one was old, retiring in a couple of weeks and he really just threw the pills at me the first day I was there, Ill see how it goes tomorrow, memory loss is another think I dread.

I have to say, I hate that about GP's - how absolutely flippant they are when it comes to prescribing anti-d's. In my honest opinion, not that I'm any sort of expert, just from experience, it's better to be really honest with your GP and try make sure he/she is thorough and not just go in for 2 minutes and take what is given. Maybe you need to see a counsellor first, see how you feel after that? I mean, if you really don't wanna be on medication and don't think you're depressed, just that you need a job, perhaps having a chat with someone would really help you. And if it didn't, you could take it from there?

starviewadams · 17-12-2010 3:39am

My GP was actually really good when I saw him about anxiety/depression issues.He said he honestly wasn't sure what to do with me and gave me a referral letter to the community mental health thingy and didn't charge me the standard 45 euro either.Am now meeting weekly with a psychiatrist and a psychologist (for free!) and am starting to slowly feel a bit better.

Novella · 17-12-2010 3:50am

starviewadams wrote: »

My GP was actually really good when I saw him about anxiety/depression issues.He said he honestly wasn't sure what to do with me and gave me a referral letter to the community mental health thingy and didn't charge me the standard 45 euro either.Am now meeting weekly with a psychiatrist and a psychologist (for free!) and am starting to slowly feel a bit better.

Wow, that's really good! And glad to hear you're feeling better. I was just saying some GP's don't really know what to do, and prescribe anti-d's without recommending any other kind of treatment or really having an in-depth look at the problem. It's not their fault at all, it just can happen that they're quick to prescribe and I know myself I was left feeling a bit... alone, 'cause I sort of just got handed a prescription and that was it.

doctor evil · 17-12-2010 7:01am

starviewadams wrote: »

My GP was actually really good when I saw him about anxiety/depression issues.He said he honestly wasn't sure what to do with me and gave me a referral letter to the community mental health thingy and didn't charge me the standard 45 euro either.Am now meeting weekly with a psychiatrist and a psychologist (for free!) and am starting to slowly feel a bit better.

My GP is good in that way too, she referred me.

At the mo I am on the generic of effexor (Venlafaxene I think) I've been ok on it so real side effects.

It is interesting how medications can affect people differently but it can never be forgotten that a person can't take for a given that what happenned to one person will happen to another.

LegacyUser · 17-12-2010 9:13am

Best thing to do with any sort of anxiety or depression that is becoming anything more than a minor hindrance is asking your gp for a referral for a psychiatrist.

They will discuss things at length with you, properly diagnose and then suggest or prescribe treatments (based on your thoughts on the matter).

DM addict · 17-12-2010 11:11am

Reactor wrote: »

Okay thanks for that SU and Sardonicat, Ill see what happens tomorrow, I just wish there was something mild or herbal you could take that makes you feel kind of happy about things without the insane list of side effects, like sometimes if you have a cold and you drink one hot whisky and feel kind of contented and normal after it, but I cant let myself rely on alcohol because Im the type who'll be an alcoholic by the end of the week if I start doing that, I nearly started doing it with the Xanax after 2-3 days on them because of the sleepy feeling they give you, anyway good luck with your brain zaps, goodnight.

Good luck with the new GP. I was very reluctant to start taking meds myself but was at the stage where all I could do was cry all day, and I needed a boost just to be stable enough to start therapy. I also got referred to the community mental health clinic, which was pretty useful and let me know that I was on the right track.

Meds are a personal thing, and it can take a while to find a solution that's right for you. take care, and let us know how you're doing.

DM addict · 17-12-2010 11:12am

stupidusername wrote: »

well that's good. do let us know how you get on.

the memory loss isn't something that affects everyone. it was a big problem for me when i was on lexapro, and i hated it, and then on prozac i was fine, and then with efexor i wasn't. it depends on the person and the dosage and the drug. so no need to dread it! if you decide to start on something just know that you can switch if it doesnt suit you, or you can be weaned off it. you do have options. talk to your doctor about all your concerns and i'm sure they'll advise you well.

