What's the etiquette here??

Aglomerado · 11-12-2019 4:28pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

And I reckon it’s piss in the glass as the can has not been opened.

Miller "Lite" or indeed any "lite" beer IS piss!

partyguinness · 11-12-2019 4:35pm

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Ditto. Philistines whoever did that. The can of Miller Lite is telling too. Amazed there's no dried snots on the wall.

Noteworthy that the can is unopened. Gent is settling in for long haul.

NeinNeinNein · 11-12-2019 5:13pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Noteworthy that the can is unopened. Gent is settling in for long haul.

Light beer, half drank proscecco and jacks roll the wrong way around; looks like a lady job to me.

NeinNeinNein · 11-12-2019 5:17pm

Ellis Embarrassed Typographer wrote: »

It seems as if there is a sister thread ongoing that we could contribute to.

https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2058037165/1/#post111974277

They're posting photos of animal excrement. F**king weirdos.

tc20 · 11-12-2019 5:24pm

Bullocks wrote: »

I'll be in your corner on that one dulpit . Whoever puts it on like that should be shot with a ball of their own sh1te!
It wrecks my head so much that I can't drop grout unless I turn it the right way round first

ditto this; having the roll 'correctly' presented makes one feel as if the soothing 3ply is being offered to you.
If it's proffered as in the photo I always feel as if I'm nicking it.

Similar to ITMan88 who enlightened us to the M6 Applegreen recently, this is also my first post here on this esteemed thread (though I've been following from day 1) Keep up the good work!

mfceiling · 11-12-2019 11:00pm

Just had surgery for a double hernia this afternoon and I'm lying up ready for sleep.

I'll be having a serious chat with the consultant tomorrow morning about how to "tip the cart" within the boundaries that won't cause damage to the post op scars.

"Pressing" or forcing the cargo out will not be an option so I presume some sort of softening agent will be required to ease the exit.

Thanks lads for everyone's contribution here this year. Some invaluable tips have been given and a few secret moves I'm sure have become more mainstream. Well done to all involved.

Brendan Bendar · 11-12-2019 11:12pm

mfceiling wrote: »

Just had surgery for a double hernia this afternoon and I'm lying up ready for sleep.

I'll be having a serious chat with the consultant tomorrow morning about how to "tip the cart" within the boundaries that won't cause damage to the post op scars.

"Pressing" or forcing the cargo out will not be an option so I presume some sort of softening agent will be required to ease the exit.

Thanks lads for everyone's contribution here this year. Some invaluable tips have been given and a few secret moves I'm sure have become more mainstream. Well done to all involved.

Will you be able to go to the thunderbox or will you have to fire from the cot.

Best of luck and speedy recovery, lad.

Sharp MZ700 · 11-12-2019 11:30pm

Be sure and get the brand name of that laxative if you can mf, be nice to see what the pros recommend.
Hope you fill the ladle spoon, take care.

Hotblack Desiato · 12-12-2019 1:37am

Picolax

:eek:

Picolax turned my bum from it’s usual semi-dormant state…

A bit like Vesuvius; an impressive and majestic sight with occasional noxious whiffs, regular minor expulsions of dangerous matter and a very rare display of awesome ferocity worthy of international news into…

…a portal from another collapsing largely aqueous universe via which all compressed matter emerged at trans light speeds, expanding exponentially as it emerges from the “wormhole“.If you think the widespread deluges of precipitation experienced this “summer“ in any way approach “Biblical Proportions“, then rest assured by 09:00 tomorrow you will have ample personal evidence to entirely revise your delusion.I will add three pieces of advice, two very useful, the other certainly very serious.

Wear tracksuit bottoms or other baggy style garment with elasticated waist, this might give you an outside chance. PLEASE READ THE NEXT ITEM VERY CAREFULLY BEFORE TAKING “AGENT” PICOLAX
CHECK THE TIME & DATE OF APPOINTMENT ON THE HOSPITAL LETTER, REPEAT.
CHECK THE TIME & DATE OF APPOINTMENT ON THE HOSPITAL LETTER.
Have a TRUSTED friend verify your reading of the details in ITEM 2
WCA, If you are looking for an INTERESTING thread tomorrow then I’ll try to explain from personal experience why ITEM 2 above is so vital.

To those about to take Picolax, we salute you… (TBC)

There is MUCH more.

Long read but worth every bit.

