Workplace Christmas parties: obligation to attend?

political analyst · 09-12-2019 3:40am #1

The following article was written by clinical psychotherapist Stephanie Regan.

https://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/stephanie-regan-do-we-need-sober-chaperones-to-stop-the-office-christmas-party-becoming-a-feast-of-embarrassment-and-regret-38758778.html

Many people dread the Christmas party and feel obliged to attend, not wanting to be the party pooper. They may be shy, socially anxious or have a domestic situation that makes it difficult for them.

There's no obligation in any employment contract that I know of to attend a staff Christmas party. What employees do in their own time is their own business. Employers wouldn't be doing themselves any favours if they invaded their employees' privacy.

So why would a worker who doesn't want to attend his or her workplace's Christmas party be regarded as a party pooper?

Your Face · 09-12-2019 4:05am

I worked in a place where if you weren't on most work outings or events, you were somehow not a team player and a bit odd.
It didn't work for me as a person who loves their time away from work.

Potential-Monke · 09-12-2019 6:02am

Yeah, it's peer pressure, plain and simple. I did attend this years one, only because it's a new job and the place they were having it in was supposed to have savage food. I usually don't attend these. I didn't drink, but the food was indeed savage. Then the tipsy managers coming over asking how you are and speaking work speak. Like, go away, I don't want to talk about work outside of work...

My brother works here too, but for 5 years before I started. He doesn't attend because a: he's 48 and most of his team are <25, b: he's married with 2 young teens, and c: he lives in the country so a taxi would be €80+. And they're constantly onto him about attending.

Quantum Erasure · 09-12-2019 6:22am

ah, its great craic. when you can use the excuse of a few too many beers, to tell the manager what you really think of him....

Potential-Monke · 09-12-2019 6:24am

Except it's 2019, and you'll probably get fired and brought to court for harassment or some other such crap.

whisky_galore · 09-12-2019 9:32am

There's no obligation to turn up at sh1tty work parties or lame team building crap.

I spent enough of the year with work colleagues I dislike, I'm damned if I have to be around them in my free time as well.

mariaalice · 09-12-2019 9:43am

How do people make life so difficult for themselves, if they really do not want to go do not go, on the other hand making a big deal of not going is odd and is a bit of a precaution complex?

There is a skill in going, haveing one or two drinks or not drinking being able to make small talk and then leave, but mostly just have a laugh and enjoy yourself.

Mrs OBumble · 09-12-2019 9:47am

Go. Spend an hour working the room with a glass of sparkling water in your hand. Talk to as many people as possible. Leave. Job done.

Or get a new job with people you like spending time with.

Wanderer78 · 09-12-2019 10:04am

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Go. Spend an hour working the room with a glass of sparkling water in your hand. Talk to as many people as possible. Leave. Job done.

Or get a new job with people you like spending time with.

or ignore it, as theres been plenty of work done this year, and enjoy the break

Atlantic Dawn · 09-12-2019 10:08am

I stopped going to them when I was expected to put my hand in my pocket as their guest for their party. Free beer and food for majority of the night or good luck. It's like inviting someone to your wedding and issuing them an invoice for the meal.

D3V!L · 09-12-2019 10:13am

Working as an IT manager I find the majority of staff wont even bid you a good day unless they want something and then they're as nice as pie like we're best buddies !! :rolleyes:

I'll be f*cked if I'm socialising with these type of people.

Greyfox · 09-12-2019 10:15am

political analyst wrote: »

doesn't want to attend his or her workplace's Christmas party be regarded as a party pooper?

I think the problem is with the snowflakes who have issue with been called a party pooper. The people going to the xmas do just want as many there as possible as if loads don't go it could be a crap night. Sometimes its just nice to see people you work with in a more relaxed environment, xmas do's are just a bit of craic. to be honest only an eejit would feel obliged to go

JeffKenna · 09-12-2019 10:15am

D3V!L wrote: »

Working as an IT manager I find the majority of staff wont even bid you a good day unless they want something and then they're as nice as pie like we're best buddies !! :rolleyes:

I'll be f*cked if I'm socialising with these type of people.

You sound like a great manager.