Big hugs to you with your zaps and other problems. Hope you start feeling better soon.

littlefriend · 17-12-2010 11:32pm

I had a panic attack today for the first time in over a year. Feel horrendous now; like its all going to start again.

RubyXI · 18-12-2010 12:24am

I've never had a panic attack. Not in the conventional sense of the word anyway. Like I get into a major state of panic but not a proper one. Which is dead good really coz i could totally do without that.
But yeah.... Sorry, I don't know what point I'm actually making here..... I'll shut up now....

Reactor · 18-12-2010 2:08am

Another week done sitting in my room wasting my life thinking the exact same thoughts over and over, wish I had something to look forward to besides pissing my life away on the internet. I dont think Ive spoken to anyone in real life who wasnt serving me in a shop or takeaway or something like that for the past month or longer, not a single person.

Sardonicat · 18-12-2010 2:11am

Reactor wrote: »

Another week done sitting in my room wasting my life thinking the exact same thoughts over and over, wish I had something to look forward to besides pissing my life away on the internet. I dont think Ive spoken to anyone in real life who wasnt serving me in a shop or takeaway or something like that for the past month or longer, not a single person.

Hi Reactor

Sorry things are so rough for you right now. I can empathise a great deal. It's no surprise you are feeling very down at the moment.

Did you get to the GP today and have a proper chat about your options?

Reactor · 18-12-2010 2:27am

Nah its next Monday now because of some emergency, I got Stop Thinking and Start Living in the post today and CBT for Dummies (in a basket outside the Amnesty International Shop for €3 while I was walking around, took it as a sign) and am reading them now, going to rewrite my CV and clear out my room aswell on Sat and Sunday to see if I feel better, anyway thanks for the kind words again, goodnight.

Sardonicat · 18-12-2010 2:36am

Good for you to get yourself motivated!

You might let us know if those books are any good?

Take care.

LegacyUser · 18-12-2010 2:46am

Gonna go unreg for this

Anyone else spend hours just sitting doing nothing and feeling like crap? I go through days where I cant motivate myself to do anything, nearly messed up my college assignments, did them the day they were due, thought I failed, but the other day I found out I did really well in them, cheered me up for a bit.

I don't know why I feel like crap tbh, lately I am starting to feel really lonely but I used to be fine on my own.

When I look at my life on paper I should be happy

LegacyUser · 18-12-2010 4:57pm

littlefriend wrote: »

I had a panic attack today for the first time in over a year. Feel horrendous now; like its all going to start again.

Ooh...that's how mine re-started 3 weeks ago.
Worst thing is, the more you worry about them starting again, the more nervous you begin to feel, and next thing is, there you are having them.It's a vicious circle.

It's tough.I feel your pain.

FYI, I find "Stop thinking start living" very good...I like to dip into it when I feel I'm going downhill a bit, to remind me that it's just my brain playing games on me.It helps a lot.

DM addict · 18-12-2010 5:19pm

dave1234 wrote: »

Gonna go unreg for this

Anyone else spend hours just sitting doing nothing and feeling like crap? I go through days where I cant motivate myself to do anything, nearly messed up my college assignments, did them the day they were due, thought I failed, but the other day I found out I did really well in them, cheered me up for a bit.

I don't know why I feel like crap tbh, lately I am starting to feel really lonely but I used to be fine on my own.

When I look at my life on paper I should be happy

Life on paper isn't even vaguely comparable to real life. I've been where you are now, and it's really tough, especially if you have people saying things like "but what do you have to be sad about, you've got so much going for you?!"

Everyone gets a bit more down around winter, but it can still be really hard. Try doing things that you enjoy, take care of yourself.

*hugs*

LegacyUser · 19-12-2010 2:44am

DM addict wrote: »

Life on paper isn't even vaguely comparable to real life. I've been where you are now, and it's really tough, especially if you have people saying things like "but what do you have to be sad about, you've got so much going for you?!"

