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Tinder date fear

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  • 13-10-2019 4:37pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I feel really bad after a tinder date, im early 30's, started messaging this guy, he looked nice in his photos and we got on well over text so decided to meet, we decided to go for drinks. When I met him I wasnt attracted to him at all but we actually got on really well, as we were talking though he said some things that turned me off him completely in a romantic way but as we were having such a good time I decided to stay out, we both had allot to drink and stayed out until 3 after which I went home. All night we kissed twice but that was it and we only kissed because of the drink.
    I dont think I realised how drunk I was but I met people I knew and basically told everyone that this guy was a tinder date that id just met and tbh, it looked as though I was going home to sleep with him, as I was leaving the pub one of the guys I knew made a comment, and goes enjoy the sex. I didnt sleep with him and had no intention of having sex with him but im afraid that I looked really bad, I hardley ever meet people off tinder, ive only ever met 3 people off it and theres months between them. I feel awful and worried about what other people think of me now...

    Does it sound really bad?


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    #2
    Donnielighto
    Registered Users Posts: 3,761 ✭✭✭Donnielighto


    Not at all, plenty of people use tinder and the dates can go either way. Any if you're keeping a few months in between dates youre maintaining a bigger gap than most. Don't worry about it and if someone is making an issue of it they are unlikely to be serious. Unless they have an actual reason to be interested (crushing or so)


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    #3
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,383 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    No. Quite frankly it's a bit strange that you'd even think that.


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    #4
    HBC08
    Registered Users Posts: 3,286 ✭✭✭HBC08


    Youve just got a bit of the fear going on.

    Relax and dont stress,its a nothing burger


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    #5
    BDI
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,005 ✭✭✭BDI


    The fella saying enjoy the sex sounds like an arsehole. Who would say that in real life?


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    #6
    One More Toy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,764 ✭✭✭One More Toy


    Sounds like the hangover fear to me op, which in my experience can last a few days


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    #7
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 7,995 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    Your fear is based solely on a jokey but probably an ill-conceived comment from a guy about enjoying the sex. In reity people rarely give a second thought about what a person gets up in their personal/private life and if they do it says more about them.

    The issue is why would it bother you if they did assume that you did sleep with the guy? Meeting someone and going home with them is nothing to be ashamed about and if someone thought less of you, their opinion is not worth your worry.

    Also kissing someone that you are not romantically attracted to is very common and getting caught up in the moment happens.

    Instead of worrying about what other people think, live your life how you want to and have no regrets.


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    #8
    cj maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,361 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx


    Whether he was a tinder date or not , it was an off hand comment when you were leaving by someone who hadn't a clue what they were talking about so treat it as that. Don't worry about it


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    #9
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,717 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    Hi Op

    reading your post i think your fear appears to be along the lines of you fear your reputation will be sullied?

    In 2019 you are allowed to enjoy sex! If you choose to you are allowed to have sex on a 1st date.

    The throwaway comment appears to have got into your head, but to be honest dont let yourself be shamed. if anyone makes a comment tell them its 2019 not 1919!


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    #10
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    The only thing that sounds bad is you're using alcohol to lower your inhibitions then blaming your actions on drink the next day. No one wants to read a post from you in 2 months time saying you slept with someone but don't remember agreeing to it.


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks I feel allot better about the whole thing, its just not something id normally do and combined with a hangover I was overthinking the whole situation.
    Honestly I had a really fun night out and got on with the guy as if I knew him for years.

    To the last poster, I dont know what youre suggesting with that comment but I didnt find it helpful at all.


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    #12
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Tinderdatefear wrote: »
    To the last poster, I dont know what youre suggesting with that comment but I didnt find it helpful at all.

    It was fairly clear what I was suggesting. I think all drinkers get the fear but there were some red flags in your post that suggest watching your intake.
    • I wasnt attracted to him
    • we only kissed because of the drink
    • I dont think I realised how drunk I was
    • worried about what other people think of me now


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    #13
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 7,995 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    antix80 wrote: »
    It was fairly clear what I was suggesting. I think all drinkers get the fear but there were some red flags in your post that suggest watching your intake.
    • I wasnt attracted to him
    • we only kissed because of the drink
    • I dont think I realised how drunk I was
    • worried about what other people think of me now

    While I think your advice is meant with good intentions you may be laying it on a bit thick and shouldn't be that confused when op questioned it.

    Firstly if you had to be attracted to everyone you kissed then it would be a boring world.

    Majority of first kisses are because of drink so don't mess with that formula.

    People never realise how drunk they are until they are wearing the face off someone who annoyed them 4 wines ago. Again life.

    Do you know how condescending and preachy it is when people talk about red flags for alcoholism after they scored someone after a drink. Now if it affected their life work and relationships and a was a regular occurrence.,grand but a drunken score. No.


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    #14
    pinkyeye
    Registered Users Posts: 1,293 ✭✭✭pinkyeye


    <SNIP>

    Mod:

    pinkyeye, personal abuse is not acceptable and is not tolerated in PI. You can disagree with someone without resorting to name-calling.

    wiggle


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