An Ri rua · 12-12-2019 1:48am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Obviously I don’t want them to shîte themselves. However waiting a minute or two for me to finish up is surely less awkward than popping into the cubicle beside me and unloading a few pints of toxic arse gravy. I heard everything and I find the whole encounter awkward is all. It crossed my mind to fire him to be honest.

You still should. It would make a great Employment Appeals Tribunal. You could even bring the tribunal members out to the scene and recreate it.

An Ri rua · 12-12-2019 1:58am

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

The only real issue would be if there were 3 cubicles and he picked the empty middle one rather than leave a buffer.

People who do that are monsters.

We have to be tolerant of all types. Diversity in the workplace etc. An obsessive-compulsive may wish to deposit 3 logs in 3 separate log burners. It would then be rude to be occupying a stall, like machine blockers in the gym, and ruin the 'flow', pardon the pun.
Some may intend well, e.g. leaving it on the floor, neatly, outside your stall, just like at an overfull bottlebank.
Others may use the sink as that is their wont. We cannot be too prescriptive on these matters, unless we're promoting a laxative solution.

Hector Savage · 12-12-2019 11:51am

Been eating lots of soft fruit this week due to the issues I've been having on the oul starfish.
Thankfully it's working and been having lots of thin soft deposits - painless.

KWAG2019 · 12-12-2019 12:25pm

An Ri rua wrote: »

We have to be tolerant of all types. Diversity in the workplace etc. An obsessive-compulsive may wish to deposit 3 logs in 3 separate log burners. It would then be rude to be occupying a stall, like machine blockers in the gym, and ruin the 'flow', pardon the pun.
Some may intend well, e.g. leaving it on the floor, neatly, outside your stall, just like at an overfull bottlebank.
Others may use the sink as that is their wont. We cannot be too prescriptive on these matters, unless we're promoting a laxative solution.

Leaving it outside your stall sounds like some sort of religious offering. In other words barking mad. No tolerance for those with no sense of etiquette. If we throw that out the window you may as well do it in your desk drawer. Etiquette Rua, etiquette.

fuerte1976 · 12-12-2019 1:18pm

KWAG2019 wrote: »

Leaving it outside your stall sounds like some sort of religious offering. In other words barking mad. No tolerance for those with no sense of etiquette. If we throw that out the window you may as well do it in your desk drawer. Etiquette Rua, etiquette.

Tend to agree with that K..

EmmetSpiceland · 12-12-2019 2:00pm

KWAG2019 wrote: »

Leaving it outside your stall sounds like some sort of religious offering. In other words barking mad. No tolerance for those with no sense of etiquette. If we throw that out the window you may as well do it in your desk drawer. Etiquette Rua, etiquette.

Yeah, I don’t believe in having tolerance in “communal” toilets.

If anyone has any “special” requirements they need to use the handicapped jacks, same as the working day masturbators.

Slideways · 12-12-2019 7:03pm

mfceiling wrote: »

Just had surgery for a double hernia this afternoon and I'm lying up ready for sleep.

I'll be having a serious chat with the consultant tomorrow morning about how to "tip the cart" within the boundaries that won't cause damage to the post op scars.

"Pressing" or forcing the cargo out will not be an option so I presume some sort of softening agent will be required to ease the exit.

Thanks lads for everyone's contribution here this year. Some invaluable tips have been given and a few secret moves I'm sure have become more mainstream. Well done to all involved.

I was that solider many years ago. One of the most trialing moments of my life. Hard bolus trapped just inside the draw string and I couldn’t push to get the fcuker out

I got it out eventually but it involved breaking it up manually first

JohnnyFlash · 12-12-2019 8:00pm

Slideways wrote: »

I was that solider many years ago. One of the most trialing moments of my life. Hard bolus trapped just inside the draw string and I couldn’t push to get the fcuker out

I got it out eventually but it involved breaking it up manually first

With a bit of wavin pipe?

fuerte1976 · 12-12-2019 9:32pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

With a bit of wavin pipe?

One of 21 digits I'd suspect..

We all knew you had that condrum resolved well before posting!

Fergal Browne · 12-12-2019 10:45pm

Tuesday's food: A lamb phaal, a pint of orange juice, three or four bottles of foreign extra, a bowl of curried parsnip soup with sourdough, half a pack of shortbread, and five or six strong black coffees.