Everyone gets a bit more down around winter, but it can still be really hard. Try doing things that you enjoy, take care of yourself.

*hugs*

Its really crap, since last christmas I had convinced myself that if I studied hard, did well in my LC and got the course I wanted things would be better. Fact is they aren't, I don't know what to do now. Without the schedule of school it is very easy to simply do nothing for days at a time. I just sit there feeling crap, I distract myself by reading, or playing games, but as soon as I stop it is right back. As soon as I am left to my own thoughts I end up being sad for some reason, I just think stupid things, for instance thinking that I will never get a gf, girls hate me, things that make no sense. Objectively I can look at that and say it is a load of bollocks, I get on grand with girls, and I like being single. I know this makes no sense, but its like my mind just thinks up things to make me feel sad.

There aren't many things that I really enjoy tbh... arranged to go hang around with some mates tomorrow, but those things tend to turn into drinking sessions which I hate. At least I will be out of the house.

doctor evil · 19-12-2010 1:09pm

Reactor wrote: »

Another week done sitting in my room wasting my life thinking the exact same thoughts over and over, wish I had something to look forward to besides pissing my life away on the internet. I dont think Ive spoken to anyone in real life who wasnt serving me in a shop or takeaway or something like that for the past month or longer, not a single person.

I know what that is like. Perhaps try something like chatroulette (not the webcam one!) Mostly it is rubbish but once or twice you come across someone normal.

RubyXI · 20-12-2010 11:40pm

"Everybody knows, it's hard to be alone at this time of year"

RubyXI · 22-12-2010 4:19pm

I'd actually forgotten how bad it could get. Unfortunately I've been reminded.

stupidusername · 22-12-2010 4:40pm

Have you been working phi3?

I've to switch from efexor 75mg to efexor 37.5mg then to lustral 50mg all over the coming days. my doctor told me one way to do it and I thought I had it but then when i got the prescription it had different non logical instructions on it, so rang another doctor to clarify and she said just to take efexor 37.5 for three days, and then just start taking the lustral. so hopefully it'll all go ok. hopefully this rash will die down with this switchover too. getting so tired of scratching, and being woken up by it. not sure how i'm going to come off the lustral though :rolleyes:

Novella · 22-12-2010 4:48pm

stupidusername wrote: »

not sure how i'm going to come off the lustral though :rolleyes:

I was on Lustral and I found coming off it no bother at all really, so hopefully when you get to that stage, it'll be the same for you. Try not to worry too much about it for now, see how you actually get on taking it first.

I hope this one works out for you, 'cause I know you've been having a crap time with the itching and then the brain zaps and stuff.

stupidusername · 22-12-2010 4:51pm

thanks novella

I was coming off the efexor anyway cause it's the third anti depressant i've been on and dunno that I found any very much good. but I suppose if I find the lustral is doing something I might stay on it for a bit. hadn't considered it really.

I know coming off the efexor was awful. but ya that's not the typical way of doing it, so whatever way I do come off the lustral, whenever it is, I'm sure it won't be anywhere near as bad.

starviewadams · 22-12-2010 5:48pm

I was told to just stop taking Lustral and start taking Citalopram,neither seemed to have any positive effect on me besides making me really tired.

Novella · 22-12-2010 7:14pm

starviewadams wrote: »

I was told to just stop taking Lustral and start taking Citalopram,neither seemed to have any positive effect on me besides making me really tired.

It can be trial and error with medication. As stupidusername said, she was on various anti-d's before. I was on three before I found one which suited me, which happened to be Lustral. I'm not taking anti-depressants at all anymore though... But don't become disheartened. Don't give up. When you find a medication that works for you, it can be really beneficial. Good luck

neelyohara · 23-12-2010 2:15am

starviewadams wrote: »

I was told to just stop taking Lustral and start taking Citalopram,neither seemed to have any positive effect on me besides making me really tired.

+1 for Novella. I'd tried a tonne of anti-d's before effexor which actually worked. Citalopram had a bad effect on me but it's something that you have to go through before you find the right one... and when you do it will make all the difference. Unfortunately it takes a couple of weeks at a time before you'll notice any difference.

