Alternatives to music and dancing?

ixoy · 06-01-2019 5:24pm #1

So both of us hate the loud music and dancing that you find at weddings. When the music starts up we generally leave the main room and hang out in any smaller rooms.

Now it's our turn and we obviously don't want to have to leave our own wedding so we're definitely not getting a band but we're now thinking - why get a DJ if we'd be made uncomfortable at our own wedding? The venue is small so the music could easily be over-bearing and drown out people wanting to talk. Perhaps a Spotify playlist where we could at least control the volume as I imagine DJs would have fixed ideas about volume (and most of the wedding playlists contain songs I really don't like...).

However, we don't want guests to be bored either (even though I can't imagine many would want to dance all that much). We're thinking some games like giant jenga and so on. Neither of us care for photo booths but that could work better for ensuring guests have things to do (although surely dancing hardly is missed that much?).

Has anyone else had or attended the same "music-lite" wedding and how did it go? What did you do, if anything, instead?

ainy · 06-01-2019 10:39pm

I haven't been to one but I was looking it up for our wedding, have you considered a silent disco? Gives the option of taking part in dancing and entertainment but not the level of noise you both don't like.

splinter65 · 07-01-2019 12:15am

I’m struggling to imagine a function room full of wedding guests having enjoyed food and wine etc at 8pm filling another 4+ hours without music and dancing. Even the non dancers generally enjoy singing along with the band “Hi Ho Silver lining...” and laughing at the dancers.
It’s a challenge. The band and the DJ are the experts in keeping the party going.
You’d definitely need to have someone providing some kind of entertainment. But I am totally stuck here for suggestions.

ixoy · 08-01-2019 9:15am

ainy wrote: »

I haven't been to one but I was looking it up for our wedding, have you considered a silent disco? Gives the option of taking part in dancing and entertainment but not the level of noise you both don't like.

Yeah, this did cross my mind. Someone else pointed out that some people would find it off putting? Although it would certainly be interesting watching people dance around without knowing what they are listening to.

Addle · 08-01-2019 9:19am

Why not just leave it at a band?
No dj.
Everyone home at a reasonable hour.
I'd love it anyways!

Aisling(",) · 08-01-2019 9:46am

Never seen it done but you could do what you're suggesting with a playlist of your own and maybe a comedian or something for an hour or so in the middle.

woodchuck · 08-01-2019 9:48am

ixoy wrote: »

Although it would certainly be interesting watching people dance around without knowing what they are listening to.

I think the problem could be that the people dancing might feel self-conscious if being watched by others who aren't joining in. I think I would anyway - I've been to silent discos, but it's only fun if everyone joins in.

What about an accoustic guitar player or something like that? I.e. non-amplified music. It wouldn't be as loud, but still gives people an opportunity to get up and dance if they want to. That's only a thought though, I've no direct experience of that at a wedding!

Mrs OBumble · 08-01-2019 9:54am

Music doesn't have to mean pop-crap or hits of the 80s 90s and today.

Is there any genre you do like? Maybe a folk singer or classical or trad or whatever quartet?

Whatever you do, make sure your guests are expecting it, or you will leave some bitterly disappointed that they didn't get to dance.

seannash · 08-01-2019 9:58am

Can't you just have a DJ and tell him to turn the music down to a suitable level.
I think that way you can easily converse bit people can dance if they want to.

silent_spark · 08-01-2019 10:02am

What size is your wedding, OP? I think that will have a bearing on what will work. We’re having a small wedding with around 70 guests and don’t plan on having a band or DJ, as we both hate that kind of thing - instead we’re putting a playlist together made up of (easy to listen to) music we love. For the guests we’ve invited, there would only be about five die hard dancers, the rest are more likely to want to have relaxed conversation, so it works for us.

If you hate dancing and loud ‘wedding band’ music, don’t have a loud wedding band type band - despite everyone’s best intentions at the start of the night, you will get dragged up at some point. An extended family member of mine did a table quiz at their wedding - both sides were table quiz / crossword / trivia type people, so they loved it. You know your guests, so you’ll know what is likely to work. Also, if you want to hire a DJ, hire one who plays the music you like, and at the volume you want - they work for you for the night. Likewise, you could hire a lounge/jazz band, or a folk singer songwriter or whatever you prefer, don’t feel obliged to fit into a cookie cutter wedding format.

CelticRambler · 08-01-2019 10:05am

Even if you were to use a playlist, you'd still have to hire the equipment to play it loudly to overcome the noise made by people who aren't listening.