Stomach was in ribbons that night, I was bent over double with thick sugary sweat dripping from my forehead, down my back, and inside the crack of my arse, dampening my dressing gown.

Threw the dressing gown in the washing machine the next morning as it had a strange smell of chite off it (yes, I sleep in my dressing gown) despite no diarrhea or solids having been passed. Nasty stinging sensation along the circular band of foreskin atop my penis head after urination. Ran a soapy palm up and down the inside of my arse cheeks but there was no smell of dung from my hand.

Anus felt sore, canal irritated, almost like a little wren was flittering around on my ringpiece, burrowing in with his beak for seeds, clutching onto the knot with sharp little claws.

Got to work. Busy morning. Meeting with visiting delegation etc. About 12.30 I knew I was ready to get rid of the vicious, poisonous load. Haunched over toilet, tightened my thigh muscles, sharp intake of breath, and... BANG!!... BANG!!... almost like two loud gunshots or an elephant cleaning its trunk. I'd shot out two blasts of foul nuggety effluence all over the underside of the seat and cover which had been sitting perpendicular to the bowl. Brown excrement the consistency of yogurt spattered all over the wall either side of the throne, on the cistern, handle, and flooding in the hinges. Felt weak at the knees, but dabbed most of it up with tissue paper. Rancid stuff was already permeating the plastic. Ran off then to another meeting to give a presentation and rally the troops, who were none the wiser that the hand I was using on the company laptop and PowerPoint remote had minutes earlier been steering a lake of arse gravy in towards the toilet bowl from the walls, seat and cistern of our most frequently used private chamber. Sick but true.

Hotblack Desiato · 12-12-2019 11:12pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

With a bit of wavin pipe?

The handle end of a broken hurl.

Hego Damask · 12-12-2019 11:14pm

Fergal Browne wrote: »

Tuesday's food: A lamb phaal, a pint of orange juice, three or four bottles of foreign extra, a bowl of curried parsnip soup with sourdough, half a pack of shortbread, and five or six strong black coffees.

Stomach was in ribbons that night, I was bent over double with thick sugary sweat dripping from my forehead, down my back, and inside the crack of my arse, dampening my dressing gown.

Threw the dressing gown in the washing machine the next morning as it had a strange smell of chite off it (yes, I sleep in my dressing gown) despite no diarrhea or solids having been passed. Nasty stinging sensation along the circular band of foreskin atop my penis head after urination. Ran a soapy palm up and down the inside of my arse cheeks but there was no smell of dung from my hand.

Anus felt sore, canal irritated, almost like a little wren was flittering around on my ringpiece, burrowing in with his beak for seeds, clutching onto the knot with sharp little claws.

Got to work. Busy morning. Meeting with visiting delegation etc. About 12.30 I knew I was ready to get rid of the vicious, poisonous load. Haunched over toilet, tightened my thigh muscles, sharp intake of breath, and... BANG!!... BANG!!... almost like two loud gunshots or an elephant cleaning its trunk. I'd shot out two blasts of foul nuggety effluence all over the underside of the seat and cover which had been sitting perpendicular to the bowl. Brown excrement the consistency of yogurt spattered all over the wall either side of the throne, on the cistern, handle, and flooding in the hinges. Felt weak at the knees, but dabbed most of it up with tissue paper. Rancid stuff was already permeating the plastic. Ran off then to another meeting to give a presentation and rally the troops, who were none the wiser that the hand I was using on the company laptop and PowerPoint remote had minutes earlier been steering a lake of arse gravy in towards the toilet bowl from the walls, seat and cistern of our most frequently used private chamber. Sick but true.

Hope you washed them!

Hotblack Desiato · 12-12-2019 11:15pm

Fergal Browne wrote: »

Tuesday's food: A lamb phaal, a pint of orange juice, three or four bottles of foreign extra, a bowl of curried parsnip soup with sourdough, half a pack of shortbread, and five or six strong black coffees.

Stomach was in ribbons that night

Wow. Who knew that could happen.

Hotblack Desiato · 12-12-2019 11:19pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

Been eating lots of soft fruit this week due to the issues I've been having on the oul starfish.
Thankfully it's working and been having lots of thin soft deposits - painless.

The oul' anus is, like the liver, a part of the body that needs to be punished - from the inside for most of us. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, after all.

You need to toughen that hoop up* - later in life you may regret your lack of rectal fortitude when poor muscle tone requires a premature dalliance with the old adult nappies.