Hang in there. You'll find something that works.

LegacyUser · 23-12-2010 3:34pm

Just wanted to share something.

I've been suffering from depression for about 5 years now,never went to a doctor to have it diagnosed unfortunately or to let them know how bad it gets sometimes.Used to just struggle through it even though the odd time I was barely able to speak or do anything,no motivation to do anything.Just horrible.
Then in the past 2 months I had one of the worst spells of it.I didn't go to college for about 2 months(couldn't get out of bed),ignored my friends,didn't go out.Feels like I become 'stupid' and forgetful.I'm a bit socially awkward but it gets 10 times worse in a depressed state for me.Things that seem easy are impossible.Unable to hold a simple conversation with someone that I've known for years.And the total apathy that came over me was terrible.
Want to see a doctor soon so that I can get rid of it or atleast control it.
I know it probably stemmed from when my mam passed away when I was 13 but the way it comes and go's is frustrating because its usually when I'm relatively happy,nothing seems to trigger it.Although it does seem to follow a pattern as in it will come at a certain point in the year or if theres a major change in my life,like starting college or something.

Thats it anyway,sorry for rambling on.

KnifeWRENCH · 23-12-2010 11:09pm

french toast wrote: »

Just wanted to share something.

I've been suffering from depression for about 5 years now,never went to a doctor to have it diagnosed unfortunately or to let them know how bad it gets sometimes.Used to just struggle through it even though the odd time I was barely able to speak or do anything,no motivation to do anything.Just horrible.

Keeping it to yourself like that is pretty much the worst thing you can do. I was like that for a few months; I had missed lots of college, was falling further and further behind, couldn't sleep at night and wasn't able to drag myself out of bed in the morning. Talking about how you feel is an immense relief, it's so much healthier than bottling everything up because if you do that your depression will just fester and get worse and worse. You should definitely go see a doctor.

I should probably post here more often; ranting in a blog that nobody read was rather pointless and I reckon I've subjected the good folks at C&H to too much negativity already. I was diagnosed with "mild" depression last November, was prescribed Lexapro, started feeling better and better and was on top of the world around August/September. Since maybe the middle of November, things started to go wrong again. And right now, at this moment, life is lonely and feels pointless again.

Have been on Lexapro, 10mg, for almost a year now. I went to my GP today. Last time I saw her she was talking about reducing my dosage to 5mg, with a view to eventually weaning me off. Instead, I walked away with an increased dosage; am now at 15mg. Basically, 10mg wasn't doing anything for me anymore and I feel like I'm back in the same place I was when I started feeling depressed.

Am now on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist. Am also on a waiting list to see a counsellor in college but I don't know how much benefit that will be to me. Any preliminary meetings have basically been telling me what I already knew. I thought 2010 was a good year up until November, and now I'm just waiting for it to end and hoping that 2011 will see me start to get better again.

Novella · 23-12-2010 11:21pm

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

Keeping it to yourself like that is pretty much the worst thing you can do. I was like that for a few months; I had missed lots of college, was falling further and further behind, couldn't sleep at night and wasn't able to drag myself out of bed in the morning. Talking about how you feel is an immense relief, it's so much healthier than bottling everything up because if you do that your depression will just fester and get worse and worse. You should definitely go see a doctor.

I should probably post here more often; ranting in a blog that nobody read was rather pointless and I reckon I've subjected the good folks at C&H to too much negativity already. I was diagnosed with "mild" depression last November, was prescribed Lexapro, started feeling better and better and was on top of the world around August/September. Since maybe the middle of November, things started to go wrong again. And right now, at this moment, life is lonely and feels pointless again.

Have been on Lexapro, 10mg, for almost a year now. I went to my GP today. Last time I saw her she was talking about reducing my dosage to 5mg, with a view to eventually weaning me off. Instead, I walked away with an increased dosage; am now at 15mg. Basically, 10mg wasn't doing anything for me anymore and I feel like I'm back in the same place I was when I started feeling depressed.