Wanderer78 · 09-12-2019 10:16am

Greyfox wrote: »

I think the problem is with the snowflakes who have issue with been called a party pooper. The people going to the xmas do just want as many there as possible as if loads don't go it could be a crap night. Sometimes its just nice to see people you work with in a more relaxed environment, xmas do's are just a bit of craic. to be honest only an eejit would feel obliged to go

work social nights are dreadful, lifes too short for them

D3V!L · 09-12-2019 10:20am

JeffKenna wrote: »

You sound like a great manager.

Thanks

KaneToad · 09-12-2019 10:22am

Workplace parties are work events. I don't attend work events on my own time. Plenty of people have no problem attending work events on their own time - good luck to them. Not for me.

andekwarhola · 09-12-2019 10:29am

The issue here is most likely you.

Go and get pissed; go and have a sparkling water for an hour or just make an excuse not to go. All your choice.

I very much doubt any of your colleagues actually care that much.

I skip as many Xmas events as I attend and it has zero effect on my relationship with my colleagues. That said, I'm an adult. I just work with them and enjoy civil, office interactions with them. I don't stew away about how much they're not my types or are my types.

Greyfox · 09-12-2019 10:30am

Wanderer78 wrote: »

work social nights are dreadful, lifes too short for them

If drinking with people I work with was horrible I wouldnt want to talk to them during the week and would get a different job

golfball37 · 09-12-2019 10:34am

I worked in a place where your annual bonus was docked for every social function you didn't attend such as xmas party etc.

Wanderer78 · 09-12-2019 10:38am

Greyfox wrote: »

If drinking with people I work with was horrible I wouldnt want to talk to them during the week and would get a different job

maybe its not the people, but the environment, we dont all have the freedom of moving jobs

threetrees · 09-12-2019 10:39am

I can cope with the sit down meal, chat, food, drinks, good laugh etc. The post meal drinking session is not for me, I really dislike that an usually leave around then.

Mundo7976 · 09-12-2019 10:42am

A resounding and firm no from me, couldn't give a fook what they think, bad enough I have to listen to tiresome childishness every day without doing so on my time too!

Stovepipe · 09-12-2019 10:45am

I didnt attend our Crew Xmas bash because it was too far, too expensive and there are one or two attendees that I don't want to spend time with, outside of work. I got slagged for it but later found out that a lot more people had cried off. As for forced attendance at company events, I saw that at a place in America where I worked. Workers were genuinely pissed off but felt they had to attend. When I and my fellow Irish colleagues were asked why we didnt attend, we told them that it wasn't in our (Irish junior partner) company's policy or our nature to force people to attend and apart from us, family people resented having to give up family time to stand around eating lukewarm pizza and pretending to be interested in production statistics. In that Company, the events dwindled to one a year.

El_Duderino 09 · 09-12-2019 10:51am

I look forward to the christmas party. It happens during work time so no need to log on for the day. Some daft quiz in the morning milling about, I usually make mulled cider to share in the morning. Then off for lunch at 12 and a reserved area in a pub until 5. No obligation to attend, if you prefer to work you're welcome to do that instead.

It's usually a good day out.

Manach · 09-12-2019 10:52am

God no. The last company I was in gave parties with poor food, small venue and an awful sound system. I do not mind socialising with work colleagues but not in dingy conditions driven by lowest cost budget considerations.

GBX · 09-12-2019 10:52am

I went to mine on Friday. Got drunk, dont remember much. No loss.

Kimbot · 09-12-2019 10:53am

Ah i only have 2 staff working for me but we will head out on Saturday and have some grub and drinkies

han2000 · 09-12-2019 11:01am

It may not be in my contract to attend but it's definitely frowned upon by management.

Last year I really didn't want to go but there's not much choice.
There are some very shy people I work with who I know would love not to attend but again not much choice.

It's all paid for though so that kind of makes up for it:D

Edgware · 09-12-2019 11:01am

GBX wrote: »

I went to mine on Friday. Got drunk, dont remember much. No loss.

Have you checked the Whats App group today?

fire_man · 09-12-2019 11:11am

Better to leave soon after dinner. Here messy with loads of drink involved and could cost you later.

TheMilkyPirate · 09-12-2019 11:16am

I've been at my place for 5 years now, Get on with everyone here but never once went to a Christmas party or work drinks. I have plenty of friends outside of work to socialize with.