Just trying to help here and no it's not out of personal experience (yet).

* Hoop Camp™. A bunch of raw-arsed recruits are confronted with the diet from hell - can they even last the first week? Tune in to find out.

Slideways · 12-12-2019 11:36pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

With a bit of wavin pipe?

If memory serves me correctly is was #4 Phillips head screwdriver

An Ri rua · 12-12-2019 11:52pm

Fergal Browne wrote: »

Tuesday's food: A lamb phaal, a pint of orange juice, three or four bottles of foreign extra, a bowl of curried parsnip soup with sourdough, half a pack of shortbread, and five or six strong black coffees.

Stomach was in ribbons that night, I was bent over double with thick sugary sweat dripping from my forehead, down my back, and inside the crack of my arse, dampening my dressing gown.

Threw the dressing gown in the washing machine the next morning as it had a strange smell of chite off it (yes, I sleep in my dressing gown) despite no diarrhea or solids having been passed. Nasty stinging sensation along the circular band of foreskin atop my penis head after urination. Ran a soapy palm up and down the inside of my arse cheeks but there was no smell of dung from my hand.

Anus felt sore, canal irritated, almost like a little wren was flittering around on my ringpiece, burrowing in with his beak for seeds, clutching onto the knot with sharp little claws.

Got to work. Busy morning. Meeting with visiting delegation etc. About 12.30 I knew I was ready to get rid of the vicious, poisonous load. Haunched over toilet, tightened my thigh muscles, sharp intake of breath, and... BANG!!... BANG!!... almost like two loud gunshots or an elephant cleaning its trunk. I'd shot out two blasts of foul nuggety effluence all over the underside of the seat and cover which had been sitting perpendicular to the bowl. Brown excrement the consistency of yogurt spattered all over the wall either side of the throne, on the cistern, handle, and flooding in the hinges. Felt weak at the knees, but dabbed most of it up with tissue paper. Rancid stuff was already permeating the plastic. Ran off then to another meeting to give a presentation and rally the troops, who were none the wiser that the hand I was using on the company laptop and PowerPoint remote had minutes earlier been steering a lake of arse gravy in towards the toilet bowl from the walls, seat and cistern of our most frequently used private chamber. Sick but true.

This is how surnames came about. Back in the Middle Ages, you would have been simply Fergal and then, a pivotal moment in your pathetic life, and you, and your descendants were forever to be known as the Brown(e)s. Often mistranslated as the Brownies when ye migrated to Ameracay, due to your habit of depositing gifts in people's bowls.

An Ri rua · 13-12-2019 12:23am

KWAG2019 wrote: »

Leaving it outside your stall sounds like some sort of religious offering. In other words barking mad. No tolerance for those with no sense of etiquette. If we throw that out the window you may as well do it in your desk drawer. Etiquette Rua, etiquette.

Indeed, wasn't it the Victorians who gave us manners and dragged us kicking and screaming from the dark Georgian days of people emptying pisspots and slop buckets,yea verily, out yon window...

Ush1 · 13-12-2019 10:08am

I normally snap off a grogan on company time, but there the other day there was a fella in the next stall making far too much noise. He was putting a lot of pressure on his bliges and with every strained spurt of midden, a gasped exhale followed. Put me right off so I had to leave.

So I deposited that night at home and my God lads she was a beauty. Had a perfect tapered end like a Mr Whippy but with a good semi solid consistency. The taper was so perfect that it had attached to the puckered anus and I had to give it an oul wiggle to let her drop off and breach the watery depths. Wanted to take a photo but I'm not that deviant to be honest so didn't bother.

Nearly brought a tear to my eye.

Brendan Bendar · 13-12-2019 10:16am

Ush1 wrote: »

I normally snap off a grogan on company time, but there the other day there was a fella in the next stall making far too much noise. He was putting a lot of pressure on his bliges and with every strained spurt of midden, a gasped exhale followed. Put me right off so I had to leave.

So I deposited that night at home and my God lads she was a beauty. Had a perfect tapered end like a Mr Whippy but with a good semi solid consistency. The taper was so perfect that it had attached to the puckered anus and I had to give it an oul wiggle to let her drop off and breach the watery depths. Wanted to take a photo but I'm not that deviant to be honest so didn't bother.

Nearly brought a tear to my eye.