But if you don't like that kind of thing, why are you including it in the programme? We had a trad band, no DJ and a great party (one "hate wedding receptions" guest told us after that it was the only one he'd ever enjoyed). I was also at one "afters" where there was no music at all - those getting married (and those invited) were the kind of people who were quite happy to natter all evening without any music in the background.

zl1whqvjs75cdy · 08-01-2019 10:08am

Well depends on your venue I would have thought. For example, if your having it in city centre you could do late food and then let guests drift off if they want. Of course you'll probably lose half your party by midnight but you can't really force people to stay

sweetie · 08-01-2019 10:10am

Any good professional dj will take your concerns into consideration and have a set volume for the night that you will be comfortable with. Weddings are generally quieter anyway than other functions due to the age range of the guests from young to old.

ixoy · 08-01-2019 1:00pm

Wedding isn't city centre, but close and the guest list is coming in at 100, nearerly all mid 30s or older. Not many would be dancers but I think enough that the absence might be noticed.

The biggest issue is volume, so will DJs play a quiet set? And do they generally adjust playlists (there's a bunch of standard wedding songs that I hate). I got the impression most just rocked out a bog standard list.

Easy listening music is a nice idea but doesn't that basically introduce the same "problem" : nothing to dance to?

We don't need silence but just to hear easily. The dance floor is fairly close to the seating area.

seannash · 08-01-2019 1:22pm

ixoy wrote: »

Wedding isn't city centre, but close and the guest list is coming in at 100, nearerly all mid 30s or older. Not many would be dancers but I think enough that the absence might be noticed.

The biggest issue is volume, so will DJs play a quiet set? And do they generally adjust playlists (there's a bunch of standard wedding songs that I hate). I got the impression most just rocked out a bog standard list.

Easy listening music is a nice idea but doesn't that basically introduce the same "problem" : nothing to dance to?

We don't need silence but just to hear easily. The dance floor is fairly close to the seating area.

The dj will do what you want, including playing songs you like.
However if the crowd look bored he might just play some classics to get things going.
All at the appropriate volume

ixoy · 08-01-2019 1:56pm

CelticRambler wrote: »

But if you don't like that kind of thing, why are you including it in the programme?

Because judging by the responses here, many would find it off putting or be bored. Sure we want to enjoy it but we'd like the guests to as well. That's the balancing act.

I was also at one "afters" where there was no music at all - those getting married (and those invited) were the kind of people who were quite happy to natter all evening without any music in the background.

Had they had a band at any point? And did it feel odd or cause it to break up early?

Loveinapril · 08-01-2019 2:05pm

ixoy wrote: »

And do they generally adjust playlists (there's a bunch of standard wedding songs that I hate). I got the impression most just rocked out a bog standard list.

I gave my DJ a VERY long list of what not to play (No Abba, Proclaimers, Road to Amarillo, Elvis, etc.) and I have a friend who told her DJ every song to play- he basically put the songs in order and pressed play. You are paying them- do what you want! I would personally miss music but you could go with just a band or a duo/ trio playing unamplified music or a DJ with a specific list. If it was a trad band I would be doing your trick of sitting in another room!

dohboy · 08-01-2019 2:18pm

A wedding DJ will play whatever you ask him to at whatever volume you ask. He's only interested in getting paid. Maybe get someone who plays funk and soul so it won't be too obtrusive - if you not a fan of loud dance/rock/singalong stuff - but people could still have a bit of a boogie.

zoobizoo · 08-01-2019 2:54pm

I went to a wedding where it ended at midnight. It was city centre so those who wanted to go on elsewhere could (ended up in The Sugar Club with 30 other guests) and those who didn't went home.

Now, it didn't bother me at the time - I was late 20s. The groom though said he regrets the night ending so early.

DJs
A DJ, if they're good, will be able to judge a room and be able to gauge volume levels and tunes based on your guests. There's nothing worse than a DJ who leaves music up loud even when the floor is empty. You could get them to play more ambient / laid back dance music so it would give the feel of a relaxed bar.

Spotify Playlist
I've seen this fail miserably. Band finishes and someone turns on an Ipod (or Iphone). Dance floor empties, no atmosphere, no reason to get up and dance and no change of tempo etc...

Alternative to a covers Band
We had a jazzy lounge band on before and during dinner but didn;t have a band on after the meal. Very chilled

sweetie · 08-01-2019 4:20pm

ixoy wrote: »

Wedding isn't city centre, but close and the guest list is coming in at 100, nearerly all mid 30s or older. Not many would be dancers but I think enough that the absence might be noticed.

The biggest issue is volume, so will DJs play a quiet set? And do they generally adjust playlists (there's a bunch of standard wedding songs that I hate). I got the impression most just rocked out a bog standard list.

Easy listening music is a nice idea but doesn't that basically introduce the same "problem" : nothing to dance to?

We don't need silence but just to hear easily. The dance floor is fairly close to the seating area.

PA systems nowadays are very adjustable for volume and can disperse music evenly around an area rather than concentrate on one area like dancefloor, if required.