People feeling obliged to go and worrying about being called a party pooper.. please grow up and stop caring what people think about you.

IAMAMORON · 09-12-2019 11:16am

D3V!L wrote: »

Thanks

You sound even worse now...

I actually struggle to believe you're managing anything if I am honest.

Tell the truth.

GBX · 09-12-2019 11:17am

Edgware wrote: »

Have you checked the Whats App group today?

So far so good. Unless of course im not part of another group

piplip87 · 09-12-2019 11:18am

I have a wife and kids, the wife sometimes works nights and for the last few years she always works nights on Xmas party night. It also helps I'm 90 minutes from work and no public transport at night.

Although I do go smaller team nights out and would often head for the Friday pints, I just hate the Christmas Party and all the brown nosing that goes with it.

I find that people who dont go to the odd Friday pint or skip every team night out will be noticed more for been unsociable than those who skip the annual " Who's getting sacked in the morning " show

IAMAMORON · 09-12-2019 11:23am

I would hate to work with people who are not prepared to spend 3 hours with me having a meal and a drink, once a year?

The amount of introverts typing away here, disguising their social awkwardness and resenting their colleagues because they have to go for a few drinks with them is abysmal. Get a grip, it is few free drinks and usually a half day at work. You don't have to be the life of a party to attend one.

Be real about it. If you genuinely don't want to go then don't. But don't not go to make some ridiculous and callous statement to your colleagues, don't go because you don't want to. Tell them that and explain why, then people might start trusting you and maybe understand you a bit better. They might even start respecting you.

Wanderer78 · 09-12-2019 11:26am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

I would hate to work with people who are not prepared to spend 3 hours with me having a meal and a drink, once a year?

The amount of introverts typing away here, disguising their social awkwardness and resenting their colleagues because they have to go for a few drinks with them is abysmal. Get a grip, it is few free drinks and usually a half day at work. You don't have to be the life of a party to attend one.

Be real about it. If you genuinely don't want to go then don't. But don't not go to make some ridiculous and callous statement to your colleagues, don't go because you don't want to. Tell them that and explain why, then people might start trusting you and maybe understand you a bit better. They might even start respecting you.

so people are privileged to be in your company?

Schwiiing · 09-12-2019 11:29am

Currently work in a company where the only contact between floor staff and upper management is the annual Christmas party queue for the cubicles in the jacks to do coke

IAMAMORON · 09-12-2019 11:31am

Wanderer78 wrote: »

so people are privileged to be in your company?

For 3 hours, a meal and a few drinks, once a year, they are getting a bargain.

They should be knocking themselves out.

Wanderer78 · 09-12-2019 11:33am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

For 3 hours, a meal and a few drinks, once a year, they are getting a bargain.

They should be knocking themselves out.

fcuk working together, i just just wanna go on the piss with you right now, fcuk work

IAMAMORON · 09-12-2019 11:33am

Schwiiing wrote: »

Currently work in a company where the only contact between floor staff and upper management is the annual Christmas party queue for the cubicles in the jacks to do coke

Get a new job, you deserve better than having to hang around with junckies. Good luck in your search.

seamus · 09-12-2019 11:35am

This is probably more of an issue for people under 25, or jobs where 95% of getting ahead is about talking to the right people rather than actually doing a good job.

I have kids, I'm in my 30s. Nobody gives it a second thought if I say I can't make it. Likewise if one of my colleagues can't make it, I'm not going to grill them. We're all big boys and girls, able to make our own decisions.

This "pressure" is not something I've ever experienced. Sure, you'll sometimes get someone who does a Mrs. Doyle on it, but I've never worked somewhere that a person was looked down on for not going to social events. The only people who get looked down on are the ones who always say they'll go but never turn up.

Probably helps that I do enjoy the odd work piss-up though. I don't do any gossiping or sh1tetalking in work, I just go in, get the head down and go home. So I find a few beers every couple of months is a good opportunity to get to know colleagues without just talking about work. I can imagine if you did a lot of chatting in work about personal lives with colleagues, the christmas party would just feel like being in work, with beer.

I always find it really strange though when people say, "I hate these bastards every day of the year, I'm not going drinking with them". I've had jobs that I disliked and stuck them out longer than I had to because the people at least were tolerable. But if I hated everyone I worked with, I'd be out of there like a shot.