Good lad, I don’t think photos have any place on this thread, you showed admirable restraint there.

Left a ‘turkey crown’ in the pan before going off on ‘important company business’ would have made a good pastoral photo, but I did not not succumb to the temptation.

Speaking of ‘important company business’ any news on Losty.

Is he still serving time in the cells.

Fcuker is very quiet.

Utter Consternation · 13-12-2019 11:10am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good lad, I don’t think photos have any place on this thread, you showed admirable restraint there.

Left a ‘turkey crown’ in the pan before going off on ‘important company business’ would have made a good pastoral photo, but I did not not succumb to the temptation.

Speaking of ‘important company business’ any news on Losty.

Is he still serving time in the cells.

Fcuker is very quiet.

Think he's still banged up. Doing 'hard time' in the e-jail for some online thuggery.

He had it coming if you ask me. :cool:

Hotblack Desiato · 13-12-2019 11:41am

They only chained him the right way up yesterday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPi76KvQF1g

Hector Savage · 13-12-2019 12:48pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good lad, I don’t think photos have any place on this thread, you showed admirable restraint there.

Left a ‘turkey crown’ in the pan before going off on ‘important company business’ would have made a good pastoral photo, but I did not not succumb to the temptation.

Speaking of ‘important company business’ any news on Losty.

Is he still serving time in the cells.

Fcuker is very quiet.

Checking the prison thread he is on a one month ban, that was around nov 20 ... so should be back in a week or so ...

I want posts on .

* Brazzers
* Drinking
* ****eing!!

NeinNeinNein · 13-12-2019 1:04pm

Slideways wrote: »

If memory serves me correctly is was #4 Phillips head screwdriver

Which end did you use?

13-12-2019 3:19pm

The traps at work are like the Inn at Bethlehem today, packed. Place is infested with temporary Christmas staff at the moment and they have the place ruined. I've popped up few times already now only to find all doors closed. I might need a Christmas miracle to hold this load on the clutch if one of these traps doesn't free up soon!

Hotblack Desiato · 13-12-2019 3:45pm

Going to give birth to a 7lb brown baby eh

13-12-2019 4:04pm

Crisis averted, popped across the hall to the office to in the pretence of putting in an order. Kept an ear out for the sound of the hand dryer going off across the hall. There are a few lads here who will unashamedly stand outside the trap waiting for you to finish, but I'm not one of them.
Fortunately didn't have to wait too long as I was getting quite uncomfortable. I was barely keeping it in, I was getting cold shivers down my back and all. Most unsettling. Dashed across the hall and into the trap, barely got seated in time as the purse strings were about to give way and let loose. I've rarely felt such relief in my life lads.

Utter Consternation · 13-12-2019 4:08pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Crisis averted, popped across the hall to the office to in the pretence of putting in an order. Kept an ear out for the sound of the hand dryer going off across the hall. There are a few lads here who will unashamedly stand outside the trap waiting for you to finish, but I'm not one of them.
Fortunately didn't have to wait too long as I was getting quite uncomfortable. I was barely keeping it in, I was getting cold shivers down my back and all. Most unsettling. Dashed across the hall and into the trap, barely got seated in time as the purse strings were about to give way and let loose. I've rarely felt such relief in my life lads.

Have a great weekend Nialler.

Hector Savage · 13-12-2019 4:41pm

I've mentioned it before , but recently we were down to 2 traps - from 3 for about 25 guys in the office, amazing how much less one was available for just one down, but of course looking at it the wrong way - 33% down ...

KWAG2019 · 13-12-2019 5:04pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

I've mentioned it before , but recently we were down to 2 traps - from 3 for about 25 guys in the office, amazing how much less one was available for just one down, but of course looking at it the wrong way - 33% down ...

I used to be a bit slow at the oul sums and Christian B’s would leather ya for it (thankfully evaded the rest of their “attentions”) but if there are 3 traps and the middle must NEVER be occupied as per Etiquette Fuhrer Order No. 1 then the loss of one trap is actually a 50% loss? I can see Brother Laurence O ‘Toole beginning to twitch with excitement fingering the leather. Am I right or wha’?

JohnnyFlash · 13-12-2019 5:19pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

I've mentioned it before , but recently we were down to 2 traps - from 3 for about 25 guys in the office, amazing how much less one was available for just one down, but of course looking at it the wrong way - 33% down ...

