Is intent as important as consent in a sexual relationship?

AdrianBalboa · 23-01-2021 11:00pm #1

I was having a discussion about this in another thread and I decided to move this topic away from that lest I’m accused of “trolling.” :rolleyes:

So we were talking about how I have had extra marital affairs in the past, my husband and I have had marital counselling and we have moved on from it. I believe that if he subsequently has any extra marital affairs himself (especially with people younger than me) then he would be doing so as a form of revenge and effectively be weaponising sex, akin to a non-consensual encounter in my view.

I also believe that intent is important sexually as consent, in other words that neither party may be duped or mislead as to the nature of the encounter. One person can’t (morally) lie and pretend that they are interested in a long term relationship, for example, when they’re just trying to get a leg over that night. Or say they’re participating in trying for a baby after having had a vasectomy.

My view that revenge extramarital sex over a spouse would be akin to rape because of the male partner’s intent to weaponise sex as a form of retribution. Also, speaking specifically here, I would question if my husband at this stage of his life would be capable of seducing anyone without any form of deceit or duplicity anyway lol.

What do you think? Is intent as important as consent in your view? How would you feel if someone lied to you to spill their beans over your love lettuce?

Smee_Again · 23-01-2021 11:02pm

What?

23-01-2021 11:04pm

If the person he's having sex with is an adult and consented...its not rape

Get a divorse....your marraige is toxic as fcuk....your having affairs,your husband is having revenge affairs....you dont think he's capable of seducing someone

Lifes too short for that

bee06 · 23-01-2021 11:04pm

I think you might want to revisit that marital counselling.

Vestiapx · 23-01-2021 11:05pm

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

I was having a discussion about this in another thread and I decided to move this topic away from that lest I’m accused of “trolling.” :rolleyes:

So we were talking about how I have had extra marital affairs in the past, my husband and I have had marital counselling and we have moved on from it. I believe that if he subsequently has any extra marital affairs himself (especially with people younger than me) then he would be doing so as a form of revenge and effectively be weaponising sex, akin to a non-consensual encounter in my view.

I also believe that intent is important sexually as consent, in other words that neither party may be duped or mislead as to the nature of the encounter. One person can’t (morally) lie and pretend that they are interested in a long term relationship, for example, when they’re just trying to get a leg over that night. Or say they’re participating in trying for a baby after having had a vasectomy.

My view that revenge extramarital sex over a spouse would be akin to rape because of the male partner’s intent to weaponise sex as a form of retribution. Also, speaking specifically here, I would question if my husband at this stage of his life would be capable of seducing anyone without any form of deceit or duplicity anyway lol.

What do you think? Is intent as important as consent in your view? How would you feel if someone lied to you to spill their beans over your love lettuce?

You cheated and that's ok but if hubby cheats he's doing it for revenge.

Is that what you are saying

23-01-2021 11:07pm

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

I was having a discussion about this in another thread and I decided to move this topic away from that lest I’m accused of “trolling.” :rolleyes:

So we were talking about how I have had extra marital affairs in the past, my husband and I have had marital counselling and we have moved on from it. I believe that if he subsequently has any extra marital affairs himself (especially with people younger than me) then he would be doing so as a form of revenge and effectively be weaponising sex, akin to a non-consensual encounter in my view.

I also believe that intent is important sexually as consent, in other words that neither party may be duped or mislead as to the nature of the encounter. One person can’t (morally) lie and pretend that they are interested in a long term relationship, for example, when they’re just trying to get a leg over that night. Or say they’re participating in trying for a baby after having had a vasectomy.

My view that revenge extramarital sex over a spouse would be akin to rape because of the male partner’s intent to weaponise sex as a form of retribution. Also, speaking specifically here, I would question if my husband at this stage of his life would be capable of seducing anyone without any form of deceit or duplicity anyway lol.

What do you think? Is intent as important as consent in your view? How would you feel if someone lied to you to spill their beans over your love lettuce?

What.....the absolute fúck have i just read???? :eek:

Your drunk OP. Go to bed.

Gremlinertia · 23-01-2021 11:07pm

Why does his affair have to be revenge?

Username here · 23-01-2021 11:07pm

WTF did I just read.