Many djs will play a regular set but lots will also collaborate on a playlist with the client.

ixoy wrote: »

Because judging by the responses here, many would find it off putting or be bored. Sure we want to enjoy it but we'd like the guests to as well. That's the balancing act.

Had they had a band at any point? And did it feel odd or cause it to break up early?

I've been to a few weddings abroad without djs and they were pretty boring to be honest. Even those weddings where you spend more time chatting than dancing there's entertainment from looking at the dancers and listening to the music.

CelticRambler · 08-01-2019 4:54pm

ixoy wrote: »

Because judging by the responses here, many would find it off putting or be bored. Sure we want to enjoy it but we'd like the guests to as well. That's the balancing act.

Had they had a band at any point? And did it feel odd or cause it to break up early?

No band at all, but it was a small wedding. When you said yours would be a small venue, I wasn't expecting that to mean 100 guests! :pac:

From what you've described, I think I'd much prefer what you want in a reception than what usually passes for a "good time" at weddings in Ireland. The best one I was at (other than my own :rolleyes: ) was only the best because of how the party developed after the DJ packed up - about 50-60 of us (siblings/cousins) making our own entertainment.

But if I was getting married again, I'd be pretty ruthless about it: it'd be another trad event and I'd tell anyone who thought they'd be bored not to bother coming. :cool:

pwurple · 09-01-2019 10:21am

Why don't you try something smaller / less noisy for atmosphere, like a jazz trio, or someone on a piano?

Very laid back, low lights, cool kinda vibe instead.

ixoy · 09-01-2019 11:43pm

Thanks for all the advice. Speaking to the future husband, we've decided to go with a DJ but ensure the volume is kept low enough (both of our main concerns) and that certain songs aren't played (only my concern!).

We'll still have some party games too so hopefully we'll get the balance right!

qwerty13 · 10-01-2019 2:04am

ixoy wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice. Speaking to the future husband, we've decided to go with a DJ but ensure the volume is kept low enough (both of our main concerns) and that certain songs aren't played (only my concern!).

We'll still have some party games too so hopefully we'll get the balance right!

Just on the party games - I think that’s very much personal taste as to how that goes down. I’d be a bit meh about it myself, but I know my parents would hate it. My aunts & uncles on one side of the family would love it tho. I guess it’s a case of knowing your audience

Grayditch · 10-01-2019 2:08am

Buy a decibel reader. Give it to the Dj. Pick a decibel. Done

seannash · 10-01-2019 2:10am

qwerty13 wrote: »

Just on the party games - I think that’s very much personal taste as to how that goes down. I’d be a bit meh about it myself, but I know my parents would hate it. My aunts & uncles on one side of the family would love it tho. I guess it’s a case of knowing your audience

I'd be inclined to agree but as you said you might know your audience. Wedding kind of hinges a lot on your table and who your sitting with.
The best non traditional thing I've seen at a wedding was a hypnotist, he was great craic. After that it's down to the guests. If they are ****e craic no amount of games will fix that

qwerty13 · 10-01-2019 2:12am

seannash wrote: »

I'd be inclined to agree but as you said you might know your audience. Wedding kind of hinges a lot on your table and who your sitting with.
The best non traditional thing I've seen at a wedding was a hypnotist, he was great craic. After that it's down to the guests. If they are ****e craic no amount of games will fix that

I’d be totally freaked out by a hypnotist. Would not appeal at all. I’d actually high-tail it into the main bar away from something like that

khaldrogo · 10-01-2019 2:13am

What about an acoustic performer/band. If you get one that plays primarily mellow songs it could be like having a Spotify playlist on but there is someone to actually look at.

ED E · 10-01-2019 2:45am

Grayditch wrote: »

Buy a decibel reader. Give it to the Dj. Pick a decibel. Done

Great way to ensure your DJ thinks you're a bridezilla and has as little interest in you as possible. Theres dB meter system in the UK under a legal restriction that kill amps when a set level is exceeded. Despised.

Sounds a lot like you've added a venue that keeps you confined to a personal preference for a more librarian setup. IMO you need a split venue.

Grayditch · 10-01-2019 3:25am

ED E wrote: »

Great way to ensure your DJ thinks you're a bridezilla and has as little interest in you as possible. Theres dB meter system in the UK under a legal restriction that kill amps when a set level is exceeded. Despised.

Great way to ensure you get what you want, they'll be Djing a wedding, not Tomorrowland.

jesso22 · 16-01-2019 11:51pm

I was at a wedding recently and there were 3 hours between the end of the meal and the first dance. Was ready for bed. It wasn't till 11pm the music started! I was going out of my mind. All the guests had dispersed after the meal, to various places around the hotel, and they never really came back in together.
Needless to say, the bride and her folk all enjoy a great chatter, so they didn't mind at the time. But it was one of the things that came up in the postmortem.

Alternatives to music and dancing?

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