When I hear it I'm always reminded of that saying; “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.”

IAMAMORON · 09-12-2019 11:36am

Wanderer78 wrote: »

fcuk working together, i just just wanna go on the piss with you right now, fcuk work

I appreciate your enthusiasm Wanderer. But half ten on a Monday morning is just not a good time for me. Apols etc.

Wanderer78 · 09-12-2019 11:37am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

I appreciate your enthusiasm Wanderer. But half ten on a Monday morning is just not a good time for me. Apols etc.

sessions just arent what they use to be

Sunny Disposition · 09-12-2019 11:39am

Always have had parties for my staff, good ones too I think, dinner, free drink etc. Always arrange transport to and from it for anyone who needs it and am careful about the venues.
But no way would I ever take offence if someone didn't fancy it. It's hard enough to go to work, don't mind at all if someone doesn't fancy socialising with their colleagues, or myself for that matter.
Had a few issues with some of the lads carry on over the years, but thankfully nothing too serious. It's probably easier if you're employing almost solely men or women.
Young lads do need a bit of minding at them sometimes, don't know how to not get drunk some of them.

seamus · 09-12-2019 11:43am

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

It's probably easier if you're employing almost solely men or women.

I would seriously doubt it.
Men only will end up getting absolutely trashed and if not getting into a physical fight, someone will fall asleep in a bin or a park, or whatever.

Women only will end up on the cocktails, absolutely trashed, with a massive bitch fight and lots of tears at the end. Then two weeks of tension in work as they split up into cliques based on who said what about who at the party.

Men and women together might result in a few unintended trysts and individual awkwardness in work, but by and large each side will put some manners on the other.

Dj Stiggie · 09-12-2019 11:44am

I'd hate to spend ~40 hours a week with people I couldn't stand for ~3 hours socially.

Last year for New Year's my colleagues came to my house for dinner then we went to a party afterwards. Invited the owners but they had family commitments but they gave us a few bottles of booze.

We also had our staff party in January, sponsored and attended by the owners.

blue note · 09-12-2019 11:45am

I like to see people outside of a work environment once a year at the Christmas party and to be honest judge people who don't make the effort to go. If you genuinely can't at least pop in that's different, but someone working an hour away can easily pop in for an hour or two and hop on a bus or train home after.

But for me, you're spending 40 hours a week with these people, 48 weeks of the year. I think it's nice to see them in a social setting once a year, getting to know them a bit better and sometimes it's nice reminder to everyone that you're all normal people not just the guy that fixes PCs or pays expenses or does these presentations. From a work point of view, even though it's not the point of it for me I've gotten to know people better from it and it's improved my working relationships with them.

But I remember one year a group of 4 girls in my office went for their own dinner on the night of the Christmas party. Aside from being immature, it was actually just a bit nasty. Clearly an insult to the rest of the company.

ednwireland · 09-12-2019 11:47am

not going this year because the veggie foods cr*p in the restaurant booked, the extra upside is i dont have to partake in the secret santa sh1t either (which usually goes straight in the bin).

Schwiiing · 09-12-2019 11:52am

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Get a new job, you deserve better than having to hang around with junckies. Good luck in your search.

I quite like the job tbh. Pay conditions and location are perfect. The only people who to go the party are the floor staff made up of degenerates and foreigners who go for the free booze, the MD and the floor managers who only go because the floor drones require non stop adult supervision. Myself and the rest of the technical staff along with the receptionists and the office staff avoid it like the plague.

Sleepy · 09-12-2019 11:59am

There are advantages to working in an SME: there's a lot less office politics and not having a HR department makes it far more likely that the people we hire will be a good fit personality wise.

Just had our Christmas party at the weekend and it was good craic: nice hotel with the usual wedding style dinner and band, free bar for the night and I genuinely like most of the people I work with so why wouldn't I enjoy it?

Sgt Hartman · 09-12-2019 12:01pm

It's the sheer hypocrisy often shown that these parties that turn me off from attending. People who hate each other are all hugging and gladhandling each other and having pics taken together at the party. Then on Monday morning they're back to hating each other again.

Workplace Christmas parties: obligation to attend?

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