Am now on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist. Am also on a waiting list to see a counsellor in college but I don't know how much benefit that will be to me. Any preliminary meetings have basically been telling me what I already knew. I thought 2010 was a good year up until November, and now I'm just waiting for it to end and hoping that 2011 will see me start to get better again.

So sorry to hear you're not feeling so good.

But it's great that you're trying to overcome it, seeing your GP and now on the psychiatry waiting list. I love the start of a new year, it's like a whole fresh start. Hopefully you can put 2010 behind you and 2011 will be a muuuuuch happier year. Hang on in there, it can get better.

Princess Peach · 23-12-2010 11:43pm

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

Keeping it to yourself like that is pretty much the worst thing you can do. I was like that for a few months; I had missed lots of college, was falling further and further behind, couldn't sleep at night and wasn't able to drag myself out of bed in the morning. Talking about how you feel is an immense relief, it's so much healthier than bottling everything up because if you do that your depression will just fester and get worse and worse. You should definitely go see a doctor.

I should probably post here more often; ranting in a blog that nobody read was rather pointless and I reckon I've subjected the good folks at C&H to too much negativity already. I was diagnosed with "mild" depression last November, was prescribed Lexapro, started feeling better and better and was on top of the world around August/September. Since maybe the middle of November, things started to go wrong again. And right now, at this moment, life is lonely and feels pointless again.

Have been on Lexapro, 10mg, for almost a year now. I went to my GP today. Last time I saw her she was talking about reducing my dosage to 5mg, with a view to eventually weaning me off. Instead, I walked away with an increased dosage; am now at 15mg. Basically, 10mg wasn't doing anything for me anymore and I feel like I'm back in the same place I was when I started feeling depressed.

Am now on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist. Am also on a waiting list to see a counsellor in college but I don't know how much benefit that will be to me. Any preliminary meetings have basically been telling me what I already knew. I thought 2010 was a good year up until November, and now I'm just waiting for it to end and hoping that 2011 will see me start to get better again.

I can identify with a few things here! I started on Lexapro last year, did great and started to come off it in the summer. Since then I've just been a mess of emotions, ups and downs. I know a lot of it is to do with my personal situation, I have a few things going on in my life, but I've found these things a lot harder to deal with, and some of the times I'll just get really moody for no reason. I was on 20mgs most of the time. Started coming down over the last 6 months and now I'm on 5mgs but I think I'll go back and talk a bit more honestly with my doctor after Christmas. Think I was just trying to prove that I don't need them to myself, but maybe I do, if you get me!

You say the counselor in college is not helpful. Is it the same counselor you've seen every time? Could just be a clash of personalities and methods. I hated my first counselor and pretty much swore off counselling all together. My doctor insisted I give it another go, changed counselors and it really helped me. Try and have a positive attitude when you get to see the psychiatrist, cause it will only work if you believe its going to work, if that makes sense!

KnifeWRENCH · 24-12-2010 12:27am

Princess Peach wrote: »

You say the counselor in college is not helpful. Is it the same counselor you've seen every time? Could just be a clash of personalities and methods. I hated my first counselor and pretty much swore off counselling all together. My doctor insisted I give it another go, changed counselors and it really helped me. Try and have a positive attitude when you get to see the psychiatrist, cause it will only work if you believe its going to work, if that makes sense!

I wouldn't say they're not helpful; the one I saw did sit down and listen to me and told me she'd put me on the waiting list for another appointment. I think my problem is my own attitude; for counselling to work, you have to actively WANT to get better. And I'm not sure I do, if that makes any sense?

Sure, I'll try eating better, exercising more, having a fixed bedtime routine. I'm just a bit skeptical as to how much all that will actually benefit me in the long run.

Like I don't want to be told "Life is wonderful; eat more veg and you'll appreciate it." (that's an exaggeration, but I'm sure I had a point buried in this post somewhere...) I guess I'm looking for a sympathetic ear rather than a lifestyle coach. I'd rather have a Jennifer Melfi than a Doctor Phil.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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