El_Duderino 09 · 23-01-2021 11:08pm

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

...
So we were talking about how I have had extra marital affairs in the past, my husband and I have had marital counselling and we have moved on from it. I believe that if he subsequently has any extra marital affairs himself (especially with people younger than me) then he would be doing so as a form of revenge and effectively be weaponising sex, akin to a non-consensual encounter in my view.
...

He could be just having an extramarital affair the same way you did. How could you tell the difference between him having an affair for the reasons you outlined as opposed to other reasons?

Cerveza · 23-01-2021 11:12pm

Why is everyone quoting the long op, isn’t it obvious who you are replying to.

gogo · 23-01-2021 11:12pm

You really need to go back for more counseling... alone.

For Forks Sake · 23-01-2021 11:13pm

Vestiapx · 23-01-2021 11:14pm

Cerveza wrote: »

Why is everyone quoting the long op, isn’t it obvious who you are replying to.

It's incase they change what they've posted, it's common in replying to unusual op

For Forks Sake · 23-01-2021 11:15pm

Vestiapx wrote: »

It's incase they change what they've posted, it's common in replying to unusual op

..or, in this case sober up..

Hellokitty1212 · 23-01-2021 11:16pm

With the fullest of respect, the poster sounds like the sort of woman who supports the more extreme parts of the MeToo movement; protested against the acquittal of the Ulster rugby players - yet is happy to go to a hen do with a male stripper and grope the life out of the bloke. Such double standards.

And how dare you disrespect rape victims by diminishing their suffering to compare it with your husband - who should run for the hills in my opinion - having an affair.

The Orb · 23-01-2021 11:16pm

Poor attempt at a troll OP. If you are for real then your husband is in dire need of kicking your ass to the kerb as you are deranged.

AdrianBalboa · 23-01-2021 11:16pm

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

He could be just having an extramarital affair the same way you did. How could you tell the difference between him having an affair for the reasons you outlined as opposed to other reasons?

That’s not likely. I’m not the head turner I used to be (or perceived to be, but that’s a whole different topic :rolleyes:) but it’s very safe to say he “married up.” Let’s just leave it at that.

Let’s not get too bogged down in the specifics of my own marriage though, I was just using it as an example.

Gregor Samsa · 23-01-2021 11:18pm

Cerveza wrote: »

Why is everyone quoting the long op, isn’t it obvious who you are replying to.

It’s also obvious from the OPs posting history that they’re on the wind up, but this where we are: indulging someone taking the joke too far.

Vicki2314 · 23-01-2021 11:18pm

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

That’s not likely. I’m not the head turner I used to be (or perceived to be, but that’s a whole different topic :rolleyes:) but it’s very safe to say he “married up.” Let’s just leave it at that.

Let’s not get too bogged down in the specifics of my own marriage though, I was just using it as an example.

Stop, this has to be a troll thead

Vestiapx · 23-01-2021 11:20pm

For Forks Sake wrote: »

..or, in this case sober up..

Yeah in case they sober up and I end up looking like I'm talking to myself

Vestiapx · 23-01-2021 11:22pm

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

That’s not likely. I’m not the head turner I used to be (or perceived to be, but that’s a whole different topic :rolleyes:) but it’s very safe to say he “married up.” Let’s just leave it at that.

Let’s not get too bogged down in the specifics of my own marriage though, I was just using it as an example.

Whatever got you into the sack will work on the other surely, or were your particularly easy?

Hate when people think their partners are doing extra good by getting them
Double hate it when said person then cheats

AdrianBalboa · 23-01-2021 11:24pm

Hellokitty1212 wrote: »

With the fullest of respect, the poster sounds like the sort of woman who supports the more extreme parts of the MeToo movement; protested against the acquittal of the Ulster rugby players - yet is happy to go to a hen do with a male stripper and grope the life out of the bloke. Such double standards.

And how dare you disrespect rape victims by diminishing their suffering to compare it with your husband - who should run for the hills in my opinion - having an affair.

Excuse me but how dare you compare what happened with the Ulster Rugby players with women enjoying a hen night with strippers.

And yes I have gone to hen nights, but I suppose leering at strippers is alright if men do it? :rolleyes:

Gremlinertia · 23-01-2021 11:24pm

This isn't going anywhere - closed

Is intent as important as consent in a sexual relationship?

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