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11-01-2019, 10:03   #1
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Acting differently around your partner...

Was having a few pints with my flatmate last night who's also my best mate. We were having a laugh, chatting away freely about everything. Around him, especially if we're drinking, I'm completely myself uncensored. I'd tell him my worst stories for comic effect, use language like c*unt, act boisterous and generally have no filter. He knows me instead out.
It got me thinking though, I'd never act that way in front of my boyfriend. I alter my behaviour massively around him. I act way more demure and for want of a better word, ladylike. I still curse and act the maggot but I dilute my wilder stories and tell them in a more coy way.
I've noticed this with my friends too. The lads act one way around me but the minute their girlfriends arrive, they tone it down and reign in the lad talk (again for want of a better term!).
Are you guys the same way and if so, does it mean your partner doesn't truly know you? Should we all be completely unfiltered and 100% ourselves around our partners /potential partners or is a bit of acting par for the course?
I also act differently around guys I fancy. I become all sweet and demure but in reality I'm a bit of a brass tomboy. Maybe I'm just a schizophrenic

Last edited by Porklife; 11-01-2019 at 10:43.
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11-01-2019, 10:08   #2
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I work off the assumption that nobody is their unfiltered selves, ever. There is always a context so there is always a role to be played.
As the context changes so do you. That is on a day-to-day scale and very perceptible over the years and decades. 'True self' - no such thing, an imagining.
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11-01-2019, 10:12   #3
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Never understood it.

I am who I am no matter who Im with.
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11-01-2019, 10:14   #4
Obvious Desperate Breakfasts
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When I got with my now husband, he really, really tried not to use the word ‘cünt’ around me. He really tried but eventually gave up. And now I sometimes say it. At home only though.

I’ve never really understood why it’s treated as such an offensive word anyway when ‘dick’ and ‘bellend’ and ‘cock’ and ‘bollocks’ are apparently fine.
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11-01-2019, 10:21   #5
Deebles McBeebles
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Star wipe to 6 months down the line, OP ends up with flatmate. Ex-BF now understands why she was never really herself with him.
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11-01-2019, 10:24   #6
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Everyone acts different depending on their company. Whether you want to admit it or realise it.
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11-01-2019, 10:24   #7
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If you can't endure me at my best, then you don't deserve me at my even better.
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11-01-2019, 10:24   #8
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You need to unleash the crazy on a partner gradually...
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11-01-2019, 10:27   #9
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Woman who is best mates with a bloke, lives with a bloke and goes for pints with bloke but not going out with bloke but also says c*nt.

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11-01-2019, 10:28   #10
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once you've farted in front of your partner, all taboos miraculously vanish.

I'd recommend doing it as early in the relationship as possible.
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11-01-2019, 10:28   #11
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See it all the time, guys and women. Maybe that's why I'm still single but I'm not going to be a very different person around someone I might be spending a long time with.
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11-01-2019, 10:28   #12
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topper's hit the nail on the head here; there is always a context. There's always a filter of some sort.

I wouldn't talk to my parents the way I talk to my wife. I wouldn't talk to my friends the way I talk to my wife. I wouldn't talk to my wife the way I talk to my friends.

Part of the beauty of evolving as social animals is that we unconsciously learn to tailor our approach to each person in order to maximise congeniality.

If you think about someone who's described as having "no filter" or who "says it like it is", you find that people treat them differently. Not necessarily in a good or bad way, but they tend to find it much more difficult to carry on a conversation with them. And people also find them exhausting to be around.

If everyone was like this, the world would be a much harsher place where it's more difficult to form relationships because you would find far fewer people with whom you could properly "gel". It wouldn't be some utopia of honesty where everyone was joyful and truly themselves.
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11-01-2019, 10:30   #13
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If my wife (of 11 years) heard me and my mates on a night out she'd probably divorce me.
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11-01-2019, 10:30   #14
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Originally Posted by oLoonatic View Post
Everyone acts different depending on their company. Whether you want to admit it or realise it.
Some to much greater extent than others. I know some people who have 3 or 4 wildly differing personalities depending on who is around. It make's me extremely distrustful of them.

I don't think I change too much from person to person or from location to location. I tend to curse a lot and if I'm in any sort of formal setting I have to try to keep a lid on that but that's all I can think of really. Even that would be rare as I work in construction / manufacturing and most of the people around me are dragged up knackers so bad language is expected more so than frowned upon
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11-01-2019, 10:44   #15
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Originally Posted by Ush1 View Post
Woman who is best mates with a bloke, lives with a bloke and goes for pints with bloke but not going out with bloke but also says c*nt.

How is that edgy? You've obviously lived a sheltered life if that's what you consider edgy!
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