To propose or wait

Luca G · 01-11-2020 9:20pm #1

Hi so I'm with my girlfrend 7 years and want to propose but with everything with covid-19 going on and going abroad being a problem I'm thinking of waiting until things get back to normal this could be a good few months or longer .

We plan on building our own home on family land in the next 2 years.

Most people I know from school or Facebook who have got engaged are still living at home which I find a bit weird. I always thought you should be renting or moving out within a year after you propose .
I know people who are engaged over 3 years and living with there own parents and see each other most weekends.

How long has everyone being engaged before there wedding and did you go back and live with your parents or move into your own house ?

lazygal · 01-11-2020 9:23pm

We had a six month engagement. Himself would have had the three month minimum. We lived together and didn't see the need to move anywhere.
I wouldn't put off the legal protection of marriage to wait for a party or to build a house.

eviltwin · 01-11-2020 9:37pm

We were living together long before the idea of marriage came up. We didn’t have a traditional engagement, we just decided to get married and had it all over and done with in just over three months.

If you really want to take the next step then don’t wait for things to get back to normal. You could be waiting a long time.

woodchuck · 01-11-2020 10:16pm

Our engagement was originally meant to be less than a year, now it'll be closer to a year and a half now due to Covid.

Luca G wrote: »

did you go back and live with your parents or move into your own house ?

Eh, no! We were renting an apartment together for about 4 years and very recently bought a house together. I can't fathom why anyone would go back and live with their parents before the wedding (unless they've fallen on hard times financially of course).

Are you currently living together? If not, I would strongly encourage you to live together for at least a year before you get engaged. You never really know somebody until you live with them. And I wouldn't wait until you build a house. Rent somewhere together first, as owning a house together is a massive commitment in and of itself.

Luca G · 01-11-2020 11:33pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I can't fathom why anyone would go back and live with their parents before the wedding

That's what I think is wierd as people I know from school who have gotten engaged are still living with there own parents and see each other most weekends.
That's why I was asking is it wierd to propose and then go live with parents while you save for a wedding and a house.

Are you currently living together?

yes we have lived together for the last 3 years.
But when we go to build we will be moving into a granny flat i got built a few years ago to rent out beside my mothers house so will save more for our house build.

woodchuck · 01-11-2020 11:42pm

That's why I was asking is it wierd to propose and then go live with parents while you save for a wedding and a house.

Personally I think it's a bit weird, but maybe it's the only way they can afford a house deposit. If they're doing it to save for a wedding though, I think that's a bit daft - just do whatever you can afford.

Don't worry so much about what other people are doing though!

If you're living together 3 years and you want to get engaged, then it's probably the right time to propose. However, I'd wait until we're out of level 5 at least. Otherwise you'll have difficulty just trying to buy a ring, nevermind being able to meet up with your close family and friends to celebrate the news.

pwurple · 02-11-2020 4:22am

We were together 10 years before we got engaged. Never got around to it, or saw the point, until there was an ambulance and next of kin was needed. Should have done it sooner.

We got married 4 months later.

I suppose it depends what you expect from an engagement. We didn't have engagement parties or anything like that. Never even occurred to us to move back to parents for it either, but we owned the place we lived in, so that would have been complicated.

L'prof · 02-11-2020 5:21am

Let’s see can I do the Math on this one :pac: We were together 8 years when we got engaged. We were already planning to go travelling which we did for a year 8 months after getting engaged. It ended up being a 4½ year engagement. I wouldn’t be hung up on expectations to marry within a certain amount of time of getting engaged. Friends and family would only be delighted with a bit of good news with everything that’s going on. I don’t think we would have moved to our individual parents homes after so long together anyway, but we live and work a long way from home so it wouldn’t have worked. What we did to save for our home was move out rural for a couple of years where rent was a lot cheaper. We were in our house a year before getting married

Addle · 02-11-2020 8:04am

Where’s the romance OP?!
Propose if you want to propose.

witchgirl26 · 02-11-2020 10:16am

Why would you wait until things go back to "normal"? That could be a couple of years away. I'd think it'd be a great distraction from all the doom & gloom for the pair of you.

We were together 7 years when my OH proposed. Had planned on a short engagement but a pregnancy & Covid put pay to that. Engaged 2 years now & will likely be another year at least before the wedding. We had just purchased our own house & had been living together for about 5 years already.

Like others said - don't get too hung up on what other people are doing.

I know a couple who didn't live together properly until after they got married because his job was in a different country. It's worked pretty ok for them. It just depends on circumstances.

Toots · 02-11-2020 10:29am

Will ye be moving in to the granny flat together? If so I'd say go for it. It might be a bit weird proposing and then living apart, but if ye will be living together then it doesn't really matter where so much.

I moved in with my husband when I was 19, we got engaged when I was 23 (we had been together 6 years at that point) and then it was almost 2 years before we got married, mainly due to the hotel we chose being quite popular and same with our local church, so we had a bit of a wait to get the date we wanted. I know people who've been married 3 months after getting engaged, and another whose engagement is coming up on 7 years now. Everyone is different, and God knows how long Covid will go on, so I wouldn't let that be a deciding factor in whether or not to pop the question.

heretothere · 03-11-2020 3:50am

I'm not sure where in the country you live but there are plenty of beautiful places here in Ireland to get engaged. I think go for it! If ye want a big wedding it will be a long engagement but at least ye can start planning on what you would like.

Plan something really personal and special it could be so romantic!

Luca G · 03-11-2020 5:37pm

What would you say is a good price to spend on an engagement ring i have an idea of what price and type just wondering what others think.

I know the engagement ring is more expensive then the wedding ring as there more simple .

I know what she likes I am good a picking out jewellery in the past and she never brought it back to change it. I always get a gift receipt just in case anyway.
I'm pretty confident I will pick a good one, but then again this will be pretty expensive and not sure if I can go back with it if she wants to look at others .

evosteo · 03-11-2020 5:43pm

Luca G wrote: »

Hi so I'm with my girlfrend 7 years and want to propose but with everything with covid-19 going on and going abroad being a problem I'm thinking of waiting until things get back to normal this could be a good few months or longer .

We plan on building our own home on family land in the next 2 years.

Most people I know from school or Facebook who have got engaged are still living at home which I find a bit weird. I always thought you should be renting or moving out within a year after you propose .
I know people who are engaged over 3 years and living with there own parents and see each other most weekends.

How long has everyone being engaged before there wedding and did you go back and live with your parents or move into your own house ?

You do you and stop worrying about what other people are thinking and doing. You will live a much happier life if you do that.

witchgirl26 · 04-11-2020 10:45am

Luca G wrote: »

What would you say is a good price to spend on an engagement ring i have an idea of what price and type just wondering what others think.

I know the engagement ring is more expensive then the wedding ring as there more simple .

I know what she likes I am good a picking out jewellery in the past and she never brought it back to change it. I always get a gift receipt just in case anyway.
I'm pretty confident I will pick a good one, but then again this will be pretty expensive and not sure if I can go back with it if she wants to look at others .

The price is what you're willing to pay for a ring you (well she) likes.

If you're unsure of type, I think proposing with a promise ring & picking the actual ring together might be the way to go. My OH did that & I ended up with a completely different type of ring that I had thought I'd go for. He didn't spend too much on the promise ring but I still wear it everyday on my other hand.

Another thing to consider is that a lot of shops won't let you return the ring if you've gotten it sized to fit her in advance. So you could end up with a situation where she loves the ring you got but can't actually wear it for a bit while waiting to get it properly sized.

To propose or wait

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