25 lads would equate to between 20 and 30 loads deposited per day (significantly higher if the day after a night out at the local Indian restaurant and craft beer pub).

Take 10 minutes average for a shïte (significantly longer for the Twitter on the shïtter and the Fantasy League crew). That’s 300 minutes from a pool of 1350 minutes.

Even taking account of ‘peak times’ - after the breakfast etc that leaves about 700 minutes where a trap should be free.

It’s a fûcking mystery.

Hector Savage · 13-12-2019 5:31pm

KWAG2019 wrote: »

I used to be a bit slow at the oul sums and Christian B’s would leather ya for it (thankfully evaded the rest of their “attentions”) but if there are 3 traps and the middle must NEVER be occupied as per Etiquette Fuhrer Order No. 1 then the loss of one trap is actually a 50% loss? I can see Brother Laurence O ‘Toole beginning to twitch with excitement fingering the leather. Am I right or wha’?

Sorry traps are totally isolated, they have their walls floor to ceiling ...
doors too ...

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

25 lads would equate to between 20 and 30 loads deposited per day (significantly higher if the day after a night out at the local Indian restaurant and craft beer pub).

Take 10 minutes average for a shïte (significantly longer for the Twitter on the shïtter and the Fantasy League crew). That’s 300 minutes from a pool of 1350 minutes.

Even taking account of ‘peak times’ - after the breakfast etc that leaves about 700 minutes where a trap should be free.

It’s a fûcking mystery.

IT lads Johnny, probably in there with their mobiles on dodgy Japanese manga porn ripping the stomachs outta themselves....

* Yes I am IT too ....

JohnnyFlash · 13-12-2019 5:47pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

Sorry traps are totally isolated, they have their walls floor to ceiling ...
doors too ...

IT lads Johnny, probably in there with their mobiles on dodgy Japanese manga porn ripping the stomachs outta themselves....

* Yes I am IT too ....

Glad I don’t work in IT. The thought of a load of fat, long haired, and pasty-faced perverts struggling to pass out a hard bolus in cubicles either side of me would be too much. Lads who survive on a diet of frozen pizza, microwaveable burgers, wotsits, and cans of Diet Coke.

Fück that.

Brendan Bendar · 13-12-2019 6:57pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

25 lads would equate to between 20 and 30 loads deposited per day (significantly higher if the day after a night out at the local Indian restaurant and craft beer pub).

Take 10 minutes average for a shïte (significantly longer for the Twitter on the shïtter and the Fantasy League crew). That’s 300 minutes from a pool of 1350 minutes.

Even taking account of ‘peak times’ - after the breakfast etc that leaves about 700 minutes where a trap should be free.

It’s a fûcking mystery.

Are you working off the ‘play clock’ or the ‘game clock’ John?

A lad told me he is ‘allowed’ 10 mins on the game clock for a shïte break.

What he allows on the ‘play clock’ is up to him.

That is from time to position the hoop, he needs to get ‘the play off’ within the allotted time.

So the idea is.... position the hoop, spool, press, blow the load and clean up within the allotted time.

Then you have more time on the play clock to check Boards an stuff.

JimmieTwoTimes · 13-12-2019 9:01pm

This is a very informative thread I must say. May I ask do any of you ever conduct a risk assessment or inspection of a unfamiliar location or building for the best place to drop off a chocolate penguin into the Antarctic. I usually do a reconnaissance of each floor and suss out the best spot to serve the chocolate mousse. I just find that regular member of the public has terrible etiquette. Some seem to have gained a reputation as mentioned on this thread, particularly civil servants.

KWAG2019 · 13-12-2019 9:22pm

JimmieTwoTimes wrote: »

This is a very informative thread I must say. May I ask do any of you ever conduct a risk assessment or inspection of a unfamiliar location or building for the best place to drop off a chocolate penguin into the Antarctic. I usually do a reconnaissance of each floor and suss out the best spot to serve the chocolate mousse. I just find that regular member of the public has terrible etiquette. Some seem to have gained a reputation as mentioned on this thread, particularly civil servants.

Reconaissance is essential in hostile territory. Especially department stores. Avoid the gents in Arnott’s at all costs. A notorious dumping ground of the most toxic midden.

JimmieTwoTimes · 13-12-2019 9:41pm

KWAG2019 wrote: »

Reconaissance is essential in hostile territory. Especially department stores. Avoid the gents in Arnott’s at all costs. A notorious dumping ground of the most toxic midden.

Cheers for the tip. It gets tough going being behind enemy lines when the anchor needs to be dropped.

mfceiling · 13-12-2019 10:42pm

KWAG2019 wrote: »

Reconaissance is essential in hostile territory. Especially department stores. Avoid the gents in Arnott’s at all costs. A notorious dumping ground of the most toxic midden.

I would have agreed with this but I found a hidden trap down in the lower ground floor on Wednesday and it was very quiet and very clean. Lovely place to while away the minutes.

Mind you it was the last time I was on the throne and post op I'm afraid to bale or put any pressure on the valve in case I do any damage to the stitched area.

I bought pineapple juice tonight to soften up the gut and hopefully tomorrow it'll run out of me like a jug of bisto.

Nevin Parsnipp · 13-12-2019 11:24pm

Cashew nuts my friend....they will do the job for you.....softens up the midden to a nice bhladdery consistense with an attractive pale ochre colouring.

It's my "go to" remedy when any ejection difficulties occur. !

Kevwoody · 13-12-2019 11:47pm

Evening gents, very informative thread here I must say. I'd consider myself rather fussy when it comes to finding refuge to "drop the bomb". I'd sooner endure a few cramps during the day and give birth in the comfort and safety of my own throne, rather than "rush" the experience in a public setting.

Which brings me to my current predicament. I have recently met a new partner, and while I'm aware that sometimes ladies do indeed "poop", I'm sure she would be horrified to experience first hand my ability to absolutely destroy an Armitage Shank.

I've spent a few nights at hers, and being partial to the odd bottle of clonmel champagne, cider ****es are something which need to be expedited fairly hastily in the morning. Which is fine during a one night "layover", but it's at the stage now where one night just doesn't cut it, and the little minx has vacated her schedule for an entire weekend next weekend, and seemingly we are "not gonna leave the house ".

Ordinarily I would be foaming at the japs eye for such an invite, but my first thought was how am I going to unleash the brown river without scarring the poor girl for life. All I can see are severe stomach cramps ahead, and trying to relieve the situation with a series of well timed arse explosions, hopefully of the silent kind which could be blamed on the dog.

So the question to my esteemed connoisseurs of "facility etiquette", any advice on how to settle the stomach, maybe firm up the old chocolate log and delay the due date for a day or two?

All serious advice would be most welcome.

JimmieTwoTimes · 14-12-2019 12:21am

I tend to keep a good schedule on the foods department during the week. However Friday evening consists of a Thai Green Chicken Curry with a large fried rice and prawn crackers followed by a feed of pints then after. One should be warned that the green curry is the hottest of the oriental curries as far as I know. Combined with the pints it forms a internal combination who's unholy name shall not be mentioned. I can only advise those who thread into this territory to keep a good serviced Armitage Shanks toilet on standby for the next day. This is good advice based on years of experience in the field in such a category.

pinkyeye · 14-12-2019 12:30am

Kevwoody wrote: »

Evening gents, very informative thread here I must say. I'd consider myself rather fussy when it comes to finding refuge to "drop the bomb". I'd sooner endure a few cramps during the day and give birth in the comfort and safety of my own throne, rather than "rush" the experience in a public setting.

Which brings me to my current predicament. I have recently met a new partner, and while I'm aware that sometimes ladies do indeed "poop", I'm sure she would be horrified to experience first hand my ability to absolutely destroy an Armitage Shank.

I've spent a few nights at hers, and being partial to the odd bottle of clonmel champagne, cider ****es are something which need to be expedited fairly hastily in the morning. Which is fine during a one night "layover", but it's at the stage now where one night just doesn't cut it, and the little minx has vacated her schedule for an entire weekend next weekend, and seemingly we are "not gonna leave the house ".

Ordinarily I would be foaming at the japs eye for such an invite, but my first thought was how am I going to unleash the brown river without scarring the poor girl for life. All I can see are severe stomach cramps ahead, and trying to relieve the situation with a series of well timed arse explosions, hopefully of the silent kind which could be blamed on the dog.

So the question to my esteemed connoisseurs of "facility etiquette", any advice on how to settle the stomach, maybe firm up the old chocolate log and delay the due date for a day or two?

All serious advice would be most welcome.

Immodium your only man although whether it will last the whole two days without huge farts or not I don't know.

What's the etiquette here??

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